[Abraxas]

Recently I've been thinking about the manner in which the majority of men compulsively qualify themselves to anyone who will listen. The subtext of every conversation is "I am this. I possess these qualities. Think of me this way." People seem so desperately eager to (falsely) define themselves. This of course almost invariably stems from insecurity.

I've noticed that the two issues regarding which men are the most insecure are sex (which should be obvious to anyone who frequents these boards) and combat/self defense/fighting prowess. Spend any time in the company of men and it won't be long before they start bragging about their sexual conquests ("I fucked this bitch, blah blah blah") or how tough they are (in the context of some story: "I would've/I almost beat that motherfucker's ass"). The ability to seduce and to perform well sexually along with the ability to defend one's self against enemies and interlopers seem to be subconsciously understood by almost all men as cornerstones of masculinity, to the point that they make fools out of themselves attempting to convey that they have these aspects of their lives not only handled but mastered. But if this were true, why the need to talk about it incessantly? Well, because it isn't true in most cases. In fact, most men are severely lacking in these departments.

I cringe a bit as I type this paragraph as I am going to qualify myself, and I hate doing so in any context, but I am blessed in the sense that I don't really care about any of this. I have had sexual experiences that surpassed my wildest fantasies, but I have never felt compelled to brag about this to anyone (until now, I guess, since it's in the context of this post and the point I'm trying to make). As for fighting/combat, I just simply don't care. I am a writer and a filmmaker. An introverted, bookish type. It took a lot of grueling work in my early twenties to learn to be social and approach and talk to women but it is an invaluable skill and I'm glad I took the time to learn it (as I mentioned recently in a separate post, I am currently getting back into the PUA lifestyle after a long break brought on by a drug addiction). A lot of guys these days are all about MMA and jiu jitsu and boxing and krav maga and hey, if that's something through which some men derive fulfillment then I see nothing wrong with it. More power to you. For myself, however, I have never felt the call for that type of activity. I lift weights and eat healthily, primarily for the sake of vanity, but that is the extent of my athletic inclinations.

With that said, I don't allow myself to be a sitting duck just waiting to be victimized. I own several firearms and carry mace and a knife but I sincerely hope I never have to use any of them. Unlike a lot of guys, I don't go looking for a trouble (my grandfather, a boxer, once told me, "if you go looking for trouble, you'll never have any problem finding it"). But I am not afraid to defend myself and my loved ones if necessary, and I think that *that*, as opposed to being a tough guy who constantly goes looking for fights, is truly masculine.

To conclude, I'll share an example of a guy I know who is one of the biggest shit talkers I've ever encountered. You can't spend 5 minutes with the guy without him telling you how tough he is, how he would do such and such if someone messed with him, and on and on with that type of bullshit. He's been this way for years. Back when I was really into PUA, I would try to get him to approach a girl when we went out to the bar, and he would flat out *refuse*. If I continued to press him on it, he would get downright angry, to the point that he actually got up and left the bar once. The reason for this is very clear: cold approaching an attractive woman is like holding up a mirror to your value. That's why so few men get good at this. You have to be willing to let your ego take a beating and find out exactly where you stand in the eyes of the types of women that you want to fuck. Rarely pleasant, but ultimately worth it.

[CynicalContrarian]

I'd imagine most men simply don't have a healthy outlet for their masculinity.

Whether it's hunting for game meat.
Having some sort of combat training background (even without being deployed).
Or boxing / kickboxing / BJJ for sport.

They probably also have an obscured mindset / sense of self due to Hollywood nonsense.
It's easy to act like a tough guy in a fantasy. Reality is something else...

Hell, for awhile there, I was sporting a Lemmy Kilmister type moustache.
As much for my own amusement as anything else ( peacocking ).



What was interesting, was the reaction of other males in my workplace.
Those guys that were not very masculine or seemed to be less secure, became even more cold shouldered. As if my facial hair somehow threatened them.
Whereas the guys who were naturally confident / self assured, were normally amused as well & would comment in a fun or positive manner. Cause to them, my presence was not a threat.

Whether it's being beholden to a landlord, a bank manager, an accountant / financier.
Not to mention all the arrogant bosses & cunty wives out there.
This modern world does not offer many man true dominion over their small, small domains.
Hell, their domain may be merely a small box in a larger box (apartment).

[Matsufubu]

(09-23-2017 01:45 AM)Abraxas Wrote:  

I have had sexual experiences that surpassed my wildest fantasies,

Lover of the Russian Queen?

But seriously, yes you are right. Life is so simple, just follow your instincts. Things feel good for a reason. Back when I did MMA I used to come home relaxed but horny as fuck. Never had so much sex before or after (same girlfriend). I think fighting, getting hit, overcoming an opponent and then fucking his (now our) women is hardwired into our psyche. We overthink this stuff, "What's the meaning of life?" "How can I be happy?" "Why don't women like me?" etc, etc, when the answer 90% of the time is to get in shape, adopt a ZFG mindset and get laid. All these things bring the self respect required to succeed, and others will see it. It's a bit like Hamlet overthinking and intellectualising what he needed to do, when he should have just listened to his instinct and killed the motherfucker.

We need to be part of a tribe, we need to fight and we need to fuck. Everything else is commentary.

[RatInTheWoods]

There's talkers and Doers, and they are never the same guy.