[LordTBE]

First experience with a whale who I thought was gonna be slim - got totally tricked. Never happened before.

Been randomly adding girls from Tinder onto snapchat....most of my snaps are workout/with friends etc

One girl snaps me - face looks alright, does not look obese. Maybe a 6/ 7 from the well angled photos. She sends a lot of snaps, general bollocks. Seems very keen. She has never asked for name, age etc.

Go out Saturday night on halloween. It was very busy. Later on in the evening she snaps asking for phone number. Very drunk, I sent it to her. Went to a club, some hot asian girl dancing and I accidentally walked straight into her knocking her.

I don't think she intended to do it to get me to initiate. I was very drunk so maybe she did. She turns around and we look at each other for a split second then start kissing.

Off my face at this point, I touch ass/tits/bits over skirt. She starts asking my name. Music was too loud, we dance a little and make out more then her friends left and she was trying to talk to me but then left. Probably became apparent I was in no fit state to even be standing. Shame, as she was really nice looking (maybe beer goggles) and had I not been off my face I would have handled it different.

Anyway, the fatty from snapchat comes over after ringing me sometime later on. Expecting a cute, slim girl, this 14 stone tank with a thick accent (said she had no accent) comes over to get me. My friend laughs. I quickly look for a way out and go towards the exit ontop of the stairs. Ask about walking dead (she mentioned something about it in snaps). My friend just stands there.

Luckily, a girl I know through work walks past, and takes us outside (not bad looking and thin). Get out of jail free card.

I could not believe the difference from the snaps to the real life appearance of this absolute whale. She has continued to send me snapchats - I am not responding.

Figured I would share my horror story - lesson learnt.

[Rawmeo]

Lesson of the day: always ask for a full body pic before consenting to a date with a lizard. It's easy to get SIFd. Good luck next time.

[LordTBE]

Taking Rawmeos advice on board, this girl from snapchat sent me through the messenger (not snaps) two ace photos of her body. We agreed to meet up a couple days later, at a precise time. Anyway, I told her I needed a snap of full body and face, to make sure she was not a fatty. She refused. Clearly I was not going to be had again. Later that evening whilst drunk I trolled her for some illegal fireworks, which she didn't have. We have not spoken since.

This one happened today. Tinder match, moved to snapchat. Couple of days of here and there snaps, then she suddenly takes interest. Not sure what happened, think I sent a snap of my face. Anyway, she starts sending me nice snaps, none full nude but decent. Things progress, then I find out she is 17 (16 age limit here). She was not bothered with the age gap as most of them aren't (did tell her I was 54 and a half though) So she didn't know my age, or my real name, or anything about me. Kept wanting me to add her on facebook, not gonna happen.

Arrange to meet up when we were both free. All good so far. She was sending me snaps into the early hours (I work late). She seems to have a good sense of humour.

Anyway this morning I get a text saying her friend decides she wants to come, and can we drop her off nearby on the way to where we were going (I was going somewhere and said you can come along if you want, just to meet). This is where it gets a bit funny. I have to pick her up from her college. Pull in, wait, shit loads of these kids running around. It's like a high school. Damn I thought, this looks bad. Real bad. I waited 7 mins then left, got a text saying you just drove off, turns out they were just coming over when I left. I was flustered in case anyone I knew saw me outside a school. So I went back, got them.

Was gutted when I seen her. Worse, I COULD NOT UNDERSTAND A WORD HER FRIEND WAS SAYING. It was like she had an overshot jaw or someshit. It was weird as hell. And this girl from snapchat, whilst still OK, was not as hot as her snaps suggested. And she wasn't as petite. In fact I think she made me look slimmer and I'm muscled. Big head too. But still cute enough. Both of them, somehow, could not understand what I was saying. I'm well spoken. Everything was Wha? Wha? Seriously it was hard work. Dull as dishwater her friend was too, proper common.

Very hard to get any sort of rapport or shit going. Went to where I needed to go 10 mins away, got the shit I needed (had her friend push the trolley) and got back in vehicle and was like OK to friend, you going to agreed place. "Nah not going there now excuses excuses". Annoyed. "Can you take me to fast food places a or b". I said no. So I put in the satnav where I originally picked them up from, snap girl was like What?! Think she wanted to stay longer with me, but her friend had created a situation. Could have been that they both conspired to not be left alone with me sometime in the brief trip (haha!!) but the girl could have informed me her friend was now not going to agreed place. Drove off, dropped them off at place, didn't really speak. Snapgirl would occasionaly giggle when on her phone, think they may have been texting about me when driving back. Cheeky buggers. Was laughing in my head about the situation, told my friend when I got back, he found it hilarious.

So another shit play. Excuse my poor typing and story telling abilities.

[Menace]

LordTBE I like all your Britishisms. Is there a female equivalent of yob? They sound like Vicky from Little Britain. General rule in Anglo countries is that friend coming = no meeting. In places like Philippines you can still pull it off if friend comes.

[Player_1337]

(11-02-2015 07:20 AM)LordTBE Wrote:  

First experience with a whale who I thought was gonna be slim - got totally tricked. Never happened before.

Been randomly adding girls from Tinder onto snapchat....most of my snaps are workout/with friends etc

One girl snaps me - face looks alright, does not look obese. Maybe a 6/ 7 from the well angled photos. She sends a lot of snaps, general bollocks. Seems very keen. She has never asked for name, age etc.

Go out Saturday night on halloween. It was very busy. Later on in the evening she snaps asking for phone number. Very drunk, I sent it to her. Went to a club, some hot asian girl dancing and I accidentally walked straight into her knocking her.

I don't think she intended to do it to get me to initiate. I was very drunk so maybe she did. She turns around and we look at each other for a split second then start kissing.

Off my face at this point, I touch ass/tits/bits over skirt. She starts asking my name. Music was too loud, we dance a little and make out more then her friends left and she was trying to talk to me but then left. Probably became apparent I was in no fit state to even be standing. Shame, as she was really nice looking (maybe beer goggles) and had I not been off my face I would have handled it different.

Anyway, the fatty from snapchat comes over after ringing me sometime later on. Expecting a cute, slim girl, this 14 stone tank with a thick accent (said she had no accent) comes over to get me. My friend laughs. I quickly look for a way out and go towards the exit ontop of the stairs. Ask about walking dead (she mentioned something about it in snaps). My friend just stands there.

Luckily, a girl I know through work walks past, and takes us outside (not bad looking and thin). Get out of jail free card.

I could not believe the difference from the snaps to the real life appearance of this absolute whale. She has continued to send me snapchats - I am not responding.

Figured I would share my horror story - lesson learnt.

I've committed myself to always screening prospects via Skype/Facetime.

- Engage at night and keep the conversation to ~15 minutes (30 max if it goes well). Tell her you have to get going and maintain frame (plans that night/big day tomorrow). Use this as an opportunity for bait/DHV.
- See if she's as attractive as she has portrayed in her pics. Need to detect the SIFs/outdated pic girls.
- See if there's even an ounce of chemistry/if she'd bang. I can pick up on this better when talking with the girl face to face.
- Build comfort and rapport. She'll feel more comfortable getting together in person.

[trawler]

(11-02-2015 07:34 AM)Rawmeo Wrote:  

Lesson of the day: always ask for a full body pic before consenting to a date with a lizard. It's easy to get SIFd. Good luck next time.

How do you do this in practice? Sounds like it'd be very easy to give a creepy or thirsty vibe.

[eradicator]

(11-10-2015 08:33 PM)trawler Wrote:  

(11-02-2015 07:34 AM)Rawmeo Wrote:  

Lesson of the day: always ask for a full body pic before consenting to a date with a lizard. It's easy to get SIFd. Good luck next time.

How do you do this in practice? Sounds like it'd be very easy to give a creepy or thirsty vibe.

"Hey, I've been tricked in the past by morbidly obese women who sent me hot photos to get me to meet them in person. Humor me and go on facetime with me for a few minutes, you can screen me as well"

but less wordy.

[glugger]

Dude, read the rules, no talk of under 18 girls. Doesn't matter what the age is consent is there.

[eradicator]

Yeah I was surprised OP didn't have a line through his name already.

[Rawmeo]

I guess he was given a warning since he has gold status. Anyway if the girl refuses to give you a full body pic, she is likely fat.

Two months ago, I made the mistake of not asking for a FBP when talking to a girl named Cake. When I met her, well, she chose her nickname pretty well.

As for being a 50-something man waiting outside a school for girls, unless it's a university, you will most likely be called the cops on, be careful.

[Saweeep]

(11-11-2015 12:21 AM)eradicator Wrote:  

Yeah I was surprised OP didn't have a line through his name already.

I think that would have been a bit harsh man. It's not like he started a topic like "How to Fuck xyz year olds in their dad's bed" or something. A warning is all that's needed here.

As to the general point...young girls with decent bodies LOVE to show them off. If you aren't getting a single picture showing their tits and ass you can be god damned sure something is wrong.

It's funny...young girls just intrinsically know that their only real currency is tits and ass. It's one of the reasons we love them so.

[joost]

OP probably looked like any other parent waiting for their children. See nothing suspicious nor reason to call the cops.

I would prefer if OP had banged both at the same time.

[LordTBE]

I'm really sorry about that didn't read the rules how can I edit that out? Plus I'm not 54.5 I said it as a joke to the girl. Do I have to post my actual age?

Anyways...update...turns out she knows someone I used to work with. He hates me. Pretty sure he told her everything about me (which as the beta he is he would do) I got a few messages late last night, after she wanted to meet again today but I didn't want to. She was well into me it seems. Also was asking if I was looking for a relationship. Before tshtf.

[High Hanging Fruit]

(11-10-2015 03:00 PM)Menace Wrote:  

General rule in Anglo countries is that friend coming = no meeting.

Very true. It sounds like she was taking the piss; you hadn't even met her yet and she'd already pressured you into taxi'ing her friend around.

Then you're driving them like a chauffeur and they're in the back giggling at your expense!? Should have kicked those bitches out then and there.

[LordTBE]

Man< i will post this IDK if anyone care but whatever be fun to write it and relive some of last night

OK, so a lot has happened since I last posted, I still read sometimes when I can be bothered and that. Well its now February ish. Nearly March. Apparently Easter is gonna be in March in UK this year because of the moon? No idea if true. But whatever it's what my hair dresser said, my sisters hair dresser is much hotter but she won't let me go there because, cos of what i am like.

ANYWAY

Last night, in my duncans right? (pyjamas). I'm like, fuck, 14 guiness down, I am out. I need get some more. My mum wouldn't give me a lift she being mean so I got my own way to the shop bought 4 guiness. Then I was like, why not go to that pub, by the shop, where I met that goofy girl with short hair? OK. Fine. Did that. Started playing pool on my own (its like snooker). This old hag, I dunno how old, I think 40s, maybe 46, was with her fat friends, all looked butch as fuck. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with women? Why try and act like a bloke? All very suggestive. Anyway the blonde one beats me a pool twice. Was smashed. Apparently her son my ageish maybe younger I cant remember is also now based in colchester. Cant remember much. Got the moderately attractive (was smashed, probably looked like a hobbit) baretneder to get me a taxi to the town. There wasn't many people around, mostly old women, I could have mopped up. Just kidding. But serious.

Oh, I forgot. I left my pyjama top on. So I was wearing like trainers I put in the wahsing machine to tidy up, some old dirty combat sorta trousers, and my pyjama top. I put my usual coat on. It is I think green or brown I am colour blind. My SO got it me ages ago. Its ripped and had mustard stains on it. I literally looked like a tramp. it is my usual look.

So anyway i got into town.

Usual shit. Dont remember a lot of places. Annoyingly someone was also from where i was originally from. And knew evertyhting about that place. Left that, and somehow ended up in the place i got thrown out of the week before (long story, I was really drunk, someone was being annoying, pushed them on the floor, bouncer threw me out the back door, he didnt actually touch me tho, just walked me out) So anyway I am in this place. The main bartender I sort of know, I don't know him, but he was shagging a girl i used work with. He knew my name tho. He gave me some free drinks. And asked about why i got thrown out, everyone seen it. TBH, i found that hilarious. Anyway I am in this place, and I made a new friend. A dude who is a from bangledash and a muslim but believes in Jesus. Heck of a nice guy, he been texting me today I aint replied. So right, we go from that bar and backtrack? to a bar.

And i see this girl, two glances. I'm like in my head shit, I know that girl. Lovely girl. Absolute trash though. Massive bike. Was a bar maid I got her number and 2 others from these local places in the matter of a few days, ages ago. She was well into me. It was fun. Shes probably a 6, maybe a 7? Looks a lot like an ex gf of mine. Anyway she found out I had a SO and that i got these other girls numbers (she worked with 1) and the jealously got to her and she slagged me off for months. Went real cold. Noth that I cared or bothered with it. Anyway I seen her. Massive hugs of this girl yeah? Like we besties. Now remember they titled to the hilts, I am in my pyjamas, look like shit. Mustard from a cinema hot dog on my zip on the jacket. So anyway I just get the hug, She talking. Im trying kiss it, She kinda resisting then kissing me. Then kissing me. Asking bout my SO. I aint with her no more I said. Then she asks me bout this other girl (1 of the 3 girls numbers girls) and I was like nah I never touched her. She said yes you did. Im like no I never. I might have none of her business like? Shes like I spoke to her, I know what you did. I was like, fuck, this could be bad. For business reasons. Im like nooo. She says what about your SO, I said I am not with her (not repeating just typing as it comes off my brain) and she said yes but you were always a bit of a player. Ive always seen myself as a gentleman with great moral conduct and figured everyone had the same opinion. Apparently not. But she did used go out with this dude who totally cock blocked me on a nother girl. Not face to face behind my back. Absolutely wanker, I thought he was gay. But he wasn't. Another story tho. Anyway, this girl be like bla bla, trying get me with her somewhere, my new muslim friend probably thinks I am a celeb at this point. She talking we kissing. I wanted go this club she didnt want to, didnt think at time why, obv cos she wanted me back to hers?

So me and this muslim guy got to this club. Get in, he paid probably i didnt take cash out with me. So I had to make friends to get drinks. Get in, walking up stairs, oh shit! OWL FACE. I dont know if i posted about this girl or not. Met her for hot chocolate. Was OK. Met her again to go see new rocky film (long story, but I was overhwlemed with pupping it you know?) man, she had put xmas weight on. Head massive like a rottweiler. Totally could not bone it.

Anyways, I seen her walking up stairs. She lost that extra weight. Or it could be cos I am drunk. So anyway, I aint never made out with this chick.

We start making out. A lot. Was hilarious man. I kept slipping away to fart cos guiness been getting at my guts. She like u so active and energtic. I am like yeah sure (secretly like come away from my fart stench). Also, I had to leave to throw up 3 or four times in the toilets. Funny cvos I was about to walk back to the dance floor and puked on the stepped carpet. No one noticed. Then I was talking to this guy he was oh shit what out for the sick! Someone been sick dirty bastards. and it was me! I was howling in side. So i been trumpin and pukin in this club man. Funny as hell. Get back out bogs, owl face find me. We making out. Dirty bisch. I from a strong, upbringing. Im like this how the common people act and shit. Its funny. But bad. No class.

Surprised I was let in, not thrown out.

Got a free bottle of champagne too, cos someone left it unattended and unopnened. Right next to me. So i took it. Shared it out with people. They lovin it. Lots of different races. And one black guy on steroids. Midget but buff. Heck of a nice chap.

So i left owl face somewhere, and the muslim got me a taxi home. Taxi got me to my car. Ages away. We had a bit of a race home (private grounds, no footpaths, totally legal).

Was ace night.

I been speaking to them bisches today. I got 2 others trying get with and my old SO i send twilight quotes to. Think it is winning her back. Again another long story.

Hope that was ok to read.

Oh and both mentioned girls are like 23. Bit old for me but fuck it.

[Stimulus]

^^ that story..

I don't care if it's true or made up. I don't care it's one big chaos of thoughts, actions and whatnot . It's funny as hell tho.

[LordTBE]

Some people met me on here in London, serious I swear to Jesus it was true. I mean, I might have missed out details. But it is true. I know my grammar is not good (is in real life)

Also, if I was more poetic and shit about my postings :-

When that first girl was like reluctantn and shit to kiss me - she wasn't really. I know this because of how I got her numnber. The story is like this - these 2 fags who worked with me (i above them, basically top dog) we are in the pub playing pool. This shit ages ago. They both think this girl fine as hell. Shes ok. Summit about her but she is actually ginger. and her brother reall fucking ugly so i am thinking maybe her genes might throw an ugly kid? Something to think of. (Side note, when it said above i wanted to pup it i actually meant was not wanting to pup it)

Anyway, this bartender, I admit. She did look hot. Like 8. Hair all blonde and shit. Curly and thoughtful, yu know flowing and man I want to pull it.

So for some reason, cant remember, these 2 fags (both taller than me, but I cud and did hit them a lot) one of them real posh. I mean more than me. He actually wasnt, no family line, but he spoke really well. Some said better than me. Which was hilarious. So I made a story up about this prick. Lovely guy. I just speak about him like that cos he is a prick. So i say he got like a butler. People still believe this. They bought into it.

So butler boy and this other dude, great guy, could have been my BFF. He got a thing for this girl. He tells me. I see it. She know sit I guess. So I play pool vs this bisch. I shit at pool. Im shit at mostly everyuthing. Esp pool. Used be good when little we had a pool room at home when I was small. Used play a lot. Drugs and shit. Anyway

We playing. This funny cos I never read nothign about my bheaviour then i seen some shit about pride afterwards, and remembered this shit. I was like oh fuck. So,meoe wrote about me I guess. Cos i be lossing to this bisch at pool. Shes a lovely girl not a bisch but a total bike. Serious bike. Will still bash though. More on her bf at the time.

We playing pool, i think the other 2 guys used to let me win cos i would get fake angry at them (they think it real) and whatever. They had to do what i said or I would hit them. (this may sound out of context, but idk how to describe it here, basically i was there boss, plus im a prick to everyone, without actually needing them to be there?) whatever. You will know what im writing or not. who care? So we playing pool. This girl im like (i know my maybe cud have been BFF like it) come play me. No she say. £10 says you cant beat me. (I know she likes me, cos im ace) anyway she comes to play. Im winning (dont know how I am shit) somehow end up fucking loosing. My main man, (bff guy) going all ape. Acting weird. Not trying to AMOG me, cos that wud be dumb, but trying to lone wolf me or some shit. IDK i send him home. With ther butler boy. Make butler boy drive cos he had less to drink and was totally legal to drive. (they both were...)

Anyway. This girl beats me at pool. I get all annoyed and shit (not really) Im like. Fuck this. This bullshit (pride and that) Shes like HAHA but not HAHA bad. She digging being around me. Im like right, double or nothing. No I wasnt. Somehow I made the bet, she win she keep the £10, i win I get adate? i cant remember how i worded it. Wait i remember. I said she has to come clothes shopping with me. I love this shit. Great line. I used the clothes line in case they find ouit about SO. Then i say oh shit it was to buy her some clothes and shit. Fool proof (seriously is. used it LOADS). She was like NO NOT DOING IT (not shouting, just being stubborn.) I was like (and im shouting a bit here)

FINE! HERES THE TEN POUNDS. IM OFF

Literally pleads with me not to go. Rematch.

Anyway. She may or may not have won again. Cnanot remember.

Sometime during the rematch, BFF who didnt be BFF comes in. Out of breath. He drove, dropped butler boy off and come back. Cos he anxious about me and his crush. I give him a good scolding, and made him go out side sit in car while i finish off my flirting. Was hilarious. Ace DHV. Such pawns.

Anyway got number, arranged date. She wanted pick me up. She had a boyfriend. Little ugly midget. I knew she was a bike. But whatever. I was like, why u with ur BF? She shrugged. Then arranged date with me. (this was an EASY LAY had I not gone for the jealously plot line on someone i wanted) All backfired.

SOOOOOOOOOOO

She hate me (if anyone pieces together this is me, I am fucked. This shit funny but bad.)

The girl she worked with hotter (IMO) younger. Sweet feminine (turned out be total whore) Got her number on 2nd time in establishment (when we was alone)

A girl also down the road, known to other 2, got bf. introduced us> i got her sitting on me knee when he gone home, got her number, was smashe dknocked a drink over her. Didnt seem to care. Lied to her a lot. Got found out. Believed I was a billionaire. Seriously. I said it as a joke. Clever girl but thick? Wtf?? laughs. So she all over me. We arrange a meet. She intriduged. Try play cool but also obvious to me. THEN!!! The 2nd girl told pool girl who told spilt drink girl. So I lost 2 girls cos of this. fucking 2nd girl proper evil. Still had her tho. But them other ones, man. 2nd girl....funny story. She found out soon about my SO, cos she rung up this place (never does that) and spoke to her, and asked for me to come home! Fucker cock blocking me (u no thats what wives do and shit) Thought fuck. But still got that bisch. Other 2 didnt happen. 3rd girl gone 4ever. Dont care 6 out of 10 AT BEST. Her bf total chump. But that other girl from last night is pool girl. She been cheated on before. A lot. Total whore but nice girl if that makes sense, does not realize her only value is her SMV. Or wahtever u want call it. Does not think sleeping around trying get summit to stick effects it. Sad in a way.

No idea if any of this make sense.

[XPQ22]

#teamfullbodypics

One thing that I'll say is that the ladies of OKC seem to have learned this lesson well. I've only been SIFed once on there out of dozens of dates (old-ass pics, bitch!)

[LordTBE]

Aight

So last night my mate text me and call me, and we arrange go pictures. He got a nice merc and is loaded, and dresses well. I was in my same mustard stained coat (damn i love it, even though it makes me look fat) same dirty trousers, and a black t shirt, which was washed, and trainers. So we gonna go the cinema, and then head out to town to scout or some shit.

Anyways, for some reason he goes wrong on the round about, and we get lost. So we have to go to a diff cinema. Which didnt take too long get there. Plus we chatting shit and just having fun talking about bisches.

We end up getting at this next place, and it is fucking cold. We like, lets go scout this bowling place out for any hotties. He waits outside whilst I walk around inside, there is pool tables, bowling, basketball arcade game air hockey sort of shit. So I go in, Im patrolling, disapointing...BOOM! Table of pool being played by 2 girls, and no men with them. Even though there was 4 guys on the immediate table next to them, they were not talking, plus I could easily have banged them all out if I needed to. So I carry on and find my mate and we go set up camp next to them. Set pool up. I am shit, but have moments of pure lucky brilliance. Well, one of these girls had a banging body and an OK but not OK face....and the other one was opposite. So the tight jean wearing bisch buggers off to the bar there to get drinks...no wait thats wrong, the pretty but chubby one goes the bar to get drinks and tight jeans is on her own, pissing about on the iphone. My man he not strong enough to do an opener, I tried to get him to do it for once, but he won't. Fucking faggot. So I say fine I will sort it. Too late as PBC comes back. And its her go. "You know, when you weren't here, your opponent been moving them balls around and shit" I said to her, or some shit. She be giggling and says some shit I turn away and take my shot and then say as i hear her tell tight jeans TJ what I said "dont get me in trouble now.

I get some small talk, cant remember much, she was real attentive lets play doubles she was all smiling and happy and was like yeah and i said ok u on my team.
So we team up, and we win 2 games against TJ and my man. Im touching her elbows, back, and getting hugs when winning. This girl chubbier than I ever been with but not overly so. I like them lean. But her face is nice. She had good teeth too. So we move from that too bowling, which I was winning but since i got like a shoulder injury from being so hench or some shit I came third out of 4 but my team won (me and PBC). On one of my shots I had 2 pins standing, and a ball size in between then, I was able to get the ball to hit them right in the middle and she was like I am so impressed. She be loving me. Puppy dog eyes. She be saying how we make a good team and stuff.

Anyway we do a couple arcade games and shit Im like hey lets go check the cinema times, come with me. She was like yea! And she follow me. I was gonna escalate but TJ and my man ran out behind us I figured wtf. So it turns out TJ had go home cos her mum was all like, or her step dad, get the fuck back in house now its like 10 o clock. But PBC wanted stay with me. So we watched a film with my man there too. Dick didnt think to fuck off in the car and wait for me or nothing. I scolded him later but said it was all good as we can get more girls anyway. In the cinema she be like hey u still want my phone number? So she handing that out. PBC really wanted be around me, and when my man drove her home i walked her to her door to make sure no one jump out on her or nothing. Oh in the car she was arranging stuff for the next night to see me. Then I kissed her on her door but her mum was in the house, not sure if i could have banged it. Will see anyway if it all works with chubby girls. If she did 12 weeks of fat loss and got a banging body she would be real hot, nice face. She be 22 in a couple weeks so at my limit really to what i could go for. (yeah yeah 23 is my max)

Will c it sunday.