This is a bit nerdy but very cool. Someone posted it to a History forum I'm on, and I thought a few of you guys would get a kick out of it. Essentially, its a guide to picking up women written by a Roman philosopher, Ovid, in the year 2AD. They're extracts from his Ars Amatoria work.
It's really interesting to see how little some elements of being human don't change over thousands of years - putting yourself out there, beer goggles, small talk, escalating physical touching etc.
First of all, Ovid stresses that love won't come by itself. You have to go out there and start talking to people:
And then he basically starts listing places where to look. Shady colonnades on hot summer days, or Livia's Portico. There's a bunch of temples, too:
And he also suggests the courtrooms, which is the most surprising in my opinion, as those are usually seen as traditionally masculine places in ancient Rome. However, trials were public at the forum, and maybe some highly sensational cases attracted crowds of onlookers, including women.
Theatres seemed to be good places to hook up?
The horse races or circus are a good place to hang out, too. Not only for striking up conversations, but because the crowds give you a valid excuse to break the touch barrier. It's surprising how many similarities there are between Ovid's work and modern dating tips.
Of course, you can also meet people at parties! But don't overdo the wine, as beer goggles were a term even the Romans knew well enough.
Or hit the beach:
On not trusting women and what they say:
On abundance mentality/self confidence:
I wonder what he'd make of the Game forum!
It's really interesting to see how little some elements of being human don't change over thousands of years - putting yourself out there, beer goggles, small talk, escalating physical touching etc.
First of all, Ovid stresses that love won't come by itself. You have to go out there and start talking to people:
Quote:Quote:
While you’re still free, and can roam on a loose rein,
pick one to whom you could say: ‘You alone please me.’
She won’t come falling for you out of thin air:
the right girl has to be searched for: use your eyes.
And then he basically starts listing places where to look. Shady colonnades on hot summer days, or Livia's Portico. There's a bunch of temples, too:
Quote:Quote:
And don’t forget the shrine of Adonis, Venus wept for,
and the sacred Sabbath rites of the Syrian Jews.
Don’t skip the Memphite temple of the linen-clad heifer:
she makes many a girl what she herself was to Jove.
And he also suggests the courtrooms, which is the most surprising in my opinion, as those are usually seen as traditionally masculine places in ancient Rome. However, trials were public at the forum, and maybe some highly sensational cases attracted crowds of onlookers, including women.
Theatres seemed to be good places to hook up?
Quote:Quote:
But hunt for them, especially, at the tiered theatre:
that place is the most fruitful for your needs.
There you’ll find one to love, or one you can play with,
one to be with just once, or one you might wish to keep.
The horse races or circus are a good place to hang out, too. Not only for striking up conversations, but because the crowds give you a valid excuse to break the touch barrier. It's surprising how many similarities there are between Ovid's work and modern dating tips.
Quote:Quote:
Don’t forget the races, those noble stallions:
the Circus holds room for a vast obliging crowd.
No need here for fingers to give secret messages,
nor a nod of the head to tell you she accepts:
You can sit by your lady: nothing’s forbidden,
press your thigh to hers, as you can do, all the time:
and it’s good the rows force you close, even if you don’t like it,
since the girl is touched through the rules of the place.
Now find your reason for friendly conversation,
and first of all engage in casual talk.
Make earnest enquiry whose those horses are:
and rush to back her favourite, whatever it is.
When the crowded procession of ivory gods goes by,
you clap fervently for Lady Venus:
if by chance a speck of dust falls in the girl’s lap,
as it may, let it be flicked away by your fingers:
and if there’s nothing, flick away the nothing:
let anything be a reason for you to serve her.
If her skirt is trailing too near the ground,
lift it, and raise it carefully from the dusty earth:
Straightaway, the prize for service, if she allows it,
is that your eyes catch a glimpse of her legs.
Don’t forget to look at who’s sitting behind you,
that he doesn’t press her sweet back with his knee.
Small things please light minds: it’s very helpful
to puff up her cushion with a dextrous touch.
And it’s good to raise a breeze with a light fan,
and set a hollow stool beneath her tender feet.
And the Circus brings assistance to new love,
and the scattered sand of the gladiator’s ring.
Venus’ boy often fights in that sand,
and who see wounds, themselves receive a wound.
While talking, touching hands, checking the programme,
and asking, having bet, which one will win,
wounded he groans, and feels the winged dart,
and himself becomes a part of the show he sees.
When, lately, Caesar, in mock naval battle,
exhibited the Greek and Persian fleets,
surely young men and girls came from either coast,
and all the peoples of the world were in the City?
Who did not find one he might love in that crowd?
Ah, how many were tortured by an alien love!
Of course, you can also meet people at parties! But don't overdo the wine, as beer goggles were a term even the Romans knew well enough.
Quote:Quote:
Don’t trust the treacherous lamplight overmuch:
night and wine can harm your view of beauty.
Paris saw the goddesses in the light, a cloudless heaven,
when he said to Venus: ‘Venus, you win, over them both.’
Faults are hidden at night: every blemish is forgiven,
and the hour makes whichever girl you like beautiful.
Judge jewellery, and fabric stained with purple,
judge a face, or a figure, in the light.
Or hit the beach:
Quote:Quote:
Why enumerate every female meeting place fit for the hunter?
The grains of sand give way before the number.
Why speak of Baiae, its shore splendid with sails,
where the waters steam with sulphurous heat?
On not trusting women and what they say:
Quote:Quote:
They many times ask for gifts, they never give in return:
you lose, and you’ll get no thanks for your loss.
And ten mouths with as many tongues wouldn’t be enough
for me to describe the wicked tricks of whores.
On abundance mentality/self confidence:
Quote:Quote:
First let faith enter into your mind: every one of them
can be won: you’ll win her, if you only set your snares.
I wonder what he'd make of the Game forum!
![[Image: po9k8.jpg]](https://i.imgflip.com/po9k8.jpg)
