[mensch]

This is more of a theoretical question rather than asking for advice, but I still think it has practical applicability.

Essentially, I have noticed that I have never transitioned a girl from fwb into a girlfriend. That is despite the fact that, while it is true that the pool of girls I fuck and the pool of girls I date are quite distinct, they sure overlap in some cases.

Perhaps instinctively I feel more comfortable with the complete separation of the two. It makes things easier, certainly. Two easy, discreet pots.

I was wondering if any of you have experience on this?

As I said, from my gut I tend to think you should never transition after it's a really established fwb situation. But logically I can't think why that has to be the case.

[General Stalin]

This is really just semantics. What is your personal definition of a 'friend with benefits' versus a 'girl you're dating'?

For me, every girl I'm sexually interested is on the same playing field until we get more familiar with one another. The girl I'm dating right now started off just like any other broad I hooked up with: we met, banged on the second date, and casually hung out and hooked up for the next few months.

The difference with her compared to other girls I was banging at the time was that I enjoyed her company more than any other girl by a large margin, and noticed myself hanging it out with her most of the time and started fading away on the other girls I was seeing.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

In other words OP let girls separate themselves through their behavior and how they treat you. That should always be the determining factor.

Marathon runners always start from the same place, some just have more endurance than others.

[questor70]

I think the big dividing line is how compartmentalized the relationship is.

If you would feel embarassed to introduce her to friends and family as your girlfriend or vice-versa, then it's a lesser arrangement, whatever term you want to use.

I think that's a bucket that is determined right from the start, typically due to mismatched SMVs or other red flags. You've got just enough comfort/trust to bang and little else. That's why it rarely changes over time.

[Windom Earle]

For me, the separation is highlighted by my "protection" instinct, and whether or not it kicks in. Some may call it jealousy, but I've never thought myself as an overly jealous person.

Practicle example - girl I'm seeing at the moment, after the first time we banged, I drove her to a venue where she was meeting up with her friends. As I was driving away, I noticed a random guy approach and start talking to her at the stop light. A mild fury built up inside me. If this were just a fuck buddy, I'd be a lot more calm about the situation.

[XXL]

I have no idea what you mean. In this day and age every relationship starts and is established sexually at first. Only then you either keep it light and casual or slowly turn it into LTR.

So whatever you might want from a girl, fwb or marriage you go for a bang first and foremost.

[Noir]

Fucking = probation to screen behaviour
Dating = rewarding her passing aforementioned screening

Fucking happens no matter what as per XXL's suggestion.

[Grizwald1400]

(10-12-2017 10:06 AM)mensch Wrote:  

This is more of a theoretical question rather than asking for advice, but I still think it has practical applicability.

Essentially, I have noticed that I have never transitioned a girl from fwb into a girlfriend. That is despite the fact that, while it is true that the pool of girls I fuck and the pool of girls I date are quite distinct, they sure overlap in some cases.

Perhaps instinctively I feel more comfortable with the complete separation of the two. It makes things easier, certainly. Two easy, discreet pots.

I was wondering if any of you have experience on this?

As I said, from my gut I tend to think you should never transition after it's a really established fwb situation. But logically I can't think why that has to be the case.

You should treat every girl as "the girl you fuck" for starters and let them earn their way into "the girl you date" which is basically a relationship without hardline commitments. That "gut" feeling you have I think is insecurity. Why shouldn't someone you are just fucking be able to upgrade themselves to a higher status in your life? That's what women do. You started off as the guy she just gave her number to. Then you were the guy she "just" thought was cute. Then you became the guy that was charming, wise, sensual, then you became the guy she was kissing, then the guy she was fucking. Regardless of how fast it happens, that's the process. Women are innately selective when it comes to sex, but are whores for love (affection/attention) once that candidate proves worthy enough for sex. We innately want to fuck when we see an attractive woman. So everything we are doing to get sex is implying love, implying that we have value. Once we get sex and they (women) want more, why not let them strive for it? Why put them in a box of "oh I'm just fucking her" and not let her attempt to be more? This is my personal theory but I think its degrading and devaluing yourself to make those presumptions. If she proves herself only to be good for sex then you should probably just get rid of her all together after a couple of fucks, because sooner or later she'll become a problem. Hypothetically lets say you have somebody you are fwb's with and now you are taken more of a liking to them. You are probably discovering more traits about them which you like, values they have which you agree with, why would this be a bad thing? It sounds completely rational to me. Pursuing someone seriously that you aren't fucking sounds like she's getting everything she wants, and the fact that u haven't got any pussy or only have got a sample may cloud your judgement. when you first decided to approach her you decided you wanted to fuck her. Now if they are the same exact person but they let you take them in the bathroom at starbucks 20 mins after you met them to smash, what fundamentally changes about that person? Why would this make them go to a pool of "just fuck" instead of "date"? what Too many guys (especially players) put women on a pedestal, they'll give certain girls certain privileges based on arbitrary things like "Oh she's this kind of girl" or "She's not that kind of girl". They are all women, only thing that changes them is circumstances and by that I mean the circumstances in which the men they deal with create.

[bgbusiness]

(10-12-2017 10:06 AM)mensch Wrote:  

As I said, from my gut I tend to think you should never transition after it's a really established fwb situation.

Actually in my experience, when girls have to WORK for THAT commitment, they tend to cherish me and the relationship is usually way better.

After you keep fucking the chick for couple months, she should be begging to get into a relationship with you.

After you have fucked her, she should be hitting you up and try to see you again, do things for you so that you think good about her and try to keep her around meanwhile you are out there still gaming and fucking other chicks.

[Hypno]

Generally the less you have experience and the less options you have the more you want to GF a lay. So avoid that temptation as long as you can.

Read what Grizwald wrote. Make them earn it.

You are more likely to scare her off and lose a reliable lay because you are too clingy than win her appreciation for maker her a GF.