[Jack_Smith]

(04-19-2017 03:19 AM)lowside Wrote:  

After two weeks of messaging each other occasionally, I call her yesterday. She doesn't answer, but messages me later that she'll call me later that evening. Then doesn't. This was two days ago, I haven't messaged her since. Is this considered a flake? Or are we talking purely in terms of meeting?

"Flake," IMU, typically refers to either a no show or a last minute date cancellation. But that's just semantics, the challenge with your situation is the same as with a Flake - calibrating your response to deter negative and reinforce positive behaviors. You handled it correctly with the "soft next." Just do not initiate contact with her for at least a few weeks...

[ksbms]

Slothpiece, Rocha is on point. I always keep messages going back and forth until the very day I meet the chica. Setting up a date days ahead no good these days. I suggest the day, usually 1-3 days ahead, suggest time around a day ahead, and specify location on the day, usually around midday. Implicit message is I'm nonchalant because I have other girls on the roaster so I'm not stressing about any given girl and sorting up a date logistics right away. That's exactly what girls do, with last minutes confirmations and "I'll let you know by Wednesday", because the girl is weighing her options whom to go out with. It also helps me, if I have a potential to set up a few dates as well. Girls understand it very well. Eager man to set up a date logistics right away equals no options, whereas nonchalant man, to the contrary. Never been stood up in my life, no flakes since implementing this strategy. Using WhatsApp helps, as I can build a bit of rapport with emoticons, pictures, showing what I'm doing, send links to funny stuff.

[Jack_Smith]

(04-19-2017 06:17 AM)ksbms Wrote:  

Slothpiece, Rocha is on point. I always keep messages going back and forth until the very day I meet the chica. Setting up a date days ahead no good these days. I suggest the day, usually 1-3 days ahead, suggest time around a day ahead, and specify location on the day, usually around midday. Implicit message is I'm nonchalant because I have other girls on the roaster so I'm not stressing about any given girl and sorting up a date logistics right away. That's exactly what girls do, with last minutes confirmations and "I'll let you know by Wednesday", because the girl is weighing her options whom to go out with. It also helps me, if I have a potential to set up a few dates as well. Girls understand it very well. Eager man to set up a date logistics right away equals no options, whereas nonchalant man, to the contrary. Never been stood up in my life, no flakes since implementing this strategy. Using WhatsApp helps, as I can build a bit of rapport with emoticons, pictures, showing what I'm doing, send links to funny stuff.

An Alternative Approach

I have zero flakes also, and do the exact opposite. Paint me old school, but I keep texting to a minimum, especially with new girls. Once I get her opened and engaged, i.e. laughing, flirting, and/or giving me something to work with, I close for the date. I typically set-up 3-7 days out, possibly further out with a FWB. My family/work logistics make last minute planning a non-starter for me. Once the date is set, I go silent. If she hits me up, I will respond, but otherwise our next contact will be face to face.

I have debriefed this with several dates (mid 20s). They like the direct approach, which is unusual. Most, like you, use chit chat to build pre-date rapport, and I have heard "I was wondering when?" a number of times. Good. Keep wondering, bitch. Certainty makes that pussy dry.

[lowside]

(04-19-2017 06:11 AM)Jack_Smith Wrote:  

(04-19-2017 03:19 AM)lowside Wrote:  

After two weeks of messaging each other occasionally, I call her yesterday. She doesn't answer, but messages me later that she'll call me later that evening. Then doesn't. This was two days ago, I haven't messaged her since. Is this considered a flake? Or are we talking purely in terms of meeting?

"Flake," IMU, typically refers to either a no show or a last minute date cancellation. But that's just semantics, the challenge with your situation is the same as with a Flake - calibrating your response to deter negative and reinforce positive behaviors. You handled it correctly with the "soft next." Just do not initiate contact with her for at least a few weeks...

Well she called back. I didn't answer. Messaged her a couple minutes later that I will call back later because I'm at work (I'm not, my LTR gf was around). Thanks for the advice so far.