[newpua]

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has a weak father and a strong mother.

In a normal ideal situation one would be raised in a family where the father has a strong personality, and the mother follows him...but in my case (and I suspect in the case of many shy/introverted men) it was the exact opposite.

I still love my father, but I cannot help to think that he

• Didn't teach me anything about flirting/game (Roosh has basically teached me more than him)
• Even if now I live thousands of Kms from him, his weak/beta personality still hunts me, and prevents me from being stronger mentally
• The frustration that he has caused to my mother (who has had to take the role of "the man" in our family, especially when dealing with my father's bully brother) also hurts me
  

How did you deal with similar situations?

[EDantes]

(12-27-2016 02:28 PM)newpua Wrote:  

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has a weak father and a strong mother.

In a normal ideal situation one would be raised in a family where the father has a strong personality, and the mother follows him...but in my case (and I suspect in the case of many shy/introverted men) it was the exact opposite.

I still love my father, but I cannot help to think that he

• Didn't teach me anything about flirting/game (Roosh has basically teached me more than him)
• Even if now I live thousands of Kms from him, his weak/beta personality still hunts me, and prevents me from being stronger mentally
• The frustration that he has caused to my mother (who has had to take the role of "the man" in our family, especially when dealing with my father's bully brother) also hurts me
  

How did you deal with similar situations?

Eh, I'd start by reading a book like Winston Churchill's autobiography and seeing how strong and accomplished men viewed the world; it can help to override some of the pre-conditioned views you may have developed.

Movies can also help as long as you are able to separate the idealization from reality; any movies with strong, male leads interacting with women - Bond movies, especially the older ones; old John Wayne or Humphrey Bogart movies, maybe TV shows like the Sopranoes; things of that nature. I'd also try to minimize my exposure time to the 'beta' garbage in the media today which just conditions men into thinking it's a norm, garbage sitcoms like the Big Bang Theory, 'romantic comedies' or any 'whiny emo-style music'. If you surround yourself with an 'alpha' state of mind via your media choices it helps to sink in subconsciously.

As far as 'game' books, I'd recommend Aaron Sleazy or a book like Carlos Xuma's "Secrets of the Alpha Man" for starters.

[Jim Johnson]

(12-27-2016 02:28 PM)newpua Wrote:  

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has a weak father and a strong mother.

In a normal ideal situation one would be raised in a family where the father has a strong personality, and the mother follows him...but in my case (and I suspect in the case of many shy/introverted men) it was the exact opposite.

I still love my father, but I cannot help to think that he

• Didn't teach me anything about flirting/game (Roosh has basically teached me more than him)
• Even if now I live thousands of Kms from him, his weak/beta personality still hunts me, and prevents me from being stronger mentally
• The frustration that he has caused to my mother (who has had to take the role of "the man" in our family, especially when dealing with my father's bully brother) also hurts me
  

How did you deal with similar situations?

I think this problem will be common for awhile. So many men have been duped by the SJW media into thinking that living for the acceptance of women is how to be successful. This is very wrong (but not completely). While you do need to work to get along and be considerate, you cannot become her servant, and lose her respect.

As far as game, really I had to look at the example of some of my peers. Surround yourself with guys that seem successful in that department and learn from them. As far as dealing with my wife, I take from what I saw from memories of my grandpa (ironically, it is my dad's dad). There are of course books and websites, but real live people are the best source. Watch what they do and emulate it.

[Kid Twist]

I'm happy the OP has diagnosed a (the?) problem. Now he can go about trying to solve or remedy it. Kudos, newpua. Best to you.

[TheOllam]

"Well a hard headed woman,
A soft hearted man
Been the cause of trouble
Ever since the world began.
Oh yeah, ever since the world began
A hard headed woman been
A thorn in the side of man."

In our societal efforts to placate women we've made ourselves, as men, miserable (and women too!). It was hard for me to understand this in my younger days being indoctrinated with liberal concepts like total equality, but after bearing witness not only to my parents broken relationship, but also those of people close to me (Neighbors, friends, my dentist, multiple relatives from all sides of the family, etc) I realized, finally, that something here was wrong.

Men, even those occupying a lowly station in society, still need to impart some form of dominance and control just over the most basic of things, lest his life is condemned to nihilism and nothingness, an empty void, where sacrifices and struggles are useless, and people don't really consider you much of a "man". And Women need a dominating force in their life to prevent their feral tendencies from running civilization into the ground, getting fucked to death by mass consumerism, and crushing the heart/mind/spirit of any the children they produce ( I am one recovering from this )

And this is the great secret that has been piled over by the conveniences of modernity.

If you are here reading this thread as a lurker or noob, you may have always thought in the back of your mind that circumstances between the genders have been a bit off. You Are Right! I can remember the 80's and more senior members remember before then, when certain gender norms were just part of life. It was not disrespectful to let women know that marriage and children was a reasonable life choice rather than 100% career. It was reasonably expected that a stable, honorable man could marry and make it through the inevitable ups and downs together with a wife that would not radically betray and stab him in the back, because our society depended on families sticking together. But when we threw those values out, we threw out the good men that would support it, and now we are stuck in a rut.

The best we can do now is simply speak the truth and do everything we can to cut back the welfare state and the oversized "new deal" and "great society" guarantees that have served to divide men and women rather than bring them together.

[John Michael Kane]

In addition to reading the countless amounts of wisdom in this forum, start getting yourself to the gym and lifting weights if you aren't already doing so. A man with a strong body is a man with a strong mind. You are only weak if you persist in being weak. Read Arnold Schwarzenegger's book "Total Recall". His lifting weights helped train him to become something special.

[Rob Banks]

(12-27-2016 04:39 PM)TheOllam Wrote:  

I can remember the 80's and more senior members remember before then, when certain gender norms were just part of life.

I'm not sure I would use the '80s as the best example of traditional sex roles. Even the '50s, which many people like to point to as some sort of utopian time for traditional values and sex roles, was not really all that traditional. Women have been voting since 1920, and the idea of women's suffrage had been mainstream for decades prior to the 19th amendment being passed. The idea of the "new woman, which was part of first-wave feminism, was accepted by mainstream society as early as the late 19th century. Karl Marx, in his Communist Manifesto (published in 1848), argued for the deconstruction of the nuclear family structure, as he considered it to be oppressive.

Sure, the 1950s were a lot better than today's world, but there is a reason why the world of the 1950s led to the 60s "cultural revolution." By the time the 1950s rolled around, it was already accepted by mainstream society that women could vote, work in male-dominated professions, hold political office, etc. It was also accepted that fathers had no control over their daughters' sexuality, and it was considered acceptable for a woman to have had a few boyfriends/sexual partners prior to marriage. These were all big changes from previous times (say, the 18th and early 19th centuries) when women could not vote, were only expected to work in male-dominated fields in cases of necessity (e.g. if the men were off fighting a war), non-virginal women were considered unmarriageable (with the exception of widows), and fathers were not only allowed, but expected, to protect their daughters' sexuality.

In the '50s, it was commonplace for women to go to bars, to go out on dates unchaperoned, to attend co-ed colleges, etc. (things that would have been unacceptable 100 years earlier). It is not surprising that once mainstream society had accepted first-wave feminism and female independence, that it would also accept the '60s "sexual revolution," 2nd and 3rd wave feminism, homosexuality, and all the dysfunction we see today.

[LINUX]

Stop blaming your father for being mentally weak. You come from a whole fucking bloodline of men who've been fighting since the beginning of time to survive. Through pestilence and wars and sickness and malice, they survived. And here you are on the Internet blamming one man for your weakness. It's a slap in the face to all of them because you carry their genes also.

[Leonard D Neubache]

(12-27-2016 11:14 PM)LINUX Wrote:  

Stop blaming your father for being mentally weak. You come from a whole fucking bloodline of men who've been fighting since the beginning of time to survive. Through pestilence and wars and sickness and malice, they survived. And here you are on the Internet blamming one man for your weakness. It's a slap in the face to all of them because you carry their genes also.

No need to be too harsh. I think OP is on the road to recovery but putting it all in the frame is the hard part.

You might need to see your father as a sort of black sheep in your lineage. An unfortunate aberration as so many of his era are. That doesn't mean you have to hate him. Just see him the same way you'd see any other family member who was a failure. Love lined with pity and an overwhelming desire not to turn out like them.

[Ivanis]

I am a bit late to this one, however I will give my story anyway:

Well, I was unlucky with the draw as far as parents go...

Mother was(is) Bi-polar, Father was destroyed from the divorce, he only started to get back to normal in the last few years, however the scars cut deep. The divorce happened before I was 10, and it was a nasty one. It built my stress capacity way up and brought my bullshit capacity close to nothing. I was taught from him to respect(translation: be cucked by) women, and all that jazz. The one good thing he did teach me; was to protect myself emotionally, he realized that I wore my heart on my sleeve from a young age and he taught me how to look at the world logically and not be taken advantage of... I love him to death though, and its always fun to debate his beliefs in politics...

Finding this forum changed my life in the best direction possible, its a godsend that I found it young. I am very grateful to all of those who helped me on here, and cannot thank Roosh and the community enough...

[Elster]

Agree with Leonard here. At one point to keep on hating and /or blaming your parents is rather silly and unnecessary. The apple falls not far from the tree but has the potential to become a different,maybe even better, specimen.

I'd add that a big problem generation Y/millenial has is that we have a severe case of stunted development which ultimately we ourselves are to blame for. Instead we project our guilt and shame on our parents.
At one point it doesn't matter how ideal or shitty your predecessors were, you are physically an adult and whether you like it or not, able to make choices and solely responsible for their consequences.

[Mufasa]

(12-27-2016 11:14 PM)LINUX Wrote:  

Stop blaming your father for being mentally weak. You come from a whole fucking bloodline of men who've been fighting since the beginning of time to survive. Through pestilence and wars and sickness and malice, they survived. And here you are on the Internet blamming one man for your weakness. It's a slap in the face to all of them because you carry their genes also.

Gunna have to disagree here homie. Im a firm believer that anything at happens to me is my fault. I can't change anything and move forward if it is anyone else fault. BUT..

At some point somethings are others faults particularly when it comes to child rearing.
I remember being in college seeing how my teammates would develop relationships with others and how they had fantastic relationships with their parents and thinking "why dont I have that?"
Naturally I blamed it on myself and set out to improve myself (I did) but my deficiencies were a learned behavior. I didn't come out the womb with the inability to carry meaningful conversations and develop meaning full relationships. That was a social conditioning and our parents are our most important teachers.
If he's here then he is aware of his short coming (as I was) and he's just learning to fix his shit (as I did too). Sometimes it is your parents/mentors faults if you turn out a certain way especially when it comes to relationships both romantic and platonic.

Me personally--I would be an olympic gold medalist FOR FUCKING SURE if I was a better/braver communicator. I'm working on asking more questions and being more selfish but I didn't come out of the womb not voicing my concerns about shit I was doing in my training that I realized was an issue.
My parents raised me and my brother to solve our own problems and to not bother them with our issues unless they inquired. Low and behold if I had voiced a concern in my technique that I discovered I would have been an all time great but I didn't. You know why? Because I had learned not to place my problems on others. I completely understand the OP. Shit sucks but if you blame them--after identifying they are the problem--without fixing it thats on you and LINUX is wholeheartedly correct.

[tomzestatlu]

Don´t blame him. Childhood is a history. Cards were given, so the only thing you can do is get the most out of it. Analyzing why don´t you have different cards won´t earn you anything.

"His weak/beta personality still hunts me, and prevents me from being stronger mentally" - only your weakness prevents you from being stronger mentality.

And - be thankful, that you DO HAVE a dad.

[Edmund Ironside]

Your parents have a huge influence on how you start out in life. When you become an adult you gain the ability to start to make your own path. Your starting point and initial trajectory can be blamed on them. You might always know that you could have been and done more if you'd had different parenting, because where you start does matter. But once you are an adult you control yourself, build your own life with your own culture and move in your own direction. Poor parenting is not likely to be the last obstacle in your life. You play the cards you are dealt as best you can and keep battling toward your own goals. One thing you should learn from your own experiences like that is that everyones background and experiences are different, and everyones story is probably more complicated than you tend to think when you don't know them that well.

[Mayweather]

(12-27-2016 02:28 PM)newpua Wrote:  

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has a weak father and a strong mother.

In a normal ideal situation one would be raised in a family where the father has a strong personality, and the mother follows him...but in my case (and I suspect in the case of many shy/introverted men) it was the exact opposite.

I still love my father, but I cannot help to think that he

• Didn't teach me anything about flirting/game (Roosh has basically teached me more than him)
• Even if now I live thousands of Kms from him, his weak/beta personality still hunts me, and prevents me from being stronger mentally
• The frustration that he has caused to my mother (who has had to take the role of "the man" in our family, especially when dealing with my father's bully brother) also hurts me
  

How did you deal with similar situations?

One of the biggest steps in your personal growth is when your idea of your parents shifts from mythical pillars of strength to "oh they're people with their problems too". There are people on this earth who are here only to serve as warnings to others. That's it. Whether they are conscious of it or not. Don't fault your pops for his shortcomings but don't pity him either. 4 or 5 decades on this planet turns some men to mush. You add debt, a lack of a sex life, no goals besides getting home to eat a tv dinner and people disintegrate. Read the way of men by Jack Donovan and Malcolm X's biography. Reading about a man with a purpose will do a lot for you. Become the man you wished he was for you and thank god for the lesson he put under the same roof as you. It's not your fault and it's not the end. God bless and happy new year.