[the1element]

(01-26-2018 06:22 PM)Dulceácido Wrote:  

Yeah, Man. They probably think you're a Level 10 Creeper. Prolly should've locked the bar down and made chit-chat with the staff the first few times you went in, instead of immediately switching from missiles to guns and going in for the kill on the half dozen or so chicks in there (which surely they all talk to each other about the "new guy" that just hit on them). I bet the shit-talk about you was AMAZING. lol. I would've loved to hear that shit.

You've been given lots of solid advice here, though. Just duck out of the place for a bit and then the next time you go in, try to make better acquaintances of the staff members. Otherwise, you're gonna have to abandon ship completely and you've already established it's one of the best venues in a very limited amount of choices.

It is what it is, I just won't go there for a month or two.

And they can shit talk me all they want. My game is getting better and that's all I care about, it was an amateur mistake but I've learned and it's something I would never have thought of happening. My game is better because of it.

I just hope the gossip hasn't spread to other venues. If it has, then I may have to abandon ship for a while but I don't think the student club staff are friendly with the bar staff at these small venues. They seem to be two different social circles.

(01-26-2018 06:27 PM)The Alpha Virgin Wrote:  

One thing that has helped me a lot in avoiding hostile situations in night life like that with white knights and idiots is to just give these dudes compliments and smile. Try befriend those guys instead and do some Trump game.

For the future, you can tell a guy like that how much you love the club and how he must have understood, because YOU WOULD NEVER DREAM of treating a woman like that and there's no one that respects women more than you. Just speak nice and calm, if you get upset and start shouting, you fall into the wrong frame. And then say some shit like "by the way dude... no homo but I like your shirt, where have you bought that?" and they almost always chill out and they might even end up buying you a beer.

I appreciate the advice, I don't think it will work in this situation but with others, I'll have to give it a shot.

[pancakemouse]

Without knowing the exact situation I'd have to side with him. You can't go in and spam approach and burn down every small venue. The best way to get girls in a bar is setup game. Watch the second half of this video and see what Max says about setup game:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIb2hBVd-fM

[Rocha]

If you approached the girl without knowing she had a boyfriend, and then backed off when the guy arrived, that is one thing. But you knew she had a boyfriend and still you went to approach her when the guy went to take a piss...you need to figure out more stuff like social calibration, and experiment having a girlfriend which quite certainly you never had, otherwise you wont have done that.

The bartender was actually pretty cool to give you a warning.

[Jetset]

(01-26-2018 01:51 AM)the1element Wrote:  

(01-26-2018 01:37 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

Why did the boyfriend come back all mad? How did he even know you'd been chatting? Seems like you're leaving something out here, and a little coincidental that someone's boyfriend returned all pissed off about a harmless moment of banter at the exact time the bartender felt your behaviour needed calling out, no?

I hung around for a bit, finished my beer and thought about what happened. As I was doing this the girl and boyfriend were on there way out, and before leaving the boyfriend went behind the bar and did like the "buddy" hug that guys do when they know each other, obviously, the boyfriend and bartender were friends.

My first thought reading the original post was that the bartender was looking out for the boyfriend. I was surprised the story didn't end that way.

It's one thing to chat up girls, but if you're messing with customers who brought dates and potentially stirring up a problem, I can see the bartender trying to head it off. You were already on his radar, but ultimately, he's not going to let you piss off a regular, and he sure as hell doesn't want to have to call the cops on one of his best customers if you catch a beating.

Small towns have small town problems. Everybody's sucking everybody else's dick already. I have a small local bar I frequent, and I've seen a regular customer who dropped a lot of cash for years storm out and never come back after the server he had a crush on got a "ride home" from the bartender. Small local bars can't afford to lose people like that.

[the1element]

(01-26-2018 07:54 PM)Jetset Wrote:  

(01-26-2018 01:51 AM)the1element Wrote:  

(01-26-2018 01:37 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

Why did the boyfriend come back all mad? How did he even know you'd been chatting? Seems like you're leaving something out here, and a little coincidental that someone's boyfriend returned all pissed off about a harmless moment of banter at the exact time the bartender felt your behaviour needed calling out, no?

I hung around for a bit, finished my beer and thought about what happened. As I was doing this the girl and boyfriend were on there way out, and before leaving the boyfriend went behind the bar and did like the "buddy" hug that guys do when they know each other, obviously, the boyfriend and bartender were friends.

My first thought reading the original post was that the bartender was looking out for the boyfriend. I was surprised the story didn't end that way.

It's one thing to chat up girls, but if you're messing with customers who brought dates and potentially stirring up a problem, I can see the bartender trying to head it off. You were already on his radar, but ultimately, he's not going to let you piss off a regular, and he sure as hell doesn't want to have to call the cops on one of his best customers if you catch a beating.

Small towns have small town problems. Everybody's sucking everybody else's dick already. I have a small local bar I frequent, and I've seen a regular customer who dropped a lot of cash for years storm out and never come back after the server he had a crush on got a "ride home" from the bartender. Small local bars can't afford to lose people like that.

Yea man.

I think I might just stay in tonight.

[Rocha]

(01-26-2018 08:53 PM)the1element Wrote:  

(01-26-2018 07:54 PM)Jetset Wrote:  

(01-26-2018 01:51 AM)the1element Wrote:  

(01-26-2018 01:37 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

Why did the boyfriend come back all mad? How did he even know you'd been chatting? Seems like you're leaving something out here, and a little coincidental that someone's boyfriend returned all pissed off about a harmless moment of banter at the exact time the bartender felt your behaviour needed calling out, no?

I hung around for a bit, finished my beer and thought about what happened. As I was doing this the girl and boyfriend were on there way out, and before leaving the boyfriend went behind the bar and did like the "buddy" hug that guys do when they know each other, obviously, the boyfriend and bartender were friends.

My first thought reading the original post was that the bartender was looking out for the boyfriend. I was surprised the story didn't end that way.

It's one thing to chat up girls, but if you're messing with customers who brought dates and potentially stirring up a problem, I can see the bartender trying to head it off. You were already on his radar, but ultimately, he's not going to let you piss off a regular, and he sure as hell doesn't want to have to call the cops on one of his best customers if you catch a beating.

Small towns have small town problems. Everybody's sucking everybody else's dick already. I have a small local bar I frequent, and I've seen a regular customer who dropped a lot of cash for years storm out and never come back after the server he had a crush on got a "ride home" from the bartender. Small local bars can't afford to lose people like that.

Yea man.

I think I might just stay in tonight.

Go out, check another place. And don't hit other guys girls. The more we go out the more we learn.

[the1element]

(01-26-2018 08:56 PM)Rocha Wrote:  

(01-26-2018 08:53 PM)the1element Wrote:  

(01-26-2018 07:54 PM)Jetset Wrote:  

(01-26-2018 01:51 AM)the1element Wrote:  

(01-26-2018 01:37 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

Why did the boyfriend come back all mad? How did he even know you'd been chatting? Seems like you're leaving something out here, and a little coincidental that someone's boyfriend returned all pissed off about a harmless moment of banter at the exact time the bartender felt your behaviour needed calling out, no?

I hung around for a bit, finished my beer and thought about what happened. As I was doing this the girl and boyfriend were on there way out, and before leaving the boyfriend went behind the bar and did like the "buddy" hug that guys do when they know each other, obviously, the boyfriend and bartender were friends.

My first thought reading the original post was that the bartender was looking out for the boyfriend. I was surprised the story didn't end that way.

It's one thing to chat up girls, but if you're messing with customers who brought dates and potentially stirring up a problem, I can see the bartender trying to head it off. You were already on his radar, but ultimately, he's not going to let you piss off a regular, and he sure as hell doesn't want to have to call the cops on one of his best customers if you catch a beating.

Small towns have small town problems. Everybody's sucking everybody else's dick already. I have a small local bar I frequent, and I've seen a regular customer who dropped a lot of cash for years storm out and never come back after the server he had a crush on got a "ride home" from the bartender. Small local bars can't afford to lose people like that.

Yea man.

I think I might just stay in tonight.

Go out, check another place. And don't hit other guys girls. The more we go out the more we learn.

Yea man, amateur move on my part.

My gut is telling me to stay in tonight.

[Dulceácido]

Fuck that! Go back to that bar. LOL

[the1element]

(01-26-2018 09:27 PM)Dulceácido Wrote:  

Fuck that! Go back to that bar. LOL

Yea, maybe that guy is there with his chick and I can wait till he takes a piss to swoop in.

[Dulceácido]

"Accidentally" spill a drink in his face then slap him for being a little bitch tattle-tale.

[the1element]

(01-26-2018 09:34 PM)Dulceácido Wrote:  

"Accidentally" spill a drink in his face then slap him for being a little bitch tattle-tale.

Then tell him how much of a beta bitch boy he is and how alpha I am.

[Days of Broken Arrows]

(01-26-2018 07:54 PM)Jetset Wrote:  

(01-26-2018 01:51 AM)the1element Wrote:  

(01-26-2018 01:37 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

Why did the boyfriend come back all mad? How did he even know you'd been chatting? Seems like you're leaving something out here, and a little coincidental that someone's boyfriend returned all pissed off about a harmless moment of banter at the exact time the bartender felt your behaviour needed calling out, no?

I hung around for a bit, finished my beer and thought about what happened. As I was doing this the girl and boyfriend were on there way out, and before leaving the boyfriend went behind the bar and did like the "buddy" hug that guys do when they know each other, obviously, the boyfriend and bartender were friends.

My first thought reading the original post was that the bartender was looking out for the boyfriend. I was surprised the story didn't end that way.

It's one thing to chat up girls, but if you're messing with customers who brought dates and potentially stirring up a problem, I can see the bartender trying to head it off. You were already on his radar, but ultimately, he's not going to let you piss off a regular, and he sure as hell doesn't want to have to call the cops on one of his best customers if you catch a beating.

Small towns have small town problems. Everybody's sucking everybody else's dick already. I have a small local bar I frequent, and I've seen a regular customer who dropped a lot of cash for years storm out and never come back after the server he had a crush on got a "ride home" from the bartender. Small local bars can't afford to lose people like that.

This all reminds me of a super-obscure '60s song (that was definitely NOT a hit), "Small Town Bringdown," by a lounge lizard singer named Tony Bruno.

Has anyone heard of this guy? He dropped into obscurity after his first two albums, but his records were rediscovered decades later by some rock writers who couldn't believe how over-the-top loungy his vocals were. He's like the aural equivalent of a leisure suit.

Anyway, to bring this back to the comment above, you don't want to be a small town bringdown.

I'm sure Tony Bruno is looking down from the bar they have in heaven and reading this thread and smiling, while sipping a martini and eyeing a thrice-divorced redhead with a name like "Flo."

[The Wire]

(01-26-2018 07:30 PM)Rocha Wrote:  

If you approached the girl without knowing she had a boyfriend, and then backed off when the guy arrived, that is one thing. But you knew she had a boyfriend and still you went to approach her when the guy went to take a piss...you need to figure out more stuff like social calibration, and experiment having a girlfriend which quite certainly you never had, otherwise you wont have done that.

The bartender was actually pretty cool to give you a warning.

Agreed. I'm not sure how the OP couldn't figure this out and even more surprising he didn't realize this even making a post about it. Thats a little bit scary because that means his social calibration is so bad that he's not able to realize what he did as being wrong.

It's not rocket science, he sat down at the table of a girl on a date while the boyfriend was taking a piss and the bartender was friends with the guy.Trying to justify this with "I picked the farthest chair" doesn't fly. It's not a smart gamble in a place like that and it's a sure fire way either to get on the bad side of an establishment or get into an altercation especially being a 150lb male.

[CJ_W]

(01-26-2018 01:54 AM)Fortis Wrote:  

Kaotic is correct. You wanna scope out management in a spot before you go full-on approaching. I know, it sounds fucking stupid, but a lot of managers get pissy if they see you enjoying yourself. Once you scope em out and get their names and banter with them a bit, they tend to lighten up. This is especially true if you buy a few drinks and tip generously.

In NJ, a bartender might not say shit to your face, but he might clown you a bit if you totally ignore him and don't buy drinks and give him an opportunity to get up in your shit.

This, also ALWAYS TIP GENEROUSLY. Personally OP I would never return to this bar again, don`t continue to give money to those who disrespect you. Period. Aren`t there other bars around you can go to? I`m sure there are, and if a bar was a pussy paradise then the bartender wouldn`t be so pissy. He`d understand. . .or risk pissing off the wrong person and starting a fight (some people do not give a fuck about a bouncer of a bar, some people have weapons etc etc etc)

Treat the places that you spend money like you treat women: They are to SERVE you. Or at least give you respect as a customer. the moment they cross that line, STOP. GIVING. THEM. YOUR. MONEY. I don`t know why you`re thinking of coming back to that place, they don`t deserve your money. Take it somewhere else.

Edit: I just saw that youre in a small town.

GET OUT!

of that small town.

OR do something else besides going to the only bar in the small town to get laid. Check out meetup.com, craigslist etc for stuff to do that may have women there.

Or just find a better place to live/work if you REALLY want to go to bars. Is there a university in your town? Sign up for classes there. make friends with girls and bang them. Maybe take a salsa class there. look for other options than what youve been doing.

[DonnyGately]

1) Don't hit on other guys' girlfriends when you're in the same venue and they leave her alone for a hot minute.

2) Seriously, move. Small towns suck.

[Repo]

@OP

"Now take me, the new guy who they've never seen before who randomly started going there 4 times out of a week for three weeks straight "

Never do this, especially in a small town. Double penalty because this is a small bar in a small town. You have pretty much got to assume that every single women you have hit on all know each other, and are all exchanging stories.

As others have said, move. Until then, work on your social game, make friends/acquaintances with women AND men. The fact that you didn't see why going to a venue that often was a terrible idea tells me that there are probably many other aspects of your social skills you need to work on, which is ok it's just part of the journey as long as you learn from your mistakes.

[RatInTheWoods]

(01-26-2018 01:27 AM)the1element Wrote:  

"Hey man, what's your deal you talk to every girl here don't you see she has a boyfriend, I've had girls complain about you and if it keeps up you will have to leave."

I think there is some truth to this. I've seen guys that approach too much, in the wrong situations and lack human empathy and social calibration.

No one here has a tape of all your approaches or what you said, or how aggressive you are, but the Bartender does, he's been there. Sure he could be totally wrong... but the fact hes talking to you is noteworthy.

It could well be this is a gentle reminder to think about things some more.

[the1element]

(01-27-2018 06:03 PM)Repo Wrote:  

@OP

"Now take me, the new guy who they've never seen before who randomly started going there 4 times out of a week for three weeks straight "

Never do this, especially in a small town. Double penalty because this is a small bar in a small town. You have pretty much got to assume that every single women you have hit on all know each other, and are all exchanging stories.

As others have said, move. Until then, work on your social game, make friends/acquaintances with women AND men. The fact that you didn't see why going to a venue that often was a terrible idea tells me that there are probably many other aspects of your social skills you need to work on, which is ok it's just part of the journey as long as you learn from your mistakes.

Im generally alright socially. but this is embarrassing.

[Kona]

(01-26-2018 09:40 PM)the1element Wrote:  

(01-26-2018 09:34 PM)Dulceácido Wrote:  

"Accidentally" spill a drink in his face then slap him for being a little bitch tattle-tale.

Then tell him how much of a beta bitch boy he is and how alpha I am.

Next time you gotta puke, go back into this place and instead of ordering a craft beer just let your vomit fly.

When the bartender or the bouncer gets mad, just be like "Well I'm not hitting on the bitches!"

Aloha!

[the1element]

tbh, I'm kind of apprehensive about going out tonight.

What do you guys think?

Should I stop going out in this town after the incident?

[Repo]

(01-27-2018 07:57 PM)the1element Wrote:  

tbh, I'm kind of apprehensive about going out tonight.

What do you guys think?

Should I stop going out in this town after the incident?

Do you have any friends to go out with?

[the1element]

(01-27-2018 07:59 PM)Repo Wrote:  

(01-27-2018 07:57 PM)the1element Wrote:  

tbh, I'm kind of apprehensive about going out tonight.

What do you guys think?

Should I stop going out in this town after the incident?

Do you have any friends to go out with?

Ah, heres the problem there. Truth be told, I don't have a lot of friends. I keep a few close and thats about it, the ones that I do have work labour jobs (roofing, construction) and they usually work Saturdays. After work they're too tired to go out, unless it's a bday or event.

[Repo]

If you choose to go out, I would go out with the intent of just having fun and making friends, male and female. If something happens it happens, but I would calm down on direct gaming or whatever you call it. Obviously don't go back to that place.

[the1element]

(01-27-2018 08:07 PM)Repo Wrote:  

If you choose to go out, I would go out with the intent of just having fun and making friends, male and female. If something happens it happens, but I would calm down on direct gaming or whatever you call it. Obviously don't go back to that place.

That's what I do man.

I talk to guys too, but most guys I meet aren't that interesting and of course, I'd rather meet girls. I think I just came on too fast with going out in a small town, regardless if I just want to have fun or not. It was too quick.

This sucks, I feel like approaching is weird now... I know that's bullshit but dang.

[BlackFriar]

Its a hipster bar. You like pussy and want to talk to people that catch your eye. You have testosterone. Unlike every one else there.