[Jano]

Hey everyone, I'm a long-time lurker who only just decided to post, mainly because I've been having this problem for a while now and only now have I decided to search for answers.

Quick background info: I'm a male from the middle east, 5'7, body well above average, and with a face that would be slightly above average. Just graduated and spending the summer trying to make money and get laid. Only problem is getting laid is really difficult here where I'm from, so I have to resort to mainly online methods (eg. social media, group video/voice calls, etc).

Here's the problem: I have no problem attracting a girl initially; I'd say I'm quite good at that for a beginner, as I beat many other local guys at this since they generally suck at game. My problem arises AFTER this, when she clearly or blatantly indicates her attraction to me. My brain has this habit of stressing me out and telling me not to fuck up. This pressure of "don't fuck it up this time" builds up slowly over time until I eventually lose my charm (not all of it, but a lot of it). I stop cracking jokes and teasing as much, and I started getting nervous of the competition (despite most of them being crap) and I eventually lose her. I'm 17 years old and have had a good number of opportunities with girls that were genuinely interested in me and above average in looks, but this has caused me to fuck up gloriously, and as a result I am still a virgin.

What can I do to rid myself of this mindset? Does it go away over time?

Thanks

[hv123]

Everything should get easier - you're still a kid.

I don't understand if you are talking about when you meet them in real life or continuing the chat online.

[Jano]

(06-21-2017 05:40 AM)hv123 Wrote:  

Everything should get easier - you're still a kid.

I don't understand if you are talking about when you meet them in real life or continuing the chat online.

This happens to me in both cases. In fact, I recently lost a pretty solid opportunity for a FWB relationship because of this.

[Investment Bro]

Repetition will destroy the mindset you're having. As said above; you're still young, so don't worry. As you get more practice under your belt, and you do screw up with beautiful women, it will become easier. The most important thing to remember is there's always a better, sweeter woman out there. Applying a commodity mindset to women really helps. Screw up with one? No problem. If you're talking to multiple women, just replace her, and keep working on your other girls. You're already light years ahead, asking about this stuff at 17!

In my experience, I stopped caring after my first real LTR broke up with me pre-red pill. I actually started dating her at your age. In a way, the humbling feeling of getting broken up with really forces you to consider how things are, and it helped me to realize that in the end, even the best women can be replaced, so now, I just worry about enjoying my life. Women come and go, and are fleeting pleasures. As men, our number one focus should be on self-improvement, and paving a path to the life and lifestyle we want. Having a compelling vision and continuously working towards that eliminates any other nerves, because again, she is not the main focus, nor should she ever be.

This stuff takes time, don't feel that it's something you can learn overnight. You've already got in advantage as such a young guy. Just focus on hustling, and saving your money for now. Build up your body in the gym. Build your mind up with good books. The women become a nice treat, but not one you need to worry about when you've got so much else going on for you.

[seabridge]

I was 17 when i was introduced to the red pill and this forum by my brother. I have come a long way, and my mindset have evolved immensely since then. You did the right thing signing up, keep on reading, suck it all in and go out and practice. You are already ahead of your peers just by reading RVF. Just stick to it and the results will come. Remember it's a process

[Baphomet]

(06-21-2017 05:26 AM)Jano Wrote:  

Here's the problem: I have no problem attracting a girl initially; I'd say I'm quite good at that for a beginner, as I beat many other local guys at this since they generally suck at game. My problem arises AFTER this, when she clearly or blatantly indicates her attraction to me. My brain has this habit of stressing me out and telling me not to fuck up. This pressure of "don't fuck it up this time" builds up slowly over time until I eventually lose my charm (not all of it, but a lot of it)....

What can I do to rid myself of this mindset? Does it go away over time?

Thanks

The problem that you're under the mistaken belief that mere attraction indicators means that you should shift to "don't fuck it up game."

That's like shifting from 1st to 6th gear. You are missing all of the intermediary steps. Have you read Roosh's book, "Bang"?

[heavy]

Try this:


Try fucking it up. No joke. Rather than "don't fuck it up this time", take on the "fuck it up this time" mindset.

At the very least, you'll learn more.

Edit, qualifiers and examples:
Do it in person.
In fact, in the interest of opposite day, don't text her at all.
"your cleavage is giving me a boner" - bet that's happened to you and you didn't say because you might screw it up
"that chick has the greatest ass" - bet you've never said that to her about another chick
Show up to the date late. Text her "I'm late but I'm getting you flowers to make up for it"...then don't get her the flowers.
Next time you see her don't talk for the first 5 minutes, just use hand gestures.

These are just random things off the top of my head. And I'm not advising you on any of these things. Obviously too much of it all the time doesn't promote an LTR. I'm just saying, if you do dumb shit, it'll tickle her fancy.

[Jano]

(06-21-2017 05:58 AM)Investment Bro Wrote:  

Repetition will destroy the mindset you're having. As said above; you're still young, so don't worry. As you get more practice under your belt, and you do screw up with beautiful women, it will become easier. The most important thing to remember is there's always a better, sweeter woman out there. Applying a commodity mindset to women really helps. Screw up with one? No problem. If you're talking to multiple women, just replace her, and keep working on your other girls. You're already light years ahead, asking about this stuff at 17!

In my experience, I stopped caring after my first real LTR broke up with me pre-red pill. I actually started dating her at your age. In a way, the humbling feeling of getting broken up with really forces you to consider how things are, and it helped me to realize that in the end, even the best women can be replaced, so now, I just worry about enjoying my life. Women come and go, and are fleeting pleasures. As men, our number one focus should be on self-improvement, and paving a path to the life and lifestyle we want. Having a compelling vision and continuously working towards that eliminates any other nerves, because again, she is not the main focus, nor should she ever be.

This stuff takes time, don't feel that it's something you can learn overnight. You've already got in advantage as such a young guy. Just focus on hustling, and saving your money for now. Build up your body in the gym. Build your mind up with good books. The women become a nice treat, but not one you need to worry about when you've got so much else going on for you.

Damn, thanks for the deep response. You're so right; women are not nor should they be an end goal. And I recall the times where I regarded a woman as special in my head: it doesn't take long for her to either lose that status (because of me talking to her and discovering that she's not that special snowflake I thought she was) or reject me and put me in a small 1-2 day depression. Nothing good ever came out of it.

(06-21-2017 09:41 AM)Baphomet Wrote:  

(06-21-2017 05:26 AM)Jano Wrote:  

Here's the problem: I have no problem attracting a girl initially; I'd say I'm quite good at that for a beginner, as I beat many other local guys at this since they generally suck at game. My problem arises AFTER this, when she clearly or blatantly indicates her attraction to me. My brain has this habit of stressing me out and telling me not to fuck up. This pressure of "don't fuck it up this time" builds up slowly over time until I eventually lose my charm (not all of it, but a lot of it)....

What can I do to rid myself of this mindset? Does it go away over time?

Thanks

The problem that you're under the mistaken belief that mere attraction indicators means that you should shift to "don't fuck it up game."

That's like shifting from 1st to 6th gear. You are missing all of the intermediary steps. Have you read Roosh's book, "Bang"?

I haven't read Bang but I probably will sometime pretty soon. But I see what you mean when you say its like shifting from 1st to 6th, I'm suddenly working on keeping a girl I still haven't gotten.

(06-21-2017 11:34 AM)heavy Wrote:  

Try this:


Try fucking it up. No joke. Rather than "don't fuck it up this time", take on the "fuck it up this time" mindset.

At the very least, you'll learn more.

Edit, qualifiers and examples:
Do it in person.
In fact, in the interest of opposite day, don't text her at all.
"your cleavage is giving me a boner" - bet that's happened to you and you didn't say because you might screw it up
"that chick has the greatest ass" - bet you've never said that to her about another chick
Show up to the date late. Text her "I'm late but I'm getting you flowers to make up for it"...then don't get her the flowers.
Next time you see her don't talk for the first 5 minutes, just use hand gestures.

These are just random things off the top of my head. And I'm not advising you on any of these things. Obviously too much of it all the time doesn't promote an LTR. I'm just saying, if you do dumb shit, it'll tickle her fancy.

That's a very interesting way to approach this. I think I'll make this my next tactic: after she gets attracted, I'm going to put on the "fuck it up this time" mindset and see where it takes me. What do you think of doing something like checking out or flirting with a girl in front of her?

[MPD]

Heavy gave you the answer. Consider some dates/girls just practice and shoot from the hip during conversations. Pretty soon it'll be natural to you, especially when you have multiple girls.

Also, you're 17 and have plenty of time. Have fun and don't miss out but don't stress out. Work towards becoming the best you at 25, 35, 45... lift, make money, learn a trade/skill, martial arts, musical instrument