[everydayisanew1]

So I meet this cute looking asian girl at a coffee shop. Open her with the standard, laptop opener, and boom she was so with it, even hands me here macbook to check the weight, asks me loads of questions about where Im from and hands me her card, and writes down her local number for me without me even asking (turns out shes a PHD student).

Now this is where it gets tricky, I text her with the standard hey its ... nice to meet you.

She replies the next day & I then proceed to ask her out for dinner over the weekend ( I live in a city where its 10 guys to 1 cute girl) & I figure its worth the effort to take out a high quality chick based on my local situation.

She replies that she has dinner plans, but would be down for brunch.
Would you bother to go or make the effort. I already have a pretty good idea where this is heading (friend-zone) but what the hell should I go for it?

Holla back at your boy

[General Stalin]

Why would you not?

[The Black Knight]

I generally only make plans with women, especially first meets, in the evening. Mood and momentum will do some of the work for you in the evenings. I’d be interested in hearing if anyone has ever gotten a bang from a brunch first date and the story behind it. I can’t imagine it’s terribly common.

That said, just counter-offer with another evening. I would also consider dropping dinner plans as the activity and just go do something cheap/free: walk around a scenic area, have a drink, etc. That way, if she tries to friend-zone you (which is looking very likely given the brunch offer), you can bounce quickly and not get stuck with a dinner tab. If she balks or makes it difficult to set-up another evening, you have your answer.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

(10-06-2015 02:21 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

Why would you not?

Right.

I would like to hear more details from that first conversation

Sounds like you had her curious enough to ask you some personal questions, but how did you steer the conversation after that?

What else was said/not said over text?

[Lacesoutray]

In my opinion - you shouldn't ever make plans on a weekend with a girl you just met...
I used to follow the rule of NEVER answer your phone on the weekends....
you are too busy, having fun...

Anyways - maybe shit's changed...
Show up at the brunch straight from the gym...if you are looking good....
have a smoothie / yogurt..something light...
You have plans afterwards, as well...

[kaotic]

(10-06-2015 01:46 PM)everydayisanew1 Wrote:  

So I meet this cute looking asian girl at a coffee shop. Open her with the standard, laptop opener, and boom she was so with it, even hands me here macbook to check the weight, asks me loads of questions about where Im from and hands me her card, and writes down her local number for me without me even asking (turns out shes a PHD student).

Now this is where it gets tricky, I text her with the standard hey its ... nice to meet you.

She replies the next day & I then proceed to ask her out for dinner over the weekend ( I live in a city where its 10 guys to 1 cute girl) & I figure its worth the effort to take out a high quality chick based on my local situation.

She replies that she has dinner plans, but would be down for brunch.
Would you bother to go or make the effort. I already have a pretty good idea where this is heading (friend-zone) but what the hell should I go for it?

What kind of card did she hand you ?

Why would you text her the "standard" I'd make it funny as hell and a bit cocky. I also wouldn't text her immediately back.

Why would you "ask her out" for dinner man, simple meet over drinks would be great (I'm assuming she's over 21 being a grad student).

This is your first mistake, you offered her dinner on a weekend.

She didn't shoot you down, she gave you a counter offer.

Don't fall into her frame and don't let her dictate your plans.

Re-frame, tell her you're busy and can't do brunch, then tell her to meet you for drinks on X day at Y bar at Z time. (Preferably a weekday evening/night)

In my book you want be "busy" on the weekends, it looks better in a girls eyes.

EX. This cute 7 black girl (1 Date) and I have been trying to match up on weeknights. She doesn't like going out on weeknights and says "you're always gone, jesus, stay your butt home sometimes on the weekends". You can tell she wants to hangout again but knows I'm busy, so you catch my drift

Follow my advice and see how she responds, and adjust from there.

ALSO, when a girl says she has dinner plans - I'm cocky so I'll poke fun at her by saying:

"Look we both know that dinner date you'll be on with that guy will be boring, you'll be texting me to hangout anyways. Just cancel on him, he'll understand" - obviously throw in a "haha" or "lol"

I've never gotten a bad response, the worst was they thought I thought they were lying but put an "lol"

The best is knowing they'll admit they're going on other dates and you just sand bagged that guy (by putting alot of expectation on him) and you're in her head.

Dude you've got nothing to lose, counter her offer by meeting up for a drink early next week night.

[PapayaTapper]

EDIT:^^^^This


Don't do brunch with chick youre not already banging...(maybe not even then, I feel slightly gay even writing the word "brunch")

Dinner for first date is too much of an investment and demonstrates thirst / weakness from the onset.

Try to arrange to meet for drinks with possibly a couple of venue changes during the date with the idea of ending as near to your place as possible.


Alcohol+game+logistics = > bang probability

[OregonToSoCal]

I cosign with the rest of the group. Here are my rules for first dates:

1. Go for the night time date during a weeknight. Friday and Saturday nights are risky since most single women love to double book and even if you're her only plan her girlfriends will be blowing up her phone trying to get her to ditch you to come hang. I've been burned by this more times than I can count. I never go on first dates on Fri or Sat nights unless there's no other way to make it happen (she's leaving for vacation, our schedules won't match up for the next week etc.)

2. Avoid dinner dates pre-bang. I much prefer cocktails, ice cream or coffee. Sharing an app plate is not a deal breaker but avoid the cliche sitting across from each other awkward meal date. Plus paying for meals for a woman who you have no idea of what your odds of banging are can get expensive.

3. Avoid daytime dates if you have a choice. The one exception to this is if you want to do a coffee date during the day that's fine but keep it limited to about an hour. Have a hard deadline where you need to leave no matter how much fun you're having. I've had decent luck with these dates and if played correctly getting the bang on the second date is very likely.

So for your situation I would suggest one of two things: 1. Try to make an evening date with her next week during the week. 2. Mention that you can't make brunch but how about meeting for coffee/ice cream later in the afternoon (or better yet meet Sunday night). Sunday night is a highly overlooked first date night. Most women have nothing going on and will take any excuse to have fun before the dreaded Monday morning arrives.

[Menace]

All of the above is pretty accurate and good general advice. But. I went out with an Asian girl on a weekend during the day. No alcohol was involved. I kissed her. Second date at my house and bang. Lessons? Don't overthink this. Assuming she's a FOB, they can be skittish. She gave you counter offer. Go out with her have coffee and desserts (or whatever), talk, touch, and make sure you kiss her (but nothing too crazy). Hold her hand after you leave the venue and go for a walk. Then try to get her to your place for date 2. FOB asians respond well to confident beta. You can be nice but with a bit of an edge.

Reality is when your lips touch hers. Don't put yourself in the frame that she will friend-zone you, because your body language and attitude will betray you. Go in there with intent to express romantic feelings (not a SNL/SDL). If it doesn't work out, no big deal (sounds like you need practice anyway). Let the girl tell you no; don't do it for her. And really, is this even an "effort"? I mean to me this just going out.

[slubu]

I've banged on brunch dates. Actually, in a way it is almost easier. Just make sure:

1. Bottomless mimosas or other drinks, though mimosas are better for the girl to drink.
2. It is located close to your place.

I had two places in LA I would go to often, have brunch at 1pm or whatever, drunk by 3pm, bang by 5pm, back to my business by 7pm and full night's sleep. Girls usually have their guards down during the day too, and going back to your apartment may not set off alarms. Also day drinking everyone is in a good mood.

Just make sure she drinks, otherwise it can be somewhat gay to do a brunch first date.

[The Black Knight]

(10-06-2015 04:00 PM)slubu Wrote:  

I've banged on brunch dates. Actually, in a way it is almost easier. Just make sure:

1. Bottomless mimosas or other drinks, though mimosas are better for the girl to drink.
2. It is located close to your place.

I had two places in LA I would go to often, have brunch at 1pm or whatever, drunk by 3pm, bang by 5pm, back to my business by 7pm and full night's sleep. Girls usually have their guards down during the day too, and going back to your apartment may not set off alarms. Also day drinking everyone is in a good mood.

Just make sure she drinks, otherwise it can be somewhat gay to do a brunch first date.

I do like to get day drunk so I'll have to consider doing this. Have you pulled from a brunch first date without alcohol involved?

Part of the reason I ask is because in the area I live around, I can see a lot of women just going along with a brunch date to fill up their Outlook calendars and have an activity for that part of the day (with no intention of banging). LOTS of activity whores around these parts who can't sit still for one hour without doing some bullshit "activity." If I were to go on a brunch date, I would probably preface the meeting by half-jokingly saying: "Be prepare to see who can down the most mimosas!" or something like that to flush out the activity whores just looking to kill some time. Separate the girls looking to have fun vs the girls looking to past the time.

[Gmac]

My best guess is she is either A) naive, B) using you for a free meal, and/or C) friendzoning you

Quote:

She replies that she has dinner plans, but would be down for brunch.

Girls just don't generally do brunch dates, especially as a first date, with men they are sexually attracted to or romantically interested in. Now if you can get her to your place to cook brunch that's another story.

For me, the fact that she was the one who suggested brunch is the biggest red flag here.

Since this is in the newbie section I won't ever recommend brunch dates. If your game is tight, sure you can pull off almost anything if logistics are tight and booze is involved. But in this situation I wouldn't advise.

[PapayaTapper]

(10-06-2015 04:00 PM)slubu Wrote:  

I've banged on brunch dates. Actually, in a way it is almost easier. Just make sure:

1. Bottomless mimosas or other drinks, though mimosas are better for the girl to drink.
2. It is located close to your place.

I had two places in LA I would go to often, have brunch at 1pm or whatever, drunk by 3pm, bang by 5pm, back to my business by 7pm and full night's sleep. Girls usually have their guards down during the day too, and going back to your apartment may not set off alarms. Also day drinking everyone is in a good mood.

Just make sure she drinks, otherwise it can be somewhat gay to do a brunch first date.

Agreed

I do tend to get myopic about what works best for me. The truth is that there's nothing that works for every guy, with every girl, every time but...

That said there are things that help improve your chances and the common denominators we tend to agree on are.

Alcohol = lowers inhibitions, and increases chances poor decisions...like having sex with a guy they hardly know

Logistics= being close to your place makes the transition to a private a whole lot easier

[Onto]

(10-06-2015 02:22 PM)The Black Knight Wrote:  

I’d be interested in hearing if anyone has ever gotten a bang from a brunch first date and the story behind it. I can’t imagine it’s terribly common.

I've banged several women on a first date within a couple hours of meeting during a "daytime date".

One was just a picnic in Central Park. No alcohol involved. After the picnic we're on the corner of 72nd and 2nd and I said, "Well it's been great, we can either end the date here or go on to my place and get passionate." Granted we already kissed during the picnic, but she wanted more.

Another was an online girl that I met at a bar during the day. Came up with an excuse to go back to my apartment for a few minutes (my back needs to lay on a hard floor for a few minutes, threw it out playing ball recently.) Was banging on her on the floor 20 mins later.

Another started out as a Coffee date and transitioned to a walk in the Park date and when I walked her back home to her apt she "asked me" if I wanted to come upstairs. Well, we spent the next 2 days together non-stop and had a 3 year LTR.

As long as you connect and make up an excuse to walk to your apartment afterwards, (need to charge phone, send an email, see photos from trip, play guitar, etc) she'll go with you if she wants to get passionate. I would even go so far as to say you have an even better chance of getting a bang during a well thought out day-date because you both won't be tired.

Granted, two of the girls I mentioned above were kinda slutty so I'm not sure how much you can expect from an Asian PhD student, but they do want sex too.

[The Black Knight]

(10-06-2015 08:34 PM)Onto Wrote:  

(10-06-2015 02:22 PM)The Black Knight Wrote:  

I’d be interested in hearing if anyone has ever gotten a bang from a brunch first date and the story behind it. I can’t imagine it’s terribly common.

I've banged several women on a first date within a couple hours of meeting during a "daytime date".

One was just a picnic in Central Park. No alcohol involved. After the picnic we're on the corner of 72nd and 2nd and I said, "Well it's been great, we can either end the date here or go on to my place and get passionate." Granted we already kissed during the picnic, but she wanted more.

Another was an online girl that I met at a bar during the day. Came up with an excuse to go back to my apartment for a few minutes (my back needs to lay on a hard floor for a few minutes, threw it out playing ball recently.) Was banging on her on the floor 20 mins later.

Another started out as a Coffee date and transitioned to a walk in the Park date and when I walked her back home to her apt she "asked me" if I wanted to come upstairs. Well, we spent the next 2 days together non-stop and had a 3 year LTR.

As long as you connect and make up an excuse to walk to your apartment afterwards, (need to charge phone, send an email, see photos from trip, play guitar, etc) she'll go with you if she wants to get passionate. I would even go so far as to say you have an even better chance of getting a bang during a well thought out day-date because you both won't be tired.

Granted, two of the girls I mentioned above were kinda slutty so I'm not sure how much you can expect from an Asian PhD student, but they do want sex too.

Those are good examples of daytime date bangs. I know its splitting hairs but I was specifically referring to a “brunch” date (suggested by the woman) at like 10am and converting from that.

In my mind: if a girl suggests/agrees to a picnic, I think it’s safe to say she has romantic thoughts on her mind. When a girl says, “Hey lets get brunch!” (especially as a counter to a dinner date), I think, “this bitch thinks I’m her girlfriend or something.” Sounds like you know how to convert daytime dates though. I like the "Well it's been great, we can either end the date here or go on to my place and get passionate” bit. Very bold.

I generally have avoided daytime dates since I don’t like some stupid shit to come up and derail a good interaction. If I setup a date at 2pm for example, a chick could have another date/other plans at later time and even if the vibe is solid, I could get shut down for the Cupcake Party at 7:30pm. Now, you could argue if one is alpha enough, she’ll cancel her plans blah blah but I rather start the date in the evening so I don’t run into any “I got plans later” bullshit. As I alluded to, I’m in activity whore central and therefore, must strategize accordingly.

[Onto]

^ It's hard to say. Depends on the girl and what's going on in her life. She could really have previous plans and is trying to squeeze you in the best she can with the brunch date. I think anytime a girl agrees to go on a first date of some kind, it means you have a shot at her. At least the first one or two. After that, you should know where you stand.

You do make a good point about possibly getting shut-down because of the Cupcake party later on. It's happened to me and after I already made out with her on the date.

All and all I would say it's worth going on the brunch date if you're really interested in her. Though I would've countered with just coffee, especially at 10am. No need to spend so much money on brunch. Having a girl buzzed with alcohol certainly doesn't hurt your chances, but it's really not necessary for the bang.

[The Black Knight]

(10-06-2015 10:44 PM)Onto Wrote:  

^ It's hard to say. Depends on the girl and what's going on in her life. She could really have previous plans and is trying to squeeze you in the best she can with the brunch date. I think anytime a girl agrees to go on a first date of some kind, it means you have a shot at her. At least the first one or two. After that, you should know where you stand.

You do make a good point about possibly getting shut-down because of the Cupcake party later on. It's happened to me and after I already made out with her on the date.

All and all I would say it's worth going on the brunch date if you're really interested in her. Though I would've countered with just coffee, especially at 10am. No need to spend so much money on brunch. Having a girl buzzed with alcohol certainly doesn't hurt your chances, but it's really not necessary for the bang.

I wouldn’t argue with the concept that if a girl goes out with you, it means you have a shot. But what kind of a shot? If a girl tells me to come over at 11pm from an online site, my odds of getting the bang are super high. If a girl tells me 10am brunch, I’m thinking my odds are pretty low. Of course, if you had a nice in-person interaction with the girl prior to the brunch date (in a coffee shop I think in the OP’s case), then you can make a judgment call on her interest level and whether it’s worth going to or not. Depends on what your motives are as well obviously. It's all very subjective.

See….in the past few months, I have run into these activity whore chicks on a few occasions who after talking to them briefly on an evening date, it becomes quite clear that dating really isn’t a priority for them and the date is just something to fill up their calendar (I understand too that a chick could just be making shit up to avoid date 2 but these women are legitimately busy by choice). The last girl who was like this just had a whirlwind of activities (museum this, kickball that, cupcake-a-thon whatever every day) all the time going on and even if the interaction went well, I realized it would be a constant war competing with her never ending bullshit activities. Some guys go out with the intent on just getting the notch and moving on. I go out usually with the intent on adding chicks to the roster. So chicks that make repeat bangs difficult to schedule aren’t worth my time except in rare cases. There is a difference between legit busy and bullshit busy. I’ll work with the former; I avoid the latter.

[Travesty]

It's not what you do, it is who makes the plans.

I would just say never go to something a girl invites you to for a first meet unless your intention is to hit on on hot girls at said place and aren't expecting to bang her. Like if she invites you to a party or event.

You can have a 10AM tea date on a Sunday turn into a bang as long as you are going to your favorite tea place and she is complying with your all plans.

Always take home field advantage.

[GlobalMan]

Dinner plans is the first mistake

[The_Don_Führer]

I wouldn't be TOO "cocky/funny" through text unless you did it in person. You don't want to seem like a smartphone Alpha...

A meal date as a first date is really awkward to me. If that's what you like to do, then great. I would base the date around my strategy with the end goal being giving her the ol' "in-n-out".

As others said: since she suggested brunch, come back with a counter-offer of your own. She's a PhD student? There's a slight chance she could have some dominance to her. You don't want to give a bish like that ANY kind of control.

Chuuch

[Gmac]

(10-06-2015 10:44 PM)Onto Wrote:  

^ It's hard to say. Depends on the girl and what's going on in her life.
You do make a good point about possibly getting shut-down because of the Cupcake party later on.

Quote:

getting shut-down because of the Cupcake party later on

Quote:

Cupcake party

[Saweeep]

Ya know what I love most about Oriental girls...trolling them mercilessly with racial jokes and nicknames...especially the actual foreign born ones.


Anyway, as others have said, as a newbie you gotta shut down these daytime date offers fast and hard. They are a one way trip to either provider status, if you're lucky, or friend zone if you aren't.

I'm not sure experienced guys' stories about converting daytime meets into same morning/afternoon bangs are helpful here to be honest. When you know how to do it, a few drinks and a fresh piece of ass before 3pm is amazing but attempting that with 0% chance of success would be should destroying. OP needs to get the basics down first.

Like never, ever asking a girl off the bat to either/both a weekend date or dinner. You won't do it again will you OP??

[slubu]

Actually, why don't you just invite her over for brunch? Say you are making this new egg recipe with mimosas to boot. A bit bold as a first date, but if she refuses just play it off and proceed with bottomless mimosas if available to you at a venue close by.

[Lacesoutray]

(10-07-2015 07:45 AM)slubu Wrote:  

Actually, why don't you just invite her over for brunch? Say you are making this new egg recipe with mimosas to boot. A bit bold as a first date, but if she refuses just play it off and proceed with bottomless mimosas if available to you at a venue close by.

First date with what became my wife - I invited her over for breakfast...
Made egg white omelettes and freshly squeezed juice...

So take that as a warning...

[Suits]

An evening date allows for a much clearer date timeline with dinner to cocktail venue to seduction venue transitions.

No matter when you meet her during the day, have a clear structure in mind. Don't just let the date "happen." Know how you are going to transition her to your place for the bang.