[olive]

(11-29-2015 07:32 PM)Cobra Wrote:  

Firstly, good ol' "Timmy" has my vote for forum beta, but yes at the end of the day he may be a guardian angel flyingin to save the OP from a potential harmful relationship.

If I were you OP, take him under your wing and learn as much as you can about his sister and the family. This is a win win.

damaged family with a broken boi. my top tip (abriged): run like hell.

[FunkCoup]

Sounds unrealistically ideal, but I think you should help the guy. He's getting torn apart like Michael Vick's reputation.

Like others have mentioned on this thread, you also know what your girl and their mother are capable of when it comes to emasculated men. I'd never want to be in that position.

If you do decide to try to help him stay afloat, know that there might be something unpredictable about his mentality. He abused drugs before. His mom and sister torment him. There might be problems just lying dormant underneath the surface. If channeled properly though, he might become a powerful player/wing.

[Vaun]

Its only a matter of time before she tries this with you. All women will try to get away with this. You will either be one of the guys in her life that a) accepts this like her brother or b) says no and treats her like the cold hearted bitch she is proving herself to be.

Honestly I couldn't stay in any type of relationship with a woman like this. I have no sympathy for the brother either because he was a drug user and willfully chooses his pathetic lifestyle. This sounds like a terrible family, if you were smart you would get out now and not waste any limited time you have on this earth, with these miserable people.

Besides revealing how much of horrible person your wonderful LTR is, contemplating devoting your precious time and resources to helping save a grown man who is a pathetic drug addict, and helping your girlfriends family move, are you sure the beta wasnt you?

[ksbms]

We want easy, straight answers but life isn't like that. First, we know, readers of this forum, very little. Perhaps original poster misses many important facts, too. But too often we are quick to sort people out into banal, black and white, good and bad categories. Situational psychology perspective teaches that environment makes people behave differently in different settings - a man, in a function of a boss can be ruthless with his inferiors, yet a loving husband and father at home. Kapos in concentration camps where like that - ruthless towards prisoners, yet good dads at home. Excellent illustrations how people's behaviour can be modified are Milgram's experiment, Stanford prison experiment, and many others. Banality of evil can be ugly, but is around a corner, as a case of Kitty Genovese shows, where no-one helped but it doesn't mean people were bad. There are no straight answers, and deeper into the woods, the more trees there are.

I will not give any advice. The original poster needs to weight things up for himself and decide if he wants a "quick and easy way out or stand up" to a situation he witnessed, and which might make his life "less than ordinary".

[YoungAngel1]

Hey guys, thought I would give you an update on the situation. Well, it's over. It turns out that this girl had a HOST of other issues. She was molested when she was a kid, raped in college, and only saw her dad like 5 times before he was killed(dead-beat dad).

In the last 2 months of the relationship she bragged about her ex boyfriend constantly who played football, and started to totally withdraw from sex. I took notice, and brought it up. This is when the excuses started. First it was a headache, then a stomach ache, then a sore throat, too tired, not into it, etc. Through a lot of fight, she did start giving it up, but boy was this bitch disinterested. Straight up laying down like a star fish. Through some convo before we even entered the relationship, she claimed she was a sexual freak, this of course turned out to be false, at least with me it was. I'm pretty sure she saw me strictly as a beta/provider, I make good money/good career, and a typical nice guy. Ironic, huh? lol. I finally told her that I couldn't do it, and she was pretty distraught by the whole thing. Crying her eyes out, wanting to keep giving it a try. BUT NO

In a way, I am happy. I'm happy in a sense that I was never truly ready for a higher quality girl(attraction wise), so now I can work on some more self improvement(losing a lil weight, dressing better, cutting out alcohol, etc). I want more, and don't wanna be looked it as a fallback to her ex. I heard her constantly still talking about him to friends, and even her family. It was brutal to be even around. one day, when she thought I was sleeping, her ex called and she said "I've been waiting for you to call" lol. I'm not saying I was perfect either, she caught me tinder, and I went on other dates, just so I could keep that same spark I had that got me her. Also, turned into a total dick at the end, because she was trying to control the relationship or at least I thought she was. Honestly, after some of the stuff I said, i'm surprised she didn't leave herself.

I'm sad in a sense, to where it's a breakup, and its pretty fucking brutal. alot of time wasted, and painful memories. I've totally deleted everything I have of her including phone number, email addresses, etc.

I've learned a lot, but now it's back to the drawing board. If you guys have any advice, please feel free to share.

[Remington]

From that last post, you saved yourself a lot of hassle figuring out these things sooner rather than later. The whole ex boyfriend thing is very disrespectful. Those types of things you need to nip in the bud immediately.

Self awareness will always be a huge strength for men when they are single or in an LTR. Right now, focus on yourself and keep an eye on number one. Go out on dates and gain some experiences. Tis the season.

[PapayaTapper]

(01-05-2016 01:59 PM)YoungAngel1 Wrote:  

Hey guys, thought I would give you an update on the situation. Well, it's over. It turns out that this girl had a HOST of other issues. She was molested when she was a kid, raped in college, and only saw her dad like 5 times before he was killed(dead-beat dad).

In the last 2 months of the relationship she bragged about her ex boyfriend constantly who played football, and started to totally withdraw from sex. I took notice, and brought it up. This is when the excuses started. First it was a headache, then a stomach ache, then a sore throat, too tired, not into it, etc. Through a lot of fight, she did start giving it up, but boy was this bitch disinterested. Straight up laying down like a star fish. Through some convo before we even entered the relationship, she claimed she was a sexual freak, this of course turned out to be false, at least with me it was. I'm pretty sure she saw me strictly as a beta/provider, I make good money/good career, and a typical nice guy. Ironic, huh? lol. I finally told her that I couldn't do it, and she was pretty distraught by the whole thing. Crying her eyes out, wanting to keep giving it a try. BUT NO

In a way, I am happy. I'm happy in a sense that I was never truly ready for a higher quality girl(attraction wise), so now I can work on some more self improvement(losing a lil weight, dressing better, cutting out alcohol, etc). I want more, and don't wanna be looked it as a fallback to her ex. I heard her constantly still talking about him to friends, and even her family. It was brutal to be even around. one day, when she thought I was sleeping, her ex called and she said "I've been waiting for you to call" lol. I'm not saying I was perfect either, she caught me tinder, and I went on other dates, just so I could keep that same spark I had that got me her. Also, turned into a total dick at the end, because she was trying to control the relationship or at least I thought she was. Honestly, after some of the stuff I said, i'm surprised she didn't leave herself.

I'm sad in a sense, to where it's a breakup, and its pretty fucking brutal. alot of time wasted, and painful memories. I've totally deleted everything I have of her including phone number, email addresses, etc.

I've learned a lot, but now it's back to the drawing board. If you guys have any advice, please feel free to share.

Anyway you can stay in contact with the brother? Sounds like he can use a friend

[h3ltrsk3ltr]

If you take a dog out of the gutter and clean him up and feed him and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the chief difference between adog and a man.

- Mark Twain

My opinion: Just move on. You could never have helped that kid but maybe he'll take notice of you and find his own way out of the gutter.

[PapayaTapper]

(01-07-2016 12:48 PM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  

If you take a dog out of the gutter and clean him up and feed him and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the chief difference between adog and a man.

- Mark Twain

My opinion: Just move on. You could never have helped that kid but maybe he'll take notice of you and find his own way out of the gutter.

"The question should be, is it worth trying to do, not can it be done"
- Allard Lowenstein

You may very well, and most likely would be, right but...personal code choice I guess.

Plus I also like the whole "You're a cunt but your brother's cool" wet on the sister aspect of it.

[Vaun]

(01-05-2016 01:59 PM)YoungAngel1 Wrote:  

Hey guys, thought I would give you an update on the situation. Well, it's over. It turns out that this girl had a HOST of other issues. She was molested when she was a kid, raped in college, and only saw her dad like 5 times before he was killed(dead-beat dad).

In the last 2 months of the relationship she bragged about her ex boyfriend constantly who played football, and started to totally withdraw from sex. I took notice, and brought it up. This is when the excuses started. First it was a headache, then a stomach ache, then a sore throat, too tired, not into it, etc. Through a lot of fight, she did start giving it up, but boy was this bitch disinterested. Straight up laying down like a star fish. Through some convo before we even entered the relationship, she claimed she was a sexual freak, this of course turned out to be false, at least with me it was. I'm pretty sure she saw me strictly as a beta/provider, I make good money/good career, and a typical nice guy. Ironic, huh? lol. I finally told her that I couldn't do it, and she was pretty distraught by the whole thing. Crying her eyes out, wanting to keep giving it a try. BUT NO

In a way, I am happy. I'm happy in a sense that I was never truly ready for a higher quality girl(attraction wise), so now I can work on some more self improvement(losing a lil weight, dressing better, cutting out alcohol, etc). I want more, and don't wanna be looked it as a fallback to her ex. I heard her constantly still talking about him to friends, and even her family. It was brutal to be even around. one day, when she thought I was sleeping, her ex called and she said "I've been waiting for you to call" lol. I'm not saying I was perfect either, she caught me tinder, and I went on other dates, just so I could keep that same spark I had that got me her. Also, turned into a total dick at the end, because she was trying to control the relationship or at least I thought she was. Honestly, after some of the stuff I said, i'm surprised she didn't leave herself.

I'm sad in a sense, to where it's a breakup, and its pretty fucking brutal. alot of time wasted, and painful memories. I've totally deleted everything I have of her including phone number, email addresses, etc.

I've learned a lot, but now it's back to the drawing board. If you guys have any advice, please feel free to share.

I am really glad to hear this. Congrats on having your eyes opened for you, mostly by her. At least she didnt try to hide how much of a bad person she is. She probably realized how much better you were than her and helped you see her for who she really is. Now you will have the awareness to avoid these types in the future.

Many of us men who are optimistic and open to others to our detriment. Its almost like you have to get burned a few times before you wise up. Too many good men are wasting their lives by inviting people like this into theirs.

Don't befriend the brother. Thats terrible advice. Get away from these people. Anybody who befriends an adult male drug addict because he gets bossed around by his sister and his mommy, is destined to be a loser.

Use this as an experience to understand why you were attracted to this women. This is a turning point for you. Be honest with yourself. Be intellectually honest with yourself to never make this mistake again. Can you imagine if you got her pregnant? They would be your family. Her horrible life story would become yours. The odds are high that this can happen. You narrowly avoided this.

So lets think about all of her red flags;
-Crazy family
-Abusive toward her family, no compassion
-Past abuse
-Talked about threatening ex
-Self proclaimed sexual freak
-Needs your help moving
-Im guessing she had some physical signs of this as well
-Guessing she was financially a wreck too

When you saw all of these things, how did you rationalize that she was better than this?

What type of women are you looking for? Freaky women? There are plenty out there who keep their shit together. Did you randomly meet her?

I think the most important lesson out of all of this is that you know yourself better. Hopefully you learn how to pick better, to not willingly subject yourself to a life full of misery from an accidental pregnancy or whatever else might happen, much like her brother you thought was a beta.

[Engineer]

(01-05-2016 01:59 PM)YoungAngel1 Wrote:  

I've learned a lot, but now it's back to the drawing board. If you guys have any advice, please feel free to share.

2016 will be a good year for you. You will look back on this experience, shake your head and smile, while in the midst of bigger and better things.