A great analogy I was given about a mindset to have regarding seeking awakening is that of a flame held under a pot. Too little energy and the meal will not cook. If the flame is strong but dances all over, the meal will not cook. It takes a strong (powerful concentration) and steady (focused) flame to accomplish the task. Of course awakening is not something you can set a recipe for which every tradition makes clear. But the likelihood of spontaneous awakening occurring with a distracted, disordered, unfocused mind is rather low.
The sense of 'no personal ownership' is one attribute of awakened action, which can sometimes seem the opposite of equanimity if one is compelled to engage very strongly in what seems a very personal way. The manner in which I responded to sterling_archer surprised even me, but I have been trusting the movement of my energy through various awakening experiences going back years and have seen myself move in ways that surprised or shocked me but in reflection were appropriate to the situation. We can't predict ahead of time what we will do, say, feel, or certainly think so painting any kind of picture about how we 'should' act is a bit misleading in my experience. As we are all unique, how awakening looks within each of us will be necessarily also unique. But being non-egoically-reactive, being unattached to an given outcome, are indications that true Liberation is being experience. Freedom to do or be and to have others do or be. We still need to engage with other aspects of our One self, but with awakening we see and feel others as extended aspects of Us, like the fingers can move independently but are still One with the palm.
In terms of retaining insights and the sense of Oneness after retreats, I understand that and have experienced that desire too. I took a while of continued examination and also listening to a few teachers to discern that awakening isn't about feeling special, or elevated, or Oneness all the time - it can be very ordinary-seeming. Just a sense of .. naturalness. Like the way an animal would walk across a field and nibble at blades of grass because its stomach says 'time to eat.' Or we pause to look at a sunset because that's the most natural thing in the world to do. Or to be on a date with a woman and a magic descends upon the moment and you lock eyes and you find yourself pulling her toward you for a kiss in the middle of her sentence.
I will write about this more in another post I've been contemplating for a while, about an applied esoteric science called 'human design', but so much of our wisdom resides in our body, in the sounds and movements we make. This instinctive, 'animal' nature has become awakened in me far more than I ever imagined. I grunt my positive responses ('mmm hmmm') much more than speaking words. I've observed actors like Humphrey Bogart who often did that (his role in 'The Big Sleep' especially) and I feel a deeper kinship with the power that represents. Without attempting to affect a certain demeanor, I feel an easy masculinity in that wordless response, or the contemplative 'hmmmmm', and the very clearly negative 'uhh uhh'.
It's very clear that being awake means being free of the machinations of the mind. Not my mind, or your mind, but just mind as a phenomenon. When we don't "know" what we're doing in every given moment, we aren't planning every move out, that's how the 'natural alpha' or 'naturally feminine woman' is. This is also where by relationships take on more powerful dimensions. I will credit David Deida, Allison Armstrong, Michaela Boehm, and Steve James as incredible teachers who have helped ground me in awakened, embodied masculine practice - the last two in particular. To anyone who can attend a Michaela and Steve workshop (they travel around the world) there's tons of wisdom presented that help ground and circulate and (when appropriate) amplify these higher energies. You get to feel your power as a masculine man and explore very cool and also challenging exercises to create a cellular memory and understanding that goes beyond anything the mind can ever touch.
This series of videos titled 'Spirit Sex Love' by David Deida (1 hour total) really brought home how awakened masculinity can look like. Very worth your while to check this out. I've engaged in practices like this and no amount of meditation or reading compares to the visceral feeling. It's truly practicing sexual yoga as he says:
and another series called 'Function Flow Glow'
I'll mention that I don't subscribe to the 'goddess worship' stuff which can sometimes go along with environments like this, but the practices themselves are very powerful, useful, and have helped me 'dance' in the currents of the feminine energy which can easily overwhelm the unprepared masculine. I prefer (having been far down that New Agey road*) to bring it back to natural male/female interactions. Before working with principles from David Deida and others, I wasn't as comfortable with the extremes that a woman could go to - especially being a man who loves silences and craves peace. I felt that was disturbing and chaotic to my being. But there is no greater spiritual practice I know now than remaining centered in my being and also engaging with the wild play of feminine energy.
*My attitude is more as one writer said (pretty well-known manosphere guy) 'The god's purpose isn't to worship the goddess. His job is to FUCK the goddess.'
Edit: yes, attuning to the breath is incredibly important! Here is the TEDx talk by Dr. Alan Watkins titled 'Being Brilliant Every Single Day' (worth watching if you aren't already intimately familiar with cardiac coherence) on the subject showing how breathing properly will help us control our physiology and maintain fully access to our pre-frontal cortex, the seat of conscious intelligence/decision-making:
In a past sexual encounter I was able to go far longer than I expected without orgasming by focusing on staying present with my breath and moving energy through my body. She was quite a tigress and on our first date/first time in bed, instead of my prior 'first one fast, second one longer' I took control of my breath, set an intention in that moment to last longer, and made the first one really count. We went at it for what seemed like 30 min or more and it got more and more intense, both dripping and happily spent. I was fully present, totally appreciating and savoring her and able to sustain and deepen our love-making. Was like everything I'd been intending to practice and express had appeared in that one encounter - I was humble and grateful. Ironically, she had told me she had a 'boyfriend' but he was much older and more a provider than a lover. He was wealthy but emotionally disconnected. She had been going on about 'respecting their relationship' but eventually pulled me into her bed. I wasn't expected it and by not acting like I needed her I ironically made her want me more - the exact opposite of the other guy. It was a very topsy-turvy connection as she definitely needed mental help but try and she might to get me to hate her, I couldn't and to this day I'm the only guy who hasn't spit recriminations and venom at her for being 'emotionally disconnected, manipulative, etc.' I absolutely thank the red pill, spiritual practice, and just understanding the darker side of human nature as well as our higher spiritual potential for being able to engage and come away whole and more aware. I know better signs to look for in the future but while I'd had a very difficult connection with a borderline personality disorder (BPD) woman 3 years ago, this woman had many of the same signs and even worse but I felt freer now. A part of me wishes she'd chosen me instead of her rich provider (she made plenty of money on her own) but perhaps she wasn't really ready for that kind of intensity so I know the connection served the right purpose. Even writing this I feel calm while remembering and appreciating the experiences.
An aid I use in cultivating breath-awareness is the emWave2 (either hand-held or Apple/PC based) or Inner Balance sensor (iPhone only) from Institute of Heartmath is a must-have tech hack for practicing this on your own.
http://store.heartmath.com/innerbalance