[Vlastitel]

There's a lot of stuff in the manosphere about overcoming approach anxiety, and one of the things that a lot of PUA's repeat is that "it's not what you say, but how you say it (how you come across when you say it)".

I have a different problem - I have little to no approach anxiety (occasionally I'll get an unnecessary adrenalin release while approaching), but I get totally stuck on what to say.

I have been on more than one occasion in a situation where I've done an approach, only to become completely lost for words after saying hey. Sure, you can go up and say hey super confidently making a good first impression, but then what?

Once in a club I'd been talking to a girl for about 2 minutes, was getting some good ioi's, but after asking how her night's going etc. I literally couldn't come up with another word. I even had my arm around her but after about a minute or so of coming up with nothing she lost interest.

During the day I've used the line "hey, I think you're cute, can I get your number?" which has worked pretty well. But it doesn't fit certain situations.

*Another example is that in clubs I end up simply resorting to asking girls if they want to make out after introducing myself, since I don't know how to keep talking long enough for it to "just happen".

Has anybody else had this problem and how did you get rid of it?

[rapaz12]

How are your conversation skills? I think you just need to work on your rambling and open more men and women you encounter throughout your day.

When you start opening random people in varying situations, you start to zero in on little minute details that can be used to drive a conversation.

[Noir]

Why did you go speak to her?

What actually made you want to walk to a stranger and speak to them?

Build on this.

Say anything you want.

Silence is awkward when you've just met them.

Silence is powerful later on.

[subterfuge]

(10-06-2017 10:21 AM)Noir Wrote:  

Why did you go speak to her?

What actually made you want to walk to a stranger and speak to them?

Build on this.

I'm guessing it was because he thought she was hot, but I then talking too her about how hot she is before she's shown any interest is coming from a pretty weak frame in mysterymethod terms, lol

OP - I've been at this for over a year and I still get stuck with this! It really can be difficult when, as is often the case, the girl really isn't contributing at all and you have to be the one to keep asking questions, making statements etc.

[BlueMark]

I've found it useful to open by talking about the situation we are in, such as waiting in line to use the restroom. Or making a comment or asking a question about something in our surroundings (like a poster, statue, etc), but not asking for directions. See if the conversation can flow from there toward something more personal.

If she's not contributing, or at least going with the flow of your conversation, then move on.

If she's showing interest, then talk about fun topics like how long she's lived in the current city, if she's traveled anywhere interesting, seen any good movies lately, etc. It really helps to brainstorm a bunch of conversation topics during your downtime. Run them through your head a few times so that you will recall them. That really helps me because I can't think fast and come up with those things when I'm engaged in a conversation -- I need to draw on things I've already thought about ahead of time.

[LINUX]

The most empowering thing a man can do is to tell a woman that she's hot/sexy/beautiful and turn around and walk away without a care in the world. Doing this shows confidence and options.

Women do not want men who are addicted to an outcome "numbers, notches, compliments on how funny they are", they instead want someone who is addicted to the process of life and women" a man enjoying life, flirting with women without regrets , and someone who is impossible control / lock down" In short, they want what they can't have not what's in front of them begging for their attention.

After you walk away from them, if they are attracted to you, they eventually come to you and when that happens, it's game on.

Unfortunately, your ability to implement what I am talking about is very limited. You develop this type of confidence with time and experience alone. Otherwise, it's all pretend and women can see though it just like they can see though you trying to garnish their attention with your conversations.

In short:

Be confident.
If you're wondering what to say, you've already said too much.
Walk away.
Don't chase women; make them chase you.

[Cheetah]

Quote:

*Another example is that in clubs I end up simply resorting to asking girls if they want to make out after introducing myself, since I don't know how to keep talking long enough for it to "just happen".

What is the usual response to that question?

[Dark Emperor]

(10-07-2017 06:47 AM)Cheetah Wrote:  

Quote:

*Another example is that in clubs I end up simply resorting to asking girls if they want to make out after introducing myself, since I don't know how to keep talking long enough for it to "just happen".

What is the usual response to that question?

Haha, I think we all know the answer to that question....

I don't think many guys have gotten the kiss after asking permission first. It's just so awkward and shows a lack of confidence.

[Mountain Man]

Have you run Roosh's Program? Watching Seinfeld before going out? Reading two books a month? I am not watching Seinfeld because I've seen every episode at least once but I've started reading more since getting this advice. I am also listening to several podcasts a day. Reading and listening to podcasts gets your mind in the mode of processing words constantly. Plus, it gives you topics to ramble about.

[Highpool]

Quote:

*Another example is that in clubs I end up simply resorting to asking girls if they want to make out after introducing myself, since I don't know how to keep talking long enough for it to "just happen".

Just go for the kiss after 5-10 seconds of silence instead.

[Vlastitel]

(10-07-2017 06:47 AM)Cheetah Wrote:  

Quote:

*Another example is that in clubs I end up simply resorting to asking girls if they want to make out after introducing myself, since I don't know how to keep talking long enough for it to "just happen".

What is the usual response to that question?

It worked, I came across as pretty indifferent, and I think she probably picked up that I really didn't care how she was going to respond. I partially attribute my success to this factor.

[Vlastitel]

Thanks for the suggestions guys!

I hadn't considered Seinfeld, I'll definitely check it out.

It sounds like the thing to do here is spend lots of time practicing with all sorts of people and learning to pay attention to any minor details that could be used as a conversation starter.

[Mountain Man]

(10-08-2017 11:46 PM)Vlastitel Wrote:  

I hadn't considered Seinfeld, I'll definitely check it out.

It sounds like the thing to do here is spend lots of time practicing with all sorts of people and learning to pay attention to any minor details that could be used as a conversation starter.

If you hadn't considered Seinfeld you should read Roosh's "Program": http://www.rooshv.com/the-roosh-program

I started following this and it has done wonders for my approach, conversation, confidence and more. Run the whole program and the individual pieces, like conversation, will fall into place as well. I struggle with continuing conversation as well and have seen obvious improvement over the past few weeks!

[dknightbro]

Already covered above.

[mensch]

You need to become a good rambler.

I am by nature a relatively quiet person, but my most powerful weapon is getting into the state of rambling. When words just flow out of your mouth.

Pure. Bullshit. Funny stuff. Serious stuff said with a funny face. Use high paced conversation to control the action, by constantly changing the focus of attention. Use your eyes to notice funny, or interesting things in the environment and about her.

As you hone this skill, you should start adding warmth to the conversations, so that they aren't weird comedy routines. You don't want to seem like a clown.

Right now, I'm at a point in which I activate this state quite easily, with no conscious effort needed.

In fact, currently the hardest bit is trying to quiet down, and laser focusing the conversation to add gravitas and sensuality later on. But to be honest, at that point the target is probably 70% in the bag.

[General Stalin]

(10-06-2017 06:48 AM)Vlastitel Wrote:  

*Another example is that in clubs I end up simply resorting to asking girls if they want to make out after introducing myself, since I don't know how to keep talking long enough for it to "just happen".

Has this ever worked for you?

[PapayaTapper]

Try this

[General Stalin]

But did he bang the 2 American girls???

[subterfuge]

This has always been my issue to some extent.
Even after like 1000 approaches, lol! (I have a journal here, too)

On occasion, the environment gives me something, and we fall into a conversation.
Or rarely, the girl is just talkative and stuff and after I simply ask her name, she starts asking me stuff back and a conversation just happens naturally.

In the daytime, interview questions can work better (where are you from, what do you do, what are you up too? etc) but in the night time, I think maybe it takes value too much and the girls don't really talk back and so you need to somehow make them laugh and bring the fun, but i'm not sure that there's really a systematical way of doing that!

[PapayaTapper]

(10-12-2017 07:01 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

But did he bang the 2 American girls???

Why yes of course. Not only did he bang the American girls he banged the Spanish one too

   

[RatInTheWoods]

Artist, air plane and model looks game! shooting fish in a barrel

[General Stalin]

(10-13-2017 07:24 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

(10-12-2017 07:01 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

But did he bang the 2 American girls???

Why yes of course. Not only did he bang the American girls he banged the Spanish one too

But but... but the brunette one was engaged! How could she do that!???

[subterfuge]

(10-17-2017 10:42 AM)General Stalin Wrote:  

(10-13-2017 07:24 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

(10-12-2017 07:01 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

But did he bang the 2 American girls???

Why yes of course. Not only did he bang the American girls he banged the Spanish one too

But but... but the brunette one was engaged! How could she do that!???

Fear not. It was only a film. Not a hidden camera infield. All is right with the world again

[Grizwald1400]

(10-06-2017 06:48 AM)Vlastitel Wrote:  

There's a lot of stuff in the manosphere about overcoming approach anxiety, and one of the things that a lot of PUA's repeat is that "it's not what you say, but how you say it (how you come across when you say it)".

I have a different problem - I have little to no approach anxiety (occasionally I'll get an unnecessary adrenalin release while approaching), but I get totally stuck on what to say.

I have been on more than one occasion in a situation where I've done an approach, only to become completely lost for words after saying hey. Sure, you can go up and say hey super confidently making a good first impression, but then what?

Once in a club I'd been talking to a girl for about 2 minutes, was getting some good ioi's, but after asking how her night's going etc. I literally couldn't come up with another word. I even had my arm around her but after about a minute or so of coming up with nothing she lost interest.

During the day I've used the line "hey, I think you're cute, can I get your number?" which has worked pretty well. But it doesn't fit certain situations.

*Another example is that in clubs I end up simply resorting to asking girls if they want to make out after introducing myself, since I don't know how to keep talking long enough for it to "just happen".

Has anybody else had this problem and how did you get rid of it?

I have an exercise for you to do but you have to stick with it. its to "Open" 5 women a day. Now they can be old, ugly, it doesn't matter but you have to approach them and say something. You don't need to have a conversation but you cant just say "hi" and move on. You say "hello, how's your day going" Or "I love those shoes you have on, where did you get them?" Talk to cashiers, whoever but you have to do 5 a day. And most people wouldn't say this but I would advise AGAINST getting anyone's number, especially if you are a newbie. Because what happens is you'll be 3 days in talking to some lil cute bitch, get her number then fall in love in 2 weeks. 2 months later you'll be heartbroken back on the forum bitching and moaning. I say do this for a month, and after a week you'll have approached 35 women, the second week you'll have more things to say, you'll start knowing what to say next. To me this is the best way to get over the anxiety

[MKDAWUSS]

I struggle with this as well.

What am I supposed to do, ask how she's doing? She's doing fine. How do I know this? Because that's the standard response given to that question.
The weather? If we're outside we both know what the weather is. If we're inside, the window is right over there.
At an event? We both were there, we know what happened. Substitute tense as needed.


I'm a horrible conversationalist.