[Palo_alto]

Gents,

Just wanted to share something that just happened to me. And I would like to hear your feedback regarding my reaction to what happened.

Background:

I met this really cute 22 year old tinder girl about a month and a half ago. I have seen her 3 or 4 times. She does not drink, does not do drugs, etc... Good overall girl. Family oriented, religious background. A bit nerdy. She is smart and I can have a conversation with her.

She is great in bed. The 4 dates have been in my place. Fucking our brains out. She is a cutie and I start developing feelings to her (fuck me) She stayed 2 times already in ny place. We have only been out 1 time for breakfast.

Long story short, I was away on a business trip for about 10 days (no flags, ton of work and stress) I just returned today, tired as fuck but wanted to see her. I told her to meet up on thursday to not be seen as eager. She said she could not do it but she was willing to meet me today.

I told her I was going to cook something nice (beta) and that she should come over at 6pm.

She just finished school and has plenty of time on her hands. I skipped the gym to go grocery shopping and bought some nice stuff for the dinner (expectations).

It is 18:45 and no text, or nothing from her side. I started getting butthurt. She does live far away but easy to calculate how long it takes to get to my place.

I texted: "Your appointment with dr. love has been cancelled. Please call his secretary to reschedule"

She said: "hahaha" i am on my away.

I repplied with:

"If somebody is going to make an effort to cook a nice dinner. Please be on time. Off to the gym, see you"

"She replied with "hahaha" I am sorry, thought it will be like last time. No rush. (Last time she was a bit late but I was late to so it worked)

I deleted the message and now I am at the gym lifting and writing this.

To be honest I am a bit butthurt. Feeling better now at the gym and planning to meet my backup for dinner later. The truth is that I wanted to see her but I dont wait 1 hour for nobody anymore.

Was this the right move? Did I beta out planning something nice too soon? Should I have just waited 30 more min and fuck all night?

Next time maybe just pour myself a scotch and wait ready to spank that ass and tell her not to do that shit again?

Now what? Ghost out right?

Gracias por el input señores

[torridon747]

You over-reacted and should have addressed her tardiness in person where you have more control over the environment and access to better communicative tactics IE body language, kino etc.

What do you do when a friend is late? You take it in stride and give him shit for being late.

You went from cool guy with great dick to uptight jerk real fast, and over text. I hate flakes and tardiness more than anyone else I know I had to learn these lessons the hard way. Seems like she had every intention of following through with you.

There's a chance this might work in your favor if you have enough clout, she may snap into your frame and respect you more for it but it's a risky move. If you have the social capital and your perceived value is high enough it just might work for ya so don't fret.

Remember to take note of your emotions, figure out the whys and hows but always use them to your advantage. Acting directly on your emotion is rarely the right move unless it's something positive.

Probe her later at some point and see how she acts.

Also this belongs in the newbie forum

[Travesty]

You're fooling yourself she is such a nice girl if she is banging her brains out off Tinder on one of your first dates.

With hoes, this girl may not be a huge hoe she is on the team though - like clockwork you need to act like you don't give a fuck for at least 2-3 months.

Cute dinner at your place is way too much too fast.

She needs to have complained repeatedly about how she feels you don't care enough before anything like this could go well.

In this case when she's late never text anything. Just go on with your life. If she shows up at your door way late with no text, text her on your way then take your sweet time getting back. Be nice.

Spank her extra hard in bed while telling her it's for being late. After sex make her invest in you by making it up sexually somehow the next meet, lingerie, fantasy whatever.

A stern punishment in normal conversation only works after a girl is highly highly invested.

[Mufasa]

Quote:

Your appointment with dr. love has been cancelled. Please call his secretary to reschedule

Quote:

"If somebody is going to make an effort to cook a nice dinner. Please be on time. Off to the gym, see you"

I would have left it at the reschedule comment and went about your day as you did. She knows what manners are you don't have to tell her.
And a lot of this is what your frame is. Did you frame yourself as a cool guy that its ok to be late/flakey on? Did you frame yourself as the guy that is carefree and will just bounce and do something else when a girl flakes?
You gotta answer than question first and then act accordingly.

Quote:

Next time maybe just pour myself a scotch and wait ready to spank that ass and tell her not to do that shit again?

Also a good option. In a sexual sense going as far as almost crossing that line of pain i would think is acceptable. keeping it sexual, establishing dominance, and letting her know the behavior is unacceptable.

[Bland]

I thought you were referring to her period.

That thought should help you keep things in perspective here at least.

[Sebastian]

Too overreacted. Also replied with awkward response.

I would've just gave her little cold shoulder and let her know why so she knows she has to make up for it by pleasing you on bed. (and give her some lesson by spanking her)

[Palo_alto]

(05-29-2017 06:57 PM)Travesty Wrote:  

In this case when she's late never text anything. Just go on with your life. If she shows up at your door way late with no text, text her on your way then take your sweet time getting back. Be nice.

Spank her extra hard in bed while telling her it's for being late. After sex make her invest in you by making it up sexually somehow the next meet, lingerie, fantasy whatever.

A stern punishment in normal conversation only works after a girl is highly highly invested.

This is gold. I will use it next time.

Now, time to ghost out and chase new tale

Thank you gents,

[brick tamland]

Maybe a call to check if she's still coming would have been better than the texts, especially the last one, which sounded like a reprimand. Don't forget she's still doing online dating so there's no way of eliminating flaking, so going ahead with your day as you did, was a good thing.

[Palo_alto]

Thanks!

Now what? Ghost out?

She is worth the follow up. I do not get smart 22 yr olds offen here in Chile

[Rawmeo]

I think you overreacted a bit. If it's her first time being late, a warning should be enough. Don't forget that if she's still looking for prospects, trying to take the frame too fast can cause her to ghost out. I'd have spanked her harder in bed and told her to not do that again.

[BassPlayaYo]

This chick has taken you for granted, which is why you texted her as opposed to her texting or calling you apologizing profusely.

[Hypno]

You are treating a FB like a LTR. You have only had a few dates witih her. You are making her uncomfortable. She didn't get great in bed overnight or by being innocent. You've been gone for 10 days and you live far away so she has had other D.

You need to reframe how YOU intereact with her. Dont tell her you are making dinner for her. Tell her you are going to escalate the excitement - I bought some new toys for us to play with. Or if that is too much for you, buy her some lingerie.

Treating her like a girlfriend will scare her away. Being honest that you want to use her for sex will excite her.