[ShuaiGe]

I'd like to hear what you think about when and how often it's beneficial to give compliments.

Here's what I think:
Generally speaking don't give compliments. For most attractive women it will be ineffective because they already know. Also it will group you into "all the guys hitting on them". Plus it leaves little space for her to doubt if she could have you.

However i think it's okay to try a light compliment once to gauge how she reacts. If she appears sincerely moved then you have found an emotional weakness to exploit. If not, don't keep doing something ineffective.

The girls with this weakness usually don't hear nice things said to them very often, so the effectiveness of a compliment typically has an inverse correlation with how attractive a girl is, the exceptions being girls who think themselves as better or worse than they are. Try to understand how they see themselves.


I'm asking because I actually dislike this truth and wish it wasn't so. Anyway, if you've been successful with women and give compliments as well then I want to hear from you about what your girls were like and what you have to say on this topic.

[torridon747]

As a general rule I almost never give women compliments because in my past the vast majority of time they have been out of thirst, sounded forced, or not completely genuine. LTRs are a different story so lets not get into LTR management. I followed a rule of never consciously giving women compliments for over a year, generally I think that's okay and not horrible practice.

As with almost everything, timing and delivery is everything. If you genuinely feel someone deserves a compliment give it to them. Male or female go ahead. It doesn't hurt unless it's pre-bang and badly calibrated; IE: absurdly sexual in nature when you're talking about something non-sexual, outcome dependent, expecting it to build rapport out of nowhere. Things like that just come out as badly calibrated and a lot of people see right through it which to me is the biggest sin you can commit.

If someone gives you a seemingly disingenuous compliment and you know they're trying to buddy up to you for the future you will probably be disgusted unless your self esteem is really that low. Same way with women, only "the future" is their vagina and more often than not it's completely obvious what you're doing.

Some people manage to get away with compliments earning them social capital and if it feels genuine enough sure it can but as a general rule don't expect to gain any social capital from a compliment. It's just like recognizing a quality in someone, it's cool if it seems like you mean it and it's congruent with their reality.

I try to stay away from compliments related to beauty or innate things that are extremely obvious. If someone is really intelligent and they get told that all the time do you think they really give a shit? If you've got beautiful hair and people tell you every day do you think it makes a difference? Probably not.

Things people have to work for like fashion, style, achievements, skills, that's a lot better and seems less pathetic in almost any given scenario. And generally people are much more attached to those things emotionally than more innate things they didn't have to work as hard for.

Showing intention is different. Say you're a 7 and a girl is a 5, you tell her she's beautiful. She now knows you're interested and the SMV point difference might just let you coast by. But there are better ways of showing intention. Say you're a 7 and the girl is a 7 as well telling a girl she's beautiful doesn't accomplish very much and can even damage her perception of your value. Say you're a 7 and some girl is a 10 you tell her she's beautiful you're now "creepy" and even if it was completely genuine and natural probably isn't going to do much for you.

Same scenarios except replace the beauty compliment with one about her aesthetic, bohemian, suburban, something unique or whatever. Color matching, anything she had to consciously do. She's going to be much more emotionally attached to something like that and instead of her just saying "thank you" you now have an avenue of communication to go down which started with a positive emotional spike of you flattering her. The 5 will probably talk you ear off. The 7 might actually engage you on it. The 10, well they don't exist she probably still won't give a shit but at least if you seem genuinely interest you may just have something to talk about or branch off of.