[rolltide3349]

I just got out of my first relationship 4 months ago and I still have no idea how to approach women or even casually hold a conversation with strangers. I struggle at maintaining eye contact unless I feel comfortable around the person. I have put on quite a bit of weight since before dating my ex. I just have zero confidence whatsoever. I'm unemployed right now so I don't have money to go to the bar or club. I just want to get over this irrational fear I have and basically quit giving a fuck. any advice on how to get this show on the road?

[Remington]

You first need to conquer your fear of speaking to people in general. Start by looking at the thread below. Rhyme or Reason posted an article Beyond Borders wrote that you definitely need to read:

thread-64574...pid1640900

[Vill@in]

(09-08-2017 05:55 AM)rolltide3349 Wrote:  

any advice on how to get this show on the road?

Yeah, Step 1 is to get a job. Step 2 would be get into a gym and/or work on your diet to improve your appearance. Those two will do wonders for your confidence and give you something to build on.

[Atom89]

Work on improving your appearance, believe me this will do wonders.

Change your beliefs and opinion about yourself, think you are a great think and you'll exude confidence.

Just approach calmly, slow it down.

[John Michael Kane]

Forget about approaching women until you're employed again and working out regularly. You nerd to focus on you, not make women the source of your happiness. A man with his own personal life together is the basis for attracting a high quality woman. Make the rest of this year about building yourself back up.

[Racer]

Yes, moving towards self improvement is great, (I fully support lifting and strengthening inner game) BUT that doesn't mean you should stop approaching altogether. Anyone who says so is scared of rejection and failure. Embrace it. Follow the 3 second rule of walking up to her as soon as you see her. Move your feet faster than those bad thoughts can creep in. You'll end up face to face with her and you'll *have* to say something.

Remember, the apprehension of the approach far outweighs the actual approach. It's an illusion, don't let it stop you, friend.

[Brendan]

You're probably lacking in testosterone. Having high testosterone and encouraging your desire for women will eliminate any anxiety because your desire for her will be stronger. I'm not talking about being thirsty either, just a stronger determination to persist through any anxieties. Doing the below hill

Stop/limit masturbating. It'd be preferable to get rid of porn altogether.

Change your diet to promote testosterone growth. Eat more whole unprocessed foods like steak, eggs, avocados etc that promote testosterone. Making green juices and smoothies will help a heap here. Limit any foods high in estrogen. Particuarly Soy. Get that garbage out of your life. Cook your foods in coconut oil rather than vegetable oil.

Destress. Eliminate stress from your life.

Improve your circulation. Stop sitting down all the time. If you use public transportation or work in an office, stand as long as you can or walk around regularly. Even at home, lying down is preferable to a seated position. Again, juices and smoothies with raw beets, celery, spinach ,kale etc will do you wonders.

[Vaun]

I wouldn't wait. Even though developing yourself; i.e. getting a job, cleaning up your act, etc, will get you higher quality women and build solid self esteem. I would just start practicing talking to total strangers. Be a charming man wherever you go. Say thank you, and chat a little at the grocery store, hold the door open for the elderly, crack a joke in line, just be a charming guy wherever you go. Its literally that easy. Do that while developing yourself; getting a job, losing weight, upping your wardrobe. Start reading inspirational books and watching inspirational YouTube videos. Take a class or two on anything you are interested in. Get involved in a charity. Volunteer. Travel. Get out into the world and interact with people. Consider yourself a man of the world, and someone that has a lot to offer people. Believe in yourself and read about developing your self esteem.

[Le Siamois]

Priorities, my friend.

First you need to get your health in check. Without your health, don't even think of approaching women. Go to your local gym. If you can't afford it, do bodyweight exercises. Stick to a routine, build confidence and discipline. Eat well.

You will also need to be in good form if you want to make some money. What are your skills? Do you speak a second language? Capitalize on your abilities.

Once you are healthy and financially stable, approach everything you see. Develop the habit of conversing naturally. Become social. Build a social circle if you don't have one already. When you're comfortable enough to speak to random strangers, hit the bars, clubs and local parks and then it's game on.

Don't worry about women. If you improve yourself they will naturally come to you.

And welcome to the forum.

[subterfuge]

(09-09-2017 10:52 AM)Le Siamois Wrote:  

Don't worry about women. If you improve yourself they will naturally come to you.

Is that always the case? I've got a number of friends who have very very well paid jobs, hobbies, go to the gym etc, but they are more or less 30 year old virgins. They just suck with girls despite 'having their shit together'

I guess there's 2 camps.

Inner game people tend to think you just need to have a good life and the girls will come towards you, and the other camp thinks that you could be a penniless guy who has absolutely nothing going for him, but with 'game' he could still get laid like a rockstar

[YoungBlade]

Here's how to solve two problems at once:

Go for a walk in a public park. You'll get some cardio in, and meet the pretty young girls who like to spend their days in nature rather than indoors eating pints of ice cream and watching netflix.