[RexImperator]

I suspect that there's nothing I can really do about it. It's possible that my personality is simply not "attractive". I naturally tend towards being quiet and somewhat serious, unless I'm drinking and/or hanging out with friends. Probably born of experience and facing the challenges of life with a certain degree of stoic resignation.

I do think that "Game" can change things around the edges but a lot of personality is determined by the physical structure of your brain and you can't change it too radically. It's a bit like how you can install a new OS on an old processor but it will still run fairly slow. I don't have a problem talking to girls I meet but I'm pretty sure I can tell that there's no interest.

Limiting false beliefs or realism?

[Guitarman]

I think Game, as in the social self improvement side of game can do a lot to help you out.

Like you, I am by nature a somewhat quiet and serious person. I love a good discussion on politics, science or history. There are "natural Alphas", very sociable and funny people but realise that this is often a front. These people are often insecure and act like this to compensate. They lack our depth. It's a good idea to put yourself in social situations and just talk to people/girls. Once you know them a bit you can be amusing by teasing and being cocky - funny as DdA puts it. Learn to recognise who you can be more serious with and who to joke around with.

You can also learn ways of how to deal with arsehole type alphas. What I'm saying is that self improvement really can help out with social interactions in general. Not just with girls. True, you can't change your core personality but you can learn new skills.

[OregonToSoCal]

For me one of the biggest turning points to having successful first dates was realizing that I don't need to be that over the top, entertaining clown.

My personality is on the introverted side so being outgoing and talkative takes energy. Every time I tried to be that life of the party guy I ended up over gaming the girl and not getting anything but frustration for my efforts.

What has worked for me is making the conversation about them. Get them to do 70% or more of the talking. Engage them by making interesting cold reads or asking them open ended questions that elicit their feelings. Don't be the boring interview guy.

Example:

You: You seem like a really adventurous girl, I bet you've travelled all over the world.
Her: OMG I so want to go to Europe!! When I was in college my roomate was from Paris and she told me about all of these amazing places to go.....

(two minutes later she's wrapping up talking about everywhere she's been or wants to go)

You: That's really cool that you're an in the moment kind of girl. Have you always been that way or did something happen to make you become that way?

The important thing is to let them talk and don't cut them off. Even though it sounds like useless prattling on their part she's becoming more attracted and comfortable with you by doing just that. And best of all you're not having to be goofy, entertaining or unnatural. One caveat though, if you never smile and have a resting dick face, it's helpful to throw in a subtle smirk or a gentle nod of the head as she's talking.

[General Stalin]

^ Good advice there.

One point OregonToSoCal made that is important to take away is that you don't have to be a clown to be sociable or game women. The brooding, quiet, mysterious type are just as if not MORE attractive to different kinds of women.

I'm not much of a "life of the party" type guy myself aside from once in a great while. I tend to be the more one-on-one deep conversation type. Get a woman to talk passionately about herself the the things in her life and she will feel connected to you. To that same token, she will want to try to figure you out and get more intrigued when she can't.

It's also important to note that not all women like this type of guy. Everyone is different. Don't be trapped in the mindset that "game" is a cheat code you learn that makes all women want to fuck you. It is merely a way of conducting yourself and understanding women to bring out your best strengths to more easily get the girls who will be into you.

The only "bad game" is not knowing how to play on your strengths and positive traits. Most everyone has something about them that makes them cool/interesting/attractive/fun/whatever. It's about bringing that out and conveying it in a way that equates to a happy sex life with women you like to be with.

[Silver_Tube]

Some folks just have that Clint Eastwood personality, unpleasant at first but unquestionably badass.

I have the opposite problem, I get to running my mouth, people seem to enjoy it, then at some point I'll stick my foot in it and lose them.

[Mess O.]

@ Rex - truly one of the best posts I've seen. Really speaks to me in terms of how I evaluate my own personality, and to what extent it can feasibly be calibrated/improved through the usage of Game tactics and the like. Dig the OS metaphor. For me, I couldn't say that I have yet acquired an "ease" with talking to girls, but I've sure been hammering away at it, and to an extent where much more often than not, I'll strike up some sort of interaction, and most recently what I've been trying to work on is how to astutely tell when there's simply no interest on her part, so that I can just move on to the next prospect. And again, echoing another point you made about yourself, in my case as well, all too often, my personality just doesn't have the appeal necessary. Still, such a thing is subjective to whom we're speaking to. We all have our unique tastes, and what one person digs, another may find reprehensible, thus further necessitating the abundance mentality we discuss here oh so often. Great post, Rex.

[Saladin]

(03-04-2016 11:51 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  

I suspect that there's nothing I can really do about it. It's possible that my personality is simply not "attractive". I naturally tend towards being quiet and somewhat serious, unless I'm drinking and/or hanging out with friends. Probably born of experience and facing the challenges of life with a certain degree of stoic resignation.

I do think that "Game" can change things around the edges but a lot of personality is determined by the physical structure of your brain and you can't change it too radically. It's a bit like how you can install a new OS on an old processor but it will still run fairly slow. I don't have a problem talking to girls I meet but I'm pretty sure I can tell that there's no interest.

Limiting false beliefs or realism?

Limiting beliefs. You can be a badass regardless of whether you're quiet and serious... I'm naturally quiet and a bit socially awkward, but a lot of going out has changed me so that I can be social once I do a few warm up approaches or have a drink.

Also, what Oregon said... you don't need to talk a lot. A lot of guys get by talking less.

[Mess O.]

I could also benefit from talking less. Sit back and take in what others would like to say to you.

[Khan]

(03-04-2016 11:51 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  

I suspect that there's nothing I can really do about it. It's possible that my personality is simply not "attractive". I naturally tend towards being quiet and somewhat serious, unless I'm drinking and/or hanging out with friends. Probably born of experience and facing the challenges of life with a certain degree of stoic resignation.

I do think that "Game" can change things around the edges but a lot of personality is determined by the physical structure of your brain and you can't change it too radically. It's a bit like how you can install a new OS on an old processor but it will still run fairly slow. I don't have a problem talking to girls I meet but I'm pretty sure I can tell that there's no interest.

Limiting false beliefs or realism?

Good question. Being a newbie at game I've pondered this a lot, and my conclusion is that it's a mistake to try and link your game skills to your personality. These two are related to one another in some way, but ultimately independent.

Your core personality characteristics can't change with time. For example, if you're born an introvert you'll most likely stay an introvert throughout your life, but this doesn't mean that you can't be successful with women. To reflect on the part of your post I outlined in bold - the question is not whether your processor works fast or not, but whether it does what you want it to. Think of it in car terms - a simple Dacia Sandero can be a great car, just as a BMW can be awful. It all depends on how you use it.

Ultimately, I believe there's no mystery about the whole thing - it's all about calibrating game to your personality. A good read on the subject would be this post from Blackdragon, he addressed this matter very well. Oh, and if you haven't, do the Myers Briggs test. It's fairly accurate and it will give you an insight in your character strengths and weaknesses. This can be helpful in all areas of life, not only game.

[Ensam]

(03-04-2016 11:51 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  

Limiting false beliefs or realism?

Both. Life isn't so black and white.

Game is a skill. If you practice it you'll get better. It's just like shooting hoops. If you go out and practice free throws your shot will improve. Will you make it into the NBA? Probably not. But you will get better. The only question you have to ask yourself is do you want to get better?

Honestly, you sound depressed. It's ok, I go through similar phases. In fact I'm pulling out of one right now.

So standard questions:
Do you exercise regularly?
What's your diet like?
How much sleep are you getting?
How much time do you spend outdoors in the sun?
Are you doing social activities outside of boozing and hitting on broads?
How often are you jerking off?
What are you passionate about?

[RexImperator]

(03-04-2016 08:21 PM)Ensam Wrote:  

Honestly, you sound depressed. It's ok, I go through similar phases. In fact I'm pulling out of one right now.

Hmmm. I don't feel depressed. I feel fairly "normal", but my current situation isn't a great one, and there's nothing I can do in the short run to change it. I need to suck it up and get through it.

Quote:

So standard questions:
Do you exercise regularly?

Yes, I do compound lifting (a mix of bench, squat, deadlift, overhead press) 3X per week.

Quote:

What's your diet like?

Right now I'm averaging 200 grams protein, 250 or so carbs and 110 grams of fat per day. I could probably use more veggies, but I have been eating a lot of clementines.

Quote:

How much sleep are you getting?

About 8 hours but sometimes the quality isn't great.

Quote:

How much time do you spend outdoors in the sun?

Not enough lately, now that I think about it, because it's been cold and bleh outside.

Quote:

Are you doing social activities outside of boozing and hitting on broads?

No. I see that I need to do something about that.

Quote:

How often are you jerking off?

If I'm having a good week, could be 2-3 times per week. Other weeks I'm just not feeling it and it will be zero.

Quote:

What are you passionate about?

That's a good question. I used to be really into electric guitar, probably too much so. Played in some bands. I went through a period where I decided to fix some things in my life and I kind of gave it up and haven't gotten back into it. I got really into the weightlifting stuff so that's kind of become my hobby.