[Handsome Creepy Eel]

Even if the rides are 100% perfectly safe, they're still lame. None of my nice or memorable moments come from amusement parks; however, I have plenty of memories of people shambling around because they read that the place was cool on a generic Buzzfeed list or bragging about their bravery for pretending to jump from a cliff.

Now where is that "Haters gonna hate" meme...