[Nascimento]

We're all aware of the cultural issues that affect dating in the modern day. Despite this, we're all trying to make the most of the hands we've been dealt.

Modern dating as a man is a whole different ball game and one I'm still piecing together. That said, I've been approached a few times now by a female blood relative (younger sister or cousin) asking for casual/serious dating advice.

What I could say has got to be deeper than don't have casual sex partners because it ruins a woman's ability to bond in the future and will eventually compromise her happiness, or have only serious/long-term relationships, for instance.

I know a horse can only be led to water, but I'd like to have a good response the next time the situation occurs.

Anyone have experience with this? I'd love some thoughts on the matter.

[John Michael Kane]

When react to what men say or do based on their perception as to whether or not you're a "winner" or a "loser". For instance, if you're in a happy relationship with a sweet, cute girl, they will put more weight in what you say than if you are constantly single or have a harpy girlfriend.

The best thing you can do is show a young woman that her fertility peaks at the ripe old age of 27. If she wants to be married and have two or three kids safely by that age, she should get married at 23 or 24. Let them know that her early 20's are for scanning for husband material. Each new cock that isn't a husband increases the risk of STD's, pregnancy and heartbreak. Encourage them to meet you or other trusted male family members who can scout out a guy and see if he gives off good or bad vibes. Women "in love" (or what they think is love when it is infatuation) make poor choices. Best to have some rational male backup when they get overly emotional. My female friends come to me for that same reason. I don't let them make any excuses for their own mistakes, but I also caution them on how to spot a player and to filter for long-term commitment oriented guys. If you have more specific questions, let me know.

[rafaeld]

I too would love to know what to say about this. I see my sister making the same mistakes as every other girl her age but I can't see any way to advise her logically that wouldn't make her upset.

She's not a slut by any means but her dating philosophy is simply "the cosmos will bring me together with the right guy". She's had a nice solid reliable boyfriend that she got bored with and left, a bad boy DJ/club-promoter boyfriend that treated her like shit and dumped her and probably a few casual flings.

I can see her getting into her late twenties and early thirties and being left on the shelf but I have no idea how to broach that topic with her or if I even could affect the outcome at all.

[Jim Johnson]

I am a Mormon convert. I joined the church at 23. Because of this, I was able to see two different worlds as it comes to dating. I am all too familiar with the club scene, the hanging out and trying to get a quick lay, the difficulty that comes from a girl thinking you want a serious relationship before you take them out on a date....in short, the modern dating life.

After joining the church, I was introduced into a much more traditional culture. Guy asks a girl on a date, sex isn't on the table. You go do goofy activities with many different girls, there is the curfews, the flowers, the dressing up, the holding doors open, etc.. No kissing on a first date (or 2nd or 3rd) Eventually, you ask some girl out again and again. Relationships are not really formed until she gets the engagement ring. Still, sex is off the table. With the engagement ring, comes the courting phase. You stop dating others, and take her out on activities that really help you see if she is worth marrying.

A lot of it seemed really corny at first, but there is a reason for it all. No sex does a lot of things, it keeps your vision clear and keeps the emotion down to a minimum. Lots of people will get emotionally attached prematurely through sex, that, and it enables you to date many more people, allowing you to learn what you want to commit to. The rings, the flowers, the curfews, all help keep her understanding your intentions, rather than the "hanging out", it also helps her feel safe.

Modern culture is not like that. But, I think we can do our part to recreate it. The knowledge and traditions are not completely gone.

[Hoser]

This gets easier with age and perspective. Regardless, I recommend the "no holds barred" technique. Look her straight in the eye and say:

"Most men will say anything to get into your pussy. We don't think like you do, and our motivation is fundamentally different from yours. Do NOT filter our behavior through the lens of what you would do in the same situation, and do not use Disney romance stories---or other popular romance ideas---as your template. If a man thinks you're marriage material, he'll say so---not HINT so, but SAY so!---if he's a man worth marrying. Anything less, and you're just another pair of clam strips to him."

Tough love works, and it's needed now more than ever.

[Jim Johnson]

(02-14-2017 12:49 PM)Hoser Wrote:  

This gets easier with age and perspective. Regardless, I recommend the "no holds barred" technique. Look her straight in the eye and say:

"Most men will say anything to get into your pussy. We don't think like you do, and our motivation is fundamentally different from yours. Do NOT filter our behavior through the lens of what you would do in the same situation, and do not use Disney romance stories---or other popular romance ideas---as your template. If a man thinks you're marriage material, he'll say so---not HINT so, but SAY so!---if he's a man worth marrying. Anything less, and you're just another pair of clam strips to him."

Tough love works, and it's needed now more than ever.

Agreed, but with a little more tact.

[PapayaTapper]

(02-14-2017 07:42 AM)rafaeld Wrote:  

I too would love to know what to say about this. I see my sister making the same mistakes as every other girl her age but I can't see any way to advise her logically that wouldn't make her upset.

She's not a slut by any means but her dating philosophy is simply "the cosmos will bring me together with the right guy". She's had a nice solid reliable boyfriend that she got bored with and left, a bad boy DJ/club-promoter boyfriend that treated her like shit and dumped her and probably a few casual flings.

I can see her getting into her late twenties and early thirties and being left on the shelf but I have no idea how to broach that topic with her or if I even could affect the outcome at all.

Let her read the RVF...that will open her eyes

[kavi]

I come from South Asian Muslim family and live in the UK. I have had issues with my sisters for some time now and I have come to the conclusion that it is pretty much impossible to reason with them. Logic will never affect them. The only ting that works is pressure, societal norms and upbringing. It's much easier if you live in Pakistan or in a Mormon community as one poster described out.

A couple of years ago my sister was engaged to this guy (it was not forced or anything she was given plenty of choices) and she was standing close talking to him in the street at night (where our neighbours could have seen) and wearing these tight PVC-type trousers. The trousers looked really slutty so when she got home I had to confront her about it. I told her she shouldnt wear them etc and then she tried to defend herself saying "What's wrong with them they're not so bad". It kid of turned into a discussion, but it shouldnt have done because I know that she knows she cant go around wearing those trousers, I mean it's so obvious. I got really pissed that he was even trying to justify it that I just gave her a slap, it wasnt planned or anything, it just happened.

The reason I slapped her (it was quite instinctive) is that she wasnt talking reasonably at all and instead using dishonest tactics to try and win the argument. I just felt really disrespected by it, how she felt she could bamboozle me and attack a perceived weakness when I went a little quiet.

My sister broke off that engagement because of some bullshit and that really annoyed me. It was so childish, I mean my parents introduced him (and about 20 other guys) and she chose him of her own free will. Then she goes and changes her mind after she got bored of all the attention and drama he gave her. That pissed me off so much, but what can I do, nothing. Anyways, it's not like I'm gonna forget what she did there and there will only be negative consequences for her. I told my parents they should have pressured her to marry him but they were not into that. Typical woman having no respect for others, make a decision lightly, change their mind when they feel like it.

My cousin was posting pics on Instagram and her family didnt like it. I think there must have been some confrontations at home but i dont know, anyway she is now living alone so I presume they kicked her out (it's not cool for a girl to live alone so dont think there would be other reasons for it).

My point is that there is really no way to make a woman 'understand', because they are not men. Controlling women in the West is difficult because any use of physical force (locking them up, hitting etc) is against the law. This is the biggest problem with Western Law, that the state interferes with shit it has no right being involved with.

Some years ago I was on facebook, and both my sisters removed me from theirs friends list. Why? One because I had disagreed (privately) with some religious/political bullshit that she had posted, and the other because I had told my Mother (when someone had complained to her about it) about the type of pics my sister had up. To me, when my sisters removed me from facebook, it's like they chose their relationship with facebook over their relationship with me. That's some bullshit.

One thing I've realized from my experience, is that I find it really demeaning and depressing trying to explain shit to women to get them to behave a certain way. It's a colossal waste of time and effort, and you will only lose. You say dont do x, she does it anyway, so you lose authority and respect. You give them advice but they dont follow it, so you will only be disappointed.

For me going forward, I plan on using social pressure to get women to do what I want them to do. Fuck this "If your a respected leader bullshit" you need to be badass, if someone in your family doesnt do what you tell them to do, make sure there are some social consequences. Men have greater bonds between them, and more valued in families and communities, so I plan on using that to my advantage. The only way with women is to dominate them psychologically/socially.

[Hoser]

Kavi.... You couldn't help but slap your sister? You strike me as being one step away from an honor killing. Most of us see this as a bad thing, no matter how much you justify yourself with paragraphs of text.

You're the one with the problem. Get that shit together.

[kavi]

It was just a light left handed slap. I slapped each of my brothers too once. How is it different? My uncle slapped my dad a few years ago and they are in their sixties. Your going way far relating that to an honor killing.

[Hoser]

Kavi: I appreciate your answering without getting defensive.

I don't know your situation, nor how slaps work in your world (I did not, and do not, know that a left-handed slap is less offensive than one from the right hand). Thank you for contributing to RVF. Your response makes me think that you're not a troll.

[Fortis]

"make sure the guy you marry is nothing like me."

But seriously, I don't really bother. Whenever I give a female friend or relative advice they just backwards rationalize doing the exact opposite later. I just smile and say, "I told you so" and move on.

[Sooth]

The best dating advice I gave my sister was "Ask for my opinion of the guy before you date him".

She constantly ignores me and seems perpetually miserable.

You have to straight talk the women in your family. Just tell them the truth.

[Kid Twist]

It's hard to because you can't be brutally honest with them (though they know you're right). They, like most people, personalize everything. Even if you are talking about trends. Why? We are made to be self centered if not careful, and they even more as females precisely because appearance and looks are known to be their thing (or not, if they get too old). I just listen and try to give decent advice.

My latest mindfuck is just telling family and friends that I'm not marrying an American girl. That usually sets off a mental chain reaction. Not worth telling them the details, but if they ask I'll tell them.

The older and boomer generation knows that western women are pieces of shit (in general) and they know the society is degrading, but they aren't confronted with it on a personal level, so being selfish, they don't really wonder too much about it.

[medicine man:]

(02-14-2017 11:33 PM)kavi Wrote:  

The only way with women is to dominate them psychologically/socially.

which one of those two is slapping classified under???