[Vadar]

Hi Guys, Did some daygaming around at uni (its the final semester and my uni has surplus single hot ladies ~ wish I had gotten into this earlier ).

Two approaches really puzzled me and I need some advice/input:

Approach 1:

Saw a cut girl on bench by herself, eating sushi.

Myself: Hi, I know this is weird but I thought you were really cute. My name is xxxx
Girl: My name is xxxx

Shook hands

We then chatted about course, interests etc. The girl was on her own. I could have stretched the interaction but I was running late for class.
She turned out to be a local student from the same town, so I knew that she wouldn't have had a bf or a wide social circle.

Anyways, at the end of the convo.

Myself: I need to go to class, but I would love to take you out and get to know you better.
Girl: Blushes furiously.... Umm Ummm, I am not dating anyone at the moment, but I am kind of not looking to date.

Myself: Sure, Nice meeting you bye.

Funnily thing is, she looked very happy upon asking her out and even turned back and wished me to have a nice day as I was leaving ~ this was unexpected and a nice gesture.

Now, I am not sure if I should have pushed the interaction further, as she looked indecisive. Even then, how would I go about it? I just feel that, if I pushed it further I would have gotten somewhere…




Approach 2 (REALLY INTERESTING):
Was walking home, saw this girl and stopped.

Myself: Hi, that’s a nice sweater. Also, your really cute.

Girl: haha thanks
Myself: I am xxxx
Girl: I am xxxx

Turned out, she was doing a similar course to myself. She was stressed out for exam but we ended up chatting for half an hour on the road. This was about exam stuff, hobbies etc.

Funny thing is, within the 10 minutes of convo this girl asked me for my facebook directly. I offered to give my number (don’t like giving fb to girls whom I game) but she wanted facebook. Sure I offered that.

Then personal questions came such as where are you from, where do you live etc. She started taking about herself, family etc. Super chilled chick. She was giving me the flirty eyes and laughing.

Even told me her age ~ 25, but looked like 21. I don’t like gaming older chicks, due to my inexperience….

So I ended up getting all this IOI. I even got compliments about my confidence/calmness. This was unexpected.

At the end of the convo, she thanked me for stopping her and looked very happy/pleased. She offered to hang out and suggested a cup of coffee after exams. Even asked me when my exams ended.

I thought this interaction ended great. Added her on facebook and turns out she has a freaking boyfriend.

Hmm… not sure on how to progress at this stage. Have I been friendzoned?, even after all this IOI’s. Interesting interaction. Usually the other ladies tell me off straight away that they have a boyfriend.




Approach 3 (Night Game):

Outside a bar, waiting for friends. Saw a two set. One of them a cutie (katy perry look alike with fringe – my type). Opened both. Complemented on the cute ones’ dress as an opener. Did not go direct (regret this decision now….).

Turns out the cute one just finished uni, and other works at a pharmacy.
Chatted about courses, hobbies, interest. Teased them about using some of Stan Tayi’s lines and they even showed me their tattooes etc. During the convo, the ugly one seemed more interested than the cute one. But I managed to engage both.

I demonstrated a higher value as they kept completing my course/profession and the prestige of it.

They asked me for my age and my name before the end of the conversation ~ some IOI’s. Before they were leaving, I ended up number closing the cutie. Stated that we should hang out.

Now, I messaged the cutie in the morning.
Myself: Hi this is xxxx (the xxx). Save the number. That was a great dress with a unique design.

Cutie: Haha thank you! I do remember where I brought it from.

Myself: Why don’t I interrogate you over a cup of coffee this week? Whats your schedule like?

Now I did not get a reply after this. Not sure why….. probably the cutie was not interested I guess. But she definitely does not have a boyfriend.
Any ideas on how to turn this around. She is 23.

[Giovonny]

(10-21-2016 07:52 PM)Vadar Wrote:  

Approach 1:

Me: Hi, I know this is weird but "I thought you were really cute."

That is where you lost her!

Right there on the opener!

Complimenting girls on their looks -- in a serious, straight forward type of way.. Rarely works!

There is no imagination involved, no subtlety, no mystery, no gamesmanship, no salemenship!

You showed her all "your cards" and then asked her if she would be interested in "playing poker" with you...

Don't you see how that takes all the fun, intrigue, excitement, mystery out of it???

If you're going to compliment them so directly, mix in a neg or subtle tease!

--

Don't worry, I used to be just like you..

I used to compliment girls on their looks in a direct, serious manner.

I stopped doing that!

Why?

I heard girls making fun of guys who simplistically compliment them on their looks!

This song was the final straw for me:

(she literally makes fun of guys who compliment her looks!) ("call me beautiful, so original")

(0:50 -0:55)

--

Maybe it can work in a smaller town, maybe if you are really good looking, maybe if you are obviously very high value..

But, here in the big city for an average guy..

Straight forward compliments dont display any nuanced intelligence, social savvy or sense of humor!

Girls need more originality/wit/humor/mystery!

(10-21-2016 07:52 PM)Vadar Wrote:  

not sure if I should have pushed the interaction further, as she looked indecisive. Even then, how would I go about it?

Ask her open ended questions about herself!

(10-21-2016 07:52 PM)Vadar Wrote:  

Approach 2

Me: Hi, that’s a nice sweater. "Also, your really cute."

I suspect that you lost her there on the opener again!

(*see poker analogy above*)

(10-21-2016 07:52 PM)Vadar Wrote:  

Then personal questions came such as where are you from, where do you live etc. She started taking about herself, family etc.

She was giving me the flirty eyes and laughing.

Have I been friend zoned?

Maybe..

But, I suspect that she was "reverse gaming" you..

She recognized that you were gaming her, so, instinctively, to feel in control of the situation.. She started asking you questions and probing you and your intentions...

She was pretending to give you "IOIs".. When, the whole time, she never told you that she had a boyfriend!

She was toying with you..

Cats like to toy with mice!

(I'm NOT calling you a "mouse", I'm just using that analogy here because it fits)

(10-21-2016 07:52 PM)Vadar Wrote:  

Approach 3

Complemented on the cute ones dress as an opener.

Same pattern as the previous two approaches.

(10-21-2016 07:52 PM)Vadar Wrote:  

I messaged the cutie in the morning.

Me: "Why don’t I interrogate you over a cup of coffee this week?"

Now I did not get a reply after this. Not sure why….. ?

Same pattern again...

"Why don’t I interrogate you" just reeks of neediness and inexperience + doesn't show and wit, humor, or mystery..

--

Start trying to mix in subtle teases and negs into your compliments!

I had/have the same problems as you but after years of practice, I'm finally starting to get it!

--

Also, if you are doing this with regularity on the same college campus, you run the risk of developing a reputation as a spam approacher.

[Dantes]

Gio,

I usually agree with you, but I think the a Direct opener is fine. I find the initial opener is not as important as how you stay it, with consideration to your tone of voice, posture, and body language. The Direct opener on her looks can work well if you if you have commensurate looks and style with the girl you are opening. Verbally, it is usually what you follow up with after the opener that is most important. Usually girls don't even remember what you initially opened them up with. What they remember is your vibe, humor, looks and display of confidence.

With regard to the OP's opener:

I would not say "really" cute. I also would not say "this is weird". You are setting the frame that talking to her is socially unacceptable. This is also damaging to yourself psychologically. There is nothing wrong or weird about chatting up a cute girl sitting on a bench.

I have been using the following simple opener lately, "You caught my eye. I wanted to come over to flirt with you for a minute." It is not witty or imaginative, but it is congruent with my intention.

I am sure Gio has some great openers that he may or may not want to share. We have to figure out what works for us, given our looks and personality. For me, the initial opener that works well has been simple and direct. As I stated, the follow up is more important and this cannot be replicated. This stems from your personality and social skills set.

[Giovonny]

(10-23-2016 01:32 PM)Dantes Wrote:  

Gio,

I usually agree with you

Don't ever hesitate to disagree with me!

(10-23-2016 01:32 PM)Dantes Wrote:  

I think the Direct opener is fine.

I agree with you.

It's all in the delivery.

Direct can work great IF you have the right look/vibe/style/setting/words

You described it perfectly:

(10-23-2016 01:32 PM)Dantes Wrote:  

I find the initial opener is not as important as how you stay it, with consideration to your tone of voice, posture, and body language. The Direct opener on her looks can work well if you if you have commensurate looks and style with the girl you are opening.

(10-23-2016 01:32 PM)Dantes Wrote:  

Verbally, it is usually what you follow up with after the opener that is most important.

Yes, isn't it ironic that what you say AFTER the opener is MORE IMPORTANT than the opener itself!

Conversational practice is needed.

(10-23-2016 01:32 PM)Dantes Wrote:  

Usually girls don't even remember what you initially opened them up with.

Great point!

If the opener is delivered with awareness, proper tone, and overall congruence... It will not trigger any immediate "red flags" in her mind and thus she is often likely to not even remember it. (until later at night when she gets in bed and replays the whole incident in her mind)

(10-23-2016 01:32 PM)Dantes Wrote:  

What they remember is your vibe, humor, looks and display of confidence.

Amen.

(10-23-2016 01:32 PM)Dantes Wrote:  

With regard to the OP's opener:

I would not say "really" cute. I also would not say "this is weird". You are setting the frame that talking to her is socially unacceptable. This is also damaging to yourself psychologically. There is nothing wrong or weird about chatting up a cute girl sitting on a bench.

Amen again.

(10-23-2016 01:32 PM)Dantes Wrote:  

I have been using the following simple opener lately, "You caught my eye. I wanted to come over to flirt with you for a minute." It is not witty or imaginative, but it is congruent with my intention.

I used to use almost the exact same line sometimes!!

But, and maybe this is because I game in the San Francisco.. But, I felt the need to drop the at least one of the 2 compliments in that opener..

"You caught my eye"

and

"I wanted to come over and flirt with yiou"

..are both Directly Complimentary..

Again, I think this is because of my location, but, I have eliminated the "double direct compliment" inside of my openers..

It's just too complimentary for the type of women that I am dealing with.

I'm sure it's different in your location. San Francisco is weird.

(10-23-2016 01:32 PM)Dantes Wrote:  

I am sure Gio has some great openers that he may or may not want to share.

I will share some in a few hours!

I'm late for work!

(10-23-2016 01:32 PM)Dantes Wrote:  

We have to figure out what works for us, given our looks and personality.

Another great point!

We have to develop a language pattern and sound that is consistent, congruent, and enhancing to our looks and default attitude.

--

I could sense that the OP doesn't quite yet have the necessary demeanor to be using such direct openers and expect to have a high rate of success.. Especially, on a college campus where he will see these girls again. My advice was geared directly and specifically for him.

I love direct openers, I was just saying that for beginners, they can come across as needy and incongruent -- which were likely the reasons for lack the lack of success.

[Vadar]

Quote:

Complimenting girls on their looks -- in a serious, straight forward type of way.. Rarely works!

Really? How would I go about this..... Even the best daygamers like Yad use a direct complement.

It gets my point across and she can immediately brush me off, if not interested or had a boyfriend.

Quote:

If you're going to compliment them so directly, mix in a neg or subtle tease!

How do I go about mixing a neg?

Quote:

Maybe it can work in a smaller town

I live in a small town. Most of the ladies (65%) are single.

The ratio is significantly in my favour tbh like 4:8.

Quote:

Girls need more originality/wit/humor/mystery!

These girls were actually surprised to be hit on. Like really surprised.

Australia is all about social circle and cold approach rarely works.
So, I kind of knew a lot of my attempts would be futile, but still did it just for LOL's

Quote:

Ask her open ended questions about herself!

Would I do that, even after she rejected me to take her out?

Quote:

But, I suspect that she was "reverse gaming" you..

I think you may be right. I have never been reverse gamed before, so it is all new to me.

But she did ask me to add her on facebook but would not accept my number.

Quote:

She recognized that you were gaming her, so, instinctively, to feel in control of the situation..

Well to be honest, we ended up taking about exams...... and the human nature surrounding them.

Just general stuff, what I talk with my mates.

Quote:

She started asking you questions

The only questions that came were - where I am from? and where do I live?

Quote:

She was pretending to give you "IOIs".. When, the whole time, she never told you that she had a boyfriend!

I think I was friendzoned from the start... lol

Quote:

She was toying with you.

.

But then why would she ask when my exams ended and request to hang out for a coffee? Not sure....

Also, I ended up getting a thanks for stopping her and chatting to her. I dont know what to make of this....

We might, just see how this one goes. No biggie. At least I got my confidence skills up.

Quote:

[b]Complemented on the cute ones dress as an opener.

[/quote]

The opener actually worked. Both were hooked on to the approach.

Quote:

Start trying to mix in subtle teases and negs into your compliments!

Some examples would be great!

Quote:

Also, if you are doing this with regularity on the same college campus, you run the risk of developing a reputation as a spam approacher.

[/quote]

I finish uni, at the end of this year.

[Vadar]

Quote:

I would not say "really" cute. I also would not say "this is weird".

Thanks! I usually say, this is weird to calm the girl down. As some just freak out, if a stranger approaches them.

'Cute' as I said previously expresses my intention.

One of my mate - who is a natural suggested that this technique works really well for him.

Some of my other mates (non - naturals) also suggested that it has an average effectiveness.

[Adrenaline]

You guys are really over-analysing this. Whether you add "This is weird but..." at the start or you call her really cute instead of cute doesn't matter. It comes down to two things: 1) Whether she is instantly attracted to your look and 2) The delivery of your approach including demeanour, body language and voice tone. If she's attracted to your look and approach, as long as you don't say something completely weird you'll still have success. 10% what you say, 90% how you say it.

[Vadar]

Quote:

1) Whether she is instantly attracted to your look and 2) The delivery of your approach including demeanour, body language and voice tone.

Strong point. Hard to change my looks, but can definitely work on the others.

Got a reply from approach 2 (reverse gamer) that she wants to "Catch up sometime when we're both free "

So will see how it goes. But I am thinking it is friendzone stuff. Still good for developing communication skills with the ladies.

[BigL]

By saying weird I suppose he wanted to relieve a pressure on himself. Kinda similar to when you do the public speech and say "I'm a little nervous". On the other hand, he also wanted to take off the pressure from her, with letting her know that he acknowledge this is weird assuming it must be weird for her.

Now, when you approach a girl, most of them already know that you find them cute so it's not that big of a mistake. But I tend to use word "interesting" or "crazy" when I approach and it works better. Try using that instead of cute.

[Giovonny]

(10-23-2016 06:33 PM)Vadar Wrote:  

Even the best daygamers like Yad use a direct complement.

Yad operates in Europe.

In America, especially in San Francisco, I quite sure that he would have to evolve to a less complimentary opener.

(10-23-2016 06:33 PM)Vadar Wrote:  

How do I go about mixing a neg?

Well, before I answer..

Haven't you studied Yad?

What does Yad say about using negs on the opener?

Do you have any examples of Yad using negs?

(10-23-2016 06:33 PM)Vadar Wrote:  

So, I kind of knew a lot of my attempts would be futile, but still did it just for LOL's

Quote:

Ask her open ended questions about herself!

Would I do that, even after she rejected me to take her out?

As a beginner who is learning by trial and error..

Yes!

Why not try to prolong the conversation by asking her an open ended question?

(10-23-2016 06:33 PM)Vadar Wrote:  

But then why would she ask when my exams ended and request to hang out for a coffee?

Just to be a tease..

Or. maybe she wants to fuck you???

Let us know what happens.. I hope I'm wrong!

(10-23-2016 06:33 PM)Vadar Wrote:  

Some examples would be great!

there are some great examples here.

[Vadar]

Quote:

[i]Haven't you studied Yad?

Just watched a couple of videos. I mainly used simple pickup.

Quote:

Ask her open ended questions about herself!

[/quote]

Open ended questions, even after being rejected. Would that not make it awkward, if I hung around.....

Quote:

Let us know what happens.. I hope I'm wrong!

I hope too LOL.