Need a few opinions on improving parts of my first date game. Three questions specifically.
I've highlighted these parts in bold.
But also for newbies browsing this forum, you might find some material here you’d consider using on your first dates.
I wrote this to be very comprehensive, so apologies for the length. Covers the approach, the text exchange, to the date.
Just returned from a first date with a very pretty 20-year old white girl. She’s got soft face, soft features, beautiful eyes, nice blond hair with these cute bangs. A mix of scandi, german and english. Possibly the cutest girl I've seen this month.
I’ve been going on dates, and occasionally sleeping with girls who are 23 to 32. So, I must say it was very, very nice to meet a younger girl.
I met her at a coffee shop on Saturday. My approach, I thought, was mediocre, but she was receptive in asking me questions, “when did you move here.” I was nervous in this approach and I’m certain it showed in my voice: a) I had been working in solitude for a few hours on a Saturday on my projects, and b) she was very good looking. Roosh does write that it’s a good sign if you’re a little nervous because it means you’re approaching beautiful women instead of ordinary ones.
Okay, critical, again, this has been huge for me converting approaches to dates is TO BRING UP A SPECIFIC EVENT THAT’S FUN THAT HAPPENS EVERY WEEK IN YOUR CITY AND THEN INVITE HER TO IT WHEN YOU CLOSE. DO NOT SIMPLY END WITH “WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOME TIME.” If there’s one thing that’s led me to convert a higher percentage of my day approaches into dates, it’s this. Because if you don't do this, you are left to set up a date with lots of details over text, which can be a frustrating process as we all well aware. If you want more specific advice on what I say, I can give it to you. Shoot me a PM.
So I thought I messed up texting with her. Here’s our exchange. Let’s call her Christine.
Saturday afternoon:
Me: “Hey Christine it’s Jagnum … save my number.”
Her: “Got it!”
(an hour later)
Her: "Ps what’s your last name so I don’t get you confused with the other Jagnum’s haha"
Me: "Hm put Jagnum – [redacted] mystery man![[Image: smile.gif]](https://rooshvforum.network/images/smilies/smile.gif)
"
(no response)
I figured I might have been too cheeky. I decided not to text her the same day as that would seem desperate, but instead, the next morning.
Me: “How’d your resume completado turn out yesterday? All jokes aside, my last name is [last name]”
Her: “Got it done, thanks for asking. Lol good to know”
She was translating her resume into Spanish, hence the Spanish word for 'completed' in my first sentence. I was honestly surprised she responded, I figured she'd written me off.
That evening, I text her:
Me: “Hey are we still on for live music in ABC neighborhood tmrw night?”
Okay this is a big advantage of asking her to a SPECIFIC EVENT in person because all you need to do over text is say “hey are we still on for tomorrow night?”
Her: “For sure! What did you have in mind?”
Me: “XYZ Bar on Main St does the open mic. Let’s meet there at 930.
Her: “Sounds good”
A few hours later she texts me:
Her: “So silly problem..I realized I can’t get into the bar since I’m not quite 21 yet. Sorry! Really looks like a fun event and wish I could be there.”
I play it cool and tell her that if she can't get in, we'll do something else that night.
Me: “Shoot that’s right! It’s a fun night, so we should try anyway. If someone is checking ID at the door, we’ll just walk to another spot in the area open late. No big deal.”
Her: “Great! I’ll see you tomorrow then”
Me: “Cool, see you then.”
Short summary of text exchange: ask if she’s down to see live music at 9:30 pm. She tells me she is, then texts me to say that she can’t go because it’s 21 and over. I tell her we’ll try to get in and if we can’t, we’ll go somewhere else.
The night of the date, I wait for her upstairs at the music venue. There’s a group of people that walk in and the third person in this group comes up to me and says:
“Hey!”
I don’t recognize her at all. I respond on reflex.
“Umm…hey.”
I think she realized I was a bit confused by her appearance, so she tells me a moment later:
“So yeah, I decided to go brunette.”
“Reminds me of my roommate. You must have done this recently, because I met you like two days ago.”
“Yeah! I did it last night.”
Oh, that’s what it was. She looked great with blonde hair, but still decent as a brunette. She did put on makeup, wore nice earnings, basically got herself all dressed up to meet me, and this all made me very happy.
We can’t get into the music night, so I walk her over to a coffee shop that has couches. I tell her about the three jobs I have, and luckily the third one, I work part-time for a nonprofit, resonates with her. She wants to go into nonprofit development work abroad so she talks about her experience working in the Dominican Republic.
She sits across from me (d’oh) in the coffe shop, so not much physical contact.
Again, I let her talk. I sit back and act relaxed. Thank you OregonToSoCal for this advice, and for me to be really cognizant of it. I keep the conversation light and fun. I ask whether she remembers her first day of school. She tells me she likes interior design, so I ask her about how her room is decorated. Nothing too serious.
At one point exercise comes up, so I ask her to flex, and I reach across the table to see how “strong” she is. A little heavy handed, but it was fine.
I haven’t done this on a date in forever, but I did run “the Cube” routine, and held her hands while doing it. I guess it was her sitting across the table, I felt like I should do something to touch her a little, and we were talking about personalities.
The coffee shop is closing, so I tell her we’re going on another walk. I take her ten minutes away to a really scenic spot in my city, overlooking the water and parts of the city.
On the walk over there, we’re talking about the sports she played in high school, and I ask her, “was salsa dancing one of them?” she says she’s never done it before. So I stop her on the sidewalk, take her hands and teach her the “basic”. She doesn’t seem too into it, so I just give her one spin, and we continue walking.
We reach the scenic spot. I put my arm around her and we look around. I think we’re still just talking about the city. We’re both facing the water, but I’ll look at her from time to time and she doesn’t return my gaze. She keeps looking out towards the water, not at me. I brush her hair a bit, and ask her about her earings, but she doesn’t respond much to this either. She tells me her mom bought her these earrings when she went home for Christmas break. After about 15 minutes, I tell her we’ll head out and I’ll call an Uber to drop her off. She lives in the dorms.
While we’re waiting for the Uber, we’re standing in the middle of a quiet street. Here is where I make a more aggressive move. While standing and facing her, I put both of my hands on her hips and pull her a bit closer to me. Now we’re making eye contact. She’s returning my gaze. Now I start dirty talking her a bit, but I’m not pulling her back to my place on the first date, the signals she was giving were not super warm and we met late to begin with on a weeknight, and I’ve given up most cases attempting to bang on the first date because of awful conversions.
As my face is close to hers, I tell her she’s got a good girl face, but probably has naughty thoughts every once in a while. Adapted from Tyler at RSD. I add a bit later, I throw out some line about how my mom told me…to watch out about girls from the Midwest. She’s agreeing, saying things like “Oh yeah?”
I can tell she’s getting really turned on. She moves her hands to my back. Her eyes are meeting mine now and she’s giving me that glossed over look. I tell her, “Hey are you trying to kiss me? I’m going to stay a virgin for the rest of my life. I don’t want you to ruin me.” Role reversal a little cheeky, but that’s how I run my game. She isn’t saying much, but her eyes are telling me, “I’m really enjoying this right now.”
I don’t know maybe it’s bad to be this sexual on a first date when your intent is not to sleep with her. Part of me thinks I should refrain from being sexual on the first date, because then when it comes to setting up the second date she might say to herself, “I don’t want to see that guy all he wants is sex.” Here’s a question, does being relaxed, but telling her sexual things on the first date actually help or hurt my chances to get a second? Opinions here would help.
Finally the Uber driver comes and he’s a really talkative weirdo. She’s sitting on the other side of the backseat, and he keeps talking to both of us about how he’s trying to learn how to navigate the city without Google maps. We exchange smiles at how strange this guy is. A bit later in the ride, I put my hand around her and on her shoulder and she leans towards me. Good sign.
Once we get to her dorm, I get out of the car, give her a big long hug, but again, I don’t kiss her. She looks at me like she is DYING to be kissed. I just smile at her. I’m operating with the don’t kiss the girl on a first date unless she’s in your bedroom and sex is a definite possibility. Maybe I would have tried to use the “hey can I use your bathroom”, but she already told me she shares a bedroom with two other girls.
Anyway, I’ve kissed far too many girls on first dates only for second dates to never materialize. Maybe I’m being too strict here. I don’t think it matters, although I’d love to have a second opinion here. She looked at me with her eyes glossed over. She says to me, “I had a really fun time.” Out of reflex, I tell her “I did too”. Maybe beta, I’m not sure what else to say.
Overall, I think I’m showing too much interest on a first date. I’m not sure how to stop this. Are there ways of playing “hard to get” as a guy? Like lines you’d use to balance out the interest you convey when you're touching. To “push” her once in a while instead of making everything a “pull”.
I asked her inadvertently in the car what she has going on the rest of the week. She told me she’s out of town this weekend, but I’m not sure when she’s leaving.
OTSC gives advice that I should wait 3 days before re-contacting, unless she texts me back first. So this would not be until Friday. But if she’s going out of town, perhaps it’s better to try to meet her again this week, like Thursday or Friday, and so I’d need to hit her up Wednesday. I think I’ll hit her up Friday to set something up early the following week.
I prefer my second dates on a Thursday, Friday, or Sunday, although I guess if she’s a student late night during the week would be fine as well.
I’m not sure what to say to re-initiate the conversation over text. What are examples of things you’d say to re-initiate the convo for a second date? Here’s again where some advice would be really beneficial. I’ve had some chilly receptions in the past to re-initiating texts to set up a 2nd date, and wondering what to do. And also what to do on a second date. I’m thinking maybe we do ice cream somewhere, talk a bit more, then bounce and say “let’s have a bottle of wine and do a drink at my place”. I might even bring back the questions game, which is how I got laid twice on first dates with 20 year olds last year (these were only two of three first date lays last year, and I think it worked because 20 year olds are hornier than girls who are 21 plus who have ridden the carousel…). Basically we take turns asking each other questions, and then questions, at least as I ask them, become more sexual in nature. And jump back and forth from sexual questions to nonsexual ones. Then get her back to your place.
I’ll hit her up again, again date was on Monday thinking either Wednesday (waiting 1 day) or Friday (waiting 3 days).
“Other than a curious Uber driver, I had a fun time the other night.”
She might respond with “yea I did too,” or whatever it might be.
“Thinking we should hang out again sometime soon. What’s your schedule like early next week?” (or if I text her Wednesday, I'll write later this week).
[size=x-large;">TL]TL;DR[/size]
Ask a girl to a specific event when you are closing an approach, whether it's night game or day game.
If she’s under 21, take her to a cool coffee shop and then walk to a scenic spot where you can get physically close to her.
Relaxing, really lean back, spread your legs wide, keep your neck from being craned in. Move in at some point if you’d like, but spend most of your date leaned back and relaxed.
Mention your standards at the coffee shop, you moved to ABC city to find people who are “fun, relaxed, and affectionate” that’s what I say.
If you’re walking somewhere, use an excuse to salsa dance.
Holding her with your hands on both of her hips and your thumbs opposing your other fingers, ideally your thumbs pointed inwards and down, can be very, very sexy for her.
I’ve had a few shitty first dates recently, and this was a good one. But I’d like to see more second dates become bangs, which for all intents and purposes is where I'm still a newbie.
Seeking advice in areas highlighted in bold.
I've highlighted these parts in bold.
But also for newbies browsing this forum, you might find some material here you’d consider using on your first dates.
I wrote this to be very comprehensive, so apologies for the length. Covers the approach, the text exchange, to the date.
Just returned from a first date with a very pretty 20-year old white girl. She’s got soft face, soft features, beautiful eyes, nice blond hair with these cute bangs. A mix of scandi, german and english. Possibly the cutest girl I've seen this month.
I’ve been going on dates, and occasionally sleeping with girls who are 23 to 32. So, I must say it was very, very nice to meet a younger girl.
I met her at a coffee shop on Saturday. My approach, I thought, was mediocre, but she was receptive in asking me questions, “when did you move here.” I was nervous in this approach and I’m certain it showed in my voice: a) I had been working in solitude for a few hours on a Saturday on my projects, and b) she was very good looking. Roosh does write that it’s a good sign if you’re a little nervous because it means you’re approaching beautiful women instead of ordinary ones.
Okay, critical, again, this has been huge for me converting approaches to dates is TO BRING UP A SPECIFIC EVENT THAT’S FUN THAT HAPPENS EVERY WEEK IN YOUR CITY AND THEN INVITE HER TO IT WHEN YOU CLOSE. DO NOT SIMPLY END WITH “WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOME TIME.” If there’s one thing that’s led me to convert a higher percentage of my day approaches into dates, it’s this. Because if you don't do this, you are left to set up a date with lots of details over text, which can be a frustrating process as we all well aware. If you want more specific advice on what I say, I can give it to you. Shoot me a PM.
So I thought I messed up texting with her. Here’s our exchange. Let’s call her Christine.
Saturday afternoon:
Me: “Hey Christine it’s Jagnum … save my number.”
Her: “Got it!”
(an hour later)
Her: "Ps what’s your last name so I don’t get you confused with the other Jagnum’s haha"
Me: "Hm put Jagnum – [redacted] mystery man
"(no response)
I figured I might have been too cheeky. I decided not to text her the same day as that would seem desperate, but instead, the next morning.
Me: “How’d your resume completado turn out yesterday? All jokes aside, my last name is [last name]”
Her: “Got it done, thanks for asking. Lol good to know”
She was translating her resume into Spanish, hence the Spanish word for 'completed' in my first sentence. I was honestly surprised she responded, I figured she'd written me off.
That evening, I text her:
Me: “Hey are we still on for live music in ABC neighborhood tmrw night?”
Okay this is a big advantage of asking her to a SPECIFIC EVENT in person because all you need to do over text is say “hey are we still on for tomorrow night?”
Her: “For sure! What did you have in mind?”
Me: “XYZ Bar on Main St does the open mic. Let’s meet there at 930.
Her: “Sounds good”
A few hours later she texts me:
Her: “So silly problem..I realized I can’t get into the bar since I’m not quite 21 yet. Sorry! Really looks like a fun event and wish I could be there.”
I play it cool and tell her that if she can't get in, we'll do something else that night.
Me: “Shoot that’s right! It’s a fun night, so we should try anyway. If someone is checking ID at the door, we’ll just walk to another spot in the area open late. No big deal.”
Her: “Great! I’ll see you tomorrow then”
Me: “Cool, see you then.”
Short summary of text exchange: ask if she’s down to see live music at 9:30 pm. She tells me she is, then texts me to say that she can’t go because it’s 21 and over. I tell her we’ll try to get in and if we can’t, we’ll go somewhere else.
The night of the date, I wait for her upstairs at the music venue. There’s a group of people that walk in and the third person in this group comes up to me and says:
“Hey!”
I don’t recognize her at all. I respond on reflex.
“Umm…hey.”
I think she realized I was a bit confused by her appearance, so she tells me a moment later:
“So yeah, I decided to go brunette.”
“Reminds me of my roommate. You must have done this recently, because I met you like two days ago.”
“Yeah! I did it last night.”
Oh, that’s what it was. She looked great with blonde hair, but still decent as a brunette. She did put on makeup, wore nice earnings, basically got herself all dressed up to meet me, and this all made me very happy.
We can’t get into the music night, so I walk her over to a coffee shop that has couches. I tell her about the three jobs I have, and luckily the third one, I work part-time for a nonprofit, resonates with her. She wants to go into nonprofit development work abroad so she talks about her experience working in the Dominican Republic.
She sits across from me (d’oh) in the coffe shop, so not much physical contact.
Again, I let her talk. I sit back and act relaxed. Thank you OregonToSoCal for this advice, and for me to be really cognizant of it. I keep the conversation light and fun. I ask whether she remembers her first day of school. She tells me she likes interior design, so I ask her about how her room is decorated. Nothing too serious.
At one point exercise comes up, so I ask her to flex, and I reach across the table to see how “strong” she is. A little heavy handed, but it was fine.
I haven’t done this on a date in forever, but I did run “the Cube” routine, and held her hands while doing it. I guess it was her sitting across the table, I felt like I should do something to touch her a little, and we were talking about personalities.
The coffee shop is closing, so I tell her we’re going on another walk. I take her ten minutes away to a really scenic spot in my city, overlooking the water and parts of the city.
On the walk over there, we’re talking about the sports she played in high school, and I ask her, “was salsa dancing one of them?” she says she’s never done it before. So I stop her on the sidewalk, take her hands and teach her the “basic”. She doesn’t seem too into it, so I just give her one spin, and we continue walking.
We reach the scenic spot. I put my arm around her and we look around. I think we’re still just talking about the city. We’re both facing the water, but I’ll look at her from time to time and she doesn’t return my gaze. She keeps looking out towards the water, not at me. I brush her hair a bit, and ask her about her earings, but she doesn’t respond much to this either. She tells me her mom bought her these earrings when she went home for Christmas break. After about 15 minutes, I tell her we’ll head out and I’ll call an Uber to drop her off. She lives in the dorms.
While we’re waiting for the Uber, we’re standing in the middle of a quiet street. Here is where I make a more aggressive move. While standing and facing her, I put both of my hands on her hips and pull her a bit closer to me. Now we’re making eye contact. She’s returning my gaze. Now I start dirty talking her a bit, but I’m not pulling her back to my place on the first date, the signals she was giving were not super warm and we met late to begin with on a weeknight, and I’ve given up most cases attempting to bang on the first date because of awful conversions.
As my face is close to hers, I tell her she’s got a good girl face, but probably has naughty thoughts every once in a while. Adapted from Tyler at RSD. I add a bit later, I throw out some line about how my mom told me…to watch out about girls from the Midwest. She’s agreeing, saying things like “Oh yeah?”
I can tell she’s getting really turned on. She moves her hands to my back. Her eyes are meeting mine now and she’s giving me that glossed over look. I tell her, “Hey are you trying to kiss me? I’m going to stay a virgin for the rest of my life. I don’t want you to ruin me.” Role reversal a little cheeky, but that’s how I run my game. She isn’t saying much, but her eyes are telling me, “I’m really enjoying this right now.”
I don’t know maybe it’s bad to be this sexual on a first date when your intent is not to sleep with her. Part of me thinks I should refrain from being sexual on the first date, because then when it comes to setting up the second date she might say to herself, “I don’t want to see that guy all he wants is sex.” Here’s a question, does being relaxed, but telling her sexual things on the first date actually help or hurt my chances to get a second? Opinions here would help.
Finally the Uber driver comes and he’s a really talkative weirdo. She’s sitting on the other side of the backseat, and he keeps talking to both of us about how he’s trying to learn how to navigate the city without Google maps. We exchange smiles at how strange this guy is. A bit later in the ride, I put my hand around her and on her shoulder and she leans towards me. Good sign.
Once we get to her dorm, I get out of the car, give her a big long hug, but again, I don’t kiss her. She looks at me like she is DYING to be kissed. I just smile at her. I’m operating with the don’t kiss the girl on a first date unless she’s in your bedroom and sex is a definite possibility. Maybe I would have tried to use the “hey can I use your bathroom”, but she already told me she shares a bedroom with two other girls.
Anyway, I’ve kissed far too many girls on first dates only for second dates to never materialize. Maybe I’m being too strict here. I don’t think it matters, although I’d love to have a second opinion here. She looked at me with her eyes glossed over. She says to me, “I had a really fun time.” Out of reflex, I tell her “I did too”. Maybe beta, I’m not sure what else to say.
Overall, I think I’m showing too much interest on a first date. I’m not sure how to stop this. Are there ways of playing “hard to get” as a guy? Like lines you’d use to balance out the interest you convey when you're touching. To “push” her once in a while instead of making everything a “pull”.
I asked her inadvertently in the car what she has going on the rest of the week. She told me she’s out of town this weekend, but I’m not sure when she’s leaving.
OTSC gives advice that I should wait 3 days before re-contacting, unless she texts me back first. So this would not be until Friday. But if she’s going out of town, perhaps it’s better to try to meet her again this week, like Thursday or Friday, and so I’d need to hit her up Wednesday. I think I’ll hit her up Friday to set something up early the following week.
I prefer my second dates on a Thursday, Friday, or Sunday, although I guess if she’s a student late night during the week would be fine as well.
I’m not sure what to say to re-initiate the conversation over text. What are examples of things you’d say to re-initiate the convo for a second date? Here’s again where some advice would be really beneficial. I’ve had some chilly receptions in the past to re-initiating texts to set up a 2nd date, and wondering what to do. And also what to do on a second date. I’m thinking maybe we do ice cream somewhere, talk a bit more, then bounce and say “let’s have a bottle of wine and do a drink at my place”. I might even bring back the questions game, which is how I got laid twice on first dates with 20 year olds last year (these were only two of three first date lays last year, and I think it worked because 20 year olds are hornier than girls who are 21 plus who have ridden the carousel…). Basically we take turns asking each other questions, and then questions, at least as I ask them, become more sexual in nature. And jump back and forth from sexual questions to nonsexual ones. Then get her back to your place.
I’ll hit her up again, again date was on Monday thinking either Wednesday (waiting 1 day) or Friday (waiting 3 days).
“Other than a curious Uber driver, I had a fun time the other night.”
She might respond with “yea I did too,” or whatever it might be.
“Thinking we should hang out again sometime soon. What’s your schedule like early next week?” (or if I text her Wednesday, I'll write later this week).
[size=x-large;">TL]TL;DR[/size]
Ask a girl to a specific event when you are closing an approach, whether it's night game or day game.
If she’s under 21, take her to a cool coffee shop and then walk to a scenic spot where you can get physically close to her.
Relaxing, really lean back, spread your legs wide, keep your neck from being craned in. Move in at some point if you’d like, but spend most of your date leaned back and relaxed.
Mention your standards at the coffee shop, you moved to ABC city to find people who are “fun, relaxed, and affectionate” that’s what I say.
If you’re walking somewhere, use an excuse to salsa dance.
Holding her with your hands on both of her hips and your thumbs opposing your other fingers, ideally your thumbs pointed inwards and down, can be very, very sexy for her.
I’ve had a few shitty first dates recently, and this was a good one. But I’d like to see more second dates become bangs, which for all intents and purposes is where I'm still a newbie.
Seeking advice in areas highlighted in bold.
![[Image: banana.gif]](https://rooshvforum.network/images/smilies/new/banana.gif)
The last thing you want to be doing is escalating like that when you have clue or location as to where to take her to seal the deal.