[ShroudedMist]

Go out to grab a bite to eat and a beer.

End up at another bar after only eating a salad at the first one and sit next to a cute woman who I proceed to hit it off with and talk to for 45 minutes straight. Out of character for me to be sure and the only reason I was even able to get that far is because of this forum.

I order another beer as she cashes out to call it an evening. Then I wimp out and don't ask for her number before she leaves which makes it awkward as she gets up and leaves..

/facepalm

At least I realized as a result of that that I could actually talk to someone if I would simply open my mouth. I just wasn't really thinking about what I actually wanted out of that interaction before the end of it and wasn't pushing it forward to set up for a 2nd meeting.

Time to go talk to 5 more women.

Change isn't easy but it's possible.

[Ben]

Amazing things happen when you take a step out of the house.

[bigolteddies]

I'm right with you, getting out of a relationship trying to get back into the game is tough. What's helping me right now is not looking far in the future but instead just focus on anything I can do today to make progress. As long as I do a little more than yesterday and step out of my comfort zone everything will work out.

[CincinnatiKid]

Most women go to the same bars on a regular basis, so chances are you should be able to resume your convo at a certain point. This is a good thing, cause your 10x more likely to get the number/bang as familiarity increases. Asking for the number during the first interaction seems kind of desperate/thirsty.

[Zerdame]

(10-09-2017 10:12 PM)CincinnatiKid Wrote:  

Most women go to the same bars on a regular basis, so chances are you should be able to resume your convo at a certain point. This is a good thing, cause your 10x more likely to get the number/bang as familiarity increases. Asking for the number during the first interaction seems kind of desperate/thirsty.

Number closing on the first interaction is desperate/thirsty? Teach me more.

Anyways, don't worry too much. It's very important to take the first few baby steps. You have taken the first step, you can now approach and talk to a woman and hold her attention for 45mins, congratulations, you've already done what most men can't, you should be proud of your small achievements, the journey makes the reward more worthwhile.

Now focus on learning a few number closer lines so you wouldn't struggle with number closing since it's going to be a line that you already memorized and you wouldn't be awkward delivering it.

Report back on your progress and feel free to ask more questions.

[Simeon_Strangelight]

Yup - long term approach model.
You should meet her at least 100 times, talk to her for 500 hours and go on 55 dinner dates before you ask for her number. Then after another 200 dates - go for the kiss, but be careful. It will be just another 300 dates before the bang.

The thirsty man has banged her after 30 minutes, but you are not that kind of man.

[Jetset]

(10-09-2017 10:12 PM)CincinnatiKid Wrote:  

Most women go to the same bars on a regular basis, so chances are you should be able to resume your convo at a certain point. This is a good thing, cause your 10x more likely to get the number/bang as familiarity increases. Asking for the number during the first interaction seems kind of desperate/thirsty.

Huh.

You must be from some sort of small midwestern city where you can reasonably expect to run into the same woman again.

[Vill@in]

(10-09-2017 10:12 PM)CincinnatiKid Wrote:  

...cause your 10x more likely to get the number/bang as familiarity increases. Asking for the number during the first interaction seems kind of desperate/thirsty.

It's Alpha to just stay at home and let the bitches come to your place. But if you get up to answer the door to let them in, you're Beta. So you've got to find a way to let them in without actually lifting a finger. I'd tell you how but that would make me Beta.

[CincinnatiKid]

The whole "fuck a girl in 30 minutes" thing is somewhat of a lottery ticket fantasy - out of 100 approaches it would happen maybe 5 times (that being best case scenario).

I'm just trying to advocate more of a "seed planting" strategy. OP didn't mention it, but I'm curious how many other women were at the bar? The fact he talked to that girl for 45 mins, and they witnessed it, they probably would've been comfor table if he came up and started a convo.

[Zerdame]

But he's not saying he wants to, in your words, "fuck a girl in 30 minutes."

He's a guy who just got into game, finally work up enough courage to approach a girl, was fairly successful in the interaction having held her attention for 45mins. His next issue is with number closing or the larger issue at hand is that he is still struggling with what he actually want out of these interactions with women. You stroll in and decide that the biggest advice you could give is to tell him to stop appearing so thirsty by number closing the girls he talk to. That is not only counter productive but apart from sharing your vague "seed planting" strategy without going into much explanation, you have not contributed any cosntructive feedback thus far to help him out. The wrong advice is worse than saying nothing at all.

[bgbusiness]

(10-09-2017 10:12 PM)CincinnatiKid Wrote:  

Asking for the number during the first interaction seems kind of desperate/thirsty.

Not really, it depends on the vibe and the frame you are coming from.

[RatInTheWoods]

Just tell her to put her number in your phone, don't ask.

Its not rocket science!

[CincinnatiKid]

(10-14-2017 02:20 AM)Zerdame Wrote:  

But he's not saying he wants to, in your words, "fuck a girl in 30 minutes."

He's a guy who just got into game, finally work up enough courage to approach a girl, was fairly successful in the interaction having held her attention for 45mins. His next issue is with number closing or the larger issue at hand is that he is still struggling with what he actually want out of these interactions with women. You stroll in and decide that the biggest advice you could give is to tell him to stop appearing so thirsty by number closing the girls he talk to. That is not only counter productive but apart from sharing your vague "seed planting" strategy without going into much explanation, you have not contributed any cosntructive feedback thus far to help him out. The wrong advice is worse than saying nothing at all.

I was merely advising him not to necessarily view it as a "fumble/lost opportunity"...chances are if he goes back next week at the same time, he'll run into her again since women are creatures of habits.

[Jetset]

(10-13-2017 11:45 PM)CincinnatiKid Wrote:  

The whole "fuck a girl in 30 minutes" thing is somewhat of a lottery ticket fantasy - out of 100 approaches it would happen maybe 5 times (that being best case scenario).

I'm just trying to advocate more of a "seed planting" strategy. OP didn't mention it, but I'm curious how many other women were at the bar? The fact he talked to that girl for 45 mins, and they witnessed it, they probably would've been comfor table if he came up and started a convo.

Look, if you talk to a girl for 45 fucking minutes and don't ask for her number, you've just softly rejected her. She's liable to forget about you as anything other than a bar friend just to protect her own ego.

If you're having a good interaction and have each other feeling positive vibes, there's absolutely no reason not to say "look, I've got to go but this is a lot of fun, give me your number and we'll do it again [over coffee, etc.]" on the first meeting. That's the seed: "we should definitely see each other again on purpose".

You're asking to stay in touch, not whipping your dick out.

[ShroudedMist]

Wow! Thanks for the replies which are all over the spectrum. You guys are far ahead of me gamewise...for now.

Jetset really hit on what I got out of that interaction the most and what happened at the end.

I walked in there that night just looking for a beer and was an example of me being able to talk to someone who isn't a bartender or server who are being paid to talk and be nice to me. It was nice that some of what I've read here is being held up in my head someplace to get me to talk in a fairly natural fashion while having a little strategic planning of trying to lead the conversation someplace or at least keep it going. I just wasn't thinking about what I even wanted out of the interaction till it was over and I realized it was major missed opportunity to number close for a second meeting that might have led further. She stumbled for what to say as she left and then it truly kicked in that I should've pushed it further well before then. Whoops!

At minimum, it got me thinking about on some level determining why I'm walking into a bar or elsewhere in the first place. I need to be more active in what I'm going after.

[Jetset]

(10-15-2017 10:27 AM)ShroudedMist Wrote:  

I just wasn't thinking about what I even wanted out of the interaction till it was over and I realized it was major missed opportunity to number close for a second meeting that might have led further. She stumbled for what to say as she left and then it truly kicked in that I should've pushed it further well before then. Whoops!

At minimum, it got me thinking about on some level determining why I'm walking into a bar or elsewhere in the first place. I need to be more active in what I'm going after.

You're absolutely right. Keeping her going for 45 minutes shows you've got that part right, and you just have to take the lead in moving it forward.

I had an interaction at a business conference recently where I was experimenting with tactics I've read about, and was amazed at how well it worked. This one stood out because once I'd planted the seed that I was a busy guy who liked to have a good time and was on my way to do something she wished she could do, she practically invited herself out and the number close happened on autopilot. Elapsed time? Probably ten minutes.

Once you get the rhythm of opening the conversation, finding some common ground, showing her what's up and taking her temperature on it, and getting her number so you can act on it, you'll always have that ready to go whenever you find a woman who passes your personal boner test.