[the1element]

I've noticed that when I go on a date with a girl, I always seem to have a very pessimistic mindset. It's hard to explain but I'm going to try.


So I was just on a first date with a feminine, sexy girl and I took her on a hike to this waterfall because I needed to get some pictures of the falls for my blog.

She laughed at my jokes, asked me some questions about myself and I asked her questions about herself.

I tried to get into a deeper conversation, but it wasn't really happening.

The hike lasted about 2 hours, I did not try to kiss.

Not out of fear, I just wanted to wait until next time.

But I can't help but feel that the date went bad, and she didn't enjoy it or something.

I seem to have this mindset with all of my dates, unless we have sex then of course I know she enjoyed it (obviously).

It's like she can be smiling, laughing but if she's not clawing at my dick I think she's not enjoying herself.

Makes no sense.

Then I tell myself

"She's just a girl that laughs a lot. It has nothing to do with you."

I seem to rationalize the signs girls show as attraction as something she does with every guy and that I'm not special for making her laugh and smile.

It's a completely backwards way of thinking.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Edit: It's like if she's not smitten with me then I automatically assume she's not attracted. I don't get it.

[Northern Wastes]

Take a step back and reflect on you inner game. Sound's like your self-esteem isn't as solid as it should be.

It sounds like you need these girls to validate you by showing how much they want you, which feels great but when you don't receive it you get bummed out.
In a date like that where it is outdoors it's hard to get all snuggled up like in a bar or club and have her grinding on yo crotch.

The date it's self went fine, maybe the connection just wasn't there. Or she had a good time and would like to see you again. If you're into her try hitting her up again and if she isn't into it you have your answer and next her.

Just try to have fun on dates like these and dates in general. If you're putting off a relaxed fun vibe she'll pick up on that if she likes you. If she is down to go out hiking she is probably fun to some extent. Most outdoorsy chicks like beer/booze so bring some hipster craft micro brew along next time or after suggest you two go to a bar after. Whiskey and tea/coffee in a thermos if it's cold.

[the1element]

(02-14-2018 03:09 PM)Northern Wastes Wrote:  

Take a step back and reflect on you inner game. Sound's like your self-esteem isn't as solid as it should be.

It sounds like you need these girls to validate you by showing how much they want you, which feels great but when you don't receive it you get bummed out.
In a date like that where it is outdoors it's hard to get all snuggled up like in a bar or club and have her grinding on yo crotch.

The date it's self went fine, maybe the connection just wasn't there. Or she had a good time and would like to see you again. If you're into her try hitting her up again and if she isn't into it you have your answer and next her.

Just try to have fun on dates like these and dates in general. If you're putting off a relaxed fun vibe she'll pick up on that if she likes you. If she is down to go out hiking she is probably fun to some extent. Most outdoorsy chicks like beer/booze so bring some hipster craft micro brew along next time or after suggest you two go to a bar after. Whiskey and tea/coffee in a thermos if it's cold.

I agree on all of these fronts.

I've done some more reflecting and I think it's because when I go on these dates, I don't try to lead the date towards sex..instead I go with the flow and then I wonder why I didn't feel a sexual connection.

I have a date set-up tomorrow, this one should be easy coming to my place cooking dinner and a movie.

I definitely put off a fun relaxed vibe.

I think my inner game needs work.

[kaotic]

Reading your posts I kind of sense your were unsure about a few things when it came to the game you ran.

There was a bit of frustration, some thrills, some confusions, and some surprise (in a good way).

The fact you're writing out your approaches and your thoughts out shows you're willing to work on yourself.

It definitely seems like you need to work on your inner game, personally I adher to the ABC rule (always be closin')

Always assume the sale, and always assume sex is on the table.


I'd definitely sexualize the date, but not in an obvious way, sly ways like light kino, teasing, sexual jokes, etc.

Always lead, even if sex isn't on the table - be direct but keep things light and fun.

Personally I'd definitely kiss her on the end of the date and try to make a lasting impression.


Depending on the girl, for the most part I ain't trying to know her "deeply" the first date or 2, I'm just trying to see what she's like around me and out and about.

Northern is also right, maybe there wasn't a connection, or maybe that's for next time.

Once you go on a lot of dates you get a really good feel of what kind of girls you like, and if you're in the groove also. Trust your guy.


I can't help but notice you're overthinking a bit about how the girl perceives you.

[Vill@in]

(02-14-2018 02:40 PM)the1element Wrote:  

I seem to have this mindset with all of my dates, unless we have sex then of course I know she enjoyed it (obviously).

Why do you care if she enjoyed it?

You're correlating her enjoying the date = you getting sex (or at least some physical escalation).

She laughed and seemed to enjoy herself, and you had fun. That's all that matters.

She could have feigned having a good time, and if that's the case why would you waste your time with someone fake anyway?

Just have a mindset of outcome independence. Go out with a girl and have a good time. They are welcome to join you, but if not...then fuck 'em. They can go kick rocks. BUT, if they dig your vibe and you end up kissing/smashing, then even better. Win/win for you.

You're the prize after all.

[the1element]

(02-14-2018 04:03 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

Reading your posts I kind of sense your were unsure about a few things when it came to the game you ran.

There was a bit of frustration, some thrills, some confusions, and some surprise (in a good way).

The fact you're writing out your approaches and your thoughts out shows you're willing to work on yourself.

It definitely seems like you need to work on your inner game, personally I adher to the ABC rule (always be closin')

Always assume the sale, and always assume sex is on the table.


I'd definitely sexualize the date, but not in an obvious way, sly ways like light kino, teasing, sexual jokes, etc.

Always lead, even if sex isn't on the table - be direct but keep things light and fun.

Personally I'd definitely kiss her on the end of the date and try to make a lasting impression.


Depending on the girl, for the most part I ain't trying to know her "deeply" the first date or 2, I'm just trying to see what she's like around me and out and about.

Northern is also right, maybe there wasn't a connection, or maybe that's for next time.

Once you go on a lot of dates you get a really good feel of what kind of girls you like, and if you're in the groove also. Trust your guy.


I can't help but notice you're overthinking a bit about how the girl perceives you.

(02-14-2018 04:48 PM)Vill@in Wrote:  

(02-14-2018 02:40 PM)the1element Wrote:  

I seem to have this mindset with all of my dates, unless we have sex then of course I know she enjoyed it (obviously).

Why do you care if she enjoyed it?

You're correlating her enjoying the date = you getting sex (or at least some physical escalation).

She laughed and seemed to enjoy herself, and you had fun. That's all that matters.

She could have feigned having a good time, and if that's the case why would you waste your time with someone fake anyway?

Just have a mindset of outcome independence. Go out with a girl and have a good time. They are welcome to join you, but if not...then fuck 'em. They can go kick rocks. BUT, if they dig your vibe and you end up kissing/smashing, then even better. Win/win for you.

You're the prize after all.

I agree guys,

I did some thinking about this today at work because it ws super dead.

I am unsure of my game, I'm still finding it...

I also think considering this was one of the first girls that I went on a date with and she wasn't chubby, had a nice body and an ass that made me want to bend her over and fuck her right there so I think I put her a little on a pedestal.

Always be closing is good, I find with dates I get too caught up in the conversation and forget to actually seduce her.

Like I just "forget" that I should be trying to lead the conversation towards sex instead of just having a fun conversation.
I think I have fun times and conversations with girls but I forget the main objective in the first place..I guess.

Definitely, need to work on the inner game though. I have a strong sense of self but struggle to go after what I want..if that makes any sense.

Like with what Villian said, I have a hard time with thinking I'm the prize but I definitely have improved in the past few months.

I wish I had another date tonight, I would love to take what I learned earlier today and see if I can do better....

One thing I'm looking forward to moving to a more vibrant city, I can put more time into game and have more girls to choose from.

I feel like I don't take things serious enough, I like joking and dicking around but I don't know when to stop that and move to being sexual.

I appreciate the comments though guys.

[Bienvenuto]

On the thoughts

Think of somebody who you don't like, who has it in for you and think of them coming up to you and saying those things to you while you're on a date with a girl.

When the voice is in our head it's insidious, when it comes from outside it's pretty freaking obvious that it is trying to undermine our success.

You might want to try making a note of these thoughts when you have them away from dates.
Write down the issue, what the thoughts say about it.. and then write down the effects the thoughts have on your energy. Then imagine your worst enemy is telling you the same thing in a debate and set about looking for alternative interpretations, disputing their logic etc.

If you make a habit of doing this in your down time you will find that the undermining thoughts become more absurd to you, that they have less effect on you and that your thinking becomes more positive.

Hope this helps.

[Noir]

You know what is is, you just gotta work on it.

- confidence
- self talk
- fear of rejection

Ultimately, your identity is linked to how many women find you attractive which is setting you up for failure.

The more successful you become in other parts of your life, the more attractive you will feel.

You need to feel entitled to every woman in the world who is not family.

Be present and in the moment. MDMA was my introduction to being present and creating a bubble of attraction through confidence.

Write down some affirmations, talk to yourself like you would your best friend and get shit done in your personal life.