[subterfuge]

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[subterfuge]

(09-02-2016 04:02 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

[quote='jcrew247' pid='1384582' dateline='1472778401']

The cool thing about interpersonal conflict is that people often give you the instructions on how to avoid that conflict right from the start. It's usually a good idea to listen to them. You should've made your exit immediately at that point - I thought the goal was to get laid.

.

Interesting? Do you always walk away if a friend of the girl you like cock blocks you?

I guess there's no right or wrong.

And I certainly wasn't worried about 'getting knocked out!!'' haha
Franknightgame says to never walk away like a little girl and fights aggression with aggression. Also, Giovanni from this site had soe epic fights with girls in some of his field reports and he's supposed to be one of the best here?

I guess different strokes for different folks

[XPQ22]

^ I'm pushing 40, and I have a business to run and elderly parents to help take care of. I don't have the patience to deal with club or bar girl drama in any shape or form. If someone stresses me, I'm out...I don't have anything to prove, and I can get laid just fine without dealing with it.

The cemeteries of the world are filled with pseudo tough guys who believed they had nothing but their "street cred" to work with, and swore they'd never "walk away like a little girl" from any confrontation. It worked for a time I'm sure, until instead of knowing when to walk they ran their mouth at the wrong person. Oops.

I kind of like my life, and I'm not taking even a 1% chance of ruining it over some night game hoe. Most battles aren't worth fighting.

This is an extreme example, but all this guy had to do to stay alive was keep his mouth shut and keep walking. Couldn't do it:

https://youtu.be/TBG07UOku4c

[jcrew247]

(09-03-2016 02:48 AM)Euphoria Wrote:  

I found any compliment as pedestalizing attempt, therefore i am not fan of it. I would rather go indirect. Or just '' Hey '' if direct is prefered.

Yeah, it depends on the situation. Sometimes compliments are not necessary, especially in indirect situations.

I suppose in a bar or very social party environment, a compliment might help a guy impress a woman and be memorable, especially if she is talking to a lot of other people in the bar/party. Just say "you have cute shoes/outfit/dress etc." - a small compliment yet makes her slightly neurotic about her appearance. Sometimes a compliment is a pseudo-neg because it can make a girl self-conscious and vulnerable. It can be a back-handed compliment or sarcastic comment for laughs.

[Sam Malone]

(09-01-2016 01:48 PM)subterfuge Wrote:  

Then I said ''Listen. You're not pretty enough to be this rude.

[Euphoria]

Any other ideas?

[Euphoria]

bump

[Euphoria]

Any other ideas?

[Easy_C]

(09-01-2016 01:27 PM)Euphoria Wrote:  

Hello all.

Recently i push myself to approach girls. But it just doesnt happen. I sit and think about it and found out the reason. Before saying the reason, i would like to tell you some other things.

# i dont care what other people thinks if i approach.
# i dont care if she rejects me.
# i dont care if she wears bitch shield upon approach.


what i care is CONFLICT. i am afraid of conflict. This fear is one and only thing keeps me back. I just afraid if she just yells and bring attention to situation and things get worse after that. I just cant get over this fear guys. Yes, simply, i am afraid of pussy. It was hard to deal with the real reason behind my failure. And im telling this without regret. I am afraid of pussy.



Now, just tell me, how do you keep approach without fearing conflict?

Do more of it.

If you want to do it in a less threatening setting try going to some local networking events and starting conversations with people who work in your field. Most of the same skills apply to game.

Other options:

• Try Speed Dating (highly recommended for inner game development)
• Start doing public speaking
• Take an improv class
• Do a full contact martial art
  

Basically, ANYTHING that forces you to go up and directly compete or be judged helps. If you're afraid of verbal confrontation do one of the first options and if you're afraid of physical confrontations join a boxing or MMA gym.....no JuJitsu, no crappy karate classes.....the kind of class where you're expected to actually get hit in the face.

Knowing that you can beat the assess of half the people out of any given group does wonders for being socially confident.

[Euphoria]

(10-02-2016 02:37 PM)Easy_C Wrote:  

Basically, ANYTHING that forces you to go up and directly compete or be judged helps. If you're afraid of verbal confrontation do one of the first options and if you're afraid of physical confrontations join a boxing or MMA gym.....no JuJitsu, no crappy karate classes.....the kind of class where you're expected to actually get hit in the face.

Knowing that you can beat the assess of half the people out of any given group does wonders for being socially confident.

I bought a sandbag after this comment. Would it enough for me?

[mrganteng]

I think one of my fears with women is not only the rejection but the social awkwardness that proceeds after.

I'm at uni right now and if i approach a girl / do any sort of gaming- there's a high chance we'll meet again/ and or she will tell her friends about me.

Approaching strangers is a strange thing to do in public. I think i would be more comfortable in a club or a society of some sort. But i just don't want to be remembered/ known as the guy who's a bit weird like that.

[mrganteng]

(10-12-2016 05:33 PM)mrganteng Wrote:  

I think one of my fears with women is not only the rejection but the social awkwardness that proceeds after.

I'm at uni right now and if i approach a girl / do any sort of gaming- there's a high chance we'll meet again/ and or she will tell her friends about me.

Approaching strangers is a strange thing to do in public. I think i would be more comfortable in a club or a society of some sort. But i just don't want to be remembered/ known as the guy who's a bit weird like that.

Any thoughts on my above comment?

[Euphoria]

(10-12-2016 05:33 PM)mrganteng Wrote:  

I think one of my fears with women is not only the rejection but the social awkwardness that proceeds after.

I'm at uni right now and if i approach a girl / do any sort of gaming- there's a high chance we'll meet again/ and or she will tell her friends about me.

Approaching strangers is a strange thing to do in public. I think i would be more comfortable in a club or a society of some sort. But i just don't want to be remembered/ known as the guy who's a bit weird like that.

Why you care what other people think of you?

[XPQ22]

(10-12-2016 05:33 PM)mrganteng Wrote:  

Approaching strangers is a strange thing to do in public. I think i would be more comfortable in a club or a society of some sort. But i just don't want to be remembered/ known as the guy who's a bit weird like that.

If you're doing it properly, even the chicks who turn you down won't think anything of it.

You often see the same girls out on the town at night around here, and sometimes I bump into girls I've run some game on that ended up blowing me off. It's not like they're seething with anger that I put my bid in at one point.

The ideal should be that you're known to be a guy who is comfortable engaging like women. There's nothing "weird" about it; it's only "weird" if that's the mindset you have going in, spam-approaching fifteen girls on the quad in a half hour, and come off that way.

[Rhyme or Reason]

(10-12-2016 05:33 PM)mrganteng Wrote:  

I think one of my fears with women is not only the rejection but the social awkwardness that proceeds after.

I'm at uni right now and if i approach a girl / do any sort of gaming- there's a high chance we'll meet again/ and or she will tell her friends about me.

Approaching strangers is a strange thing to do in public. I think i would be more comfortable in a club or a society of some sort. But i just don't want to be remembered/ known as the guy who's a bit weird like that.

Risk / reward

Cost / benefit

Can't win chips you don't push into the middle.


What are the actual downsides of approaching? List them out. Getting rejected, and social awkwardness? Don't try to protect yourself from these things, or you will never grow.

Getting out of your comfort zone has many benefits. You stand much more to gain by trying than by benching yourself. There are unseen benefits also, increased confidence and resilience to your fears.

Now go out and approach.

[Euphoria]

bump

[heavy]

I call bull shit. I'm guessing you do care.

# i dont care what other people thinks if i approach.
# i dont care if she rejects me.

I could be wrong, just my guess. If you don't care about approaching, just go approach and don't inspire conflict. Approach is the first step.

Regardless, the reason you don't approach is anxiety. You can say it's anxiety about what others think, or rejection, or conflict, but it's all just anxiety. I don't find it worthwhile to differentiate any further.

Talk to girls. That means initiating conversations. With no intent, just talk to them. The anxiety of ____ will go away.

[Nineteen84]

Realise that when you approach a girl NOBODY CARES. They are too busy thinking about their own shit. In any case, stop placing other people's opinions above your own.

[greekgod]

You either lack confidence or calibration over something. Something tells me you're putting the cart before the horse.

Mental dialogue "Ohhhhhhh, pretty girl. Must sex. If I say Hi that will lead to sex in 1.75 hours after a big instadate to the pub and a venue switch and a well timed kino combination resulting in a notch"

No.

Game is downstream from social skills. And social skills are downstream from getting out of your head *calibration*

Do this; engage the old librarian, chat up the old man at the hardware store, make the cute barista laugh and make her feel something, brighten her day. etc, etc.

Then when you realize strangers aren't going to murder you for being social you can move past your fear of conflict.

[Euphoria]

Any other ideas?