[Iso]

I need advice on what I should be doing when I have no hobbies or interests? I have a difficult time being truly interested in any 1 thing. At best, I take interest in something for about a month before I end up quitting and never thinking about it again. I am simply not passionate about anything in life. Girls are the only thing I am somewhat interested in. But, even with that, I am not motivated enough to do the things necessary to become great with women. I am going through the motions of life. Just doing what I need to move on. Content with being mediocre. I don't feel happy. I don't feel anger either. I don't feel sadness. I don't feel joy. I just feel nothing.

Growing up, I cared a lot about watching sports. I really got into it. I felt joy when my teams won. Sadness when they lost. Nowadays, I barely care. My teams don't move the needle for me emotionally anymore. I used to love playing video games. Played them for hours per day. I haven't picked up a video game in a year.

I wish I could find something that interested me. Occasionally I will join a class or try a new hobby. I don't feel connected to those hobbies when I try it. I am not passionate enough to enjoy them or continue doing it.

What should I be doing about my lack of interest in life?

[kartik13]

Maybe stop masturbating to internet porn. Check out

yourbrainonporn.com

[John Michael Kane]

Are you lifting weights regularly? Boosting your t-levels and getting really fit is a great way to feel more engaged with the world. Also, if you suffer from occasional depression (not that uncommon), the exercise will do you well. I'll also second the cutting out porn bit, as it really makes you feel more "blah".

[Iso]

Weightlifting- I've been working out 3-4x per week for about 4 years now. Lifting is the closest thing I have to a hobby. I go to the gym consistently though I could up my actual effort at the gym. Maybe lower rest sets (1 minute instead of 3 minutes).

No Fap/Porn- I go through cycles with these two. Sometimes I'll go weeks without fapping or porn. Then I'll do it 3 times in a week. I'm definitely doing it a lot less than 5 years ago. I haven't completely cut it out, but its reduced. My goal is to completely cut out porn while limiting masturbation to once every 2 weeks or so.

[sonoran_]

i read this on modafinilexpert.com. This is the quote that has instilled a drive in me to quit wasting my sexual energy.

"Sexual energy is your most powerful resource you have available to you. It is far more powerful than any drug I’ve ever taken and it is the greatest motivating force known to mankind. It isn’t meant to be squandered into a napkin or on whores. This power is meant to be harnessed and used to create the life you want for yourself and your family"

[John Michael Kane]

Do you have any mentor figure in your life? Try to find someone who you can be accountable to. Someone who can push you to do more with your life. I suspect that you have a fair bit of free time, but aren't being challenged enough.

[birthday cat]

Iso - how old are you and where do you live? Give generic answers if you want to keep your information private, example - mid 20's in a large U.S. city

[Iso]

(02-05-2017 04:57 PM)John Michael Kane Wrote:  

Do you have any mentor figure in your life? Try to find someone who you can be accountable to. Someone who can push you to do more with your life. I suspect that you have a fair bit of free time, but aren't being challenged enough.

No. I have no mentors. Only recently have I realized how I behind I am in life. I wish I had an older brother or friend who would have guided me earlier on in life. I have had to learn everything by myself. I have been reading PUA boards/self improvement for like 5 years. I improved gradually during that time. In the past 6 months, I have shown the most improvement because I have asked the right questions. I have analyzed myself and came to the conclusion that the root of my issues is not the fact that I struggle with girls. It's the fact that I have limited social skills (staying at home during college does that to you), social anxiety (improved but still an issue), and I lack the motivation to improve. For example, I tried Yoga and meditation for self improvement. After a few weeks, I went from doing them every day to a few times per week. Now, I barely do them. I tell myself I will meditate at 11 PM. Then 11 PM rolls around and I can't force myself to do it. I tell myself I'll do it in a few minutes. Then I keep delaying it until I don't accomplish the task.

I have a ton of free time. I don't have anything I do other than workout. I go out on Fridays and Saturdays to bars with friends, but they are slowly dropping off. I need to branch out before they are completely bored with nightlife.

(02-05-2017 05:02 PM)birthday cat Wrote:  

Iso - how old are you and where do you live? Give generic answers if you want to keep your information private, example - mid 20's in a large U.S. city

Live in the metro area of a major East coast city. In late 20's. I make a decent amount for my age but nothing special like 6 figures.

[John Michael Kane]

If your life doesn't have a plan, you end up wherever the road takes you, instead of charting your own course.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU BUY THIS BOOK: The Success Principles by Jack Canfield

The author goes through how people often just "drift" through life like you current are. That's because you're lacking purpose. When you find purpose in helping others, and pushing for great goals and big things in your life, it gives you drive and energy to succeed. More than any other self-help book out there, I've found this one to be pivotal in actually giving information that is actionable, meaning you can break down the steps required to set and achieve your goals.

The author talks at length in the book about the importance of mentors. You need mentors not only to gain knowledge from people who have "been there, done that", but also as accountability partners. I have been blessed with some great mentors in my life, and have mentored many men as well. It is a mutual relationship as long as you realize that a mentor can really help shape your future.

Here are some of the ways you can find a mentor/accountability partner:

• Church
• Your work
• Volunteering
• Toastmasters
• Getting involved with your local GOP office (liberals don't want to help themselves, they want others to help them)
• Members from this forum!
  

Asking someone to be your mentor is as simple as saying, will you be my mentor? Find someone that you trust, and start reading the book above I referenced. Use the techniques to outline what you really want in life, and how to get them. Then your mentor can act as an accountability partner to you, meaning you don't waste time, money or energy on something that isn't productive.

If you want me to help mentor you, just post in this thread, or shoot me a private message if you prefer to share something more personal.

[qwertyuiop]

Just do it brah.

At 18 I was a studdering World of Warcraft nerd. Could barely ask a girl out.

At 22 I was running around so good at pickup I had people ask my friends who I was. My roommate in college called me "pickup artist".

That was a few years ago, but a ton of fun. Started out by going out 3-4 nights a week and getting blown out thousands of times.

[birthday cat]

One thing to start with is taking a look at your health - sleep, nutrition, hydration, exercise, stress, etc.

Another is social interaction. Are you around people you enjoy being around or in a job with people you don't relate to? The information in John Michael Kane's post can help in this category.

Are you drinking a lot on the weekends when you go out?

Maybe get your testosterone levels tested. A lot of guys will recommend TRT. I don't think it is the magic pill that some people make it out to be and I think a lot of guys can raise their levels naturally. However, anyone with your issues should consider getting their levels checked.

The "lack of interest in life" you describe is often related to low testostereone, depression or the early stages of it, too much drug or alcohol use that is catching up with you, etc. It is difficult to know where the problems are without knowing much about your lifestyle.

[Hoser]

Iso: sounds like classic ADD. No, I don't mean the awkward kid type, I mean the kind where you find motivation only when something interests you, but once the newness fades, so does the interest.

I assume, for example, that what drew you to WoW was the vast scope of this huge world to explore, plus the many ways to play it (Tank/heals/dpm, PvP, Horde vs Alliance) and the leveling up process, but once you had several toons leveled and geared, you dropped it. How close am I?

There's an ADD thread, near this one, that you may find helpful, or at least interesting.

[orythedog]

(02-05-2017 03:10 AM)Iso Wrote:  

I need advice on what I should be doing when I have no hobbies or interests? I have a difficult time being truly interested in any 1 thing. At best, I take interest in something for about a month before I end up quitting and never thinking about it again. I am simply not passionate about anything in life. Girls are the only thing I am somewhat interested in. But, even with that, I am not motivated enough to do the things necessary to become great with women. I am going through the motions of life. Just doing what I need to move on. Content with being mediocre. I don't feel happy. I don't feel anger either. I don't feel sadness. I don't feel joy. I just feel nothing.

Growing up, I cared a lot about watching sports. I really got into it. I felt joy when my teams won. Sadness when they lost. Nowadays, I barely care. My teams don't move the needle for me emotionally anymore. I used to love playing video games. Played them for hours per day. I haven't picked up a video game in a year.

I wish I could find something that interested me. Occasionally I will join a class or try a new hobby. I don't feel connected to those hobbies when I try it. I am not passionate enough to enjoy them or continue doing it.

What should I be doing about my lack of interest in life?

There are many great ideas above. Maybe you should make a list of all of them, and start checking them off one by one. I am curious though...what do YOU think that you should do? Sometimes the best answers come from within, and it is just support you need.

[rafaeld]

You don't need a book or to read more bro.

Lethargy and lack of motivation are a disease of the first world because life is too comfortable and easy. If you wanna get motivated you gotta get hungry. If you wanna get hungry you gotta go through a period where everything is scarce.

You need to put yourself in a situation where everything is difficult and you are FORCED to improve yourself or die. Move to a different country with whatever money you have and figure out survival. Travel for six months in South America. Take a trip to a real shithole like somewhere in Africa.

I was lazy and bored like you in my teens, then I moved to another country with almost no money and lived there for a year. Figured out everything on my own. Came out with a burning drive and fire for life that never left me.

[Iso]

(02-08-2017 01:23 PM)Hoser Wrote:  

Iso: sounds like classic ADD. No, I don't mean the awkward kid type, I mean the kind where you find motivation only when something interests you, but once the newness fades, so does the interest.

I assume, for example, that what drew you to WoW was the vast scope of this huge world to explore, plus the many ways to play it (Tank/heals/dpm, PvP, Horde vs Alliance) and the leveling up process, but once you had several toons leveled and geared, you dropped it. How close am I?

There's an ADD thread, near this one, that you may find helpful, or at least interesting.

I realized a few months ago that I'm possibly ADD. My attention span is extremely short. I can't focus on anything for more than a few seconds. That makes it difficult to have conversations with people because my mind races while the other speaks which prevents me from fully comprehending what they are saying. Its so bad that I actually check my phone and surf the web while I'm sitting next to my manager in meetings because of habit. I have nothing important to check on my phone either. I just refresh the same apps and websites.

I think you are confusing me with the other poster who played WoW. I never played it. I did get really deep into sports video games back in the day. I played them for years for hours every day. Then overnight I stopped playing. Since, I've barely picked up a controller.

I'll definitely need more resources on how to cure ADD. Hopefully without using drugs.

[Hoser]

Whoops, indeed I did confuse you with another, sorry.

What makes you apprehensive about drugs, other than what was already discussed above? Is it a specific aversion supported by particular reasons, or more of an "I don't want to start down the path of prescription drugs to cure what ails me" kind of thing?

I used to be SUPER anti-drug, until I saw a close family member transformed by Zoloft. Whether it's a crutch, a placebo effect, or the real deal, it made the difference she needed to get back on track and start smiling again.

For dudes, I don't know if the same effect is quite so easy to achieve. But I also can't think of a reason to reject drugs just on principle. Not trying to argue, just hoping to ask the questions that will help you find an answer.

[Iso]

(02-09-2017 04:21 AM)Hoser Wrote:  

Whoops, indeed I did confuse you with another, sorry.

What makes you apprehensive about drugs, other than what was already discussed above? Is it a specific aversion supported by particular reasons, or more of an "I don't want to start down the path of prescription drugs to cure what ails me" kind of thing?

I used to be SUPER anti-drug, until I saw a close family member transformed by Zoloft. Whether it's a crutch, a placebo effect, or the real deal, it made the difference she needed to get back on track and start smiling again.

For dudes, I don't know if the same effect is quite so easy to achieve. But I also can't think of a reason to reject drugs just on principle. Not trying to argue, just hoping to ask the questions that will help you find an answer.

I don't want to be reliant on drugs to function in life. Plus, I will build a tolerance for Adderall which would make it less effective. I don't like the effects like lower appetite, etc.

[jamaicabound]

I used to love sports, then at some point I not only stopped caring about it but actually found it somewhat depressing that I'm now older then the athletes where as years ago I thought, I'm going to be one of them someday.

I can sort of relate to not being as passionate about life or any particular thing, though I do ahve a curiosity for things. My gf jokes with me that every week or two I get some new obsession and throw myself into it. A few weeks back it was bullriding, now it's urban climbing.

Life and the world is fascinating start finding some things that intrigue you and throw yourself into learning everytihing about it. If you hop from thing to thing who cares just do something

[Hoser]

Iso, I appreciate your concern. Are you aware that Adderall and other stimulants make only one of three types of ADD drugs? Adderall dampens your impulsive emotions, whereas the others actually improve your frontal lobe function and nerve pathway conduction.

Regardless, good job asking the right questions. I hope you find the right answers (especially as I asked basically the same question you did in your original post, here on RVF, and gave up after the "troll" accusations started rolling in).

[Iso]

(02-10-2017 12:12 AM)Hoser Wrote:  

Iso, I appreciate your concern. Are you aware that Adderall and other stimulants make only one of three types of ADD drugs? Adderall dampens your impulsive emotions, whereas the others actually improve your frontal lobe function and nerve pathway conduction.

Regardless, good job asking the right questions. I hope you find the right answers (especially as I asked basically the same question you did in your original post, here on RVF, and gave up after the "troll" accusations started rolling in).

It's only recently that I've been asking the right questions. I was in denial until 1 year ago.

What kind of doctors should I go to see for this? What drugs should I be taking?

[tomzestatlu]

I think that this situation can be hardly changed by changing one thing in life, like getting new hobby. Maybe your current life doesn´t bring you enough stimulus for your mind. I would look at it from the roots and eventually change it. Make it that every day would be a challenge. Get out of the comfort zone.

Maybe some external motivation can help

[Travesty]

Getting involved in a community of friends and family you see and share experiences with and care about on a frequent and consistent basis.

No fitness routine, chick, drug, or cash gives you that - they can enhance it.

If your friends aren't a joy to be around find better friends. I've had to cut a lot of lifelong friends to only keep the good ones.

Having a great dog or two is also nice.

Fuck cats though they are for complete fags.

I think when you have this everything in life becomes more interesting especially for those that don't have inborn constant competitive drive to succeed at very high levels of things.

[Hoser]

Iso, take a look at the ADHD thread here on RVF. If you at all recognize the stuff they're talking about, then start researching the subject independently. ADD is more than a concentration disorder, it's an executive function disorder, where you can know fully WHAT you should do, and you can INTEND to do it, but you find you often can't bring yourself to do it unless it's pleasurable or if you'll experience immediate pain from not doing it. Am I barking up the right tree here?

ADD, I just learned a few days ago, is the SINGLE MOST TREATABLE psychiatric disorder. If you suffer from it, there's no need for you to stay trapped in that pit.

[Cr33pin]

Well I guess you just don't give a fuck

[Iso]

(02-12-2017 06:11 PM)Hoser Wrote:  

Iso, take a look at the ADHD thread here on RVF. If you at all recognize the stuff they're talking about, then start researching the subject independently. ADD is more than a concentration disorder, it's an executive function disorder, where you can know fully WHAT you should do, and you can INTEND to do it, but you find you often can't bring yourself to do it unless it's pleasurable or if you'll experience immediate pain from not doing it. Am I barking up the right tree here?

ADD, I just learned a few days ago, is the SINGLE MOST TREATABLE psychiatric disorder. If you suffer from it, there's no need for you to stay trapped in that pit.

That sounds exactly like I what experience. I want to change but I don't have the willpower to change. I can't force myself to do things to improve myself. I wish I could.