[stein]

I just got back from the club. Towards the end, I was standing near a group of 3 girls. They were chatting so I looked away and just drank my water. Two mins later, the one closest to me said "my friends told me to scoot over, i guess this is the most i can scoot over." She was real tiny.

I replied "if i were sitting down, you could scoot right into my lap!" I had to repeat that because she didn't hear me the first time. Then the DJ played "I like the way you move" so I asked her to dance. She hesitated, "my friends are here." I stuck around and chatted a second more and she spilled her shot over the bar.

I told her to ask the bartender for another one. She hesitated and asked ME to buy her one instead. My reply was: "I have no money" with a smirk, and she replied "Yeah, right."

She got another shot but didn't drink it at once-so I made fun of her. "You can't drink a shot." she said she's not an alcoholic. So I repeated the line and she ran* away to her friends, 2 feet away in a huddle.

This ended my interaction with her. I finished my water, saw no angle to re-engage and left. I exited the club, looked back and saw her look my way.

The things I said were pretty harmless and though she seemed young and flighty, I clearly made some mistakes. I can improve on several fronts and would very much appreciate any feedback on how I could have done better here. She opened me, so this should've been easier.

Next time if a girl opens me, I'll be quicker to go into the getting to know you kind of questions. I can have a 10 min conversation about nothing but that really doesn't go anywhere. What I say should get her more interested. I will try again tomorrow night.

[Jase]

(08-27-2011 05:30 AM)stein Wrote:  

I just got back from the club. Towards the end, I was standing near a group of 3 girls. They were chatting so I looked away and just drank my water. Two mins later, the one closest to me said "my friends told me to scoot over, i guess this is the most i can scoot over." She was real tiny.

I replied "if i were sitting down, you could scoot right into my lap!" I had to repeat that because she didn't hear me the first time. Then the DJ played "I like the way you move" so I asked her to dance. She hesitated, "my friends are here." I stuck around and chatted a second more and she spilled her shot over the bar.

I told her to ask the bartender for another one. She hesitated and asked ME to buy her one instead. My reply was: "I have no money" with a smirk, and she replied "Yeah, right."

She got another shot but didn't drink it at once-so I made fun of her. "You can't drink a shot." she said she's not an alcoholic. So I repeated the line and she ran* away to her friends, 2 feet away in a huddle.

This ended my interaction with her. I finished my water, saw no angle to re-engage and left. I exited the club, looked back and saw her look my way.

The things I said were pretty harmless and though she seemed young and flighty, I clearly made some mistakes. I can improve on several fronts and would very much appreciate any feedback on how I could have done better here. She opened me, so this should've been easier.

Next time if a girl opens me, I'll be quicker to go into the getting to know you kind of questions. I can have a 10 min conversation about nothing but that really doesn't go anywhere. What I say should get her more interested. I will try again tomorrow night.

You lost me at scoot

[stein]

Before she spilled the shot, there was also this brief exchange after i asked her to dance:

girl: i don't know, wasn't there a fight going on over there
me: yeah. you do know a girl started it
girl: no. oh you saw it??
me: yeah. she was about your size. (I make a hand gesture about her height) and she threw a punch. the guy was like me but smaller. if he were my size he'd have no problem

she realizes i'm joking. but doesn't continue the banter.

(And scoot means to move sideways to make some space e.g: at a crowded bar, i'd ask you to "scoot over" so i can get in and order my drink)

[Gmac]

(08-27-2011 05:30 AM)stein Wrote:  

I just got back from the club. Towards the end, I was standing near a group of 3 girls. They were chatting so I looked away and just drank my water. Two mins later, the one closest to me said "my friends told me to scoot over, i guess this is the most i can scoot over." She was real tiny.

I replied "if i were sitting down, you could scoot right into my lap!" I had to repeat that because she didn't hear me the first time. Then the DJ played "I like the way you move" so I asked her to dance. She hesitated, "my friends are here." I stuck around and chatted a second more and she spilled her shot over the bar.

I told her to ask the bartender for another one. She hesitated and asked ME to buy her one instead. My reply was: "I have no money" with a smirk, and she replied "Yeah, right."

She got another shot but didn't drink it at once-so I made fun of her. "You can't drink a shot." she said she's not an alcoholic. So I repeated the line and she ran* away to her friends, 2 feet away in a huddle.

This ended my interaction with her. I finished my water, saw no angle to re-engage and left. I exited the club, looked back and saw her look my way.

The things I said were pretty harmless and though she seemed young and flighty, I clearly made some mistakes. I can improve on several fronts and would very much appreciate any feedback on how I could have done better here. She opened me, so this should've been easier.

Next time if a girl opens me, I'll be quicker to go into the getting to know you kind of questions. I can have a 10 min conversation about nothing but that really doesn't go anywhere. What I say should get her more interested. I will try again tomorrow night.

The whole interaction seemed awkward, and that's coming from you so I'm sure it was more awkward in person.

Your "scoot" line was too try-hard, use something more subtle if you can. Your "I have no money" line was lame. You should have flipped the script on her by making light fun of the fact that she was clumsy instead of making yourself look like a cheapskate. Sometimes it's not what you say but how you say it.

You made fun of her for taking too long to drink a shot. At this point you had already lost her. That was the nail in the coffin, she had already lost all interest in talking to you. I think you need more practice with interactions. It's the things that are coming out of your mouth that are screwing you over. I hate to use the word "neg", but you definitely overdid it with the negging before you got her comfortable talking to you.

By the way, what I would typically use instead of your scoot line would be: "I don't usually get this close before a first date." Works like a charm.

[stein]

Thanks for the feedback Gmac. Yeah, "I have no money" was definitely a dumb thing to say. I realized that right after the words left my mouth. I'll keep a better line ready for the future as this is a common question. You're also right about the awkwardness - when I wrote the post, I wanted to put down exactly what happened during the interaction - I can be a bit erratic because I'm not 100% comfortable gaming.

Quote:

"I don't usually get this close before a first date."

Great line - it shows exactly how I should've approached the conversation. Subtlety is not my strong point yet.

[Jarocho2003]

(08-27-2011 05:30 AM)stein Wrote:  

I just got back from the club. Towards the end, I was standing near a group of 3 girls. They were chatting so I looked away and just drank my water. Two mins later, the one closest to me said "my friends told me to scoot over, i guess this is the most i can scoot over." She was real tiny.

I replied "if i were sitting down, you could scoot right into my lap!" I had to repeat that because she didn't hear me the first time. Then the DJ played "I like the way you move" so I asked her to dance. She hesitated, "my friends are here." I stuck around and chatted a second more and she spilled her shot over the bar.

I told her to ask the bartender for another one. She hesitated and asked ME to buy her one instead. My reply was: "I have no money" with a smirk, and she replied "Yeah, right."

She got another shot but didn't drink it at once-so I made fun of her. "You can't drink a shot." she said she's not an alcoholic. So I repeated the line and she ran* away to her friends, 2 feet away in a huddle.

This ended my interaction with her. I finished my water, saw no angle to re-engage and left. I exited the club, looked back and saw her look my way.

The things I said were pretty harmless and though she seemed young and flighty, I clearly made some mistakes. I can improve on several fronts and would very much appreciate any feedback on how I could have done better here. She opened me, so this should've been easier.

Next time if a girl opens me, I'll be quicker to go into the getting to know you kind of questions. I can have a 10 min conversation about nothing but that really doesn't go anywhere. What I say should get her more interested. I will try again tomorrow night.

I hear that line a lot ("My friends are here"). I know she's saying I don't want to dance with you or probably just shit testing you, but what other some lines you guys can think of to respond to that (even if it doesn't result in you dancing at that moment but maybe planting a seed in her head about you so when the night ends she's with you anyways).