[Road_Less_Taken]

So you've been travelling a bit and you found a city that really sticks with you. Amazing people, beautiful girls and a cheap standard of living.

Like anything nothing is perfect though and one of the biggest downsides of the city is that it is not huge, less than half a million people. It has the vibe that people know each other, while they may not they probably know someone that knows you.

Now I am done the stage where I want to count notches to chase some sort of fulfilment that I won't get. I want quality girls, but yeah sometimes a fun girl or two. On one hand I feel like I would have a huge potential here, it seems like the size makes it both limiting and empowering. So how do I approach it, as a unique foreigner? Here are some questions I have.

1) Social Media - Do I try to use this a lot, it seems like it would be easy to build myself up here and make contacts and meet some girls. Or do I take the opposite approach and delete everything (less of a reason for girls to find out about other girls).

2) Dates - Do I be selective on who I date, which would result in fewer dates but may give the perception of being a more desirable guy vs. going out with every girl I find cute.

3) Friends- Do I try to build a large social circle and invest a lot into this or just be content with the good things I'll have and not make a big effort.

I want your opinions. Have you moved to a small city and been very successful and happy without dealing with too much drama. What approach did you take and what worked and didn't. Or would you not consider it?

[polymath]

In small cities I'm all about social circle. I'm not a good dancer, my body is muscular-but-overweight, and I'm kind of a nerd. But I'm also pretty good looking, my confidence is off the charts, and I have some coin. So I set up a group of female friends, build real relationships that involve a lot of empathy and support and kindness without a sexual attraction component, and then wait for friends of my friends to come to me.

One interesting trick for this method is to befriend fat/unattractive girls who are cool/social/fun. They are usually really easy to talk to, and basically every girl who fits this description has hot friends. So, if you're trying to jump into a new crowd, start from the most approachable people. And actually invest your energy in being a good friend who hangs out with them.

You have to do your dirt in private with the social circle method IMO. Girls in your circle are attuned to gossip and they will find out what you do anyway. Some will get jealous. If you want to maximize your options, keep your reputation clean and make your moves quietly, with the expectation that everyone will find out anyway.

Keep your social media but limit your exposure. You want to have a combination of two opposing things. First, you want an online presence so you can message people, spark interest, and demonstrate the things you care about. Second, you want to maintain an air of mystery. I have FB but I have zero friends and I just use it for messenger. I use WhatsApp a lot. I use Instagram as a way to show off my extensive solo travels.

Depending on the culture, you may not need to date in order to hook up. Just go out with the group and disappear with a chick when the time is right. And always maintain plausible deniability.

If you do date, keep it quiet. Other girls will find out anyway. Sometimes this is a good thing but for me, it's a bad thing because I want girls to feel like it's safe to be emotionally attached to me.

Just remember that if you want attention for being a unique foreigner, you should also expect to be talked about sometimes when you're not in the room.

[Road_Less_Taken]

(03-05-2017 12:08 PM)polymath Wrote:  

In small cities I'm all about social circle. I'm not a good dancer, my body is muscular-but-overweight, and I'm kind of a nerd. But I'm also pretty good looking, my confidence is off the charts, and I have some coin. So I set up a group of female friends, build real relationships that involve a lot of empathy and support and kindness without a sexual attraction component, and then wait for friends of my friends to come to me.

One interesting trick for this method is to befriend fat/unattractive girls who are cool/social/fun. They are usually really easy to talk to, and basically every girl who fits this description has hot friends. So, if you're trying to jump into a new crowd, start from the most approachable people. And actually invest your energy in being a good friend who hangs out with them.

You have to do your dirt in private with the social circle method IMO. Girls in your circle are attuned to gossip and they will find out what you do anyway. Some will get jealous. If you want to maximize your options, keep your reputation clean and make your moves quietly, with the expectation that everyone will find out anyway.

Keep your social media but limit your exposure. You want to have a combination of two opposing things. First, you want an online presence so you can message people, spark interest, and demonstrate the things you care about. Second, you want to maintain an air of mystery. I have FB but I have zero friends and I just use it for messenger. I use WhatsApp a lot. I use Instagram as a way to show off my extensive solo travels.

Depending on the culture, you may not need to date in order to hook up. Just go out with the group and disappear with a chick when the time is right. And always maintain plausible deniability.

If you do date, keep it quiet. Other girls will find out anyway. Sometimes this is a good thing but for me, it's a bad thing because I want girls to feel like it's safe to be emotionally attached to me.

Just remember that if you want attention for being a unique foreigner, you should also expect to be talked about sometimes when you're not in the room.

Thanks for the advice. Yeah I can see the value of social circle, especially to meet the girls that I am wanting to meet. I think it is a good point to kind of change your strategy of pushing things, which while it often works does result in different consequences. Instead going out in way where its casual and you can assess the situation while still being flirty. That way if another girl asks she is just a friend.

[Road_Less_Taken]

Or take the other approach and try to be famous so that everyone knows you (in a good way..?)