I have a problem with approaching girl directly (telling her that she looks pretty). All approaches I've done were indirect e.g. asking for book or asking how is it going in club. Indirect approach is safe because she does not have reason to roast me and it looks normal for people around me but It is hard to find a starter or topic. I would like to try direct approach. I was few times walking the streets and wanted to approach girl directly but whenever I get past phony excuses I get crippling approach anxiety. Can you describe how did you get past this fear -- for me it is really severe.
How to be not afraid of direct approach
Quote: (02-16-2017 04:44 PM)EmotionalGeek Wrote:
I have a problem with approaching girl directly (telling her that she looks pretty). All approaches I've done were indirect e.g. asking for book or asking how is it going in club. Indirect approach is safe because she does not have reason to roast me and it looks normal for people around me but It is hard to find a starter or topic. I would like to try direct approach. I was few times walking the streets and wanted to approach girl directly but whenever I get past phony excuses I get crippling approach anxiety. Can you describe how did you get past this fear -- for me it is really severe.
Direct doesn't equal to complementing the girl on her looks in first words you speak out. You may say not a single world regarding her looks and she will know you want to fuck her. This can be much more potent than just trying to make her like you because you served her a compliment she's heard many times over. You should learn to feel entitled and mentally, genuinely believe that she's lucky to have to talk to you.
This internal, strong frame, may take long time to develop and usually requires to have your life together in many domains and, heh, catch-22, having banged many girls (but fake it till you make it, overconfidence helps - after all, a chick only sees what you present in front of her). I've approached some 250 girls and still not there, that's for sure.
Covert intent is just as likely good approach which is indirect-to-direct. Open a girl with a neutral-to-positive reason why you talk to her. Say, you come up to her and your reason is because you find her fashion interesting. A few minutes in you can close by giving a valid reason that she earned your interest (and having flipped the script, that you're the judge, not hers - though as long as your dick isn't in her, factually a man chases a woman, unless very high status). You can say "I didn't expect it but you seem quite interesting person to talk to and also not bad looking. I'd like to invite you for a coffee. Would you like that?"
There's much more to it but for indirect-to-direct, aka LDM look up Krauser's blog to get initial bearings.
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I remember the first time I really remember going outside to try a daygame "direct approach"
I walked around for legit at least an hour before finally gathering the balls to approach some girl.
I told her she was gorgeous and froze up after that - in retrospect she wanted me to keep talking
3 years later (? - not sure when that first approach story was), I banged close to 40 chicks while going out maybe once a week the first 10 months of the year (mostly one night stands)
There is really no tip or secret sauce. Just keep doing it until it becomes natural.
But you already knew that.
I walked around for legit at least an hour before finally gathering the balls to approach some girl.
I told her she was gorgeous and froze up after that - in retrospect she wanted me to keep talking
3 years later (? - not sure when that first approach story was), I banged close to 40 chicks while going out maybe once a week the first 10 months of the year (mostly one night stands)
There is really no tip or secret sauce. Just keep doing it until it becomes natural.
But you already knew that.
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Never reveal through your words that you and the girl don't know each other.
If there was eye contact before the approach, touch with familiarity before you talk. (Touch upper back, hold and firmly rub for a second then let go is good.)
Acceptable:
Not acceptable:
If there was eye contact before the approach, touch with familiarity before you talk. (Touch upper back, hold and firmly rub for a second then let go is good.)
Acceptable:
- "How's your day going?"
- "Enjoying yourself?"
- "Nice outfit."
- "Nice weather."
- "(Mention any current event)"
Not acceptable:
- "What's your name?"
- "What're you doing here?"
- "What do you do for a living?"
- "I'm new here. You should show me around."
- "I just had to say, you're gorgeous."
For me, in addition to the built-in confidence we all come with from birth, I accomplished things, and this raised my assessment of myself and the value I brought to the table. It's much easier if your confidence is internal in a way, because then you don't have to accomplish things in order to prove yourself to yourself, but that can also be a hindrance because if you already start off believing yourself to be awesome, you might not want to put in any work, because, why would you if you're already amazing as is.
Looking at it from that perspective, unearned confidence can be a major advantage, and also, a major weakness.
That was one half of the equation.
The other half was that, as time passed, I saw girls that were gorgeous in their teens and early twenties turn into overweight single moms.
Sometimes the process took less than a year, they literally morphed before my eyes.
All this happened while I became more and more desirable. A classmate from high school saw my profile on Facebook 16 years after high school and messaged me this:
"I want to be like you, you haven't aged..."
My picture was only a few weeks old. I bought assets, freed myself from having to work for a living, got braces, got lasik, grew out my hair, started eating paleo, got to my personal best on bench press, and lived abroad.
Meanwhile the single moms are still single-mom-ing, cleaning poop, being stressed over finances, and getting banged by low-quality guys here and there who think they're players because they spend a lot of time at the gym and dress like GQ and drive a nice car, both on credit. They're building a house of cards. Really, as soon as they get the girl pregnant, it's one more monthly check for her and a choice of 18 years of labor or prison for them. They're the ones getting played, and for her, she doesn't have many other options.
I only do direct game now.
Whenever I see a girl I find attractive, I know that if she's the right type of girl, if she were to land me, it would be the best thing that ever happened to her. That makes approaching a non-event. When I was younger, I had to psyche myself up in order to do direct approaches, but I did them anyways, and they did work sometimes.
Now, I just do it, like if I'm going to the fridge to grab some orange juice. I want the orange juice, so I get up, I walk across the hall of my house, I open the door of my fridge, and I drink my orange juice, because I own it and I feel like drinking it.
Same thing with a girl. I find her attractive, so I go up to her. I introduce myself, I let her know I think she's attractive and I'd like to get to know her, and I give her my number. If I don't have a business card on me, I'll ask her for her number.
After that, it's up to her to try and win me over. Guys like me don't grow on trees, but most girls simply aren't mature enough to understand what I'm bringing to the table. The ones that are, they want to get married.
My girl from a couple of years ago, during dinner, she said, "Spaniard, you're a diamond in the rough."
She was right, she saw it in me, she just wasn't able to lock me down.
As far as advice, I'd say to hit on every single girl that's your type. Don't make excuses as to why you shouldn't approach, just do it. Also realize that there will never be a perfect time to do so, either that day or that year or that decade.
If it helps, say "Fuck it," right before you approach, right before you start rationalizing why you shouldn't.
Just say it, "Fuck it."
And approach.
And then do it over and over and over again. And don't compromise on quality, whatever that means to you. Keep at it until you get what you want. Realize that in America, when you get a girl in bed, the saying "be careful what you wish for" is often applicable. You may think you're winning at the same time you're digging your own grave, enslaving yourself to someone else for 18 years. During that time you can go from "Young, Dumb, and Full of Cum" to "Can't quit my shit job because if I do I'll miss my child support payments and go to jail so I'll just keep being this company's bitch day after day after day, until all that's left is an emasculated shadow of my former self."
Be bold, but look out for yourself, always, make decisions based on your own best interests, not on what society expects of you, because society will chew you up and spit you out like the rest of the million sad sacks before you, and by the time you realize what happened, your life will be in its twilight and all you'll have is regret.
Fuck that, if you have the determination, you can bend the world to your will and create your own personal paradise.
Looking at it from that perspective, unearned confidence can be a major advantage, and also, a major weakness.
That was one half of the equation.
The other half was that, as time passed, I saw girls that were gorgeous in their teens and early twenties turn into overweight single moms.
Sometimes the process took less than a year, they literally morphed before my eyes.
All this happened while I became more and more desirable. A classmate from high school saw my profile on Facebook 16 years after high school and messaged me this:
"I want to be like you, you haven't aged..."
My picture was only a few weeks old. I bought assets, freed myself from having to work for a living, got braces, got lasik, grew out my hair, started eating paleo, got to my personal best on bench press, and lived abroad.
Meanwhile the single moms are still single-mom-ing, cleaning poop, being stressed over finances, and getting banged by low-quality guys here and there who think they're players because they spend a lot of time at the gym and dress like GQ and drive a nice car, both on credit. They're building a house of cards. Really, as soon as they get the girl pregnant, it's one more monthly check for her and a choice of 18 years of labor or prison for them. They're the ones getting played, and for her, she doesn't have many other options.
I only do direct game now.
Whenever I see a girl I find attractive, I know that if she's the right type of girl, if she were to land me, it would be the best thing that ever happened to her. That makes approaching a non-event. When I was younger, I had to psyche myself up in order to do direct approaches, but I did them anyways, and they did work sometimes.
Now, I just do it, like if I'm going to the fridge to grab some orange juice. I want the orange juice, so I get up, I walk across the hall of my house, I open the door of my fridge, and I drink my orange juice, because I own it and I feel like drinking it.
Same thing with a girl. I find her attractive, so I go up to her. I introduce myself, I let her know I think she's attractive and I'd like to get to know her, and I give her my number. If I don't have a business card on me, I'll ask her for her number.
After that, it's up to her to try and win me over. Guys like me don't grow on trees, but most girls simply aren't mature enough to understand what I'm bringing to the table. The ones that are, they want to get married.
My girl from a couple of years ago, during dinner, she said, "Spaniard, you're a diamond in the rough."
She was right, she saw it in me, she just wasn't able to lock me down.
As far as advice, I'd say to hit on every single girl that's your type. Don't make excuses as to why you shouldn't approach, just do it. Also realize that there will never be a perfect time to do so, either that day or that year or that decade.
If it helps, say "Fuck it," right before you approach, right before you start rationalizing why you shouldn't.
Just say it, "Fuck it."
And approach.
And then do it over and over and over again. And don't compromise on quality, whatever that means to you. Keep at it until you get what you want. Realize that in America, when you get a girl in bed, the saying "be careful what you wish for" is often applicable. You may think you're winning at the same time you're digging your own grave, enslaving yourself to someone else for 18 years. During that time you can go from "Young, Dumb, and Full of Cum" to "Can't quit my shit job because if I do I'll miss my child support payments and go to jail so I'll just keep being this company's bitch day after day after day, until all that's left is an emasculated shadow of my former self."
Be bold, but look out for yourself, always, make decisions based on your own best interests, not on what society expects of you, because society will chew you up and spit you out like the rest of the million sad sacks before you, and by the time you realize what happened, your life will be in its twilight and all you'll have is regret.
Fuck that, if you have the determination, you can bend the world to your will and create your own personal paradise.
Not sure if this will help you or not but I'll say it anyways.
She already knows.
You think you're being coy and sly and indirect. But she knows.
She knows why you asked her which way the coffee shop is. She knows why you asked her for the time.
Women are very in-tune with these sorts of things. And to compound matters, we are quite bad at hiding it, even though we like to think we are so sneaky.
Hopefully this helps you go direct next time and cut the bullshit.
That being said, an indirect approach has it's times where it is more appropriate. Where there must be more of a "dance" before things can get heated. Though this distinction is to be made by an established seducer of women.
For now, earn your stripes and start direct approaching.
She already knows.
You think you're being coy and sly and indirect. But she knows.
She knows why you asked her which way the coffee shop is. She knows why you asked her for the time.
Women are very in-tune with these sorts of things. And to compound matters, we are quite bad at hiding it, even though we like to think we are so sneaky.
Hopefully this helps you go direct next time and cut the bullshit.
That being said, an indirect approach has it's times where it is more appropriate. Where there must be more of a "dance" before things can get heated. Though this distinction is to be made by an established seducer of women.
For now, earn your stripes and start direct approaching.
Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference
Why do you want to tell a girl she's pretty?
She won't roast you for that but what is that supposed to accomplish?
She won't roast you for that but what is that supposed to accomplish?
Quote: (02-17-2017 02:22 AM)Spaniard88 Wrote:
For me, in addition to the built-in confidence we all come with from birth, I accomplished things, and this raised my assessment of myself and the value I brought to the table. It's much easier if your confidence is internal in a way, because then you don't have to accomplish things in order to prove yourself to yourself, but that can also be a hindrance because if you already start off believing yourself to be awesome, you might not want to put in any work, because, why would you if you're already amazing as is.
Looking at it from that perspective, unearned confidence can be a major advantage, and also, a major weakness.
That was one half of the equation.
The other half was that, as time passed, I saw girls that were gorgeous in their teens and early twenties turn into overweight single moms.
Sometimes the process took less than a year, they literally morphed before my eyes.
All this happened while I became more and more desirable. A classmate from high school saw my profile on Facebook 16 years after high school and messaged me this:
"I want to be like you, you haven't aged..."
My picture was only a few weeks old. I bought assets, freed myself from having to work for a living, got braces, got lasik, grew out my hair, started eating paleo, got to my personal best on bench press, and lived abroad.
Meanwhile the single moms are still single-mom-ing, cleaning poop, being stressed over finances, and getting banged by low-quality guys here and there who think they're players because they spend a lot of time at the gym and dress like GQ and drive a nice car, both on credit. They're building a house of cards. Really, as soon as they get the girl pregnant, it's one more monthly check for her and a choice of 18 years of labor or prison for them. They're the ones getting played, and for her, she doesn't have many other options.
I only do direct game now.
Whenever I see a girl I find attractive, I know that if she's the right type of girl, if she were to land me, it would be the best thing that ever happened to her. That makes approaching a non-event. When I was younger, I had to psyche myself up in order to do direct approaches, but I did them anyways, and they did work sometimes.
Now, I just do it, like if I'm going to the fridge to grab some orange juice. I want the orange juice, so I get up, I walk across the hall of my house, I open the door of my fridge, and I drink my orange juice, because I own it and I feel like drinking it.
Same thing with a girl. I find her attractive, so I go up to her. I introduce myself, I let her know I think she's attractive and I'd like to get to know her, and I give her my number. If I don't have a business card on me, I'll ask her for her number.
After that, it's up to her to try and win me over. Guys like me don't grow on trees, but most girls simply aren't mature enough to understand what I'm bringing to the table. The ones that are, they want to get married.
My girl from a couple of years ago, during dinner, she said, "Spaniard, you're a diamond in the rough."
She was right, she saw it in me, she just wasn't able to lock me down.
As far as advice, I'd say to hit on every single girl that's your type. Don't make excuses as to why you shouldn't approach, just do it. Also realize that there will never be a perfect time to do so, either that day or that year or that decade.
If it helps, say "Fuck it," right before you approach, right before you start rationalizing why you shouldn't.
Just say it, "Fuck it."
And approach.
And then do it over and over and over again. And don't compromise on quality, whatever that means to you. Keep at it until you get what you want. Realize that in America, when you get a girl in bed, the saying "be careful what you wish for" is often applicable. You may think you're winning at the same time you're digging your own grave, enslaving yourself to someone else for 18 years. During that time you can go from "Young, Dumb, and Full of Cum" to "Can't quit my shit job because if I do I'll miss my child support payments and go to jail so I'll just keep being this company's bitch day after day after day, until all that's left is an emasculated shadow of my former self."
Be bold, but look out for yourself, always, make decisions based on your own best interests, not on what society expects of you, because society will chew you up and spit you out like the rest of the million sad sacks before you, and by the time you realize what happened, your life will be in its twilight and all you'll have is regret.
Fuck that, if you have the determination, you can bend the world to your will and create your own personal paradise.
![[Image: clap2.gif]](https://rooshvforum.network/images/smilies/new/clap2.gif)
Have you read Bang? I am reading it now and the first part of the book covers just this.
Seriously, check it out. It is a well of knowledge. It's like $10 on Amazon.
Seriously, check it out. It is a well of knowledge. It's like $10 on Amazon.
"Once you've gotten the lay you have won."- Mufasa
"You Miss 100% of the shots you don't take"- Wayne Gretzky
Quote: (02-17-2017 09:23 AM)graffix13 Wrote:
Have you read Bang? I am reading it now and the first part of the book covers just this.
Seriously, check it out. It is a well of knowledge. It's like $10 on Amazon.
I started to read it few months back. Today I got back from like page 100. I wanted to underscore every valuable sentence with my pencil and I ended up underscoring all sentences in book. This book is pure gold and I will have to start reading it from page 1 because I do not remember anything till page 100 but the vibe (which is best attitude towards life I ever heard).
Can you give me summary of parts you meant?
BTW: I got number from indirect night game today. I felt like The God.
Quote: (02-17-2017 11:13 PM)EmotionalGeek Wrote:
Quote: (02-17-2017 09:23 AM)graffix13 Wrote:
Have you read Bang? I am reading it now and the first part of the book covers just this.
Seriously, check it out. It is a well of knowledge. It's like $10 on Amazon.
I started to read it few months back. Today I got back from like page 100. I wanted to underscore every valuable sentence with my pencil and I ended up underscoring all sentences in book. This book is pure gold and I will have to start reading it from page 1 because I do not remember anything till page 100 but the vibe (which is best attitude towards life I ever heard).
Can you give me summary of parts you meant?
BTW: I got number from indirect night game today. I felt like The God.
That seems like a super hero origin story.
Or super villain...
There are many ways to let a girl know you're interested in her.
Telling a girl she's pretty is not that good conversation starter. She won't contribute too much after you tell her amd you have to carry on the convo on your own. Try it yourself and you will see. London guys usually tell a girl she looks like she is from xyz and then change topic. They keep talking until something hooks.
Telling a girl she's pretty is not that good conversation starter. She won't contribute too much after you tell her amd you have to carry on the convo on your own. Try it yourself and you will see. London guys usually tell a girl she looks like she is from xyz and then change topic. They keep talking until something hooks.
Quote: (02-18-2017 05:56 AM)XXL Wrote:
There are many ways to let a girl know you're interested in her.
Telling a girl she's pretty is not that good conversation starter. She won't contribute too much after you tell her amd you have to carry on the convo on your own. Try it yourself and you will see. London guys usually tell a girl she looks like she is from xyz and then change topic. They keep talking until something hooks.
So what would you propse instead of LDM?
I prefer to engage girls with something surprising or uncommon or tongue in cheek. Just something that they feel they need to respond to. Ex...
We dont even know each other it cant be like that
Those shoes.. are you for real?
Stop following me already
You are too cute to be here leave now
Why you are going in the wrong direction when I wanna talk to you?
Those are not even the openers. Those are those engaging lines to say when she is actually listening to me. It is like.. hey.. hi.. hows it going... opener.. yeah.. you know what? another_line.. etc..
Cold approach is tough at times cause that person is not ready for a chat up especially with a stranger. Telling her some compliment right away is not the highest chance move to break the ice and carry on.
We dont even know each other it cant be like that
Those shoes.. are you for real?
Stop following me already
You are too cute to be here leave now
Why you are going in the wrong direction when I wanna talk to you?
Those are not even the openers. Those are those engaging lines to say when she is actually listening to me. It is like.. hey.. hi.. hows it going... opener.. yeah.. you know what? another_line.. etc..
Cold approach is tough at times cause that person is not ready for a chat up especially with a stranger. Telling her some compliment right away is not the highest chance move to break the ice and carry on.
Quote: (02-17-2017 01:28 AM)Highpool Wrote:
Never reveal through your words that you and the girl don't know each other.
If there was eye contact before the approach, touch with familiarity before you talk. (Touch upper back, hold and firmly rub for a second then let go is good.)
Acceptable:
- "How's your day going?"
- "Enjoying yourself?"
- "Nice outfit."
- "Nice weather."
- "(Mention any current event)"
Not acceptable:Maybe some guys here make my "not acceptable" lines work, but I personally experience A LOT less rejection when I stay away from them.
- "What's your name?"
- "What're you doing here?"
- "What do you do for a living?"
- "I'm new here. You should show me around."
- "I just had to say, you're gorgeous."
Your not acceptable examples can easily be acceptable.
It's far more about tone, confidence and body language than what you actually say.
Going direct doesn't necessarily mean opening with "you are pretty"
By going direct, I mean making your intentions clear, either through what you say or how you say it.
By not beating around the bush, by not being ashamed of your sexual interest in the girl and trying to hide it. Instead, you must embrace your masculine energies.
By going direct, I mean making your intentions clear, either through what you say or how you say it.
By not beating around the bush, by not being ashamed of your sexual interest in the girl and trying to hide it. Instead, you must embrace your masculine energies.
Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference
Learn to love it instead of fearing it. Rearrange your mind so that when you feel approach anxiety, it triggers you to approach.
^^ You just have to realize that its a must to have your mind right.
If you communicate failure upon the approach do not be surprised that this is what you are likely to get. If you come in with failing mindset and expectations then who is the girl to change that? You show what you want from the get go. So here it is. That is how it works.
Now I am not saying that being confident alone will get you results but this is a must in order to make it work.
If you communicate failure upon the approach do not be surprised that this is what you are likely to get. If you come in with failing mindset and expectations then who is the girl to change that? You show what you want from the get go. So here it is. That is how it works.
Now I am not saying that being confident alone will get you results but this is a must in order to make it work.
I tell girls I think they are good looking and I wanted to come introduce myself and get to know them.
Quote: (02-16-2017 04:44 PM)EmotionalGeek Wrote:
I have a problem with approaching girl directly (telling her that she looks pretty). All approaches I've done were indirect e.g. asking for book or asking how is it going in club. Indirect approach is safe because she does not have reason to roast me and it looks normal for people around me but It is hard to find a starter or topic. I would like to try direct approach. I was few times walking the streets and wanted to approach girl directly but whenever I get past phony excuses I get crippling approach anxiety. Can you describe how did you get past this fear -- for me it is really severe.
I'm assuming this is in a club setting? Regardless the key to getting over approach anxiety is on a basic level, doing more approaches - consider the first few approaches a warm up. Over time you get desensitized.
Long term you'd need to adjust your belief system about 'rejection'. There are great sections of Roosh's 'Bang' which cover this well. These include the fact that people generally don't care too much/remember your interaction long and judge you based on your approach. There will be girls that don't like you just like you aren't crazy about every girl in the world. Acceptance and perseverance (Y)
"What I had more than anyone else was drive. I was hungrier than anybody. I wanted it so badly it hurt."
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
Re-condition yourself so that when you feel anxiety around a girl, that is more of a cue than ever to approach. Have some openers ready so you don't have to think about what to say and remember that you don't want to regret not approaching later in the day.
Quote: (02-16-2017 04:44 PM)EmotionalGeek Wrote:
I have a problem with approaching girl directly (telling her that she looks pretty). All approaches I've done were indirect e.g. asking for book or asking how is it going in club. Indirect approach is safe because she does not have reason to roast me and it looks normal for people around me but It is hard to find a starter or topic. I would like to try direct approach. I was few times walking the streets and wanted to approach girl directly but whenever I get past phony excuses I get crippling approach anxiety. Can you describe how did you get past this fear -- for me it is really severe.
Man, we all know how it feels. After many years struggling with my shiness, I understood some facts and then reached a conclusion. First, the facts:
- It is very difficult to have a crafty excuse to camouflate a natural approach any time you see a hot girl. CONSIDER ALL THE TARGETS YOU ARE MISSING JUST BECAUSE THE EXCUSE OF NOT HAVING A GOOD EXCUSE?
- Most of the girls realize that you want to pick them up, unless they are really stupid or too young to be picked up. (Some women even think ALL men who approach them want to pick them up!!!)
Now the conclusion:
WHAT THE FUCK! If they already know you want to pick them up, what the fuck is the need for a perfect excuse? Just keep on your *somewhat phony* excuses, the thing is that you don't look too stupid or too ugly. A poor excuse is too stupid, but a good excuse will not grant the pussy either. A *somewhat phony* excuse can even save you time, because it is easier to tell how interested or available is the girl. You just need to have the guts to stay by her side in spite of a phony excuse.
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