[puckerman]

I have just encountered a problem which I've seen before, but it doesn't come up very often. I'm talking about the woman who hugs insincerely.

Over a month ago, a woman invited me to join a book club. The book club has actually been useful, and I plan on continuing my attendance there. I have no romantic interest in the woman who invited me, but have expressed my gratitude many times.

Often at the beginning and the end of the meeting, we would hug. And she certainly seemed cool with it.

It wasn't until I got a phone call from another woman there that I learned the truth. This female is "uncomfortable" with my hugs. She has never said a word to me about them. Nor has she said no or tried to prevent them. She has simply accepted them and has given me the okay.

Such women do trash reputations. Their gossip kills any social circle game.

So, how do you identify phony huggers? How do you know when a woman is giving a phony hug and giving a real hug?

I'm going to be as cold and indifferent as possible when I see this woman in the future. I have no patience for women who lie in this manner. Unfortunately, this kind of horse shit is not uncommon at all.

[Suits]

Why are you repeated hug-closing a woman in the first place?

[Il Bersagliere]

Are you overweight? Women don't like hugging fat guys.
Do you smell? Women like good hygiene.
Are you ugly? Women....well you get the idea.

[Brian Shima]

(10-30-2016 02:25 AM)Il Bersagliere Wrote:  

Are you overweight? Women don't like hugging fat guys.

This is the first thought that popped into my head..thought I cant imagine someone would read this forum and be a fat slob.

[Leonard D Neubache]

Holy shit. I stopped hugging women in public when I was eighteen, which was a year after the public hugging craze caught on in the first place.

Dude, WTF? Public hugging is total beta orbiter territory. The second I stopped doing it I became the dominant male in my social circle and my local SMV went through the roof.

MEN DON'T HUG. There are exceptions but they are RARE. Hugging women you're not related to or you're not fucking is your way of saying "look, I've been successfully neutered and am so low on the sexual threat level that we can reciprocate full body contact the way you would with your brother and sisters."

[The Catalyst]

A bit of a side note here but how do you know the other woman is telling the truth?

[Suits]

(10-30-2016 03:27 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

Dude, WTF? Public hugging is total beta orbiter territory.

OP, we'd like to help, but we need to know a little more about you.

Is getting laid a routine for you or is it still a consistent challenge?

Are there obvious areas where you need to do some work on yourself?



Yes, women often behave like women. We can't help you change that.
What this forum is about is improving ourselves so that we are insulated from the effects of other people's actions.

For example, one of the reasons I've worked hard at developing my skills in party host game was so that if one girl in my social circle starting being a bitch, I was in a position to eliminate her from my life altogether. On one occasion, a woman started telling people about how I'd hooked up with an intoxicated girl previously (true, but we didn't kiss or have sex until the morning after she'd sobered up and we'd been physical before).

The end result was that nobody cared, I fucked a different girl from the same party and I never saw or spoke to the stupid bitch again. When she texted me later, I just ignored it and didn't think about her again until I started writing this post.

The trick is to spend your time putting yourself in a position where things like this make no impact on your quality of life instead of wasting that time writing posts about things that you cannot change.

[GlobalMan]

A man typically doesn't hug a mere book club acquaintance upon every meeting, before and after. Seems odd.

Women do "phony" things all time when they don't want to be impolite. When a girl sees ol' Puckerman coming in for hello hug what do you think she's going to do? Of course she's not going to say "Don't hug me" or try to physically prevent the hug- she'll just continue doing it even though she doesn't like it. She's in a social group where she will see you repeatedly, she's not going to do something to make the meetings more awkward by directly rejecting you. The best she can do is tell Martha to give you a hint.

(10-30-2016 01:57 AM)puckerman Wrote:  

I'm going to be as cold and indifferent as possible when I see this woman in the future.

This is the worst way to respond, you're telling her this matters to you. Continue on as normal without the hugging as if it doesn't matter, because it doesn't.

[Leonard D Neubache]

(10-30-2016 04:19 AM)Suits Wrote:  

(10-30-2016 03:27 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

Dude, WTF? Public hugging is total beta orbiter territory.

OP, we'd like to help, but we need to know a little more about you.

Is getting laid a routine for you or is it still a consistent challenge?

Are there obvious areas where you need to do some work on yourself?
...

I didn't mean to come off rough. OP. Don't hug women you're not sleeping with. Exceptions include but are not limited to:

An woman you're in an LTR with.
Female relations.
A hostess at a party.
Someone VERY close to you who just got bad news.

For women other than these, physical contact with you should be the exact opposite of platonic.

Whether a nearby woman is an intended notch or not, your touch should elicit a jolt of masculine energy into their skin. It should be like touching God's electrified penis.

Ok, it's a tough ask, but that's what you should be aiming for and working toward. You are a man. You should become Zeus. Not Father Christmas.

[XPQ22]

(10-30-2016 01:57 AM)puckerman Wrote:  

So, how do you identify phony huggers? How do you know when a woman is giving a phony hug and giving a real hug?

Simple, women who aren't your mom, your family or you aren't in a romantic relationship with are phony huggers. So don't hug 'em.

[rapaz12]

Wait. It's seriously frowned upon to hug? I always thought it was the way you were supposed to greet women in general social and non professional situations. Because shaking hands seems awkward and just saying hello seems awkward to me

[philosophical_recovery]

I smell some bad body language, sprinkled with some over-eagerness to hug and make a big deal about it.

Otherwise no-one would've gone out of their way to phone you.

Seconding the other questions that were brought up.

[Tayo]

Why exactly are you hugging her?.... She should be the one trying to hug you and NOT the other way around, after-all you are not interested in her sexually.

[puckerman]

Thank you for all the non sequiturs.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionar...20sequitur

[Suits]

(10-30-2016 08:26 AM)puckerman Wrote:  

Thank you for all the non sequitirs.

Is this thread not going in the direction you were hoping for?

[S3K2]

I don't see the big deal with the hugging. Weather the bitch likes to hug or not its a way to escalate kino. Make her feel uncomfortable, not you. Op said he's not trying to make her a next notch but why not? Is she a 4-5? How I would proceed is continue hugging her but next time when you come off drape your hand (one of them) down her arm ever so gently. No fucking smiling. Than next time after this, tighten the hug up, drape your hand down her hips and see her reaction. If op isn't fat, smelly ugly etc...all bitches likes to hug. Take advantage of that shit.

[ivansirko]

Hugs are one of the tells of "friend zone". Most women who want to friend zone you will hug you as your their "friend". Just try breaking that. Maybe its a shit test and she wants you but you beta all across the street.

Or if you can't break the friend zone enjoy the only moments you can get close to a woman.

[debeguiled]

Typical circuitous female thinking. No telling what she really thinks. Don't take it on board.

If she didn't feel comfortable about it, she should have told you. Instead she hugs you like it is fine, tells her friends, and lets it get back to you down the line, making you feel bad.

It could also very well be that she thought it would go beyond a hug, and when it didn't, she felt bad, so now she has to badmouth you in the classical sour grapes mode.

To quote Louis Jordan from the 1940s:

Quote:

Don't pay no attention to women. Stand up for your rights

Don't take it on board.

Making you feel bad is her version of a power play.

Even if you were a creepy hugging guy, and I am assuming you are not.

Don't let her get in your head.

[GlobalMan]

(10-30-2016 08:26 AM)puckerman Wrote:  

Thank you for all the non sequiturs.

Puckerman, I'm guessing you were hoping/expecting to hear "yeah she's a bitch!" and nothing more.

I saw some real questions and real insight, which you are ignoring. You shouldn't dismiss it just because what people say doesn't fit with what you want.

[Kona]

Look I hug everybody. I'd hug Suits if he was here right now.

Never in my hugging career has a friend of someone I hug had to call me on the phone and tell me my hugs are making someone uncomfortable.

And I don't think fatness is the problem. I love hugging cuddly fat people, if they aren't sweaty.

OP,are you sweaty?

Aloha!

[GoldHawkStar]

(10-30-2016 01:57 AM)puckerman Wrote:  

I'm going to be as cold and indifferent as possible when I see this woman in the future. I have no patience for women who lie in this manner. Unfortunately, this kind of horse shit is not uncommon at all.

No.

No problem can be solved or make you feel better in the long run by being cold and bitter. Especially when dealing with woman. I've had to learn this the hard way.

This shouldn't be a big deal to you. If anything she sees that the hugs are a big thing for you and that's why she's not into it.

Lastly, don't take all this personally. I understand where you're coming from. My pride can lead me to be salty when I get bad feedback from women. The best you can do is learn from it and fix what you're doing wrong. We've all been there.

[philosophical_recovery]

(10-30-2016 03:02 PM)GoldHawkStar Wrote:  

(10-30-2016 01:57 AM)puckerman Wrote:  

I'm going to be as cold and indifferent as possible when I see this woman in the future. I have no patience for women who lie in this manner. Unfortunately, this kind of horse shit is not uncommon at all.

No.

No problem can be solved or make you feel better in the long run by being cold and bitter. Especially when dealing with woman. I've had to learn this the hard way.

This shouldn't be a big deal to you. If anything she sees that the hugs are a big thing for you and that's why she's not into it.

Lastly, don't take all this personally. I understand where you're coming from. My pride can lead me to be salty when I get bad feedback from women. The best you can do is learn from it and fix what you're doing wrong. We've all been there.

It's incredibly important to not take this personally and to not get bitter about this. I struggle with it from time to time myself. I get frosted out by a chick? Let it slide, as much as I don't want to. Chances are I'll run into her again. And, guess what?

Sometimes they miss whatever we had. I've gotten bangs out of it because I was willing to check my ego and ride on the wave of her emotions.

If there's a constant pain and frustration in your subconscious, it will ooze out of your skin. Girls will smell it, and will know as soon as they put eyes on you that they want nothing to do with it. Think of more positive things, keep a forward looking attitude, and let it slide. Be warm, but not needy. Don't give them extra time to overcompensate, but don't react by ignoring them passive aggressively.

I ran into a past girl a few weeks ago after she moved to a different state and was visiting. W was surprised to see her, and to be honest happy that she was doing well.

Years past, we didn't part on good terms.

But, I very warmly told her at the end of our meeting "It was good to see you" and I meant it. My tone of voice was clear, my cadence was slow, and my grin and stare genuine. She could tell.

Getting hurt over something so trivial in the long run has caused me nothing but pain and regret.

Nobody owes you hugs.

Nobody owes you attention or bangs.

But, be warm to the receipt of them, and what else you can get. Gratitude is a thing.

This attitude will keep your head in the right place.

[DonnyGately]

I would never hug a girl I wasn't currently banging or had banged in the past, or I knew wanted to bang me but she was pretty drunk and I didn't want to give her a total physical brush off.

[Leonard D Neubache]

(10-30-2016 06:38 AM)rapaz12 Wrote:  

Wait. It's seriously frowned upon to hug? I always thought it was the way you were supposed to greet women in general social and non professional situations. Because shaking hands seems awkward and just saying hello seems awkward to me

The hug greet was a byproduct of the hippie free-love era which was about the time that male masculinity in the West started it's freefall off the bottom of the God damned chart.

Even in places that were traditionally "touchy feely" like Italy and France, the lean-in-cheek-peck was the order of the day. Fifty years ago if you gave full body contact to another man's wife or sister in his presence he'd give you an instant nose job.

So perhaps you're correct in suggesting that this is now "normal" but effeminate faggotry is effectively now "normal" in the West.

Better is expected of alpha male RVFers.

[Chowder Head]

This situation OP is in just goes to show you -- its best to be standoffish with today's woman because they are easily offended by ANYTHING. Even a fuckin' hug. Stick to hi-5s, head nods, and thumbs ups.