[Quizzical_2]

About a month ago, I was chatting up this girl. Throughout this chat, I made a few allusions to my attraction to her. She told me she felt uncomfortable talking about anything even remotely sexual with a friend(which I mean, I'm not delusional, she just wasn't attracted to me)so we just went our separate ways. Couple weeks later, I hit her up, and we started talking again. Long story short, she tells me about her Tinder date(fair play to that guy, just hope he knew what he was getting into), how she almost banged the dude and then got oddly stand offish when I told her I didn't want to hear it. From then on, our conversations were mostly me trying to understand why she was so mopey(she said she hit rock bottom and that's why she tried hooking up with the dude)and depressed and how being a slut wasn't good for her. Mistakes were made.
I essentially just said screw it, after she repeatedly shot down my inquiries, and said something along the lines of how she felt more comfortable talking about her life/issues with a cute stranger rather than someone she actually knew.
Obviously, this was going know where, so I said peace out.
At one point, I brought up how she was sort of acting like a slut and she said she didn't care about the word slut. Kind of funny.
Maybe an important detail, but I also recall a text about a lack of male attention and a lack of opportunities to do "things like that." (I forget what that last bit was in regard too.)

Okay, this was just the short, abridged version. In reality it's a super disconnected, days worth of dribble coming from the both of us. I failed so hard, it's cringeworthy. I'm not even going to sugar coat it, I acted like the exact opposite of a strong, alpha male that entire saga. I grew too attached, I got hooked on one girl, tried validating myself to her, etc.

I deserve any ridicule you guys might have for me. It's in the past, and I don't talk to her anymore, but I was a whimpering little bitch and don't blame anyone who wants to make fun of me for my behaviour. Any input is welcome!

[birthday cat]

I think it's simple. You gave a girl a lot of attention when she wasn't giving you anything in return. Never give a girl attention if she isn't reciprocating and giving you something in return.

[kaotic]

Are you talking about a chat app online ? or a girl you met, got her number, then texted?

If so:

Why in god's name are you chatting with a girl you never met and became her orbiting emotional tampon ?


You've never met this slut, why should you even give a shit ?

I don't understand how dudes get friendzoned by a chick they haven't even met.

Get off the internet, go outside and talk to actual people.

[Quizzical_2]

Oh, I already knew her. I'm not that sad or pathetic enough to allow myself to be emasculated by an anonymous internet girl.

[ShuaiGe]

You did a couple of important things right:
-Told her you didn't want to hear about her date with another guy
-Decided that the position you were in was unsuitable and didn't stay around
-recognized that you need to change your methods in the future

You're on your way up. Keep your mind right and keep going.

With the level of interest and emotional investment you gave this situation, I have to ask,
How many plates are currently spinning?

https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/19/plate-theory-2 Wrote:

Spin more plates.

A lot of people get confused when I use this analogy and I thought it prudent to write a post on just what I mean in this regard.

A Man needs to have a lot of simultaneous prospects spinning together. Think of each plate as a separate woman you are pursuing. Some fall off and break, others you may wish to stop spinning altogether and some may not spin as fast as you’d like, but the essence of plate theory is that a man is as confident and valuable as his options. This is the essence of the abundance mindset – confidence is derived from options.

This principle is the key to solving so many of the problems that dog the heels of beta AFCs and recovering AFCs. In fact I would say that this ideology should be the cornerstone to success for a man in many facets of life, not simply attracting and keeping women. A man with options has power, and from these options and this sense of power, a natural sense of confidence will manifest itself. A man without options becomes necessitous and this leads to a lack of confidence and a scarcity mentality. Necessitous men are never free.

The Cardinal Rule of Relationships
In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

When a man spins more plates, when he has irons in the fire, when he is pursuing multiple women simultaneously, when he has options equally worth exploring, a man will have a natural, subconscious (but not exclusively) understanding that if one prospect does not expand, others very well may. This understanding has manifestations in a man’s behavior that women key on covertly. There are mannerisms and attitudes that a man with options will subconsciously convey to prospective women that they interpret, and give this man a value as a commodity to be competed for with other females.

On various sites in the PUA community, men are taught to emulate this behavior since it is a key element in attraction and interest. Cocky-Funny is one such technique that trains a confidence behavior that (more often than not) essentially masks a deficit of options. In other words, C&F is a natural behavior for men with options that must be compensated for by those who don’t have an apptitude for it. This is why the ‘natural’ Alpha male seems to exude C&F effortlessly while those without the benefit of more plates spinning (or the confidence in the ability of spinning more) struggle with simple things like eye contact or initiating approaches. This is also a fundamental principle in the “I don’t give a fuck” mentality that pervades community technique – it’s much easier to actually not “give a fuck” if you have other prospects going simultaneously.

Shotgun Logic

One very important benefit that Plate Theory provides for a man is that it greatly curbs the propensity for ONEitis both in and out of an LTR.

Outside of an LTR, most guys subscribe to what I call the Sniper mentality. This is the AFC that applies all of his time, effort and resources to patiently waiting out his target, waiting for that perfect opportunity to summon enough courage in the most precise of conditions to take his one shot at the girl, who by then is the focus of his ONEitis. This process can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few years in extreme cases, but all the while he voluntarily sacrifices his most valuable of resource – potential opportunity. The man who subscribes to Plate Theory can more easily avoid this situation as he goes hunting for women with a Shotgun; scattering as much influence across the broadest area possible. While the AFC fishes with a single line and a single hook, the Plate Theorist fishes with a trolling net, selecting the fish worth keeping and tossing back those who aren’t.

Inside an LTR, Plate Theory becomes more specified. The AFC placates and identifies with his partner because the balance has shifted to her advantage since he reinforces her understanding that she is his only source of intimacy. I can’t think of a better recipe for ONEitis since he become progressively more dependent on her as his only source of intimacy. The man that maintains, at the very least, the covert perception of options, either professionally or on an intersexual level (i.e. social proof that other women will compete for him) maintains this power balance. Most successful men have an innate understanding of this and this explains their popular reservations for committing to marriage, In an LTR, Plate Theory becomes a subtle dance of perception and recognizing how your partner interprets understanding a particular man’s options, but regardless, it reduces a guy’s tendency to regress into ONEitis in an LTR from his own self-perception and the confidence int inspires.

Natural Selection

As I illustrated in the fishing net analogy, spinning more plates allows you more opportunity to select from the largest pool of prospective choices and date them or drop them as you see fit. This has two benefits. First, it serves as valuable, though non-committed, experience for learning what a man requires for his own personal satisfaction. Experience teaches harsh, but it teaches best and the breadth of experience serves a man well. Who’s insight is more beneficial, the man who’s sailed the world over or the man who’s never ventured beyond a lake? Secondly, opportunity and options make a man the PRIZE. Rock stars, professional athletes and movie stars aren’t irresistible to women because of their celebrity, but because they blatantly, and with the highest form of social proof, prove they have options that other women will jealously compete for as well as the confidence that this unconscious knowledge naturally manifests itself in them.

What Plate Theory is not

My critics will often take a binary stance in their arguments with this idea citing that “they could never be with more than one woman at a time out of respect for her” or “so I should just lie to her and see other girls on the side?” To which I’d argue that these are feminized social conventions that attempt to thwart a man’s options in order to establish women as the prime selectors in intersexual relations. If it can be conditioned into a boy/man to ‘feel bad’ about seeing more than one woman at a time, it only better serves the female-as-chooser dynamic. To be sure, women are naturally the filters for their own intimacies, but it is essentially men who do the sexual selection. These convention’s latent purpose are designed to put selection of intimacy on a conditional basis that favors women, and as long as men will internalize this women will have a pre-constructed social high-ground.

The way to circumvent this dynamic is brutal honesty and a commitment to truthful, non-exclusivity with the plates you’re spinning. If you keep your options above board and are honest with any one girl and yourself about your choice to be non-exclusive, you not only remove the teeth from this convention, but you also reinforce yourself as a man with options (or at least perceived options). Further, critics will offer “well gee, if I did that with any woman she’d push off and dump me” to which I’ll refute – not if you establish this honestly from the outset. Most guys who’ve swallowed the ‘female power’ convention are too afraid or to preconditioned to even consider this as an option for seeing women. Letting a woman know, or covertly perceive, that you wont be exclusive to her pushes your commodity level up and implies options and potential success she’ll compete with other women to be associated with.

Plate Theory is also, most definitely not, a license to be indiscriminate with women. Just because you can spin a plate doesn’t necessarily mean you should spin that plate. Some aren’t worth spinning and a man with options should have no reservation about letting one go for a better one or two. In fact a man ought to be more discriminating in this regard since it affords him the best available from the largest selection.

[RedPillUK]

(02-01-2018 10:22 PM)Quizzical_2 Wrote:  

Oh, I already knew her. I'm not that sad or pathetic enough to allow myself to be emasculated by an anonymous internet girl.

You were still sad and pathetic enough to be emasculated by a real life girl.

I don't understand what the point of this post was, you know you fucked up, but you still want us all to tell you how much you fucked up? Are you some kind of perverted masochist?

Quote:

About a month ago, I was chatting up this girl. Throughout this chat, I made a few allusions to my attraction to her. She told me she felt uncomfortable talking about anything even remotely sexual with a friend(which I mean, I'm not delusional, she just wasn't attracted to me)so we just went our separate ways.

This is horrible right here. You weren't chatting her up, you were being friendzoned.

Why would you make a few allusions towards how attracted you are to her?
A girl will know what you mean straight away, and see that you're being a pussy about your intentions. It will also make her appear high value and you appear low value.

Then she told you she felt uncomfortable talking about that with a friend. Lol. That was her firmly placing you in the friend zone and politely asking you not to wander out of it again.

Quote:

Couple weeks later, I hit her up, and we started talking again. Long story short, she tells me about her Tinder date(fair play to that guy, just hope he knew what he was getting into), how she almost banged the dude and then got oddly stand offish when I told her I didn't want to hear it.

More evidence of friend zoning and her seeing you as one of the girls. At least you didn't listen to her story about her date.

Quote:

From then on, our conversations were mostly me trying to understand why she was so mopey(she said she hit rock bottom and that's why she tried hooking up with the dude)and depressed and how being a slut wasn't good for her. Mistakes were made.
I essentially just said screw it, after she repeatedly shot down my inquiries, and said something along the lines of how she felt more comfortable talking about her life/issues with a cute stranger rather than someone she actually knew.
Obviously, this was going know where, so I said peace out.
At one point, I brought up how she was sort of acting like a slut and she said she didn't care about the word slut. Kind of funny.
Maybe an important detail, but I also recall a text about a lack of male attention and a lack of opportunities to do "things like that." (I forget what that last bit was in regard too.)

Why are there yet more conversations with her? About trying to change her? Ugh this is so gamma I don't even know where to start.

So now instead of her seeing you as one of her girlfriends who's supportive of her, she sees you as one of her girlfriends who's judgemental of her, implying she's a slut etc.,

Quote:

Okay, this was just the short, abridged version. In reality it's a super disconnected, days worth of dribble coming from the both of us. I failed so hard, it's cringeworthy. I'm not even going to sugar coat it, I acted like the exact opposite of a strong, alpha male that entire saga. I grew too attached, I got hooked on one girl, tried validating myself to her, etc.

So it's even worse than you say it was. Better start learning game.

[kaotic]

(02-01-2018 10:22 PM)Quizzical_2 Wrote:  

Oh, I already knew her. I'm not that sad or pathetic enough to allow myself to be emasculated by an anonymous internet girl.

It's still pretty sad that you got friend zoned, became an emotional tampon and still are talking to her.

As soon as you made your motives known and she rejected, the sooner your should've ejected from the situation.

She ain't interested.

ShuaiGe gave some solid advice here.

[arsenal2000]

If you met the girl in person it would be better to use that interaction to build a rapport. Building rapport by messaging is hard . If I am unable to get a girl attracted to me when I see her in person I prefer to move on rather than waste time getting her number and try to build attraction .

[Akwesi]

Don't dwell on shit like this, in the big scheme of things it's nothing. You lost frame, got friendzoned, nexted the girl. No big deal. Frankly I'm more concerned with the lack of inner game you are showing by begging us to roast you for this trivial shit.

[Quizzical_2]

Yeah, it was kind of silly to post this here instead of say, in a personal diary. I can see how it could come across as me wanting to get torn into, even though it wasn't my intention. But whatever, I'm not a puss, I give the internet permission to do its worse.

[HankMoody]

Eh, this is the problem... you emoted way too much.

There's no point in calling her out, saying "I don't want to hear it", or "I don't want to hang out anymore.

Just act completely disinterested, but don't actually say it. Saying it makes you sound needy. Should go down sort of like this...

"I had the weirdest Tinder date. We almost banged blah blah blah"
"...oh."
"Yeah and then he said blah blah blah. Why do you think he said that?"
"...no clue."
"I'm kind of into him but blah blah blah"
[start playing with your phone]
"Are you even listening?"
"Huh? Hold on, I just caught a Pikachu..."

From there, just dial back your attention. If you feel like hanging out with her, hang out with her, but don't necessarily expect a bang. If you're only interested in her to bang, you're wasting your time.

Never outright say what you're thinking, though. There's no benefit, and it makes you look like a weak, mopey, emotional baby. Speak with your actions.

[Rhyme or Reason]

The OP seems self aware enough that this interaction was terrible so I don't see the need to dogpile on him about that. The main issue I see is that OP continued interacting with her even after she shot down his seemingly feeble advances:

Quote:

I made a few allusions to my attraction to her

Weak.

However, I don't feel that OP should feel ashamed about posting this here. After all this is the entire purpose of this sub forum.

Sometimes I'll write about a bad date or something that went wrong as a way to get it out on paper and it makes it clear where things went wrong (a little input from fellow RVF'rs never hurts, either) and it can help me process my missteps and extract the lessons that needed to be learned. I am far more likely to post about my negative experiences than my positive ones, since those are more likely to benefit readers, but that's just me. The OP probably just needed to get this out there so I can understand that easily enough.

That being said, OP, don't waste your time on girls who are so clearly disinterested.