[Riker]

Hey guys! I think I fucked this one up again...

I went out monday night to a milonga I've never been to dance tango. I walk in at 1:00 and sit down. The first cute girl I see alone is this blonde (7.5) in a red dress. I nod to her asking to dance and she agrees. We dance and I find out she's a brazilian who is visiting here for a month and just got here last night. She's lived 3 years in the states as a teenager and we bond about the how we don't like conformism and the cookie cutter people in the states and blah blah.

The girl was super cool, pretty early in conversation she comes out with how she's never been with a girl and wants to experiment and would want to experiment having an open relationship. She said she loved Vicky Christina Barcelona. She talks about how she took acid with a guy "she's sort of with" and how she had this great trip and whatever. Super open, sexual, cool girl.

Anyways I ask he if she wants to head out and get a drink at another bar and she agrees but we walk around and can't find anything open, 5 AM Monday night even though a couple places just closed.

I got touchy feely with her and kissed her it was so awesome! Grabbed her ass and everything. She was staying with a couch surfing guy nearby and mentioned she didn't know if she wanted to stay one more night or hit the hostel to meet people. I almost offered she should stay a night at my place but I don't know I was afraid it would backfire. For some reason I didn't even pull the trigger to come home with me that night, I live a bit far away like a 20 minute cab ride. I ended up getting her email and facebook, I emailed her the next day like at 1PM but didn't add her on facebook cause I don't want to lose the mystery with that.

I emailed her this

Hey X,

So refreshing to meet you. You should come visit me. Once I see my
dog likes you I'll officially know you are a cool girl, haha.

I live right by.... and then I proceed to tell her how she can get to where I live.


Man I think I was too foward, I should have told her we should meet up to do something in particular I guess. So yea I fucked up not going for the SNL and then with the email I think, and now I'm checking my email every 5 minutes like a chump

At least I made out with her, haven't kissed in 3 months since I broke up with my ex!

[Amour Fou]

I'll give my take on this...

The first thing that strikes me, not the main one but nevertheless, is your bad logistics. It is important to know your city. If I have a girl with me at any day of the week at any time, I'd know where to take her for a drink within relative proximity to where I live (lets say within the four surrounding neighbourhoods at least). Such logistics are important, very much so.

Secondly, you are too much afraid of losing here which (duh) only increases the chances of... losing her. There is a balance between worrying about logistics and not caring if things go wrong. And usually, when you are with a cool girl, you are so much into the fun that you don't worry if things go wrong... Enjoy your time more than worrying about what to do next, but keep a minimum frame on what you are doing. It is a gradual step where you do things instinctively ie boucing back to your place.

Thirdly, more ballsiness required for the subsequent moves, ie pulling her to your place. Try doing this in a lighthearted, playful, unthreatening way so you won't build resistence. Cool girls, especially cool travelling girls, (especially cool BRAZILIAN travelling girls) who are DTF won't view this attempt as creepy or threatening, especially if YOU don't view it that way. It is even easier the way you posed it, you were HELPING her to find a place to stay, with the added benefit of a friendly cock.

You had a great opportunity for a SNL in your hands but missed it. Yet, feeling bad about it won't help. You have learned from this experience.

On a side note, I should say that it is pretty hard to leave a long term relationship and get back into game. These early fuck ups are sooo common, and hopefully you'll be laughing at them in a while or so. I've done some pretty bad fuck ups myself around a year ago when I ended my last LTR. But I learned from it, and nowadays I think 'how I ever missed that?' Its a matter of time.

And by the way, Buenos Aires is a very popular destination for us Brazilians; maybe when I get back from Hawaii sometime early next year, I can take a trip and get my experience with some Argentinian girls... or at least be drinking some good wine!

[CJ]

Is it common to just exchange email/FB stuff instead of numbers in Argentina*(edit: oops not Brazil)? I think I've heard this somewhere before?

Anyway, IMO, this was a 2 foot put, and you missed it. No worries, cuz next time you'll sink it.


Things you missed:

She said: I want to experiment with an open relationship.
Translation: I'm always open to new dick.

She said: Stuff about drugs.
Translation: She's wild, and ready for any adventure.

She said: I want to drink still (at 5am?) - but the bars are all closed
Translation: Take me to your place and let's have one more drink before banging.

She said: I'm couch surfing, but might not want to stay there tonight.
Translation: Take me home with you, you idiot, could I be any more obvious about this?


Had it been me, I would've said, "Man that's a bummer, all the bars are closed and now you can't get that drink you wanted. No big deal, my place is nearby, we can get a drink there and plot our next move, maybe we'll swing by that hostel or something after."

Boom, you take her home, get that drink to keep her in party mode, resume escalating, and move in for the bang.

Or, it's possible, she says, "Sorry, not tonight." Then you say, "Ok, cool maybe some other time." and exchange emails or whatever.


Given the possible outcomes, which path will you follow next time?

[Amour Fou]

(07-13-2011 06:35 PM)CJ Wrote:  

Is it common to just exchange email/FB stuff instead of numbers in Brazil? I think I've heard this somewhere before?

I had some female friends complaining that guys only ask for facebook nowadays, and that this 'bad habit' is spoiling all the romance etc etc...

I personally do it as a very last resort, but I've been pimping my facebook game.

Hate facebook.

But I hear that some guys actually prefer it that way. Maybe they chicken out on calling a girl? That is my guess.

Wussies.

[Riker]

Yea logistics were bad, I had no idea where to go so we walked around pretty aimlessly though the neighborhood was trendy. She was so laid back too, when I told her its Monday and that's why everything was closed, she said she didn't even know it was Monday and how cool she felt not knowing what day it was. She was so in the moment, laid back and cool.

Cj I don't think her phone worked here, she just got here a day ago so she didn't get an Argy SIM card, probably won't even bother with one either.

Thanks guys for giving me your advice without being harsh about it. Everything things so much clearer now, thanks.

[Amour Fou]

Out of curiosity, which language did you two spoke?

[Riker]

Her Spanish wasn't very good, so we spoke in English. Her English was so good I thought she might be one of those Americanized Brazilian girls with less sensuality but not the case thankfully. By the end of the night I told her to speak Portuguese cause I find it super sexy and she complied.... man did it sound good. Why oh why didn't I take her home, man what the hell was I thinking haha

[Riker]

Next time I get the chance I'm fucking her to this, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNN-lCCYY...dded#at=48

[Amour Fou]

(07-13-2011 06:59 PM)Riker Wrote:  

Next time I get the chance I'm fucking her to this, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNN-lCCYY...dded#at=48

LOL!! HAHA!!

Don't! She might puke!

Cool, decent girls deserve good music.

Try this:

She might be surprised you know this singer...

And STOP fantasizing about her! It will do you no good.

[Riker]

You're right! lol, thanks nice save on the song. Now just got to meet more women.

[Riker]

Should I go ahead and add her on facebook or message her on there if a week passes and she doesn't respond? Ahkkk nevermind I'll ask when the time gets there, meanwhile, have to think about something else.

[Riker]

Damn it, I'm sad.

[Amour Fou]

(07-14-2011 12:57 AM)Riker Wrote:  

Damn it, I'm sad.

You will be sad on occasion and there is now way round it.

Remember: the lows that justify the highs

[Kickb]

true dat. Due to having high expectations for myself, I've have also been sad alot this year.

After a while you dont care as much and you improve quite a bit. Just look at where you were a year ago then think about all you have accomplished since then. That will keep you positive, it works for me.

[MiXX]

A girl pulled the infamous "give me your facebook" line last night. I f-closed it instead, here's how.

Girl: "Give me your facebook so we can keep in touch"
Mixx:" Facebook? I hardly see how you'll benefit from my touch through Facebook"
Target:"LOL"
mixx:"if touching is what you like, forget about skipping through the slow mistery of knowing me on creepy FB, I got a full bar that has not been christened yet. Besides, I make a killer Long Island Ice tea and Miami Mojito"
Target;"Really, I'll have it to try it someday"
Mixx:"Now is as good as any, cmon before I change my mind"

....,,we get back to my room, I throw on some music (SADE), and after 2 LIT, the makeout, dancing and fucking begin.

NEVER FACEBOOK CLOSE!!! EVER!!

Mixx

[pitt]

Riker i am sorry to say this but you know what? FUCK YOU

Damn, how can you not fuck her? Man she wanted to fuck and that was so obvious. Listen, no girl will make it really obvious about wanting to fuck you, she clearly wanted to fuck you and gave you indirect messages, i cant believe you didnt understand them. It aint nothing wrong with you asking her to come to your place, the whole fun of gaming girls, is to try to fuck them, not real trying equals not real action. Its obvious that she wont reply to you after you not fucking her, do you know how mad she probably was?

So remember this, next time you start talking to a girl, no matter how much of a good girl she looks, invite her to come to your house and have a drink or a watch a moive, if she comes down to your house then she wants to fuck. When she gets to your house, after 15 mins of convo, start kissing her neck and start touching her in a confident way and you will eventually fuck her.

And you also kissed her, damn, cant believe you didnt fuck her...anyway, what happened to that blonde american girl? You seen her again?

[Riker]

lol dang pitt.... but your right fuck me! I'm still fucking steaming over it badly. The american girl has her best friend with her and I havn't tried to get her out with me alone again. I'm talking to her bestfriend's cousin who seems to want to hang out more often than seems normal, not sure if when he chills with the girls if they ask about me or something.

Damn it, should I email the girl again next week? Add her on facebook? Message her on facebook and ask if she got my email? What if I run into her at another tango place? There's not that many trendy ones and there's a decent chance I'll see her.

[Kickb]

might as well try. If you dont then you are giving your self a 0% chance of getting with her.

oh didnt read the last part, idk now.

[CupCake]

It's cool, dude. We all fuck up from time to time. Just go after her again. You got nothing to lose. Just be cool about it.

[Riker]

Thanks Cupcake

[lilseezie]

Definitely don't message her asking if she got your e-mail. Of course she got your e-mail.

If it were me I'd wait a full week and see if she writes back. If not, I would then add her on FB. Not message her, just add her. She'll see your request and that will trigger her memory about the time she spent with you and your e-mail. If she still doesn't reply after seeing your request, I would leave it alone.

Bottom line, I think messaging her again in any fashion is a bad move. Let her think you're too busy running around talking to other women.

[CJ]

Not everybody checks their email all the time, however, a lot of people check their FB daily, especially in the US with smart phones. I see idiots on FB, when they're at the bar!

Anyway, I'd just forget it, and if you see her again, just start over.

Good news is that sounds like 2 narrow misses in a short time span for you, Riker, so you're picking up steam bit by bit. I have faith you'll use those mistakes to seal the deal on the next opportunity.

[Riker]

Guys you're not going to believe this, I saw her again tonight. She went dancing to the place I had recommended. The place was closing and I got there super late, right before it was closing and saw her and another girl with two guys. I was leaving with my friend and two girls we just met so I just say hey, gave her a kiss on the cheek and kept going, though of course so many things rushed through my head.

Me and my buddy hung outside and when she went outside she quickly said goodby to the guys, and started walking apparently not seeing me? Anyways I caught up to her and started chatting and my friend was cool and went home.

I managed to take her to get a bite somewhere and got back to touchy feely quickly enough and even kissed her again. But man was I weird sometimes. Like 3 days of thinking about her just couldn't be hidden man. Plus I was a bit high and I'm not used to it cause I rarely smoke. She asked saying "you didn't add me on facebook did you?" and I said "no....... I don't like everyone seeing my pictures" Such a lame thing to say, I just was nervous cause I didn't bring up if she had gotten my email, which I should have! Should have been direct about it. I managed to come back to the moment and say a few interesting things and make her laugh but in general my vibe was weird. I had to catch myself from moving alot for my drink and lean back and stop from saying the word "like" and even some mild stuttering. Pretty terrible. During the actual thing I even thought about having to write this out to you guys and how I didn't want to fail haha. At least before we went to get the food I told her we should go eat at my place but I said it nervously and yea she wasn't into it.

The whole magic of the first night we met was gone... I definitely shouldn't have thought about everything so much, if I had ran into her after 3 days of not thinking about her I would have had better game.

[Lumiere]

[lilseezie]

Haha, you live and you learn. Don't sweat it. Onto the next one.

By the way, you said you and your friend were with 2 girls. What happened to them? Did you ditch them to chase after the Brazilian?