[whever]

Hi all, I am posting this partly to let out my frustration, partly to beware you of dangers of marriage, and partly to get tips on how to come back in Game.

Context: Asian born, global citizen having lived in 10 countries across four continents. Recently got divorce raped after 8 years of marriage with a quarter million settlement, and yet not getting access to my child. So we continue to still fight despite I having paid that much money. And the courts don't do anything to her even though technically she is in breach of covenants of settlement. This whole thing has got my blood boiling these days.

Had started gaming girls in 2013 after separating from my ex-wife, and had a wonderful 2013 (7 notches), 2014 (25 notches), 2015 (12 notches), which went down to only 8 notches in 2016 - as I struggled with the divorce crap and had three mini-LTRs with two of them overlapping for almost 6 months. On avg I had 5,6,7's with occasional 8s. No 9 or 10 - yet.

This year has been horrible so far with only two notches. The stress of a year and half of legal battles + resulting job loss last year, took its toll on my confidence and playful aspect. I am, thankfully, still fit to not put on any weight and stay decently muscular, dress well, and maintain raised standards (ie no fatties, I eject if too much attitude etc).

This year, I invested too much in to the two girls and got further burnt... I found them nice, and shared my divorce stuff with them, only to see them turning against me.

So now, I am struggling with: a) poor game, due to loss of confidence / being jaded, and not being humorous. b) Funny enough, I am also able to see through girls' agenda, and hence not being able to trust them. c) And finally, bouts of loneliness.

Anyone been through such a year and would like to share any tips to get back in Game in a fun way, and more importantly, not feel lonely (job loss, less dating, and I resigned from the board of couple of social clubs too - 2016 was a bitch of a year).

Thanks in advance.

[Dantes]

What country were you married in?

Due to your experience, it is only natural not to trust women. However, I wouldn't focus on their agenda. It is time to put you first. Your objective should be to find fulfillment.

I would focus on two areas:

1. Regaining your financial stability.

2. Have fun. Reconnect with old friends, meet new like-minded men, travel and pursue passions that you weren't able to when you were married. Having fun will also help you be more humorous and interesting to women.

Thanks for the post.

[Jetset]

First, good for you on having a clear head about the fact that you want to clean up the situation.

Second, sounds like you've got to compartmentalize. The pussy pipeline is maintenance for your balls like dental visits are maintenance for your teeth. If you're an Olympic athlete, you can use that to fill the sales funnel with pussy, but you don't need to run your training schedule by them. They aren't there to approve or validate anything that you're doing. Same goes for your divorce battle. Even if your lawyers are absolutely destroying your ex, there's no reason for them to know about it.

Focus on keeping your own basics in order and putting the heavy stress in another room where you can lock the door and leave when you need to. Juggling mini-LTRs, especially, sounds overwhelming given the rest of your big picture, and trust won't be an issue if you set strong boundaries so that you don't need to trust them right now. Set your own goals for development that do not concern women.

[Steve McQueen]

Dont fall into a self destructive cyle

Avoid drinking or doing drugs to cope, it will work in the short term and you will feel better but it will be your biggest hindrance long term.

Set goals for yourself, keep busy, like poster above said try not to worry as there is not a whole lot you can do about your current circumstances.

Always remember, it could be worse. You are still here, healthy and the world is your oyster being single. Look at the positives and maximise them as much as you can.

[Rawmeo]

First, if you ever consider another relationship, we'll never stress this enough, never get married without a prenup. You had to learn it the hard way.

Do not start destroying yourself - stay away from alcohol / smoking / drugs. It'll only harm you and won't make the problem go away. Rather, focus on self-improvement and maintaining your health and your shape. Lift heavy weights, eat good.

Your first priority should be to get the settlement out of the way. Talk to your lawyers about that, but try to end the case with as little damage as possible. Once this is done, you'll probably have to pay, but you'll get a huge weight off your shoulders. You'll feel like a free man again. It will then be time to reconnect with your friends, start gaming new girls, and enjoy your single life.

[PapayaTapper]

Change

One little word with huge significance.

Fear it or embrace it.

Youre here and from your post I can already tell which program you'll sign up for



Welcome aboard

[RatInTheWoods]

Welcome OP, and it sounds like you are doing great post divorce.

I'm an older dude and my divorce is a long way back in the rearview mirror, but I remember the turmoil and ups and downs of dating post divorce.

I think you are doing everything right, and it's going to take time and experience to get back to full mojo. In the meantime you are enjoying women and keeping standards for yourself. Congratz

Hang in there, and enjoy the good that women can bring to your life, and reject the bullshit and drama they can bring. There are many women, and there are good ones you can find.

Good luck with the children mate, I know its bullshit and a fight that will never go away. I feel for you. Hang in there. I guessing you are in Oz with the way you got divorce raped and not allowed to see your kids.

[Leonard D Neubache]

Tough break on the divorce, but you're taking it better than a lot of blokes in your position. The best revenge is always to live well, and your best years can still be ahead of you.

As for talking with other women about your divorce, that breaks one of the prime interaction rules with women. Never show them your weakness, no matter how hard they pry or how much nonsense they spin about how they want to know about your past. Women are allowed to complain (fucking endlessly). Men are not.

Personally if I were in your position I would look into job opportunities that gave me an option to be creative with my recorded finances. I'm assuming you're on the hook for child support, but if your wife is screwing with you then there's no moral reason to do much more than make sure your child is supported. The hell with funding your ex's lifestyle.

[whever]

Thank you all. I agree with you all- best revenge is living well, and having fun which will sooner or later lead to dating more beautiful women.

And yes, as few of you cautioned - I've been very careful of physical health. No smoking/drugs and very little alcohol. Good diet, frequent exercise. Mental health is a different matter - these scars will take time to heal. And I know it's gonna be painful for some more time.

To those who asked where I am, and if I am giving child support - I am in Singapore, and yes, giving Child support. Happy to. All I want in return is a regular, respectful access to my child. And that's where I am facing troubles. Courts all over the world are way too women friendly, and it is no different here.

Finally, thanks to those who gave tips about lifestyle changes. Few follow up/ comments below.

(04-22-2017 11:55 AM)Dantes Wrote:  

However, I wouldn't focus on their agenda. It is time to put you first. Your objective should be to find fulfillment.

@Dantes - very well said. Any specific advice on how to change focus from 'her' to 'me'? I have historically struggled with this.

(04-22-2017 11:58 AM)Jetset Wrote:  

Second, sounds like you've got to compartmentalize.

@Jetset - any tips on how to compartmentalize? I find it quite difficult.

(04-23-2017 05:39 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

I'm an older dude and my divorce is a long way back in the rearview mirror, but I remember the turmoil and ups and downs of dating post divorce.

Good luck with the children mate, I know its bullshit and a fight that will never go away. I feel for you. Hang in there. I guessing you are in Oz with the way you got divorce raped and not allowed to see your kids.

@RatInTheWoods - sorry to hear about your case as well, man. Yes, there are good women too- but far and few between. I stay optimistic as have seen or dated some really good girls, just not very recently. Now the focus is on how to find such women!

(04-23-2017 08:20 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

As for talking with other women about your divorce, that breaks one of the prime interaction rules with women. Never show them your weakness, no matter how hard they pry or how much nonsense they spin about how they want to know about your past. Women are allowed to complain (fucking endlessly). Men are not.

@Leonard - interesting thought. How do I not share this important, albeit messy, part of my life? I can only hold this for so long.

[Leonard D Neubache]

If you're not looking for an LTR and you're just spinning plates then lie.

Tell them you were married but your wife fell into the baboon pit at the San Diego zoo or something.

Either that or offer vague ambiguities that are technically true, even if they're misleading. "Yeah, I've been all over the world but I guess I've just never met my soul-mate."

[Dantes]

Your focus is on her as means of pleasing her. You've set it up where you are qualifying yourself to women. Time to flip the script and focus on what you want out of interactions with women. Write down your top 3 things that you want to derive from women and work towards obtaining them.

Relationships are a give and take but it sounds like you haven't been getting what you need out of them. It's a different ballgame when you are the one that women are qualifying themselves to.

Also, you shouldn't even be thinking of a relationship now. Your main goal with women should be to have fun.

[Jetset]

(04-24-2017 08:28 AM)whever Wrote:  

@Jetset - any tips on how to compartmentalize? I find it quite difficult.

I realize it's difficult, and it's especially difficult for me because my first impulse is usually to believe that I can solve problems if I work on them hard enough. In a crisis, I want to turn into a sledgehammer. What has to be learned is to only give your time and energy to things that will actually end to your profit, and set boundaries on how far you'll let it go. Pretend you're a lawyer who bills by the hour and gets paid in life satisfaction. Would you take on this case?

If I were in your position, I'd set 90 minutes on my calendar to think about your divorce every week, or whatever block of time you need to meet with your lawyer, read legal documents, and then go feel sorry for yourself. These are deeply involving thoughts and you will get sucked in. Every great battle has a dedicated cemetery or monument, not just for the benefit of the dead, but for the living. It's completely justified to need to stop for a minute and feel all your feelings.

What isn't justified is giving yourself time to rewind and replay them. There's no reason to spend the evening binge-watching a shitty television show. The writing is terrible, the plot is depressing, and the female lead is never going to show you her tits. So schedule the next 90 minutes for something that forces you to shift your focus. Sports, painting, whatever. For me, when I had a bad time, the gym helped a lot. Doing heavy circuits until I was ready to vomit into the pool of my own sweat got all the fight-or-flight chemicals out and I could go socialize and cum on the LTR's face without getting distracted.

EDIT: Also, solid advice from Leonard above regarding vague, mystical answers. Women love spiritual bullshit. You were married for a time, she was (past-tense) a good woman, but your lives took different turns and had to go your separate ways. It's a shame, but you're both better off for it. Change topics. Casting blame will only make you look like the bad guy and/or bitter and vindictive, because the woman you're talking to doesn't know the whole story and will naturally imagine herself in your ex-wife's shoes before yours. For her, until proven otherwise, your ex-wife is a hero in this story, and you don't need to be seen as the antagonist.

[whever]

Hi all, thanks again. Hope you have had a good year.

Well, the year 2017 got worse with further legal battles and finally I decided to just move to Norway where my child lived with my ex-wife. Now I have my child for 50% of the time, and still paying the child support to my ex-wife. Basically, I am paying shitload of tax free money to her, even by Norwegian standards, where I should be paying zero. But I have accepted it. Got to if I want to live in peace. Found a job here, settling down. Rebuilding my bank balance.

Been here for almost 5 months, and after going through the motions of building from scratch, now starting to focus on social life - like for the last two weeks. And it is incredibly difficult - most difficult of all the countries I have lived so far. I am yellow/brown, 1.65m (5'5") and have got zero dates or interest so far. Tinder hasn't worked - I am clearly not the top-10%. Hiking has not worked so far, and my attempts to make friends with other parents from my child's school have not worked either. Still eating well, exercising well, and trying to not get too lonely.

Just thought I will update the thread and ask the maestros for tips, if any. And I promise to be a bit more regular here.

Thanks amigos.

[AceP]

(04-22-2017 11:55 AM)Dantes Wrote:  

What country were you married in?

Due to your experience, it is only natural not to trust women. However, I wouldn't focus on their agenda. It is time to put you first. Your objective should be to find fulfillment.

I would focus on two areas:

1. Regaining your financial stability.

2. Have fun. Reconnect with old friends, meet new like-minded men, travel and pursue passions that you weren't able to when you were married. Having fun will also help you be more humorous and interesting to women.

Thanks for the post.

First of all, @OP I applaud you for taking the courage to share this. Definitely not an easy thing to overcome. We all might not have the exact same issues but similar feeling that make us not confident always exists.

^ This more or less sums it up.

If you want to get comfortable and confident again. You need to do so again in your own skin. Get you life back together as a Confident Single Man.

I do not know if you have kids? But yes that advice more or less sums it up.

You have the gaming skills, so you just need to rebuild that inner confidence and inner persona then you'll be back out there and rolling with the bros

[whever]

(05-30-2018 09:19 PM)AceP Wrote:  

First of all, @OP I applaud you for taking the courage to share this. Definitely not an easy thing to overcome. We all might not have the exact same issues but similar feeling that make us not confident always exists.

^ This more or less sums it up.

If you want to get comfortable and confident again. You need to do so again in your own skin. Get you life back together as a Confident Single Man.

I do not know if you have kids? But yes that advice more or less sums it up.

You have the gaming skills, so you just need to rebuild that inner confidence and inner persona then you'll be back out there and rolling with the bros

Hi AceP, thanks. My most favorite phrase is "C'est la vie".

Yes, have a kid as updated above. Now figuring out how to break the tough Norwegian shields - it is difficult, almost impossible, to meet women here. I am not tall, or handsome, and being witty/brainy doesn't get you much far here.

Thinking of frequently visiting Poland or Ukraine and get my chicas fix there.

As always, suggestions/comments welcome.

[dknightbro]

First, figure out your target pool in game.

Is it Norwegians? Polish? Ukrainian? Asians? Be precise.

Be as precise as you can be. Why? This will totally determine your next move in game.

If you are absolutely sure your target pool is Norwegians, then there is nothing left to do but STFU and get on it.

Why? I've been there. Unclear about my target pool & wondering if my game was even progressing. Once I became crystal clear in my target pool, the game crystallized in front of me.

There is no magic to game. You put in the effort in the right direction and you get progressive results. Knowing your target pool is the first right direction.

Randomly gaming women in general and you will develop random learning habits.

Game is also systematic (Approach -> Hook -> etc.).

Be as disciplined in learning game as you are in getting your life back on track. Then game will give you the appropriate feedback accordingly.