[Delta]

One of the biggest issues I have on first dates is descending into serious conversation that's boring as hell and feels like work. I'm well aware that I want to be teasing the girl, joking around, making innuendos, etc., but sometimes I have trouble manufacturing that vibe; especially when the girl is no help and drones on about her job, or asks shit questions like "what are some of your hobbies?"

Do you have any go-to lines or topics to steer things back in a fun/light/playful direction when you can sense the conversation spiraling into boring territory?

[RatInTheWoods]

Depends on the woman. Some (most) have no sense of humour, its 100% up to you to provide all the lols

[blck]

Reframe & Misunderstanding, that's the basics but it always works for too down to earth dude like me when I needed to socialize with women at work.
I take the lead and start asking questions and then misinterpret her answers, if not possible I stack (get more infos) and then reframe the whole as I've seen the big picture behind it "Oooooh I understand what you meant now, you're..."

[DonnyGately]

If she's boring as f there's not much you can do. If they drone on about work I firmly say, 'No work talk,' and start in with some fun topic you enjoy.

All girls love travel or at least the idea of travel.

Playful: Pick out a couple on a date at the bar or a group of people and make up stories about them.

[RedPillUK]

(03-13-2018 04:12 PM)Delta Wrote:  

One of the biggest issues I have on first dates is descending into serious conversation that's boring as hell and feels like work. I'm well aware that I want to be teasing the girl, joking around, making innuendos, etc., but sometimes I have trouble manufacturing that vibe; especially when the girl is no help and drones on about her job, or asks shit questions like "what are some of your hobbies?"

Do you have any go-to lines or topics to steer things back in a fun/light/playful direction when you can sense the conversation spiraling into boring territory?

I'm hardly ever serious with girls. I think I would have no problem making conversations like that more fun, unless the girl had absolutely no sense of humour. There must be situations you are funny, maybe with close friends. Try and have the same vibe. If you're not funny at all, you should work on it.

For example if she's droning on about her job. There's a few options you could take:

Drink and look visibly bored until she gets the hint. This can actuallly get girls trying to be more interesting

Steer the conversation away from work because you want to have fun.

Steer the conversation into something more interesting that is loosely related to her job.

Joke that she's a workaholic and now she's turning this date into her job and tell her off. Tell her she's not allowed to talk about work. All playfully of course.

Pretend to fall asleep.

She asks you about your hobbies, dude how is that a bad question? If you're an interesting guy you probably have some interesting hobbies to talk about. If you're not, you can make some stupid ones up. You could troll her and tell her you collect stamps or something stupid like that. Endless possibilities for laughs and non serious conversation. Then you can guess what hobbies she has. It's always a lot more fun to guess or make statements about her than ask about her.

[MMM]

Her:  "So, what are your hobbies?" 
Me:  "Oh, photography, saving the universe, tantric sex, swimming with dolphins and rescuing fair maidens from boredom." 

Hat tip Heartiste.

[H1N1]

I'm a bit of a broken record with this at the moment, but what are you doing non-verbally to communicate playfulness? A smile, and eye-contact with a twinkle, brings another person into a kind of conspiracy with you. You want to convey mischief with your eyes, and give them that feeling of comfort and danger simultaneously. People, men and women alike, will love you for it - and the more you say risqué stuff (well judged of course) the deeper into that conspiracy they fall, and the greater your bond. People love men who can say the things they won't say with sufficient style, grace, and humour to avoid paying the consequences. It gives them a thrill, and allows them to share in your confidence and social judgement, in a way they could never experience alone.

[Suits]

I just demand that we play two truths and a lie.

Then I tell her that I haven't worn any underwear in over a decade (true) and I used to be a woman (lie).

[Hypno]

"I can tell you're a troublemaker."

[Gameplan]

Her: Blah blah blah

Me: You want me to do WHAT to you?

Slow expression change from mild shock to smirk.

[Keepiticy2]

Innuendos are my best friends. I sometimes cross over into being too playful.


Examples
Her: so what do you do for a living
Me: i strip for various queens and princesses across the galaxy. This ass is legendary

Her: I've been single for a while
Me: i've been single since birth, only had a couple girlfriends, mistresses, wives, baby mamas, call girls, and _____ (a random guy name or hideious fictional character, the more outrageous the better)

Her: What do you do for a living
Me: you know....things i would have to kill you for if i told you....-_-

I stole this one
Her: you're so creepy haha (only works if she says it in a funny way)
Me: you're one to talk, I bet you shower naked.......creep




honestly, it depends heavily on the girl, some girls are as nervous as you and try not to make things awkward. Read her body language.

[glugger]

(03-14-2018 09:56 AM)Suits Wrote:  

I just demand that we play two truths and a lie.

Then I tell her that I haven't worn any underwear in over a decade (true) and I used to be a woman (lie).

[Delta]

Thanks guys, appreciate all the tips.

After mulling over this issue a while longer, I realize that a huge part of my problem was setting myself up for failure before the date even began. I fell into the mentality of "set up the logistics then shut the fuck up and don't give her a chance to flake," scheduling dates like dentist appointments for fear of "screwing it up" with too much texting. I know some guys advocate this, but I now believe it's highly erroneous. If she ghosts before you get a chance to go on the date, then good, she was just going to end up wasting your time anyway. It's crucial to build up some excitement and rapport before meeting each other. A couple of playful text convos leading up to the date go a long way toward creating the right vibe from the get-go. They also help establish which girls are excited to meet you and which are serial daters who will end up being a waste of time.

Bottom line, no "dentist appointment" dates: build up some excitement, weed out the serial daters, and dates will become much less of a chore. This strategy may lead to fewer dates actually happening, but so be it. We all have much better things to do than entertain boring girls who couldn't give two shits about us.

[HankMoody]

I had this issue today...

Hank: [blah blah blah] light conversation
Girl: [blah blah blah] serious conversation
Hank: [blah blah blah] back to light conversation
Girl: [Blah blah blah], gets a bit beligerant, goes back to heavy conversation
Hank: "Pardon my candor, but I'm not really enjoying our time together..."

I was pretty upfront: "Look, I don't really have all that much of an emotional range, and I'm just trying to hang out and have a good time. Can't we just chat without getting deep? I'm not interested in arguments and I have no agenda, so let's simply enjoy a bit of pleasant conversation, okay?" She's not having it. Even calls me sexist. Eventually she she leaves the bar, sort of upset.

So here is where things get funny...

I'm left alone and sitting by myself. Wondering if I look like a total asshole to everyone there. These two girls sitting next to me are like "What's that girl's problem? We were listening to your conversation and it sounded like you were having an affair on her or something." "Nah, I was just trying to converse."

The one girl was real cute and I got her number.

[John Michael Kane]

I like mock offense. Pretend that something rather innocuous and harmless that she said totally offended you. Respond in a playfully offensive way. "I can't believe you said that! Didn't your mother ever teach you to be nice?" *pretend to clutch at pearls*

Girls want to laugh, and they don't want you not to be able to tease them a bit. If the conversation is too serious, it is because you aren't playfully teasing enough.

[Georges89]

It's funny, after being in a relationship for a year, and at the (ripe) old age of 29, I've realised that my dating strategy in the past was pretty non-existent. And I always liked to think I was a player. But the more I realise it now, I've lacked an ability to properly seduce on dates. I've basically relied on my looks, some charm, and rolling the dice in terms of having different dates until one worked out. I had the confidence and will, but I never had a coherent strategy, so it was always quite a hit and miss approach with women. I just kept on going until something worked without knowing exactly what was working.

I'm aware that at least recently, I've been sticking to 'safe' and polite conversation, and then hoping something happens. And recently, it's like I've got frustrated with myself when I've gone on dates with a few girls where it's 'misfired' and I've not managed to build up a sense of playfulness..or 'fun' so to speak, and I haven't worked on building up to a kiss, in terms of touching her etc.

So I've been talking all night, then trying to make a move towards the end of the date when nothing has been 'built' up. No wonder my dates have been coming to a dead end!

I feel frustrated because I wonder why I only remember this now. Why its taken me so long to actually realise this. I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself, and at least I have now realise. I'm hoping for my second date with most recent girl coming up, that I can make it more 'fun', and maybe push the boat out in terms of my conversation. I need to start escalating though. I guess coming out of a relationship it can be natural to forget some of these 'laws' but I don't feel I've ever got close to a sense of mastery when it comes to dating.

I imagine it must be very rewarding to have more skills on a date, not least because the date becomes more enjoyable for you too, if you know how to seduce her. I also highly doubt that the average guy on the street knows how to, so if you can become more skilled, you've presumably got a way with women that not many others have.

[XXL]

Research techniques like push/pull, misinterpretations, reframing, and typical attraction based stuff.

In general you should take control of the conversation. There are 2 ways to do it.

1. Introduce topics yourself first and make her follow your direction. Often times you need to break her patterns and change topics in smooth or sneaky way. Requires thinking fast on your feet and some verbal skills. Example:

She talks about her job. You go.. wow that must be tiring you probably have no energy to cook at home and I like to have my spaghetti prepared like that and that. Ok so what CAN you actually cook for me...

2. Steer the interaction in the direction you want sitting back and asking her questions and qualifying/disqualifying depending on what she says. You bait her to talk about what you want whike you pretty much listen and judge her. Better option for silent types.