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How to be not afraid of direct approach
#26

How to be not afraid of direct approach

This is precisely my problem at the moment, i.e., overcoming the anxiety to approach a girl in a direct way. For the past week, I've been receiving some pretty strong IOIs from younger women on the streets here, such licking lips/biting lower lip after holding eye contact but haven't had the balls since last Wednesday to do another direct approach.

The main problem: I have the thought that I'm going to have to make a split-second decision to run after them and then approach them from the side/front and then hit them with whatever line I've decided on. For me, this has proved just too big a hurdle to mount, despite the positive signs I've been getting recently. Another problem is what I should actually say and not having a canned opener has resulted in me using this as an excuse not to approach thus far.

As for what to say, I don't want to go in too sexual, so I've been wondering about using the line, "I thought you looked rather agreeable and so thought I'd say hello and find out if this is true", in German, of course, which sounds a little less awkward, which should be more than clear to the girl in terms of intent but yet not so sexually forward that she recoils in horror.
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#27

How to be not afraid of direct approach

Quote: (02-22-2017 05:48 PM)Feldeinsamkeit Wrote:  

This is precisely my problem at the moment, i.e., overcoming the anxiety to approach a girl in a direct way. For the past week, I've been receiving some pretty strong IOIs from younger women on the streets here, such licking lips/biting lower lip after holding eye contact but haven't had the balls since last Wednesday to do another direct approach.

The main problem: I have the thought that I'm going to have to make a split-second decision to run after them and then approach them from the side/front

I follow a girl if I get an intuition she may go into a store, into a mall, enter coffee shop, stop at the traffic lights, get in a queue somewhere, or become stationary for whatever reason. It happens quite a lot and makes things so much easier - sometimes you'll get an easy situational opener because of it. A fast walking, hot girl, with her headphones on, to be pure cold approached successfully requires entitlement, conviction, confidence and all other elements in place. Choose a smaller mountain to climb before you tackle a big one. Sit down in a cafe on/near campus, with a bigger table around lunch time with laptop/book, and you'll be amazing how many girls will come and go. Sooner or later, a girl whom you'll be interested in, will sit down there. Then make a move. It'll be so much easier to start that way.

and then hit them with whatever line I've decided on. For me, this has proved just too big a hurdle to mount, despite the positive signs I've been getting recently. Another problem is what I should actually say and not having a canned opener has resulted in me using this as an excuse not to approach thus far.

Use an observational opener. Any time you walk around the city, look at girls and create a mental opener. You see a girl wearing a yellow scarf, construe an opener relating to a scarf. If you do that 100 times, a real opener will come to mind so much easier. Übung macht den Meister.


As for what to say, I don't want to go in too sexual, so I've been wondering about using the line, "I thought you looked rather agreeable and so thought I'd say hello and find out if this is true", in German, of course, which sounds a little less awkward, which should be more than clear to the girl in terms of intent but yet not so sexually forward that she recoils in horror.

A bit too contrived to my taste and intuition but if she really likes you, it shouldn't matter. However, a girl quite probably will not process. Even if she does, she'll look at you blank. Now you need to stack on why you think she's agreeable for a minute which is difficult. Keep it a simpler assumption stack. Imagine in reverse, you walk down the street, some thoughts on your mind, and a girl just jump in front of you and says that. The simpler, shorter, more concrete and relatable words, the better.

You need to properly stop girl, and start with something that will focus her attention before delivering the opener itself. 'Excuse me...' is an excellent pre-opener because it's neutral, it's polite and gives you 1-2 seconds to deliver the opener. But make it short and sweet.

Instead of "I thought you looked... ", perhaps this would work better: "I saw you from across the street and noticed you look a bit different. Are you [enter nationality of your choice]? Whatever she replies, you can build on that easily: "

Ah, you're German? Still quite cute [ambiguity - she will think whether you meant it was cute she was German or she was herself cute], though. Anyway, that's interesting, your dark hair makes you look as if you were from Italy, perhaps in your family your grand-grandfather was Italian?" And so on, and so forth.

This is not LDM but it will buy you relevant time in set. An if it's a yes girl, you should get her number, aim for 5-10 minutes mark. Always probe for logistics towards the end. If she's not busy, consider bouncing for idate or, potentiall SDL.

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