[CupCake]

I've been wondering about this for a while, especially as more and more people I know have been making comments about it.

I had a conversation with a roommate today. We were talking about some girls we were having problems with. I went on an elaborate prognosis of our situations and he seemed disturbed by my unusually thoughtful analysis.

"Isn't there anything else you're more interested in than women?"

I quickly responded: "No." He shook his head.

"You're too obvious with your intentions, man. You come off as a player."

He knows some of the girls I've hit on in the past. Apparently, some of these girls are actually scared of me now. One came to my house the other day to visit my roommate and she actually ran when she saw me. My roommate told me that even HE doesn't want to bring his female friends around me because he "doesn't want them getting hurt." I'm "too much of a playboy", he says -- a hilarious label considering my abysmal success rate with chicks.

I know this guy is a white knight/cock-blocker and I don't want to get with these girls anymore, but I really hate having such a reputation. It bothers me.

My roommate's comments haven't been the only ones. Others have told me and continue to tell me that I seem unusually fixated on talking about and approaching women. In fact, I'm starting to get the feeling that I'm being too aggressive or at the very least "too obvious" about my intentions when I talk to women. I'm also beginning to realize that I spend the majority of my time approaching and thinking about women.

Part of me says this is a healthy part of being a young man. Another part tells me that this is an unhealthy and counter-productive obsession.

All of this has brought up 3 questions in my mind:

1.) I know that I want quality women and I'm willing to work to get near them, but how do I know whether I'm 'working too hard' at all this?

2.) I want to approach women with a sense of confidence and purpose, but how do I know whether my attempts are too "obvious" and aggressive?

3.) How can I come off as a man who is interested in and aggressive in his pursuit of women without acquiring the label of "player" (i.e. "threat")?

These are really hurting my brain lately so any help would be appreciated.

[Kickb]

Here's a solution, stop talking about women so much around your friends. The only time any of my friends here about a chick I'm with or trying to get with is when I tell them I have plans with a chick. If they ask then I elaborate. I stopped telling people of my intentions months ago.

[Amour Fou]

(07-16-2011 08:03 PM)CupCake Wrote:  

I'm also beginning to realize that I spend the majority of my time approaching and thinking about women.

Part of me says this is a healthy part of being a young man. Another part tells me that this is an unhealthy and counter-productive obsession.

I'm going through a similar process... realising I'm getting a bit offhand with all this. I consider its time to chill a bit. It was quite obvious yesterday. I was recovering from a sore throat and yet I made myself get out there and approach women. I wasn't even that inspired, but I was going to meet some old time friends here in Lapa, rio. We were just roaming the streets and everytime we stopped for a while I just had to open a group. Its almost going beyond me now... But I -usually- don't think I come off as creepy, but I am not even recognizing myself anymore and it is weird.

I oughta chill a bit for a while...

[Selva]

(07-16-2011 08:03 PM)CupCake Wrote:  

I've been wondering about this for a while, especially as more and more people I know have been making comments about it.

I had a conversation with a roommate today. We were talking about some girls we were having problems with. I went on an elaborate prognosis of our situations and he seemed disturbed by my unusually thoughtful analysis.

"Isn't there anything else you're more interested in than women?"

I quickly responded: "No." He shook his head.

"You're too obvious with your intentions, man. You come off as a player."

He knows some of the girls I've hit on in the past. Apparently, some of these girls are actually scared of me now. One came to my house the other day to visit my roommate and she actually ran when she saw me. My roommate told me that even HE doesn't want to bring his female friends around me because he "doesn't want them getting hurt." I'm "too much of a playboy", he says -- a hilarious label considering my abysmal success rate with chicks.

I know this guy is a white knight/cock-blocker and I don't want to get with these girls anymore, but I really hate having such a reputation. It bothers me.

My roommate's comments haven't been the only ones. Others have told me and continue to tell me that I seem unusually fixated on talking about and approaching women. In fact, I'm starting to get the feeling that I'm being too aggressive or at the very least "too obvious" about my intentions when I talk to women. I'm also beginning to realize that I spend the majority of my time approaching and thinking about women.

Part of me says this is a healthy part of being a young man. Another part tells me that this is an unhealthy and counter-productive obsession.

All of this has brought up 3 questions in my mind:

1.) I know that I want quality women and I'm willing to work to get near them, but how do I know whether I'm 'working too hard' at all this?

2.) I want to approach women with a sense of confidence and purpose, but how do I know whether my attempts are too "obvious" and aggressive?

3.) How can I come off as a man who is interested in and aggressive in his pursuit of women without acquiring the label of "player" (i.e. "threat")?

These are really hurting my brain lately so any help would be appreciated.

A couple of things come to mind about your post:

Your roommate and others comment that "you are too obvious." That should be a hint. You also mention that you have poor success with women. The two things might be related. Maybe you are not calibrating correctly, coming on strong when you might be better served by being more subtle, whatever. Seriously analyze your interactions with women and look for what might be the problem(s).

There is a fine line between a successful come on and coming on too strong, and the only way you are going to find it is practice. My first suggestion would be to dial things back a bit. Still approach and chat, but let that be the goal, not anything more. If that seems to work better, then incrementally move towards a further goal, whether that be a change of venue, a number, or a lay. Dial in your sweet spot and go from there.

If you find that the problem isn't necessarily with you or your game, you might be at that point in life where you have outgrown your friends and you need to ditch them. For me it was at 25 when I realized that my friends' lameness was holding me back. I moved on and moved forward and never looked back.

[Samseau]

Quote:

Your roommate and others comment that "you are too obvious." That should be a hint. You also mention that you have poor success with women. The two things might be related. Maybe you are not calibrating correctly, coming on strong when you might be better served by being more subtle, whatever. Seriously analyze your interactions with women and look for what might be the problem(s).

No offense, but this is bullshit. How can he improve with girls if he's pre-occupied with how they view him? All of us must make mistakes in order to improve their game.

Don't overthink this cupcake. You just need to move to a bigger pond where reputation cannot hurt you. Your "friend" is just cockblocking you so he can get with those girls, ignore him.

[CupCake]

(07-16-2011 08:50 PM)kickboxer Wrote:  

Here's a solution, stop talking about women so much around your friends.

Yeah, I think this is important. I know I'm too open with my relations with women. The guys who I try to talk to about these things are either incompetent or roadblocks. Unfortunately, it's hard for me to keep the issues and complications to myself and I need a place to vent. This forum is good and all, but it's nice to be able to talk to someone face-to-face about this stuff. I guess what I need is a competent wingman.

(07-16-2011 08:55 PM)Amour Fou Wrote:  

I oughta chill a bit for a while...

I've been thinking the same thing but my sex drive won't have it.

(07-16-2011 09:04 PM)Selva Wrote:  

My first suggestion would be to dial things back a bit. Still approach and chat, but let that be the goal, not anything more.

I'm gonna try this. Thanks.

(07-16-2011 09:04 PM)Selva Wrote:  

For me it was at 25 when I realized that my friends' lameness was holding me back. I moved on and moved forward and never looked back.

Yeah, I realized the same thing a few years ago. I moved and only ended up acquiring more lame friends. Better friends would definitely help me out.

[Saladin]

Cupcake don't try to pickup chicks in your social circle, let them show interest first and pick them up later. Make pickup a habit you do with your pickup buddies and not white knight friends.

Seriously, keep this under wraps and have special buddies you go out with who you talk about this. Talk about other topics with your friends. Also chat about business if you can and get into that. I find that reading internet marketing/business stuff is a great way to make sure you're not thinking about girls too much. Money is one thing we can focus our attention, it alternates but try to focus. For example I read the Millionaire Fastlane recently and 90 percent of my time was focused on that but right now I'm thinking about chicks again since I'm India and I really really want to go pickup girls but there aren't any here. Basically try to have other things you're passionate about to balance you.

[Neo]

Like everything else you just need to strike a balance. In my experience a lot of guys who say things like this are trying to sabotage you. It is possible to get obsessed and go over board with it, and if that's happening scale back. If it's all you do and you don't have any other hobbies or interests it's a problem. If it's something you are dedicating time towards to improve, that's a different story. But only you know the specifics of your situation.

I remember when I first started getting into the game and realizing that picking up girls was possible. A lot of my friends would treat and talk to me differently, and say things like 'Well you should just sit back and let the girls come to you.' These were the same guys who didn't get shit, hell they didn't even try. So my options were to either go about it alone or find guys who wanted to improve their lives and actually get laid consistently.

Depending on your social circle you may want to protect your reputation, but if banging the girls in your circle is a higher priority then go for it.

From what you wrote, I would take a serious look at your vibe and image. Imagine a girl who is a friend and think how she would feel if a guy with your game interacted with her. I personally have not had that many problems with this because I've tended to have a very chill, professional type of vibe so I don't come off as threatening. I tend to dress and act in a way where the girls don't think I'm a threat, they just think I'm a cool regular guy, but I've purposefully done things this way. It works for me, but I do lose out with some girls who are looking for something edgier. So I'd try to look from the outside at yourself and figure things out from there.

[MiXX]

(07-16-2011 09:15 PM)Samseau Wrote:  

Quote:

Your roommate and others comment that "you are too obvious." That should be a hint. You also mention that you have poor success with women. The two things might be related. Maybe you are not calibrating correctly, coming on strong when you might be better served by being more subtle, whatever. Seriously analyze your interactions with women and look for what might be the problem(s).

No offense, but this is bullshit. How can he improve with girls if he's pre-occupied with how they view him? All of us must make mistakes in order to improve their game.

Don't overthink this cupcake. You just need to move to a bigger pond where reputation cannot hurt you. Your "friend" is just cockblocking you so he can get with those girls, ignore him.

I agree with this 100%

The people whom you trust the most, and are telling you to apply pressure to the brakes are the ones that are trying to fuck the girls you are gaming behind your back by doing what is called "White knight game". It's actually very sinister game, and I don't encourage it.

White Knight game is for those less advanced players who feel their lothario friends are a constant threat to the females in his life (yet he is not fucking any of them), and he goes off to protect them from you, while trying to weasel his hand up her skirt in the process.

I would not be surprised if the girls are scared of you because of things HE exaggerates to them while you are not around. It's the old, talk bad about how this guy uses women so that we have a common enemy routine.

Best solution is to extract yourself from the situation, this guy is not helping you.

Mixx

[Tuthmosis]

(07-17-2011 03:17 PM)MiXX Wrote:  

White Knight game is for those less advanced players who feel their lothario friends are a constant threat to the females in his life (yet he is not fucking any of them), and he goes off to protect them from you, while trying to weasel his hand up her skirt in the process.

I would not be surprised if the girls are scared of you because of things HE exaggerates to them while you are not around. It's the old, talk bad about how this guy uses women so that we have a common enemy routine.

This is my read of the situation as well. There's no question these guys are doing you no favors behind the scenes. Unfortunately, I know this weasel shit from experience: guys that protect girls that are tangentially part of their circle like some sort of mother hen, in hopes of ingratiating themselves in the long-term and eventually fucking them. It's a classic thirty-sausage fantasy that these are "his girls." Of course, he never gets with any of them, and is only condemned to longingly watching from a distance, as player after player borrows a girl from his "library" and returns her a little more worn out. Disgusting.

Get yourself out this situation. When things cool down, re-connect with one of the warmer prospects and fuck the shit out of her to exact your player's revenge on the asshole(s).

It's what I unwittingly did to a guy who still hates me for it. I paraded the girl in front of him too. Like the spineless little shit that he is, he then tried to upset me by telling me "how much of a slut she was" before I got with her.

These kind of guys are some of the most pathetic specimens out there. Don't waste any more time around them.

[Tony Snow25]

It's better to have zero friends then surrounding yourself with people who will hate on you behind your back. Mixx and Tuthmosis hit the nail on the head. White Knight game is beyond pathetic and dudes that do this shit deserve nothing.

[Amour Fou]

(07-16-2011 09:30 PM)CupCake Wrote:  

(07-16-2011 08:55 PM)Amour Fou Wrote:  

I oughta chill a bit for a while...

I've been thinking the same thing but my sex drive won't have it.

Hmn.

Well, the thing is, I am getting regular sex with a main girl and setting dates with others. I am thinking of cutting back on my approach-frenzy and night-gaming. (For a while). I am actually enjoying my time with a decent and cool girl, while working on other cool girls without much effort.

If you are not getting laid... things seem different. I find it good and healthy taking a short brake from approaching and obssessing about women when you already have some on the side.

And I agree pretty much on what Torontokid said about not going for girls on your social circle. My humble experience is that, by the time you are getting success and regular lays from girls you meet elsewhere, you don't need to bother about social circle game, and it is at THAT POINT that girls in your social circle start feeling attracted to you.

Sometimes it is just easier to recicle your social circle... Maybe you should give THEM a break, because it is hard NOT to obsess about women when you aren't getting laid on the reg. And they will keep you from reaching your goals...

[Saladin]

Or do what me and my friends are doing. Create a new awesome social circle with cool guys and more girls than guys.
Basically host parties with very few guys and a lot of girls, host them frequently and eventually you'll have the makings of a newer better circle with no white knighting fools.

[Samseau]

(07-18-2011 03:09 AM)torontokid Wrote:  

Or do what me and my friends are doing. Create a new awesome social circle with cool guys and more girls than guys.
Basically host parties with very few guys and a lot of girls, host them frequently and eventually you'll have the makings of a newer better circle with no white knighting fools.

This is ideal, for sure.