[eradicator]

(04-13-2016 02:12 PM)ed pluribus unum Wrote:  

Here's another takeaway: deny, deny, deny. Nobody gains or wins from this 'confession'.

Oh, I think the husband probably grew a guilty conscience and telling his wife about the affairs made him feel better, at least in the short run. Ultimately he will end up regretting telling her.

[RoastBeefCurtains4Me]

A lot of guys this thread are taking up the Feminine Imperative. How does this affect the woman? What's a woman's point of view on this?

I take the man's point of view. There are two important factors here. First, a man is only as faithful as his options. If he had an attractive woman offering herself to him, he's only going to have so much resistance. If this woman was in a position to encounter Brad Pitt occasionally, and he made a play for her with the expectation of discretion, could she have resisted? Most likely not, and if she could have resisted Brad Pitt, there most certainly is a hot guy that she would have gone for once he broke the ice with her and established a connection. You all know how this works. AWALT.

Second, was she really a loving wife? She may have felt that she was. However, did she give regular and willing blowjobs? Did she agree more than 50% of the time when he tried to initiate sex? Was she enthusiastic in bed, or did she give him the starfish treatment? I sure as hell wouldn't bet that she was, just by the odds.

I bet this guy was tortured, and desperately wanted to remain faithful, but reached a point where he couldn't take it anymore, and wasn't willing to go the rest of his life with no better than the unwilling, starfish sex he was settling for. Even if he learned the red pill, he would have found that the effort to bring her around to a positive relationship would be twice as much as it would take to get a younger, hotter, enthusiastic woman into bed.

If he is a prosperous CEO/Engineer type, who has provided for her and stood by her side while they raised a family, then she ought to immediately give him a blow job, then fuck his brains out, then start going to the gym, get some new lingerie, and make a point to be sweet and attentive and sexually fun for him.

I've been there. Yeah, in an ideal world, he would be faithful, and she would keep his balls drained. Most men in a faithful relationship lose their sex drive to some extent as they grow older, and a woman could easily satisfy him if she actually loves him and wants to please him. Most wives don't do this, and fight tooth and nail not to if the man presses the issue. There's only so much some men can take, and frankly, if a man does remain faithful in the face of this treatment, then he is broken man, living in defeat.

Fuck! I'm feeling worked up now. I feel like I'm reliving things that are just as well left in the past.

[Brian Shima]

Surprised there is so many righteous guys on here who think he is so wrong for cheating while married.. Have you forgotten what forum you are on? Go ahead and look down on me because you are faithful players LOL..

[fugly1000]

Don't worry she probably cheated also. Don't feel to bad. If I was the guy I'd never confess. I would've made up a lie and told the startup is stressing me out.

[SlickyBoy]

(04-13-2016 02:19 PM)debeguiled Wrote:  

My key takeaways from this story have nothing to do with the details of her story and everything to do with the details of your story.

Your story is, you are in a bar, and some women comes up to you who you don't know from Eve, and that you aren't particularly attracted to, and being a good dude, you behave in a social manner, even going to the trouble of throwing a little wit in her direction.

Rather than bantering back, or introducing herself, or saying she is not in the mood to chat, or making an excuse and leaving, she uses your politeness (!) and basic sociability (!) as a cue for her to dump all her personal shit all over you.

And it's on, and you end up having to buy her a drink, and expending understanding and sympathy on someone who could not care less how your night was going, or whether or not you have some stuff to get off your chest or whatever.

I actually didn't buy her anything, my client did - I expensed it as part of a meal. You are correct I wasn't remotely attracted to her, but the situation was me sitting at the bar finishing dinner, when something unexpected and incongruous approached my vicinity.

I'm naturally a bit extroverted so conversation isn't something I treat like a commodity and reserve only for girls I'm interested in smashing. I don't talk to everybody all the time, but interacting with everyday people assists in maintaining valuable social and sales skills. She bantered back - asked questions about me, etc. (again, no I was not interested but this is a good sign when selling) and in the process I learned quite a bit more about her, her company, and possible leads for my line of work.

The encounter was worthwhile for the takeaways and the conversation which ensued here, but also a bit dismayed at the reality that most young girls of today will probably look even worse than she did and be in more dire mental conditions by the time their walls approach.

[AnonymousBosch]

(04-13-2016 11:56 AM)Quintus Curtius Wrote:  

It's hard to draw a lot of conclusions just by reading about this incident. Seems like one of those things where you needed to be there in person to evaluate everything: appearance, demeanor, intonation, body language.

People tell you what they want to tell you. One thing I do know that people tend to leave out much of relevance in a story like this.

From my experience, women are hugely-unreliable narrators, and will rewrite reality to gain sympathy from the listener to escape negative judgements. Though some are outright liars, most often it's simply reframing the scene, bending the facts or withholding information that makes them appear less than perfect. I'm often amused to hear women describe a scene I saw take place and note how exaggerated and inaccurate it is. They're always the innocent little kitten frolicking in a flower-filled meadow - even their farts are sunshine and sparkles - then, suddenly, they've wandered into the woods, through no fault of their own.

Of course, if I saw the woods, I'd describe this:



Their version:



The more troubling part is that once a woman rewrites a scene in her mind, she has the capacity to accept the fantasy as being the reality, forgetting the truth exists.

This is how women manipulate a man's natural urge to protect for their own purposes. Given the situation and accepting any genuine truth in her story, I'd expect she was looking for a revenge bang to test her sexual-attractiveness and salve her wounded ego, and OP would do.

I'm wary of anyone who info-dumps personal details on a stranger in public. Most traditional cons start with this.

slickyboy Wrote:

I'm naturally a bit extroverted so conversation isn't something I treat like a commodity and reserve only for girls I'm interested in smashing. I don't talk to everybody all the time, but interacting with everyday people assists in maintaining valuable social and sales skills.

Good attitude. Depending on my mood, i'll game everyone. Even the fat doctor's receptionist might have a hot friend.

[kaotic]

(04-13-2016 11:56 AM)Quintus Curtius Wrote:  

For me, I always get a bit leery when strangers tend to reveal too much intimate detail about their lives too quickly. That usually indicates a hidden agenda, or a serious lack of social calibration, which is a problem in its own right.

This, anytime it happens, it always raises red flags in my book.

I'm thinking, "why the fuck are you telling me such deep shit and I don't even know your last name ?"

Also, we still don't know the man's side of the story and we never will.

OF COURSE she'll put herself in a good light.

Only lesson I can extrapolate from this is "Deny till you die" then flip the script on them.

This may sound fucked but - if the dude was always out of town, working his ass off, and his lady was handling the kids, older, and never in the mood....yeah I'd probably fuck around also.

[Neo]

If she was loyal moral woman, putting effort into being fit, wanted to keep her husband happy, and dedicated to raising a family, I have total sympathy for this woman.

We will never know the entire situation, but if the above are true the husband's behavior can not be condoned.

I haven't read the responses to the thread, but I'm sure I'm in the minority. Every woman is disloyal, lies, will cheat at the drop of the hat, it was probably all her fault, etc. etc. That's what I'll read.

First, I believe as a man there is value in self control and delaying or withholding gratification. When I've been in a LTR I didn't cheat even when I had the chance, why? It's just not in my belief system to.

When I'm single all bets are off, I'm honest with my intentions and that's why I'm currently staying unattached. I'm not sure that life long monogamy is feasible unless there is punishment by the law and society has a strong moral structure.

I don't know what it's like to be married for such a long time, but I have an ex. Dated for 4 years. There was nothing wrong with her, she was pretty, she treated me great, sex was great, we got along, arguments rarely happened, we enjoyed the same activities, parents had been married for years, siblings were married and stable, basically wife material. Girl cared for me more than anyone in my life. She just wanted to get engaged and get married. Looking back at those 4 years I can't even think of anything she did wrong as a girlfriend.

I decided to throw her under the bus and break up with her for no reason other than to have sex with random girls which has to this day brought me zero satisfaction. I decided to give into my fear because:

'Hey it's not going to work out anyway.'
'She won't stay loyal to me.'

I can write out an excuse list a mile long. But the truth was I had NO evidence of any of it except in my own mind. It was my own thinking and nothing more, I was hypothesizing a future situation that's unpredictable.

To this day I still feel that mark on my soul.

[General Stalin]

(04-13-2016 03:24 PM)Brian Shima Wrote:  

Surprised there is so many righteous guys on here who think he is so wrong for cheating while married.. Have you forgotten what forum you are on? Go ahead and look down on me because you are faithful players LOL..

You may be surprised to see that likely most men on here feel this way. Banging multiple women at once, juggling mini-relationships, or getting action on the side of your "girlfriend" whatever. None of that matters.

It's a different ballgame when marriage and family are in the picture. There is pen and ink, rules, leading by example, etc. It's infidelity. It's not right to damn women for cheating on their husbands but not damn men for doing the same. Both sides can ruin a marriage. Ruin a family.

Myself personally - I've never cheated on any verbally exclusive relationship. I've certainly gotten action on the side of a "main girl" or two, but never cheated on a girlfriend and would certainly never cheat on a wife.

[Blaster]

I feel plenty of sympathy for this woman, if she's telling the truth. If you are a married man with a faithful wife and you cheat: don't fucking tell her about it, especially not if you're feeling all self-conscious and awkward about it. You already betrayed her, confessing isn't going to fix that. If it's eating you up inside, you clearly shouldn't have done it in the first place. In theory, if you don't confess, your guilt or her suspicion could poison the relationship, which would be bad, but confessing in a moment of weakness is just flat-out torpedoing it.

Men would want to know if their wife cheated. But women don't get cucked. That word has no meaning if the cheating victim is female. The only thing similar to a woman cuckolding a man when a husband actually gets stolen from her by another woman (see Ivana Trump's opinion of Marla Maples). By that time that happens honesty is a moot point.

[The Black Knight]

(04-13-2016 11:05 AM)kaotic Wrote:  

Women will need to accept that a man might look elsewhere, but maintain the home front. Out of state out of mind and accept the fact a man might have a mistress. That's the best solution for some men.

This is how I role.

A woman's priority is to find a good provider that will take care of her and the children. The guy did just that from the sounds of it and met his end of the agreement by being successful. On the other hand, a man's priority is to bang out every young piece of ass and spread his seed far and wide. Very few men get excited about banging a chick they have been knocking out for 20 years and is 40+ years old. It's not the woman's fault that she got old; its just the way it is.

But the point is: Men and women are NOT equal and therefore, equal standards SHOULD NOT apply. Some of the responses in this thread are disturbing since some folks are basing their opinions on the assumption that men and women ARE equal.

An example in how things are not equal:

1. A 50 year old woman has nothing left to offer excluding companionship; especially if the kids have left the house already. Her SMV is about zero. She got provisioning for 30-ish years for herself and her children. She won the game and can't play anymore.

2. A 50 year old successful man can start a whole new family with a late 20's chick with some game and in the right environment. At the very least, these guys have opportunities to sport fuck some decent ass from time to time. Look at Donald Trump if you want an well known example of what I mean. The game isn't over for this guy.

But the woman gets indefinite provisioning despite having minimal value but the man is expected to keep his dick in a lockbox forever despite his SMV being way higher; a SMV likely earned over a period of decades on top of it? That's ridiculous.

You think this woman or the vast majority would stick by you if you couldn't provide during their prime? Get real. She'd be on the next Dick Train to Poundtown. A woman's value is primarily in her youthfulness and ability to be bear children. Once that is gone, she has little to offer.

Also keep in mind: Women peak around 20 just by default. Men around 40 if they have their shit together. Men earn their place at the table to be able to reproduce or have options to reproduce. Women? Shit, they pretty much just need to exist and not be a total cow (and even then...) in this day and age to get some baby batter in them. Since men have to earn it, they are are/should be afforded certain unique privileges as well. But you will think that's bullshit if you actually believe women earn it as much as men in attracting a partner because "equality" and all that non-sense.

Therefore given the actual reality between genders vs the manufactured reality of across the board "equality", an older woman's options should be:

1. She can stay and be fine with the man sport fucking some ass from time to time discreetly. Her needs get met (provisioning while having minimal SMV) and his needs get met (sampling young ass; simulating knocking up fertile sluts). Don't bring any diseases home, don't knock up a slut up, and don't publicly disrespect your wife. Pretty straight forward and everybody wins. One of the only few happy and stable marriages I have ever seen was with a foreign chick who clearly understood this. When the guy was out of town, she just wanted him to wrap it up (very understandable). That's it.

Also as we all know: a man can sport fuck a chick and think nothing of it an hour later. For a woman, it's a totally different story. Again, the genders are NOT equal and should NEVER be treated as such. I will never LTR a chick who doesn't accept and understand this fundamental fact of life.

2. Walk away and get payday. Assuming she gave up her best years, I'm OK with her getting a decent pay off. Not divorce rape levels but decent.

Seriously though: some of the borderline white-knighting in this thread is very odd and troubling to see. Some of you all need to take a step back and remember that men and women are NOT equal and stop making conclusions based on the assumption that things ARE equal. They are not. Not in the slightest bit nor will they ever will be.

[SlickyBoy]

(04-13-2016 05:12 PM)Neo Wrote:  

I don't know what it's like to be married for such a long time, but I have an ex. Dated for 4 years. There was nothing wrong with her, she was pretty, she treated me great, sex was great, we got along, arguments rarely happened, we enjoyed the same activities, parents had been married for years, siblings were married and stable, basically wife material. Girl cared for me more than anyone in my life. She just wanted to get engaged and get married. Looking back at those 4 years I can't even think of anything she did wrong as a girlfriend.

I decided to throw her under the bus and break up with her for no reason other than to have sex with random girls which has to this day brought me zero satisfaction. I decided to give into my fear because:

'Hey it's not going to work out anyway.'
'She won't stay loyal to me.'

I can write out an excuse list a mile long. But the truth was I had NO evidence of any of it except in my own mind. It was my own thinking and nothing more, I was hypothesizing a future situation that's unpredictable.

To this day I still feel that mark on my soul.

Funny, I had nearly the exact same thing going on right out of college - 4 year relationship, great sex, from a decent family, parents still together, etc. She was expecting a ring, tracking to get married. I had no evidence either, but something didn't feel quite right. I dumped her. She cried a lot.

....then she told me she cheated on me about a year earlier - as if that was supposed to "get back" at me or something. All she did was validate my decision (thanks, bitch!). If that didn't happen I might feel the same way you do.

The one difference? Her mom cheated on her dad when she was younger - that's where she learned the behavior, I am convinced.

[vinman]

(04-13-2016 10:10 AM)rpg Wrote:  

The only thing hurt is her pride. She found out she has sucked for years and her husband got his jollies elsewhere. Live and learn. Women have a responsibility to maintain a healthy sex life and most dont care at all. And then they get pissed.

[Travesty]

Marry 10-15 years younger.

Marry a woman that will age well (look at her mom, aunt, and older female cousins).

If you go outside do it with a girl where it is a cold transaction (pro or sugar pro) and save your emotional energy for your wife when she hits the wall.

[Days of Broken Arrows]

(04-13-2016 11:35 AM)kinnikinik Wrote:  

Gotta say I'm surprised by many of the reactions to this story.

Given our collective belief in the inevitability of "beta-ization" (http://www.personalpowermeditation.com/f...n-process/) and the inevitable decent of LTRs to a stasis of unsatisfactory sex or lack thereof, I'm surprised there is not more sympathy for the husband. He wanted some pussy, he got some pussy. More power to him.

I'd say his mistake was confessing. What the hell good did THAT do? The only person that benefits from that confession is him. Now SHE has to deal with the knowledge that she's been cheated on. Maybe she exacts a pound of flesh from him (ala Kobe's wife) or simply never lets him forget it, or maybe she divorces him (and gets to keep 50% and the kids, at least). But, he gets relief from his guilt. Sucker, man up, if you're gonna fuck around, deal with the guilt and keep it to yourself.

As for those of you that have never been married claiming "I'll never cheat". Yeah, maybe. But, until you've done it for 20+ years and started to feel like you're nearing the end of your (sexually) active life, I'd say you have no idea what you'd really do.

The guy isn't a paragon of virtue, but all he did is get some pussy, just like all of you! How about a little understanding for him instead of all this righteousness at his expense.

I agree with the above. There are two things going on here:

1). His cheating. That's easy to at least understand. When you're with the same woman for a long time, it's hard not to want to get some on the side -- no matter how hot the woman is. Look at someone like Hugh Grant who had Elizabeth Hurley at home and went chasing hookers.

2). His confession. This is the troubling part. The fact that he confessed means he purposely wanted to see her hurt. This where modern marriage comes in. They might have started out before the current "age of debauchery" (although the '80s were very post-feminist), but they're dealing with today's world now.

If mere cheating was his main goal, he'd have kept his lips zipped, because now she'll be on the lookout for that and he can't do it again easily.

So what caused him to want to tell her? I'd say resentment. And the main reason men resent women, I've found, is that women become ensconced in the working world and answer to bosses, not husbands.

This makes men feel both turned off and redundant. Cheating and confessing is a real easy way to get the upper hand again.

My guess is he married a sweet schoolgirl who morphed into a brassy modern businesswoman and he wanted to bring her down a peg or two by telling her. So, their old-days marriage notwithstanding, the modern world did creep in.

I saw this happen with several couples I've known and some were as old as my parents. Here is why it's a problem (and this is something women don't realize):

When women "sign up" for marriage, they usually sign up for a man who will work steadily. Nothing will dampen a woman's desire quicker than when a man suddenly decides not to work. And few people blame women for kicking men like this to the curb.

Conversely, when men sign up for marriage, they usually expect a woman who will take care of the homefront. BUT...few things dampen a man's desire quicker than when a women stops doing this and becomes Mr. Businessman with a vagina. Unfortunately, society doesn't get this -- yet.

I'm just guessing about this scenario. But even if I'm wrong, it's worth keeping what I said in your memory banks in case any of you plan on tying the knot. No one wants to end up married to someone like the mom on "Two and a Half Men." Fewer things strip away a woman's femininity quicker than being part of the business world.

[Leonard D Neubache]

(04-13-2016 06:36 PM)The Black Knight Wrote:  

...Seriously though: some of the borderline white-knighting in this thread is very odd and troubling to see. Some of you all need to take a step back and remember that men and women are NOT equal and stop making conclusions based on the assumption that things ARE equal. They are not. Not in the slightest bit nor will they ever will be.

Snipped, but this post has some damn powerful mojo.

The first person you've got to be honest with is yourself. "Am I going to fuck this person forever or worse, not be able to fuck at all?"

If the answer is yes, issue resolved (sorta). If no:

"Do I lay my cards on the table and risk divorce?"

If the answer is yes then you get fuck around either before, after or during divorce. Issue resolved. If no:

You better approach the whole cheating thing with a stone cold Sean Connery attitude. Most guys that get caught out cheating are the ones who's blue balls lead them to spare-of-the-moment fucking that's both difficult to conceal emotionally and logistically.

[Pestano]

Perhaps she knew about the affair... Exactly, iknowexactly

[RIslander]

There is a significant difference between sport fucking and having a second romantic relationship. From OPs description, it sounds like the man was in love with whoever he was fucking. Thats: A. Beta and B. A shitty thing to do, assuming that his wife was in fact an ideal wife. An honorable man would break ties immediately with the side girl and find a new fuck toy.

As its been well said in this thread, I don't have a problem with a guy who sport fucks discreetly, loves only his wife, and does not bring shame to her. I am fairly certain that most women naturally don't have a problem with this either... Although society tells them they should.

However, if he 'falls in love' with the second woman and/or wants to leave his wife for her I think he is a shitty person (assuming she was in fact a good wife and took care of herself, as OP has implied this is probably the case). From a female point of view this brings massive shame and is a major threat to her and her children's survival. This is precisely what divorce law is for and she, and any dependent children of joint blood, deserve to be taken care of by the husband until death or remarriage.

You made a vow to love only her when you got married. You didn't say shit about who you'd fuck though!

[WestIndianArchie]

(04-13-2016 03:30 PM)SlickyBoy Wrote:  

I'm naturally a bit extroverted so conversation isn't something I treat like a commodity and reserve only for girls I'm interested in smashing. I don't talk to everybody all the time, but interacting with everyday people assists in maintaining valuable social and sales skills. She bantered back - asked questions about me, etc. (again, no I was not interested but this is a good sign when selling) and in the process I learned quite a bit more about her, her company, and possible leads for my line of work.

[Thoroughbred]

(04-13-2016 11:35 AM)kinnikinik Wrote:  

I'd say his mistake was confessing. What the hell good did THAT do?

He already did, with his body language and his emotional signature.

The words were a formality.