[Editor's note: This is a true story. Some details have been changed.
Part 1 can be found here:
thread-51328.html
This is part 2 of 3.]
“In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” –Albert Camus
The Depths of Winter - Becoming the Bull (Part 2)
Snow covered the ground and darkness permeated the skies. It was so cold out.
Friendless. Sexless. Hopeless. I’d never felt this alone.
I told Erin that I needed some time to myself. She responded with a text saying:
“You’re going to throw this all away because I don’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with you? That’s very immature of you, Hank. I expected much more from you. I thought you cared about me. Is all you really care about sex? You aren’t the man I thought you were.”
I felt like such a jerk. Why did I fuck this all up? Why did I throw away the perfect girl?
I hadn’t left the house in over a month, and just let my beard grow out. I looked like shit. But I didn’t care. One evening I walked to a corner bar near my house to pick up a six-pack, hoping not to run into anyone. I bumped in to a friend I used to hang out with.
“You look like you’ve seen better days, Hank,” Chris said, towering over me.
“I have.” I lit up a cigarette and took a drag.
“What’s wrong? Talk to me.”
Chris was one of my favorite people to hang out with before I met Erin. He had this strange charisma about him. Chris can be described as “a guy’s guy”, who made everyone feel good about themselves. He loved to about talk sports, cigars, women, philosophy, hunting, and everything else. At 6’’5 with a giant beard, the guy looked more like a lumberjack than a successful business owner. He drove a pickup truck that he’d remodeled to run on vegetable oil, and would spend weeks hunting in the forests of Indiana. Chris was usually surrounded by his friends, hot women, and was always doing something interesting.
I hadn’t talked to anyone about what happened with Erin. I was too embarrassed. I’d kept to myself, cooped up in the house. After a few shots, I broke down and told Chris everything. I could feel the pain in my chest as the words came out. How could she do this to me?
“That sucks dude. I’m sorry to hear. You just need to get the fuck away from her and move on”, he said, with dip in his mouth.
“I don’t know if I can. I’ll never meet anyone like her ever again. She was perfect for me. And I fucked it all up.”
“No you didn't. And I’ll let you in on a little secret. There is no such thing as ‘The One’. A lot of girls are perfect for ya, Hank. Something like this happened to me about six years ago. I didn’t think I’d ever get over her, but I did.”
“How?” I wasn’t sure getting over Erin was possible. She was supposed to be “The One.”
“Well, it’s going to take awhile. But I have this book. It’s called “The Game” by this guy Neil Strauss. Read it. After you’ve read it once, read it again. Then go out, meet a bunch of better girls, and move on with your life. It’s that simple. When you’re ready I’ll sarge with ya,” he said with a bellowing laugh.
What the fuck did that mean?
“Chris, I seriously don’t know if I’ll ever get over her. I just need to get her back.”
“Bro, let me tell you a story…” he said, with a grin on his face:
“Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me? The Princess said NO and the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and fucked skinny big titted broads and hunted and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and ate pussies and ass fucked cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was fuckin cool as hell and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up ..... The end”
It was the first time I’d laughed in awhile.
The next morning a copy of The Game was sitting on my desk, with a hand written note from Chris that read “Love ya buddy! ~C”
I read The Game in a day, and then immediately read it again. Afterwards, I started reading everything about “game” I could find. Within days, my Kindle library was completely filled up with books about game and seduction. I couldn’t get enough of it. The stuff I had thought was misogynistic or anti-women suddenly made a lot of sense.
I had swallowed the red pill.
…sort of.
Could I learn "game" to get Erin back?
I re-signed up for Crossfit and started going to the gym twice a day. Anything to keep my mind off Erin. I was so angry that she played me like that, but God did I miss her. All I could think about was how pissed off I was at her, and how much I missed her. I’d learn game to get her back from Will.
According to what I was reading, I needed more experience with women. I didn’t want to see girls other than Erin, but I had to do what needed to be done. I sure as hell wasn’t ready to just approach random groups of hot women. So I opened an OkCupid account. Seemed like a good starting place. Talk to single women looking to meet men without having to leave the house over the internet. I could do that.
At first online dating was more frustrating than productive. I’d send out hundreds of messages and get one or two responses. Of those responses, very few turned into dates. I’d start messaging with a girl and it would just die off, or they would flake when I asked for a date. I felt like a total loser.
Determined to make it happen, I read up on how to maximize online dating, how to create a solid profile, and how to do messaging in a way that actually lead to dates. I read every book and website I could find on the subject. Eventually, my improved profile and messaging started to lead to more dates.
However, dating in person proved to be awkward and equally frustrating. I would spend an entire evening having drinks or dinner with someone who wasn’t that interesting or I wasn’t attracted to.
Or worse yet, I would spend an evening with someone I actually was attracted to only to be rejected. You don’t know how many times I heard “You’re a nice guy, Hank, but I don’t really feel ‘the spark’”, reopening fresh wounds. Or I’d send a text message after the date saying “Hey, it was nice meeting you tonight. Hope to do it again soon” only to not receive a response. Even though she seemed interested during the date.
Through trial and error, my game started to improve. My posture changed, and I no longer leaned into conversations. I could identify shit tests and mostly pass them. I watched “How to have a conversation like a man” by Nick Sparks on YouTube over and over.
My text messaging style also changed dramatically. I turned off auto-capitalization, and began to send short, laconic texts that were usually logistics. Sometimes a dry remark here and there. No more elaborate text walls about feelings, simply short and to the point. Maybe a picture or two. I also stopped sending girls texts after dates. Chris had mentioned that if they’re interested, they would send me a text. If not, cut the loss.
Lo and behold, sometimes after a date, I would get home and find a text message saying “Hey Hank! I had fun last night! Let’s do it again sometime!”
After my dates, I would call Chris and debrief, who was always willing to lend me an ear:
“For God’s sake Hank, act like you’ve been there before. Stop trying so hard hard to impress her. You’re the prize, buddy. Act like it.”
“Got it. Should I send her a follow up text telling her I had a good time?”
“Absolutely not. Don’t send a follow up text after a date. You’re a man, not one of her girlfriends.”
Chris was a wealth of practical information, most of which he had learned through reading about game and perfecting it in real life. He was willing to pass this knowledge on to me.
Dating girls I wasn’t interested in made me miss Erin more than ever. I wondered if I had made a giant mistake. Maybe I made too big a deal of her not wanting to be in an exclusive relationship. I mean, this is the modern world. No one does the whole “exclusive thing” nowadays right off the bat, right? If I toughed it out, and manned up, she’d figure out that Will wasn’t right for her sooner or later. He didn’t want a kids or a family.
I decided to take my mind off it and head to the gym, where I bumped into Marcus, who held the Halloween party where I met Erin. He had a wife, a big house, and a stable relationship. Is that too much to ask?
“Great Halloween party last year. How’s married life treatin’ ya buddy?” I asked. I like Marcus, but find him a bit boring.
“Good, good. I trust you’re enjoying the single life?"
“Eh, it’s okay. I’d rather be where you’re at. You’ve got a big house, a nice wife, and a stable job.”
Truthfully, I was jealous of Marcus, who had what every man truly wants - a stable, committed relationship with a nice woman.
At this point, I was completely focused on learning game, building up my body, and growing my business. I had a couple of girls I enjoyed spending time with without any serious commitment. I wasn’t enamored with any of them, but it was better than where I was a few months ago. At least I wasn’t so lonely. Things were getting better.
And then Erin walked back into my life.
One fateful summer night, we happened to be at the same event. She brushed up against me, incredibly sensually. I could smell her, and it all came right back to me in that instant. Her smell…
“Hank, I knew you'd be here. And you look great.”
“Thanks.”
“We need to talk. You know that we can’t leave things like this. This isn't how it ends."
“Erin, I’m in the middle of something…”
“Hank, I just want to talk to you. Can you maybe come over to my place tomorrow so we can catch up? I know I made mistakes, but, it’s just… I miss you so much. I knew you’d be here. That’s why I came here. I wanted to see you.”
Against my better judgment, I went over to Erin’s house. But this time things would be better because I had some game and red pill knowledge… right?
Sex with Erin was amazing. After, we laid in bed and just spooned. Her smell made me feel alive again. I hadn’t felt like this since the night I first met her. I had to wake up for work, but I didn’t want to leave.
“Babe, I gotta get to the office”, I told her, even though I didn’t want to go. I could stay here forever.
“Don’t get up. I don’t ever want you to leave me again. I want you to stay here forever."
Once again, everything was perfect at that moment in time. I buttoned up my shirt, put on a tie, and kissed her on the forehead.
“Babe, let me make you coffee before you go” she said. “And straighten your tie.” I felt like we were a married couple, kissing my wife as I left for work. This is what I wanted the rest of my life to be.
Things picked up right where they had left off. We went to fancy dinners, lavish parties, and hung out all the time. And believe me, anything Erin wanted, Erin got. Her car had problems, I took care of it. She was craving sushi, we’d go get sushi. Erin wanted to see a show, I’d get us the best seats in the house. Nothing was too good for my soul mate. We talked on the phone for hours and constantly texted back and forth. I decided I could let my newly acquired “text game” down a little bit with her, because we cared about each other so much. I’d send fancy coffee to her office, or a note to say “Thinking of you.” I felt so in love with her. I was relieved that she had matured to the point to know that Will wasn’t right for her, and I was. I'd take good care of the woman I loved.
And yeah, I knew I was violating the cannons of game, but this is love.
Christmas was coming. Erin mentioned that she wanted to make cookies. She came over to my house and we made cookies for both our families and co-workers. My house was filled with Christmas music. I’d never cooked before, but Erin made it seem worthwhile. Married life was going to be great.
Sort of on a whim, I decided we should take another vacation trip because the time we had in Aruba was fun. This time I booked us a trip to California to get away for the week. When we got to the hotel after a night out on the town, I went to get intimate with her.
“Hank, not so fast…”
“What’s the problem?”
“I have to tell you something. I started seeing my ex-husband again when you were ignoring me. I think I’m still in love with him.”
“I thought you said he was an asshole…”
“I know, Hank. I know. I’m just so confused. It’s your fault. You were ignoring me. I didn’t want to be alone, and he came back into my life.”
“…I understand.”
“I know someday I want to marry a guy like you, with a good career and a big house, and not a guy like Will who was just a fling. But I have to get over my ex-husband first. I still love him. And I love you, too, for the person you are, and the life we're building, but I’m so confused. Please don’t be mad at me. I wanted you to know.”
I cut the trip short and we flew home. I told her we’d catch up later, but she should take some time to figure things out with her ex-husband.
I wasn’t angry, just disappointed. At first I started feeling sorry for myself, but then I remembered a line from Andrew Dice Clay when he used to humiliate people in the audience. He’d go “I didn’t do this to you. You did this to you.”
I had no one to blame but myself. She didn’t do this to me. I did this to me.
Part 1 can be found here:
thread-51328.html
This is part 2 of 3.]
“In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” –Albert Camus
The Depths of Winter - Becoming the Bull (Part 2)
Snow covered the ground and darkness permeated the skies. It was so cold out.
Friendless. Sexless. Hopeless. I’d never felt this alone.
I told Erin that I needed some time to myself. She responded with a text saying:
“You’re going to throw this all away because I don’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with you? That’s very immature of you, Hank. I expected much more from you. I thought you cared about me. Is all you really care about sex? You aren’t the man I thought you were.”
I felt like such a jerk. Why did I fuck this all up? Why did I throw away the perfect girl?
I hadn’t left the house in over a month, and just let my beard grow out. I looked like shit. But I didn’t care. One evening I walked to a corner bar near my house to pick up a six-pack, hoping not to run into anyone. I bumped in to a friend I used to hang out with.
“You look like you’ve seen better days, Hank,” Chris said, towering over me.
“I have.” I lit up a cigarette and took a drag.
“What’s wrong? Talk to me.”
Chris was one of my favorite people to hang out with before I met Erin. He had this strange charisma about him. Chris can be described as “a guy’s guy”, who made everyone feel good about themselves. He loved to about talk sports, cigars, women, philosophy, hunting, and everything else. At 6’’5 with a giant beard, the guy looked more like a lumberjack than a successful business owner. He drove a pickup truck that he’d remodeled to run on vegetable oil, and would spend weeks hunting in the forests of Indiana. Chris was usually surrounded by his friends, hot women, and was always doing something interesting.
I hadn’t talked to anyone about what happened with Erin. I was too embarrassed. I’d kept to myself, cooped up in the house. After a few shots, I broke down and told Chris everything. I could feel the pain in my chest as the words came out. How could she do this to me?
“That sucks dude. I’m sorry to hear. You just need to get the fuck away from her and move on”, he said, with dip in his mouth.
“I don’t know if I can. I’ll never meet anyone like her ever again. She was perfect for me. And I fucked it all up.”
“No you didn't. And I’ll let you in on a little secret. There is no such thing as ‘The One’. A lot of girls are perfect for ya, Hank. Something like this happened to me about six years ago. I didn’t think I’d ever get over her, but I did.”
“How?” I wasn’t sure getting over Erin was possible. She was supposed to be “The One.”
“Well, it’s going to take awhile. But I have this book. It’s called “The Game” by this guy Neil Strauss. Read it. After you’ve read it once, read it again. Then go out, meet a bunch of better girls, and move on with your life. It’s that simple. When you’re ready I’ll sarge with ya,” he said with a bellowing laugh.
What the fuck did that mean?
“Chris, I seriously don’t know if I’ll ever get over her. I just need to get her back.”
“Bro, let me tell you a story…” he said, with a grin on his face:
“Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me? The Princess said NO and the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and fucked skinny big titted broads and hunted and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and ate pussies and ass fucked cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was fuckin cool as hell and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up ..... The end”
It was the first time I’d laughed in awhile.
The next morning a copy of The Game was sitting on my desk, with a hand written note from Chris that read “Love ya buddy! ~C”
I read The Game in a day, and then immediately read it again. Afterwards, I started reading everything about “game” I could find. Within days, my Kindle library was completely filled up with books about game and seduction. I couldn’t get enough of it. The stuff I had thought was misogynistic or anti-women suddenly made a lot of sense.
I had swallowed the red pill.
…sort of.
Could I learn "game" to get Erin back?
I re-signed up for Crossfit and started going to the gym twice a day. Anything to keep my mind off Erin. I was so angry that she played me like that, but God did I miss her. All I could think about was how pissed off I was at her, and how much I missed her. I’d learn game to get her back from Will.
According to what I was reading, I needed more experience with women. I didn’t want to see girls other than Erin, but I had to do what needed to be done. I sure as hell wasn’t ready to just approach random groups of hot women. So I opened an OkCupid account. Seemed like a good starting place. Talk to single women looking to meet men without having to leave the house over the internet. I could do that.
At first online dating was more frustrating than productive. I’d send out hundreds of messages and get one or two responses. Of those responses, very few turned into dates. I’d start messaging with a girl and it would just die off, or they would flake when I asked for a date. I felt like a total loser.
Determined to make it happen, I read up on how to maximize online dating, how to create a solid profile, and how to do messaging in a way that actually lead to dates. I read every book and website I could find on the subject. Eventually, my improved profile and messaging started to lead to more dates.
However, dating in person proved to be awkward and equally frustrating. I would spend an entire evening having drinks or dinner with someone who wasn’t that interesting or I wasn’t attracted to.
Or worse yet, I would spend an evening with someone I actually was attracted to only to be rejected. You don’t know how many times I heard “You’re a nice guy, Hank, but I don’t really feel ‘the spark’”, reopening fresh wounds. Or I’d send a text message after the date saying “Hey, it was nice meeting you tonight. Hope to do it again soon” only to not receive a response. Even though she seemed interested during the date.
Through trial and error, my game started to improve. My posture changed, and I no longer leaned into conversations. I could identify shit tests and mostly pass them. I watched “How to have a conversation like a man” by Nick Sparks on YouTube over and over.
My text messaging style also changed dramatically. I turned off auto-capitalization, and began to send short, laconic texts that were usually logistics. Sometimes a dry remark here and there. No more elaborate text walls about feelings, simply short and to the point. Maybe a picture or two. I also stopped sending girls texts after dates. Chris had mentioned that if they’re interested, they would send me a text. If not, cut the loss.
Lo and behold, sometimes after a date, I would get home and find a text message saying “Hey Hank! I had fun last night! Let’s do it again sometime!”
After my dates, I would call Chris and debrief, who was always willing to lend me an ear:
“For God’s sake Hank, act like you’ve been there before. Stop trying so hard hard to impress her. You’re the prize, buddy. Act like it.”
“Got it. Should I send her a follow up text telling her I had a good time?”
“Absolutely not. Don’t send a follow up text after a date. You’re a man, not one of her girlfriends.”
Chris was a wealth of practical information, most of which he had learned through reading about game and perfecting it in real life. He was willing to pass this knowledge on to me.
Dating girls I wasn’t interested in made me miss Erin more than ever. I wondered if I had made a giant mistake. Maybe I made too big a deal of her not wanting to be in an exclusive relationship. I mean, this is the modern world. No one does the whole “exclusive thing” nowadays right off the bat, right? If I toughed it out, and manned up, she’d figure out that Will wasn’t right for her sooner or later. He didn’t want a kids or a family.
I decided to take my mind off it and head to the gym, where I bumped into Marcus, who held the Halloween party where I met Erin. He had a wife, a big house, and a stable relationship. Is that too much to ask?
“Great Halloween party last year. How’s married life treatin’ ya buddy?” I asked. I like Marcus, but find him a bit boring.
“Good, good. I trust you’re enjoying the single life?"
“Eh, it’s okay. I’d rather be where you’re at. You’ve got a big house, a nice wife, and a stable job.”
Truthfully, I was jealous of Marcus, who had what every man truly wants - a stable, committed relationship with a nice woman.
At this point, I was completely focused on learning game, building up my body, and growing my business. I had a couple of girls I enjoyed spending time with without any serious commitment. I wasn’t enamored with any of them, but it was better than where I was a few months ago. At least I wasn’t so lonely. Things were getting better.
And then Erin walked back into my life.
One fateful summer night, we happened to be at the same event. She brushed up against me, incredibly sensually. I could smell her, and it all came right back to me in that instant. Her smell…
“Hank, I knew you'd be here. And you look great.”
“Thanks.”
“We need to talk. You know that we can’t leave things like this. This isn't how it ends."
“Erin, I’m in the middle of something…”
“Hank, I just want to talk to you. Can you maybe come over to my place tomorrow so we can catch up? I know I made mistakes, but, it’s just… I miss you so much. I knew you’d be here. That’s why I came here. I wanted to see you.”
Against my better judgment, I went over to Erin’s house. But this time things would be better because I had some game and red pill knowledge… right?
Sex with Erin was amazing. After, we laid in bed and just spooned. Her smell made me feel alive again. I hadn’t felt like this since the night I first met her. I had to wake up for work, but I didn’t want to leave.
“Babe, I gotta get to the office”, I told her, even though I didn’t want to go. I could stay here forever.
“Don’t get up. I don’t ever want you to leave me again. I want you to stay here forever."
Once again, everything was perfect at that moment in time. I buttoned up my shirt, put on a tie, and kissed her on the forehead.
“Babe, let me make you coffee before you go” she said. “And straighten your tie.” I felt like we were a married couple, kissing my wife as I left for work. This is what I wanted the rest of my life to be.
Things picked up right where they had left off. We went to fancy dinners, lavish parties, and hung out all the time. And believe me, anything Erin wanted, Erin got. Her car had problems, I took care of it. She was craving sushi, we’d go get sushi. Erin wanted to see a show, I’d get us the best seats in the house. Nothing was too good for my soul mate. We talked on the phone for hours and constantly texted back and forth. I decided I could let my newly acquired “text game” down a little bit with her, because we cared about each other so much. I’d send fancy coffee to her office, or a note to say “Thinking of you.” I felt so in love with her. I was relieved that she had matured to the point to know that Will wasn’t right for her, and I was. I'd take good care of the woman I loved.
And yeah, I knew I was violating the cannons of game, but this is love.
Christmas was coming. Erin mentioned that she wanted to make cookies. She came over to my house and we made cookies for both our families and co-workers. My house was filled with Christmas music. I’d never cooked before, but Erin made it seem worthwhile. Married life was going to be great.
Sort of on a whim, I decided we should take another vacation trip because the time we had in Aruba was fun. This time I booked us a trip to California to get away for the week. When we got to the hotel after a night out on the town, I went to get intimate with her.
“Hank, not so fast…”
“What’s the problem?”
“I have to tell you something. I started seeing my ex-husband again when you were ignoring me. I think I’m still in love with him.”
“I thought you said he was an asshole…”
“I know, Hank. I know. I’m just so confused. It’s your fault. You were ignoring me. I didn’t want to be alone, and he came back into my life.”
“…I understand.”
“I know someday I want to marry a guy like you, with a good career and a big house, and not a guy like Will who was just a fling. But I have to get over my ex-husband first. I still love him. And I love you, too, for the person you are, and the life we're building, but I’m so confused. Please don’t be mad at me. I wanted you to know.”
I cut the trip short and we flew home. I told her we’d catch up later, but she should take some time to figure things out with her ex-husband.
I wasn’t angry, just disappointed. At first I started feeling sorry for myself, but then I remembered a line from Andrew Dice Clay when he used to humiliate people in the audience. He’d go “I didn’t do this to you. You did this to you.”
I had no one to blame but myself. She didn’t do this to me. I did this to me.
