[Sam Malone]

Hey all, I'll give a quick backstory,

I'm a 42 year old single dad of three, divorced last year. Been working Tinder, Bumble, and POF. Have had minimal success with younger women, but a lot is dictated by the fact that I have my kids most of the time (I would put it at around 80-85% of the time). So logistics (time wise) play a big part in my success (and failures).
Changed my searches to around my age, and getting more matches in a day than I would in a week with the younger women parameters.

Among those hits, I've got a 7/8 I've been texting/sexting with since Sunday. A few text samples (in chronological order) minus the garden variety chit-chat:

- When you come over I will be covered up next to you with just a blanket, and my kids will know not to come down stairs to my room. I can also have my kids watch them and I can come to your house
- You could have me completely falling for you.
- I want to swallow in real life I will get you there to the end but I can't swallow
- I had an ex boy friend shove a turkey baster full of his cum down my throat and made me swallow it when I was 20 because I would give him a bj one day... I was sick that day and he didn't care
- I can orgasm at least 6 times and can squirt 4 or 5 times
- I'm to old for games and hook ups I'm not a hook up type of girl anyway but I want my best friend, soulmate, lover. I want passion, romance, that look from you when you see me walk into the room that you never want to stop touching me.
- I'm tight because I had my kids by c-sections so I am still intact not opened up after babies

Anyway she's ready to meet. At one or the other's place. I see some crazy in there in a few places, but she's got a decent face and a solid body. Still some LMR /second guessing (via text). I expect there to be some in person as well.

I'm trying to determine which is better as far as location. A few thoughts I've had on this so far...

Her Place: Pros:
- I can bail whenever I need to (no drama, I simply have to be at X early in the morning)
- She doesn't / won't know where I live (if I don't want to add her to the rotation, I can basically disappear)

Her Place: Cons:
- Her kids will be upstairs (could hinder my performance and/or her inhibitions)
- Unfamiliar territory (home-wise. I wouldn't control the venue at her place)

My Place: Pros:
- No kids floating around, possibly (likely) screwing things up. No knocking on the door for Mommy.
- I'm in my controlled environment (for protection. I can covertly record audio/video if I choose)

My Place: Cons:
- She'll know where I live (if I don't want her in my rotation but she wants to be)
- Getting her out the door could have the potential to be problematic (again, if she gets clingy)

Thoughts, suggestions, and input are appreciated .

[DannyAlberta]

All things being equal and it is just a straight meet up directly at someone's place instead of a date first: Your place.

Her coming to you is always a subtle assertion of dominance.

Also her kids being upstairs would be a subconscious worry for both of you.

As a side note, I love how the "I'm too old for games" hamsterization remains in full effect.

[DamienCasanova]

(01-06-2016 04:43 PM)George is King Wrote:  

- I had an ex boy friend shove a turkey baster full of his cum down my throat and made me swallow it when I was 20 because I would give him a bj one day... I was sick that day and he didn't care

[XPQ22]

I'm not sure I have anything specific to add regarding your particular situation, but I am pretty familiar with the dynamics of online dating, so just a heads up: chick sounds weird.

You say you've been texting with her since Sunday and she's already detailing her sexual escapades with turkey basters? But giving you ambivalence/last minute resistance as well? If she's so DTF, why aren't you there banging her instead of still in texting hell pushing a week later?

Tales of wild sex, while also putting up resistance/acting ambivalent/not wanting to meet is what is known as "BETA BAIT." She's testing your thirst levels and boundaries to see if you're manipulable.

I fell for it a few times early in my online dating experience. Turns out a couple of these women who were texting me their hot pics from the club and telling me how cute I was, blah blah, were just god-tier stringers looking for validation, company, and perhaps someone as an option once the guy they were CURRENTLY banging was out of the picture.

Quote:

You could have me completely falling for you.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_bombing

Girl set up, girl knock down. Girls dropping big compliment bombs on you early in an interaction is a huge red flag, and it's sadly remarkably common. I guarantee you if you do the online dating thing more it will happen to the point that you hardly find it worthy of mention on the forum, but there's a first time for everything.

Or maybe she's just recently divorced as well and really horny or something. But maintain frame and let these compliments and stories slide off. Don't get played, player.

[Soyouz]

Since you don't know her well, I recommend that you meet at her place. From the text messages she sent you, something seems wrong about her... After meeting once, you can invite her at your place if she's not crazy.

Another pro of going at her place :
-You can quickly get the hell out if she's not as pretty as her pictures (happens sometimes when meeting girls online, they pick pictures that was taken many years ago, or when she was 50 pounds lighter). If that happens, just look at your cellphone after 15 minutes, they pretend you received a text message and there's an emergency.

Good luck and have fun!

[XPQ22]

(01-06-2016 06:31 PM)Soyouz Wrote:  

Since you don't know her well, I recommend that you meet at her place. From the text messages she sent you, something seems wrong about her... After meeting once, you can invite her at your place if she's not crazy.

Another pro of going at her place :
-You can quickly get the hell out if she's not as pretty as her pictures (happens sometimes when meeting girls online, they pick pictures that was taken many years ago, or when she was 50 pounds lighter). If that happens, just look at your cellphone after 15 minutes, they pretend you received a text message and there's an emergency.

Good luck and have fun!

I'd recommend just meeting up for drinks at a location ten minutes out from one of their places, frankly. Seems like she said in her text message that she has older kids as well who could play the role of babysitter, so all he has to do is get his logistics in check for a single night.

I understand the appeal of the whole "zero date bang" thing, and if it's girls in their 20s you can get to come straight to your pad from Tinder, I'd say more power to ya.

Women in their 30s or 40s, as this woman likely is? Asking for trouble.

[Sam Malone]

XP,

The only reason I'm still texting is, as I said in the original post, my own situation with my kids doesn't lend itself to the ability to move quickly.

I usually start casting the net the day before my ex takes the kids. Same on my off weekends (sans kids).
Works a few different ways for me, "I can meet tomorrow night" or "I can't do Thursday, I already have plans".

Most occasions I'm finding that the divorcees I meet up with understand that (that I'm the primary caregiver). The past few have actually swapped evenings with their exes to meet up with me.

With this current one, the bouncing back and forth between the texting LMR and the "I need you now" is scrambling my radar a little bit.

Edit: She said earlier that her kid wasn't feeling well (he has some sort of condition)... But still wants me to come over...

I'll tell her we should reschedule. See which way the hamster spins after I text, "You should focus on your boy tonight."

Edit 2:
Texted the above. Her boy is somehow, suddenly feeling better, and in bed.
She sent me a nude of her getting out of the shower.
And then this:
"I do have a rule, though. I love to kiss my man coming in the door and when he leaves ... it let's him know I am happy to see him and I am the first thing he thinks about when leaving and that he has a smile on his face all day or for the rest of the night."