[Gothica]

Years ago, I noticed that when I wasn't emotionally drawn to a girl, I had no trouble going out with her: I controlled the relationship. Unfortunately, whenever I was really smitten with some chick, I'd blow it. Even knowing how I should deal with her, my emotions would distract me and my body language would give me away.

My instincts are good most of the time, but when I really fall for a girl, I find it impossible to maintain a solid game. I always assumed that there was no solution to that, but I'm sure there are approaches I haven't considered. What strategies would you suggest for keeping your cool in such situations?

[WestIndianArchie]

The short answer is that you're still approaching the game like a square.

You're spending too much time with these chicks, and probably too much time with girls that are merely cute.

A chick should not be able to affect you emotionally in a short time period. And you have to put a price on yourself. A chick can't get full warmth without the correct behavior inside the bedroom and outside.

Green players tend to have lists of what she has to do, and can't do. They don't have the personal insight to know, but they close themselves off to dealing with chicks that fall below standards. It's a good newb practice, though you need more sophistication as time goes on.

WIA

[Stirfry]

(07-22-2016 03:08 AM)Gothica Wrote:  

Years ago, I noticed that when I wasn't emotionally drawn to a girl, I had no trouble going out with her: I controlled the relationship. Unfortunately, whenever I was really smitten with some chick, I'd blow it. Even knowing how I should deal with her, my emotions would distract me and my body language would give me away.

My instincts are good most of the time, but when I really fall for a girl, I find it impossible to maintain a solid game. I always assumed that there was no solution to that, but I'm sure there are approaches I haven't considered. What strategies would you suggest for keeping your cool in such situations?

I have the same problem. I am fairly new here and don't yet have much 'game', but I was even worse before and made similar mistakes with a few women I dated after my separation. I screwed up on a lot of levels, but the worst was liking some too much (actually, even worse than that was letting them know it). Naturally, this led to rejection, because women don't want the romantic Hollywood guy, even though that's what we have been told over and over again.

For my last girlfriend, however, things become more interesting, and inadvertently prove the basic concepts of game. I met her last summer and at first she seemed great- about a 6.5 - 7 body and face, not gorgeous but very cute, with a powerful Washington DC job. As we spent more and more time together, however, I began to lose attraction (lots of reasons why, probably best saved for another thread, but briefly her poor bedroom skills and tendency to shove SJW causes and beliefs down my throat (she's a big Obama supporter and works in his administration) doomed us to failure). As a result, I unconsciously started being 'alpha'. Because I didn't really like spending time with her or talking, I never called or texted, didn't answer her texts right away, started seeing her less frequently, was a little aloof or non-committal when we were together, etc., thinking that she might get the hint. Did she?

The veterans of this forum probably could have told me what was going to happen- she pursued me MORE, started buying me stuff, readily gave in to my weird quirks (we traveled together once and because I like to deplane quickly upon landing I got a seat near the front. There were no others available so she had to sit way in the back. When she asked me to sit with her I said no ). When I saw that my 'withdrawal' strategy was having the direct opposite effect of what was intended, I finally just told her that we were over.

My point is that I too lose frame when I really care about someone. If I honestly like them, I act that way (neediness and attachment), and either they figure it out or like an idiot I tell them, and they dump me. When it's a girl I don't give a shit about, I treat them poorly and I can't get rid of her. Of course, the challenge is to treat the girl you care about like the one you don't. I know this intuitively, yet I can't pull off that Buddhist leap of 'non-attachment.' By definition, if I care about her, then I care and act accordingly. If I don't, then I really don't even want to be around her.

So I have similar questions- are there any exercises or techniques I can use to care less about those I care about?

[XXL]

It's totally possible to fall for a girl and maintain good game/frame but the only way to do it is to develop solid personality that's above and beyond game. In reality it means you are the same with that girl and without that girl. You don't change, you don't waver, your confidence or charisma does not fluctuate depending on her feedback.

It may sound weird but it's actually true. I'm sure you already experienced that feeling I'm talking about for a short period of time here and there. It feels like freedom. It's when you put yourself first. It's when you respect yourself more. It's when you tell that girl "this is how I live and that's what gonna be.." and then you just leave it like that feeling completely comfortable in your skin not thinking how she will react to that, or if she will react to that at all. Some call it indifference, some say it's not giving a fuck, etc. I prefer the term "me first". It's not about being a dick to show others who's the boss but rather respecting yourself and your own values first and foremost so that nobody can play you.

It has to be honest like you really mean it. It doesn't mean you will win every little battle by putting yourself first but you're gonna be much happier doing that. And guess what, many times that girl, or that GF, or that spouse will object first, get pissed and or ignore you but very often she will eventually crumble and give into you sooner or later.

The key part is listening to yourself first and staying true to yourself at all times. This way you'll be either happy with her or happy with other girl. All of it happens within yourself, outside of game completely. If you put yourself first like that despite internal and external pressure you can easily fall in love with a fine girl and stay cool and not turn into a wuss.

[RatInTheWoods]

Its very hard to keep being an asshole when you are in a great LTR with a chick you really like.

Its exhausting remembering to do all the horrible things that make you attractive to them.

This is where natural assholes have the advantage, no need to game them, just be normal.

[Dantes]

The more experience you have with attractive women, the easier it is to control your frame. Inexperienced players fall fast for hot women simply because of the novelty and lack of experience with quality. Your frame and confidence will improve automatically through experience. There are no short-cuts. You can't deceive yourself when you haven't had the experience.

Your frame will get better with time and experience. Keep moving forward and good luck.

[Stirfry]

(07-26-2016 12:29 PM)Dantes Wrote:  

The more experience you have with attractive women, the easier it is to control your frame. Inexperienced players fall fast for hot women simply because of the novelty and lack of experience with quality. Your frame and confidence will improve automatically through experience. There are no short-cuts. You can't deceive yourself when you haven't had the experience.

Your frame will get better with time and experience. Keep moving forward and good luck.

Makes sense- like any other skill it takes practice. Sometimes I am a bit hard on myself. I need reminders that my whole life I was doing everything wrong, so I shouldn't expect to suddenly do it right now without a bit of effort.