Posts: 3,719
Threads: 0
Joined: Dec 2013
Reputation:
46
Maintaining tension to keep her around
09-14-2016, 08:04 AM
After being in a few LTRs, I've come to realize that it's important to maintain some sort of tension in there. I'm not talking constant fights and petty bullshit, but periodic "outbursts" if you will.
Case in point, I like to call out my current gf on her behavior from time to time. She often has a negative vibe and feels "down". So I'll tell her to cut it out and start acting more pleasant because I'm getting tired of her shit. Obviously she doesn't take it well and starts giving me the silent treatment, but I've noticed that it almost always works in my favor as she becomes more attached after these moments.
I've also realized that the key is calling her out CALMLY. I've only lost my cool a handful of times.
Posts: 3,343
Threads: 0
Joined: Jul 2015
Reputation:
33
Maintaining tension to keep her around
09-14-2016, 05:38 PM
Exactly. Sadly women are a lot of work in a relationship and need constant fine tuning and correction.
You need to fade/withdraw attention and affection in response to her amping up her bad behavior.
If you have been treating her nice for quite some time, you will notice her treating you badly and loosing attraction until you remind her that you can take or leave her bitch ass.
Posts: 172
Threads: 0
Joined: Jun 2014
Reputation:
3
Maintaining tension to keep her around
09-14-2016, 06:48 PM
Push/Pull isn't exclusive to the seduction process.
Posts: 12
Threads: 0
Joined: Apr 2015
Reputation:
0
Maintaining tension to keep her around
09-15-2016, 11:38 PM
What Rats saying is gold. Its amazing how redirecting your attention elsewhere can reinvigorate a dwindling flame. I'd call it a staple in relationship dynamics - alot of men fail to utilize it to their advantage though
Posts: 5,033
Threads: 0
Joined: Nov 2013
Reputation:
124
Maintaining tension to keep her around
09-16-2016, 10:14 AM
I did this exact thing with a tinder bang the other night. Her behavior was unpleasant so I threatened to kick her out. I broke her edge - she cried, I consoled her, and she was sweet as pie the rest of the night.
Posts: 349
Threads: 0
Joined: Mar 2014
Reputation:
7
Maintaining tension to keep her around
09-20-2016, 10:01 AM
One does not need to go out of their way, or think of anything creative, to get some drama in the relationship. The girl will bring it. It's about how you deal with it. Is it a challenge or an opportunity?
I still do need to let my LTR know that I could walk. It's too bad, really. They say they want unconditional love, to be looked at like they're the only women in the world. And maybe they really do, SOME of the time. Familiarity breeds contempt.
Posts: 7,818
Threads: 0
Joined: Oct 2010
Reputation:
343
Maintaining tension to keep her around
09-20-2016, 10:18 AM
Actively pulling other chicks is all the tension you need, because your attention not being on her is TENSION for her.
I've gone down the creating drama route - that really just means falling in to her frame and always providing her with the emotional roller coaster that she needs to stay attracted. You essentially lose hand.
It's like owning a tiger. Cool, you own a tiger. But you have to keep feeding the tiger, or the tiger will eat you.
Don't own the tiger. Stop trying to control the chick and start controlling yourself - what you have the most power over.
WIA
Posts: 7,818
Threads: 0
Joined: Oct 2010
Reputation:
343
Maintaining tension to keep her around
09-20-2016, 02:47 PM
Best defense is a strong offense.
Took me a long time to learn that lesson.
WIA
Posts: 1,432
Threads: 0
Joined: Mar 2015
Reputation:
18
Maintaining tension to keep her around
09-20-2016, 04:38 PM
Quote: (09-20-2016 10:18 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:
Actively pulling other chicks is all the tension you need, because your attention not being on her is TENSION for her.
I've gone down the creating drama route - that really just means falling in to her frame and always providing her with the emotional roller coaster that she needs to stay attracted. You essentially lose hand.
It's like owning a tiger. Cool, you own a tiger. But you have to keep feeding the tiger, or the tiger will eat you.
Don't own the tiger. Stop trying to control the chick and start controlling yourself - what you have the most power over.
WIA
Quote: (09-20-2016 10:18 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:
Best defense is a strong offense.
Took me a long time to learn that lesson.
WIA
I don't get it. First you're saying don't worry about creating drama route get her jealous instead, but then you say the best defense is a good offense? You mean like getting angry?
Also, if you even slightly hint about other girls or she finds a little bit of evidence, you will be constantly shit tested about it.
You will have to reassure her but even then she will get insecure and probably cheat on you, just in case you're cheating on her. And even if she's a chubby five she still has far more options than you. She could order a guy to her house quicker than a pizza.
"Especially Roosh offers really good perspectives. But like MW said, at the end of the day, is he one of us?"
- Reciproke, posted on the Roosh V Forum.
Posts: 1,432
Threads: 0
Joined: Mar 2015
Reputation:
18
Maintaining tension to keep her around
09-20-2016, 05:21 PM
I think this is a really important subject, girl's attitudes are absolutely atrocious and are only getting worse.
So far, I think being ready to kick a girl out of your place or end a date or leave in response to her bad behaviour is good advice that is being posted here.
There is also the threat of completely leaving, but you have to do it right! I don't think you need to explicitly mention it, but subtly imply you can leave at any time. I tried to do this once, it backfired and I ended up breaking up with her. Girls are volatile, emotional and have a bad attitude.
After a silly argument I said "maybe this isn't working.." She got angry and agreed to it, insulted me, stormed out of the place, cried in the bathroom on her own but acted like she didn't and then came round later to pick up all her stuff with a friend. The whole time with a bad attitude and acting like it was her idea.
I calmly let them take the stuff, helped them with it, the friend being there helped me act even more casual because I could ignore her and be friendly with her roommate.
I then called her up about some money, and when she was saying things like "is that all you're gonna say?" She really expected me to be upset and to try and get her back, but I didn't at all which drove her crazy. A couple days later she texted me late at night saying she missed me, I ignored it but met up with her and got back with her on my own terms 4 or 5 days later. I didn't want to leave it too long or I'd risk her sleeping around or something.
So in the end it worked out better than expected, but you can't use this option more than once in the relationship. So that only leaves the threat of kicking a girl out and not seeing her for a few days. Is that all we have? Fuck. Cmon we can do better that.
Blue pill me would never have thought about trying to control and tame a woman in a relationship and definitely never have suspected that's what they're trying to do to me. But now I can see so many ways in which girls try to manipulate us and most men simply don't have a clue. It's kind of sick and sociopathic to be honest. Women think we're so evil and manipulative just for talking here.
Yet here is some of the downright evil, sick, twisted and manipulative shit women do:
- Women will get in a bad mood for hours and hours and days over something as stupid as asking them to wash up a knife. They seem to have unlimited patience for this kind of shit, whereas men don't and will just say fuck it and try and make up with them rather than call her out on this ridiculous bullshit.
- They will ask you to do something in a baby voice, you say no, then they just whine, and then you try and explain why you're saying no and it becomes an argument over what you're explaining. Ten minutes later you're sick of this shit and you let her have what she wants.
- They leave things in your house, and then when they have so much shit in your house they try and have their own drawers or even want to buy some. They get involved with day to day stuff like this so they have more excuses to see you more regularly.
- They will not take criticism well at all. They either get defensive, get upset/angry or listen to it and do nothing about it. At the same time they will regularly nag you for EVERYTHING.
It doesn't matter if her place is a complete mess, you need to clean your floor, you need to redecorate that. She will nag you every day about the same goddamn thing until you either go mental or just do it. Whereas we just don't have the patience to nag a girl for the same thing, nor do we care as much. It's ridiculous.
I've ended up in situations like this where girls are nagging me for something that they don't even do themselves.
- If you decide to get annoyed about something or tell her something she will just blow it up into a big argument and bring up anything she can about you. Every single thing in your past or anything you've revealed to her is fair game if she is being accused of not being 100% perfect.
Then she will get really upset about that one thing, more upset than you are, and she's now switched the argument round and you've lost.
- Some girls start holding all the stuff they do for you against you. So they will cook you something, but then make sure you wash the dishes and make sure to constantly remind you that they made you food and all of the things they do for you. They normally bring it up when they want you to do something for them.
It doesn't matter that you're supposed to want to do stuff for the other person and enjoy it. It doesn't matter that there's no way of keeping score like this, and even if you did, you've probably paid far more money than her in the relationship. So fuck this shit too.
- Then they will go home and laugh about all this to their friends and come up with new ways of manipulating us.
So women can fuck off when they say game is 'manipulative'. Of course it is, but what we're doing is in reaction to this bollocks and it's very tame in comparison
Anyway so what can we do? Is the best we can do is have short term relationships and just ditch them when they're getting uppity like this? I think another obvious way of maintaining tension in a relationship is to drag out the honey moon period as long as possible by not seeing them very often.
"Especially Roosh offers really good perspectives. But like MW said, at the end of the day, is he one of us?"
- Reciproke, posted on the Roosh V Forum.
Posts: 7,818
Threads: 0
Joined: Oct 2010
Reputation:
343
Maintaining tension to keep her around
09-20-2016, 05:31 PM
Getting on new chicks removes the need to control old ones. If they want to stay in your life they should act right, instead of needing you to play games.
It is proactive. Its a different mentality to be honest.
I'd say the average guy wants to pull a chick with the least effort, but then has to run dread game or amp up non existent competition anxiety. They prefer to work hard to retain customers, so they put resources into that.
After trying that philosophy for years, I decided to focus on my front end game. Why am I changing my life and dealing with unpleasantness for old pussy?
I vividly recall the first great blow job I'd ever gotten. KEEPER! Right?
Until she turned out to be one of these head cases that require constant attention and emotional management. (Nawalt for real)
Chick made my life hell with all of her problems. And the more I took on, the less the sex started to matter.
Why am I dealing with this?
In general, guys give way too much in every male to female relationship. Typical guy makes a chick climax before he does. That's not the natural order.
This chick wasn't worth it, and the more chicks you bang, the more you realize how little they add to your life.
So as a player coming up, you can focus on your pull game, and get the two- fer of new pussy and old pussy trying to get your attention by acting right
Or you can time your texts so as not to appear needy, imply competition, run dread game. Basically run back end game.
The only downside to front end focus is that a lot of guys hate it.
I enjoy it, much more than trying to guess what going on in that hamster wheel.
WIA
Posts: 7,818
Threads: 0
Joined: Oct 2010
Reputation:
343
Maintaining tension to keep her around
09-20-2016, 06:19 PM
@XXL
" If providing her with drama to keep it fresh and exciting is "falling in to her frame" and "losing your hand" then anything else we do with girls from opening to close might also be viewed this way."
That view is too reductive.
But too encompass this pov, if I like going out, talking to people, dressing nicely - and i meet a chick - that is not a cost to me. She benefits, but I'm not paying for it.
If I need to accuse her of seeing other guys or spending too much time at the job, or listening to her loser friends- to start a fight - so she gets emotional release - so we can have makeup sex - that costs me.
If she starts getting bitchy, I can give her drama, or text her that she is acting funny and I am going to hit the spots with my people.
So she's fuming and I am chatting up the next double d cup.
Whereas if I want to engage in her fight to keep her appeased - that is a real cost to me.
It is like asking a girl to come with you to something you were going to do anyway, versus a date. If I'm at one of my favorite venues, the girl can show, be late, come with a chaperone, flake.- I am not phased.
There are* internal* costs to this game thing and I think a lot of the advice neglects that.
WIA
Posts: 189
Threads: 0
Joined: Jul 2016
Reputation:
10
Maintaining tension to keep her around
09-21-2016, 05:02 AM
A relationship (MLTR or LTR) is constant work, here's some thing to help you keep her around (which I successfully use) :
-Frame control. When you see the girl a lot, you can't fake anything, she will sense the congruence (or not) in any tiny details. So you lead and make her understand that it is normal for you to lead and her to follow. She will test you in numerous ways. The good thing is: if you did like this say for 2-3 months, she will get used to and you will have a bigger margin of error.
-"Best defence is a strong offence" +1 WIA. Look for (justified) things you don't like in her behaviour. When you do find them, be rational about it, explain the reason and be calm about it. If you start to get angry, she will too (that's called symmetry in psychology) and it will be a lose-lose scenario. If you do it calmly, she will feel bad about herself and correct it. In the meantime, you can give her the silent treatment. Using women weapons against them is 100% effective, so learn it. Is it a bit manipulative? Yes, but you're either stronger and more cunning than her or you will lose her - your choice.
When I starting dating my ex (it was clear we were exclusive), she called me one night and I indirectly learn that she went to a movie with a nice guys. He was the typical nice guy - nothing to fear from him - but to me, it was a date. I explained to her calmly (and coldly) that it seem like a date, that it wasnt respectful and that she wouldn't like it if I did the same with a girl. I didn't want any justification and bid her good night and hang up. She made a big apology to me the day after, recognized her mistake and it never happened again. Bonus point : she will respect you way more after this kind of stuff.
If she didn't apologize or it was something worse, I would have done the same to her but slightly stronger.
Hypothetical case : she was drunk at a friend's party and kissed a guy. I would not say anything at first, go together at a club and kiss (good, long, makeout) with another girl before her very eyes. Then go back to her and say calmly that I didn't appreciated what she did and now she knows why.
If she start to be too bitchy, detach a bit from fer and use silent treatment and if she still bitch/won't apologize, it's time to start thinking to cut her off from your life.
-Be demanding, expect the best from her. When I was younger, I thought my dad was a bit ingrate with my mom : she cooked every meal and still he used to complain from time to time. Now, I understand that being unimpressed/demanding with a girl bring the best out of her. As long as it's not too much (remember to reward behaviour a bit too), she will be her best self thanks to you. She will realize that and think "Damn. With this guy I'm the best person I can be whereas with others, they like me even if I'm an arrogant bitch". Besides, the subtitles of the interaction (read: the frame beneath) is that since you're a bit unimpressed and she's working to please you by being her best, you control the frame.
I do that with a current MLTR : she dances, takes naked pics for me, works hard to win my approval, cook a bit, clean and I remain sometime unimpressed/neutral. I still reward her behaviour a bit. She's so hooked and don't even see other guys when she knows she can and knows that I see other girls. Same thing is happening to my wing, the girl is even in love with him
That's it, guys. I agree it's a lot of manipulation (more persuasion in that case), but it's for her own too and you remain fair to her.
Make men great again!
Posts: 83
Threads: 0
Joined: Nov 2015
Reputation:
1
Maintaining tension to keep her around
09-24-2016, 12:45 AM
RedPillUK,
Your experiences resonate with me in a very strong way, and it proves that the majority of women really are cut from the same cloth. I have been through nearly every one of the points you put forward, but for me once this kind of behavior begins to manifest i have no patience; I rapidly replace these women. Of course this does mean that many of my relationships are short lived, but i just can't picture myself having to "tame" a grown woman, or fine-tune a grown woman over any extended period of time. I am growing older, and have various other uncertainties in my life and work, and don't need any more once i get home from work. Its tiring, and saps the last fumes of energy a man may have at the end of the day.
An interesing anecdote i have is that i noted exactly this power dynamic with my uncle (and aunt) when I visited them some time back. They've been married (mostly happily) for 30+ years, but i could sense his dominance over her in nearly every interaction and convo they were having. He comes really close to treating her like a child!, though he's not abusive.
Yes folks, it doesn't stop once you get married. Game is for life.