[Chiosboy90]

Hi,

I wasn't sure to write this down but I need some perspective/feedback.
Dated this girl for about 3 months. She had sadly, some red flags that are (I think) bigger ones. No father, she said: "I do things that are good in the moment", smokes weed nearly daily and when I met here, there was some guy she dated that was in love with her or something. A poor beta guy. Asked her what was the deal with this guy. She told me he was too small (height) which I found is a red flag as well. I fucked her on the first date (red flag for me). Aside from that, she was a really nice girl. Well, about 5 weeks ago I met her friends. They liked me. We went to my place as usual and had sex. Imitatly after she told me that she loves me. Maybe I'm too "aware" since I read countless of red pill stuff but I connected that to her: "I do things, that are good in the moment" + after good sex and we have an: "I love you". What do you guys think? I told her she should know me better before saying that and kissed her. After this, it started to go weird.

Mostly I texted her first (I know, my bad) because I was sick of thinking too much about "game" and not being "beta". I started to adjust that for some reason and realized most of the initiating to meet up, came from me.
So 2 weeks went on without a text lol. So if I don't text, nothing comes, but if I do, nearly 30min after or sooner she text back. I had to initiate writing because I bought 2 tickets for a festival I wanted to go with her and we agreed on that in the past. After the festival weekend, the awkward not texting routine continued. Another 2 weeks went on without a single text (after the festival) and I saw a missed call on my phone at work from her. Texted her if everything is okay. She said she just woke up and clicked calling on a mistake (sure). Last weekend my male friends went out for gaming women. I agreed. Met a nice looking girl in the Club. Made out. Got her number. Have a "date" tomorrow with her. Oneitis went away instantly.
I just wanted to get this story out of my system and add also a question.

Why girls saying the "I love you" bomb so fast? It's not the first time this happened. I read about "love bombing" a while ago. But that just fitted to 2 girls I dated. The rest seemed like normal girls. I just find it fucked up. I really started to question myself with this girl, if I really should take it seriously. Oversee her red flags. Thinking maybe finally I found one and can stop banging whores. But for someone that loves me, not contacting for 3 weeks it's quite contradicting.

[ExploringReality]

Those "I love you" are really nice to hear aren't they? One can easily get addicted to it. Best thing to do is to not take it to heart and to continue being your usual aloof self. You fucked up, it's alright. Next time don't let your mind fantasize about turning a ho into a housewife.

[Chiosboy90]

(09-15-2017 07:36 AM)ExploringReality Wrote:  

Those "I love you" are really nice to hear aren't they? One can easily get addicted to it. Best thing to do is to not take it to heart and to continue being your usual aloof self. You fucked up, it's alright. Next time don't let your mind fantasize about turning a ho into a housewife.

I know I fucked up. Maybe should take a break from dating for a while.
Just hard sometimes to keep this stoic mentality. Sometimes I'm going back to this "blue pill" romantic movie scenario and thinking about driving into the sunset with a loyal, nice girl.

[gework]

I don't think the "I love you." is an issue in itself after three months, if you have been in contact with her quite a lot. But for me the "I do things that are good in the moment." line is one of the worst things a girl could say that would typically go over the heads of the modern Western pawn.

If your mind is thinking long-term I would be looking for a girl to say the exact opposite,

"I refrain from doing things that feel good in the moment to build for the future."

Unless a girl is a reactionary personal-conservative (in which case her purported positions will be easier to test), doing what feels good now vs building for the future is probably the philosophical underpinning of many red flags you will come across:

- Rather than chugging down the next upgrade man she can find, she will refrain and build her relationship with you
- Rather than puffing through bags of doob mix for a quick high, she will refrain and spend the time and money on something that has real and deserved results
- Rather than sticking with my low-rent ex for validation until I get a better option, I will leave him now and put my time into finding a long-term match*
- Rather than squandering her youth on exciting players, she will realise she is most desirable to men and use this to attract the a high quality mate
...

* Sounds like this was in play as her ex was too short, but she knew that from the first time she laid eyes on him

For keeps I would be looking for a girl who can tell you why she'd not cheat (not just because it's in the Bible) and why she doesn't doob (not just because it's bad).

But it goes both ways. If I was a keeper-girl I would red flag you for banging whores, cheating, sticking around with a girl you don't like, sticking with a multiple red-flag girl and your lack of certainty about being with this girl - you're ignoring red-flags, I would presume to keep a girl and bang in your life; rather than casting her off and looking for a keeper (assuming that is what you want).

[Vill@in]

Girls will say the first thing that comes to their mind AT THAT MOMENT.

Think of it as emotional vomit.

Don't listen to what she says, watch what she does.

She said she loved you. Doesn't sound like she showed she loved you. Don't second guess yourself by not saying it back; you did the right thing.

[questor70]

What I've learned is that just because she says she loves you does not mean she will behave the way you always expected people who love you should behave.

Once the relationship has reached the point where you're always pondering the disconnect between her declarations of love and behavior that feels more casual, dismissive, flightly, selfish, or outright hurtful, then the relationship is effectively dead-man-walking.

Women expect guys to acknowledge and honor her love feelings, to treat it like they've been given the greatest gift in the world, but even if they're genuine in her own mind, her love style may just not measure up. Because I'm so anlytical I have entered into pointless meta- discussions with my partners about this disconnect, but you can't negotiate these things. A woman's love style is never going to change. Either it works or it doesn't.

[Chiosboy90]

(09-15-2017 09:21 AM)gework Wrote:  

But it goes both ways. If I was a keeper-girl I would red flag you for banging whores, cheating, sticking around with a girl you don't like, sticking with a multiple red-flag girl and your lack of certainty about being with this girl - you're ignoring red-flags, I would presume to keep a girl and bang in your life; rather than casting her off and looking for a keeper (assuming that is what you want).

I was thinking about this lately as well. Let's say from a perspective of an LTR material girl, I do have lots of red flags as well. Banging whores and sticking with them. Maybe I push away the good ones with this. I'm not sure. Then again men and women are different.

[MajorStyles]

Time is a great teacher. A woman that tells you "I love you" after three months can be the same woman - one year later - that lies to the police about you. I give that example, because it happened to me.

In your case, your gut is 95% correct. The red flags mean that she is a bang and nothing more. But also, proceed with caution. The things you described mean that the likelihood of her being unstable are high. And in today's climate, a man must proceed wisely.

[Svoboda]

Why is it a red flag that she said some other guy is too short?

[RatInTheWoods]

Ignore "I love you", and watch for her actions.

Even if she says "I love you" with her actions, it can all be withdrawn 5 minutes later.

[LINUX]

Don't overthink things. Let the words and emotions flow. The I love you thing, afterall, is pure emotion. It's also the feminine speaking. A man and a woman both have a feminine and masculine side, some more than others. In order for a masculine man to really connect, feel passion, desire, and love, he often has to slip into that feminine role himself and he can just as well say some crazy shit like this when he's having sex with a woman he really likes. Women just say it more often.

There is no right or wrong, just don't let it consume your mind, it's just words of how she felt. She loved you and in the moment she wanted you to love her back so she could feel more connected.

But I will tell you this, if you start throwing up red flags everytime a feminine woman says something emotional, you might as well quit now because you're going to run out of flags.

[Chiosboy90]

(09-15-2017 09:49 PM)Svoboda Wrote:  

Why is it a red flag that she said some other guy is too short?

As another guy above stated, she knew that BEFORE she went into something with him. And then saying, he was too short, is a red flag for me. Actually, I told my buddies about that. They all laughed.

Quote:

But I will tell you this, if you start throwing up red flags everytime a feminine woman says something emotional, you might as well quit now because you're going to run out of flags.

To say something like, "I do things in the moment that is good for me" is a red flag. The "I love you" wasn't a red flag for me. It's just that it doesn't fit her actions. And I do think women are able to say I love you and mean it. If I have to ignore everything she's saying and not thinking too much because "shes feminine" then good night.

[LINUX]

(09-16-2017 08:18 AM)Chiosboy90 Wrote:  

To say something like, "I do things in the moment that is good for me" is a red flag.

No, that's the Freudian psychoanalysis pleasure principle -- Seek pleasure and avoid pain. It's why humans do the things we do.

The red flag should be to what extent she goes to seek pleasure and avoid pain, not if she does it or not.

[ExploringReality]

(09-16-2017 11:29 AM)LINUX Wrote:  

(09-16-2017 08:18 AM)Chiosboy90 Wrote:  

To say something like, "I do things in the moment that is good for me" is a red flag.

No, that's the Freudian psychoanalysis pleasure principle -- Seek pleasure and avoid pain. It's why humans do the things we do.

The red flag should be to what extent she goes to seek pleasure and avoid pain, not if she does it or not.

You are taking it out of context, she clearly meant she does that frequently, as her marijuana habits indicate.

[Chiosboy90]

(09-16-2017 11:33 AM)ExploringReality Wrote:  

(09-16-2017 11:29 AM)LINUX Wrote:  

(09-16-2017 08:18 AM)Chiosboy90 Wrote:  

To say something like, "I do things in the moment that is good for me" is a red flag.

No, that's the Freudian psychoanalysis pleasure principle -- Seek pleasure and avoid pain. It's why humans do the things we do.

The red flag should be to what extent she goes to seek pleasure and avoid pain, not if she does it or not.

You are taking it out of context, she clearly meant she does that frequently, as her marijuana habits indicate.

EXACTLY. Thank you. If that isn't a red flag I don't know what one is.

[realologist]

Who cares if she had red flags. Every chick you date doesn't have to be dating serious and end in marriage or kids. If you enjoy dating her and have fun then keep the relationship at that level. End it when things no longer fit that criteria. No need to over think it.

[Chiosboy90]

(09-16-2017 05:21 PM)realologist Wrote:  

Who cares if she had red flags. Every chick you date doesn't have to be dating serious and end in marriage or kids. If you enjoy dating her and have fun then keep the relationship at that level. End it when things no longer fit that criteria. No need to over think it.

So what would YOU do personally do if you have a girl, you always have to text/call first or its (in my case) 2-3 weeks silence. I'm a very analytical guy, I know that. Should I text her?

[realologist]

(09-16-2017 07:46 PM)Chiosboy90 Wrote:  

(09-16-2017 05:21 PM)realologist Wrote:  

Who cares if she had red flags. Every chick you date doesn't have to be dating serious and end in marriage or kids. If you enjoy dating her and have fun then keep the relationship at that level. End it when things no longer fit that criteria. No need to over think it.

So what would YOU do personally do if you have a girl, you always have to text/call first or its (in my case) 2-3 weeks silence. I'm a very analytical guy, I know that. Should I text her?

Text/call her when I want to have fun and leave it at that. If you're too pissed, annoyed and/or it's not fun anymore just find a new chick and forget about her.

[bgbusiness]

If she told you that she loves you when having sex and you guys are not committed, she just doesn't value the "heaviness" of saying that phrase imo.
I had one night stand one time and the girl was saying that shit in Chinese to me, which I learned from my past Chinese girls that I have fucked. (I am Korean.) I just ignored and fucked her, didn't get a text back from her.
LOL.

[questor70]

(09-16-2017 09:07 PM)bgbusiness Wrote:  

If she told you that she loves you when having sex and you guys are not committed, she just doesn't value the "heaviness" of saying that phrase imo.

The "love" in that case isn't a love of the person as much as loving the pleasure of the moment, sort of like saying you loved that cheesecake. Women in demand have their pick of cheesecake and so it shouldn't be a surprise if you never see her again.

[Chiosboy90]

(09-18-2017 11:00 AM)questor70 Wrote:  

(09-16-2017 09:07 PM)bgbusiness Wrote:  

If she told you that she loves you when having sex and you guys are not committed, she just doesn't value the "heaviness" of saying that phrase imo.

The "love" in that case isn't a love of the person as much as loving the pleasure of the moment, sort of like saying you loved that cheesecake. Women in demand have their pick of cheesecake and so it shouldn't be a surprise if you never see her again.

Yeah, it looks like she's gone. Good thing I learned to always have options.
I knew from the very start in my gut that I should have enjoyed her for what she was and not thinking about LTR shit.

[mensch]

People are weird, that's all I'm gonna say.