[nickoz22]

Hey gents,

I'm likely going to be trolled, but, here goes.

I just signed up. Gold member as I'm a long-term lurker and I think this is a very good community that I'm happy to support.

A bit about me: 28, 6"1, athletic build, blue eyes, dark blonde hair, educated, Australian. English teacher (I've taught in Korea, Japan, Cambodia, Australia - but I prefer working in China).

I have a pretty solid game where I use cocky confidence, humor and empathy . I have never had any problems getting laid to be honest (it's not hard when you're young and traveling Asia).

But, I do have one problem I need help with:

--- Every girl I get involved with, whether it be a few ONS or FWB the outcome is always the same.

After a few nights, weeks- I decide it's time to cut them loose... but they ALWAYS are deeply hurt.

I'm not a complete asshole. I do tell them early on that I'm only interested in a short-term casual relationship...

I tend to go for 18-21s who are sweet, kind, not too experienced - but I'm not a virgin-hunter at all. Sadly, they equate sex with love... and they think they can change me "He said short-term, but, I think I can convince him otherwise".

Plus, sex on it's own isn't enough for me. I always pick girls I can have a real conversation with. so, we become intimate, we cuddle, we hang out socially - we connect socially/emotionally as well as sexually.

And, I'm a very affectionate person. So, I'm at fault for sending them mixed signals.

Let me cut to the chase:

I feel like a lowlife when I end things and I can see the pain their eyes, or they leave a voicemail where they're sobbing...Sure, some are just wanting money/visa/status - but MOST are just very sweet girls who want a relationship, love and all the rest.

I've tried the following:
1. Telling them I have to go home for a family emergency and I won't be able to return.
2. Being a bit of a jerk (arrogant, not returning phone calls etc in hope they'll lose interest in me - this never works.
3. Telling them my family will not accept me if I marry a foreign girl.

Yeh, pretty lame excuses... I haven't played the "I'm gay" card yet.

Guys, I don't know what to do.

Please no comments or misogynistic attitudes like "Dude, man up - who cares about their feelings?" - No offence, but I've seen some of these comments elsewhere on these forums
.
Well, Thanks in advance for any suggestions helpful advice !

[eatthishomie]

Why not plate some of them? Playing the game all the time gets exhausting.

[Repo]

So then why are you ending it?

Is there a point to establishing a strong emotional connection with a woman knowing you will break up with her in a couple weeks? Is the conquest giving you fullfillment, or do you need to also establish the connection for fullfillment? Why not just tone down non-sexual intimacy? Also, by toning down the non-sexual intimacy, you can use that as an out when you end it, saying that she just didn't complete you in that way, or something like that.

I'm wondering because I guess for myself I don't have a problem doing a mini relationship (usually 6 months-to a year) with a good woman, but I realize I may be somewhat of an outlier on this board.

[AntiTrace]

Simply say that you are not interested in a relationship in general.

Normally you see this progression:

1. Female hears this and thinks "must've had a bad break up or something, he'll come around"
2. Female tries more girlfriends stuff, leaving shit at your place and trying to sleep over. If they are girls you want around for awhile, just let them do this. Otherwise, cut that shit off.
3. Female summons her courage and lays down the "I need to know what we're doing, I can't just be friends with benefits anymore" line.

Here is when you stay strong, maintain frame, reassure her that you do like her, but stand by lack of interest in a relationship.

4. They cry a bit. They will probably leave. Go radio silent, you will hear from her again shortly.

5. She will text you. Now you have a long term friends with benefit. Be careful, she will always be trying to get you into the relationship zone.



An alternative is you bring up your tendancy to chase skirts and say you don't think your ready for a monogamous relationship. Tell her you had a bisexual ex that would love having threesome with girls, and it worked well as long as their were rules set. Try to get you to supply you with girls for threesomes. This is just a theory, I'm in the process of trying it on an 18 year old I'm banging as she just about to hit stage 3. I'm pretty sure she's a hard-no on bisexuality but I'm gonna try anyways.

[Captain Gh]

How about you simply tell them the truth by stating that s serious relationship is not in your cards right now. Some of them will willingly stick around and hit you up for booty calls since THEY'LL KNOW that you won't be needy.

Not trying to Bash you in particular, but I'm starting to see a common problem with you self admitted long time lurkers. You guys seems to be all about great outward game, but seriously lacking in that core masculine inner power.

I'm sure there's more to it, but it seem you guys want the benefits of reading the forum to get laid, yet want to be the good guys who get along with women and don't want to be associated with Game.

Great Alphas, and even Betas as a matter of fact, leave women better then they were in the beginning or just the same. Start being honest with womenn It will gradually make you more masculine with women, and make you even better while being more confident

[AntiTrace]

(01-24-2016 09:32 PM)Captain Gh Wrote:  

How about you simply tell them the truth by stating that s serious relationship is not in your cards right now. Some of them will willingly stick around and hit you up for booty calls since THEY'LL KNOW that you won't be needy.

Not trying to Bash you in particular, but I'm starting to see a common problem with you self admitted long time lurkers. You guys seems to be all about great outward game, but seriously lacking in that core masculine inner power.

I'm sure there's more to it, but it seem you guys want the benefits of reading the forum to get laid, yet want to be the good guys who get along with women and don't want to be associated with Game.

Great Alphas, and even Betas as a matter of fact, leave women better then they were in the beginning or just the same. Start being honest with womenn It will gradually make you more masculine with women, and make you even better while being more confident

It is a scarcity mindset that stops guys from telling a girl they don't want a relationship. They lack extra options so they don't want to risk the fallout of telling the girl that.

[NorthernLights]

Genre: Informal
Female = 708
Male = 618
Difference = -90; 46.6%
Verdict: Weak FEMALE

[RatInTheWoods]

Just be honest and tell them right up front, before you sleep with them, that you will dump them after a few weeks after you've had sex a few times and got bored.

If they still want to go forward, its game on with a clear conscience!

But..... I agree with another poster, why not plate them (after telling them upfront you don't want a LTR, only plate relationship) rather than leave them? You can alter your rotation to avoid boredom?

[General Stalin]

Go after Australian girls instead. Problem solved.

[XXL]

Meet up with girls once a week only and focus on pure fun when you're together. No serious conversations.

If you don't want girls to think of you as something serious then you have to be like a "fun ghost" that appears and disappears from time to time.

[XXL]

Since someone mentioned it.. You can't leave a girl better than she was when you found her. It's a huge myth. You might have huge positive impact on her life throughout your relationship but the fact that she owns so much to you is the exact reason why she will be equally devastated by the break up. The better you are to your girl the worse she will suffer leaving you. That's how it goes down in real life. All that leaving her better thing is nothing but useless armchair speculation. I dare anyone believing in that myth to leave a girl happy after becoming a true leader in her life.

[Phoenix]

Why did you prefer teaching in China the most?

You could tell them you're just visiting the country temporarily. Then the expectation of an ending is more concrete and they accept what it is in advance.

[Oz.]

Quote:

Please no comments or misogynistic attitudes

[Mercenary]

(01-24-2016 06:57 PM)nickoz22 Wrote:  

I'm a long-term lurker and I think this is a very good community that I'm happy to support.

Please no comments or misogynistic attitudes like "Dude, man up - who cares about their feelings?"

These 2 phrases are incompatible.

[Marcus187]

Don't ditch girls you have a mental connection with. Since you feel attracted to them other than her body, I assume she's not a degenerate slut or feminist.

[RexImperator]

Quote:

Verdict: Weak FEMALE

That was also my suspicion upon reading it.

[Built to Fade]

This should be in the newbie thread.

[Sonoma]

You don't owe her anything.

You don't owe anyone anything.

Did you tell her you would be with her forever? If yes, then stop doing that. If no, then she's entitled to nothing

[heavy]

Is it guilt or shame? If we're to take OP as seriously as you laid it out, this is outside of the realm of girls and game.

I certainly don't feel bad...or as badly as OP explains...because of my mini-relationships and breaking girls hearts. Yeah, a little bad, but not like he states.

I'd read up on it...https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/guilt

I don't think you should just act like it isn't there as others have mentioned. Either change your behavior (per posts above, how you talk to her, how you treat the mini-relationship, etc) or talk it through with someone to figure out the source of you're emotions.

Oh, and the most important question...how is it hurting your game? Maybe I missed that.

My disclaimer is that I agree with the other posts, you don't owe her anything, you can't leave a girl better than she was when you found her, be honest, plate them, etc. All that is true, but based on the fact that you typed up this thread...a guy slammin poos, 18-21 year old hotties, breakin hearts and taking names...and you feel so bad to type of that thread...that makes me think you might wanna figure your shit if you have some.

[Captain Gh]

(01-25-2016 05:59 AM)XXL Wrote:  

Since someone mentioned it.. You can't leave a girl better than she was when you found her. It's a huge myth. You might have huge positive impact on her life throughout your relationship but the fact that she owns so much to you is the exact reason why she will be equally devastated by the break up. The better you are to your girl the worse she will suffer leaving you. That's how it goes down in real life. All that leaving her better thing is nothing but useless armchair speculation. I dare anyone believing in that myth to leave a girl happy after becoming a true leader in her life.

I respect you tremendously since you're highly repped on the Forum, but I have to disagree on this one. Of course the women will be devastated in the beginning, but by being masculine with a girl, and letting her know that she has to be the Feminine part of a relationship, I believe that knowledge will outweight the devastation of you leaving, and will make her become a better women for the next man.

It is in women's nature to shit test since she'll always want to test you to see if you can handle her. After being in a relationship with a chick for awhile, you can explain to her why a relationship can't work out long term if she tries to be leader of the relationship. You let her know that the more feminine she is, the better things will work out since she can't respect a man she can walk over and dominate.

And you let her know why it's in her nature to try to turn a man into a bitch and the less she does it, the better things will go. I might be wrong, but I believe properly training a chick that you want to stick around is a win win for both parties long term, even after a breakup

[RatInTheWoods]

(01-25-2016 06:24 PM)Captain Gh Wrote:  

I respect you tremendously since you're highly repped on the Forum, but I have to disagree on this one. Of course the women will be devastated in the beginning, but by being masculine with a girl, and letting her know that she has to be the Feminine part of a relationship, I believe that knowledge will outweight the devastation of you leaving, and will make her become a better women for the next man.

I totally agree with you Captain.

You can leave them much, much better than when you found them, and I do this all the time. I see it, and they tell me.

After the initial sadness, they move on, swing branches and get on with life. They often contact me for years afterwards to thank me for their education :-)

Not all mind you, some ARE beyond improvement.....

[General Stalin]

(01-25-2016 06:24 PM)Captain Gh Wrote:  

(01-25-2016 05:59 AM)XXL Wrote:  

Since someone mentioned it.. You can't leave a girl better than she was when you found her. It's a huge myth. You might have huge positive impact on her life throughout your relationship but the fact that she owns so much to you is the exact reason why she will be equally devastated by the break up. The better you are to your girl the worse she will suffer leaving you. That's how it goes down in real life. All that leaving her better thing is nothing but useless armchair speculation. I dare anyone believing in that myth to leave a girl happy after becoming a true leader in her life.

I respect you tremendously since you're highly repped on the Forum, but I have to disagree on this one. Of course the women will be devastated in the beginning, but by being masculine with a girl, and letting her know that she has to be the Feminine part of a relationship, I believe that knowledge will outweight the devastation of you leaving, and will make her become a better women for the next man.

It is in women's nature to shit test since she'll always want to test you to see if you can handle her. After being in a relationship with a chick for awhile, you can explain to her why a relationship can't work out long term if she tries to be leader of the relationship. You let her know that the more feminine she is, the better things will work out since she can't respect a man she can walk over and dominate.

And you let her know why it's in her nature to try to turn a man into a bitch and the less she does it, the better things will go. I might be wrong, but I believe properly training a chick that you want to stick around is a win win for both parties long term, even after a breakup

Realistically, I don't think many girls, if any at all, actually learn to be a better partner through previous relationships. If anything they turn there relationship experiences inward and just learn to be more dull and jaded, guarding their heart more. They look at what they didn't like about previous relationships and try to avoid dudes that have those same characteristics. And I think thats best case scenario. For the most parts girl's don't learn shit, they just go along with how they feel at the time with regard to their external influences.

[nickoz22]

Hey guys,

Wow. I can't thank you enough for the replies. I was half-expected to be trolled mercilessly. Anyways,

I'd just to add:

Although some groups of young Chinese women are open minded/sexually progrssive (Shanghai girls...) but most are not.

1. If a girl sleeps with a foreigner she's not in a relationship with she risks being slut-shamed by friends... and if her family finds out, oh jeez.

2. Many Chinese men look down on (or will refuse to date/marry) a girl who has been sexually active. Virginity is still highly valued over here.

3**. "In this context casual sex is rare except for westernized girls and mostly those brought up in Beijing, Shanghai and in some cases Guangzhou.
In most cases, an offer of sex is usually a sign of good faith in contemplation of an impending marriage." lovelovechina.com

(01-24-2016 10:25 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

Just be honest and tell them right up front, before you sleep with them, that you will dump them after a few weeks after you've had sex a few times and got bored.

If they still want to go forward, its game on with a clear conscience!

But..... I agree with another poster, why not plate them (after telling them upfront you don't want a LTR, only plate relationship) rather than leave them? You can alter your rotation to avoid boredom?

I love the first part of your post. It sounds bold but I will try using it.

Well, I leave them because we want different things:
1. I want a good-time, no strings-attatched.
2. They want a relationship.

(01-24-2016 08:34 PM)eatthishomie Wrote:  

Why not plate some of them? Playing the game all the time gets exhausting.

Sorry, but what do you mean by plate thme?

(01-24-2016 08:59 PM)Repo Wrote:  

So then why are you ending it?

Is there a point to establishing a strong emotional connection with a woman knowing you will break up with her in a couple weeks? Is the conquest giving you fullfillment, or do you need to also establish the connection for fullfillment? Why not just tone down non-sexual intimacy? Also, by toning down the non-sexual intimacy, you can use that as an out when you end it, saying that she just didn't complete you in that way, or something like that.

I'm wondering because I guess for myself I don't have a problem doing a mini relationship (usually 6 months-to a year) with a good woman, but I realize I may be somewhat of an outlier on this board.

Man, I wish I could give you a solid answer. In short, my feelings for a girl - regardless of how amazing she is, regardless of what kind connection we share, these feelings will NEVER last.

It's not the best analogy but let's say you watch a great movie or you have a fantastic meal at a restaurant - Do you watch that movie and order the same dish over and over? Probably not, you've had a good experience but now you're curious to see what else is on the menu.

(01-24-2016 09:32 PM)Captain Gh Wrote:  

How about you simply tell them the truth by stating that s serious relationship is not in your cards right now. Some of them will willingly stick around and hit you up for booty calls since THEY'LL KNOW that you won't be needy.

Not trying to Bash you in particular, but I'm starting to see a common problem with you self admitted long time lurkers. You guys seems to be all about great outward game, but seriously lacking in that core masculine inner power.

I'm sure there's more to it, but it seem you guys want the benefits of reading the forum to get laid, yet want to be the good guys who get along with women and don't want to be associated with Game.

Great Alphas, and even Betas as a matter of fact, leave women better then they were in the beginning or just the same. Start being honest with womenn It will gradually make you more masculine with women, and make you even better while being more confident

God, you hit the nail on the head. Yes, I don't like to admit it but that is me.

In my defence, as I am honest. I tell the girl it's short-term, I can't commit blah blah - but please understand this. In China, particularly for young idealistic women, the concept of short-term casual relationships are completely foreign.

These aren't western girls... Their outlook on sex is entirely different (for most that is, from experience anyhow).

(01-25-2016 05:40 AM)XXL Wrote:  

Meet up with girls once a week only and focus on pure fun when you're together. No serious conversations.

If you don't want girls to think of you as something serious then you have to be like a "fun ghost" that appears and disappears from time to time.

I actually had thought of something like this last week. It's a pretty solid idea. Thank you.

(01-25-2016 05:59 AM)XXL Wrote:  

Since someone mentioned it.. You can't leave a girl better than she was when you found her. It's a huge myth. You might have huge positive impact on her life throughout your relationship but the fact that she owns so much to you is the exact reason why she will be equally devastated by the break up. The better you are to your girl the worse she will suffer leaving you. That's how it goes down in real life. All that leaving her better thing is nothing but useless armchair speculation. I dare anyone believing in that myth to leave a girl happy after becoming a true leader in her life.

True. i once had an ex who told sometime after our breakup that because I treated her so ridiculously well she's having a hard-time finding a guy who meets her expectations.

(01-25-2016 07:29 AM)Phoenix Wrote:  

Why did you prefer teaching in China the most?

You could tell them you're just visiting the country temporarily. Then the expectation of an ending is more concrete and they accept what it is in advance.

Yeh, I have used that one. Surprisingly, it doesn't work as well as you'd expect. "Oh, that's fine - I actually have thought about going to Australia to study..." or "My friend is in a long-distance relationship with an American. Distance is no excuse !"

(01-25-2016 11:00 AM)Marcus187 Wrote:  

Don't ditch girls you have a mental connection with. Since you feel attracted to them other than her body, I assume she's not a degenerate slut or feminist.

Well, the last girl I was with was a highly gifted intellectual with more talents than I could count. It can feel a bit intimidating such a high-calibre woman, but I wouldn't waste a moment on a degenerate slut/feminist...

----

Sorry for the long post.

Again, thanks for your replies. They've been most helpful.

[Mercenary]

(01-26-2016 12:19 AM)nickoz22 Wrote:  

Hey guys
Wow.
I can't thank you enough
Anyways
oh jeez
Sorry, but what do you mean by plate thme?
I love the first part of your post.
It sounds bold
Yes, I don't like to admit it but that is me.
I can't commit blah blah - but please understand this.
Sorry for the long post.

[Bear Hands]

Quote:

1. If a girl sleeps with a foreigner she's not in a relationship with she risks being slut-shamed by friends... and if her family finds out, oh jeez.

2. Many Chinese men look down on (or will refuse to date/marry) a girl who has been sexually active. Virginity is still highly valued over here.

3**. "In this context casual sex is rare except for westernized girls and mostly those brought up in Beijing, Shanghai and in some cases Guangzhou.
In most cases, an offer of sex is usually a sign of good faith in contemplation of an impending marriage." lovelovechina.com

OP is a woman just for caring about point 1.

If that's her culture and she's still offering up sex to a foreign guy before the LTR hook is in, she's a slut in her culture. She's a slut with far better girl game than what a Western woman has. If guys didn't have a choice but to marry to get Chinese pussy, we would adapt.