[Brazilianguy]

I´ve been dealing with a problem in my game and I would appreciate if guys with a clinical eye could shed some light on it.

I´m 33 and I´ve basically got my shit together (economically independent, fit, etc).

I´m most comfortable with cold approach, either during the day or at night in small and quiet venues.
Night game is not my thing, but I do it occasionally.

Now, here´s the thing: I have no trouble sparking attraction and taking girls on dates and making out, but they´re running away when it´s time to fuck.

I suspect I may be goint a bit too fast: I´ll usually take a girl out for a cup of coffee and a beer or some wine, then make out in the car and escalate as far as I can (try to get at least a handjob).
I´ll usually go for the lay on date 2, but many times girls will bail.

I´m living in a small university town in Minas Gerais, Brazil (population 100.000).
All the girls I´ve fucked this year are university students and women from other towns, but I´m having trouble banging the local girls.

Again, I suspect I may be being a bit too eager on the first makeout.
This is new for me because I´ve never ran into this kind of thing in bigger cities.
Usually girls won´t mind if you escalate as far as possible on the first date. If they´re into you they´ll go on date 2 and fuck.

This seems like a typical issue in small cities, so I´m hoping guys with some experience are willing to share their thoughts.

[LINUX]

(07-21-2015 07:51 AM)Brazilianguy Wrote:  

Now, here´s the thing: I have no trouble sparking attraction and taking girls on dates and making out, but they´re running away when it´s time to fuck.

How many times or how often does this happen?

[Brazilianguy]

(07-21-2015 08:01 AM)LINUX Wrote:  

(07-21-2015 07:51 AM)Brazilianguy Wrote:  

Now, here´s the thing: I have no trouble sparking attraction and taking girls on dates and making out, but they´re running away when it´s time to fuck.

How many times or how often does this happen?

This is happening constantly, man.
Everything goes smoothly until the make out, and then downhill when I try to escalate (ie: grab her ass and put her hand on my dick).

Just for the record: I am NOT presenting myself as a provider.
My game is very much "charming badboy" and the girls always pick up that I want to fuck (subcommunication). And I never take them on expensive dates.

[CameraXL]

Maybe you're just ecalating too fast? My problem is the other way around: I'm usually to laid back and some girls get irritated when I don't try to fuck them on our first date. Just my 2 cents. Wish you best luck and more constructive answers.

[OregonToSoCal]

This has happened to me several times as well. Like the others have said you're escalating too quickly and triggering their ASD. My biggest complaint about the traditional pickup and seduction advice is when I hear someone say "oh just go as far as you can on the first date and even if you are only able to finger them you'll close the deal on the next date." WRONG! Almost without fail, women will give you ONE opportunity to make a play for sex and if you fall short you will never see her again. So with that being said choose your one shot wisely. Keep the following points in mind next time you're on a first date:

Starting off with coffee or ice cream is great but if you're really vibing with the girl try to get her to a second venue. For example you meet for coffee, talk for a couple of hours and then say "hey, let's grab a real drink now" and you go directly to a pub for a beer and sit at the bar.

Escalate physically but do not kiss her unless you're in a place where you can comfortably have sex. Some women are fine with car sex but if you have your own place or hers is nearby opt for that. I can't tell you how many times I've messed this step up. I'm feeling the desire, I want her to see how I go after what I want and I grab her and kiss her. It feels great in the moment but it lets the sexual air out of the balloon so to speak. Resist this urge!

If you get the vibe while you're on your coffee date that it's going to take work get her into bed, there's no harm in cutting the date short and later on going for a second date since you didn't kiss her or over escalate yet. There's a well known blogger named "Blackdragon" who preaches this kind of dating model. He goes on a 1 hour coffee or drink date, physically escalates, talks about sex but doesn't kiss her. He then plans second dates at his home and fucks the girls almost immediately. It's not everyone's style but it's something to consider.

[Noir]

Big fish in a small pond.

I lived in a town of 120000 and managed to over come this.

Plausible deniability is your friend.

Girls speak and this will deter sex unless you can control and frame it.

a) be trustworthy and quiet about it. if your game is tight, other girls will find out from other girls but never be the one to say anything

b) be direct with your body language and indirect with verbals and what you say

c) don't be so impatient. you don't have as much leeway as a big city (i.e. replaceable girls and more volatile reputation). you should be able to tell when you can fuck and when your advances might be overkill- distinguish between ones who are keen immediately and others who will put out on a day2 and calibrate

d) given c), i disagree with OregonToSoCal (you will never see her again) as you will definitely see them again in a town of 100K- how many are bangable, in your age range, social class and frequent places you would go to get laid? this grows when you incorporate daygame but that would definitely rely on day2s

e) turn down the player vibe, turn up the mystery

[OregonToSoCal]

(07-21-2015 10:23 AM)Noir Wrote:  

d) given c), i disagree with OregonToSoCal (you will never see her again) as you will definitely see them again in a town of 100K- how many are bangable, in your age range, social class and frequent places you would go to get laid? this grows when you incorporate daygame but that would definitely rely on day2s

When I said he would never see her again I meant it in the sense of him getting a second date with her if he over escalated. I grew up in a small town and yes, you see the same people over and over. I still stick by experience that we're only given one shot to get the bang and anything less is a death sentence in terms of dating/seeing her again.

[Brazilianguy]

OregonToSoCal,


Hey, man, thanks for the reply.
Nice to know you´re from a small town, because your input is exactly what I need.

I´m a city guy, so over escalation has never really been a problem for me, until now (I´ve been in this town for 5 months or so).

It´s getting really frustrating and disheartening because I´ve had many girls on dates who were really into me, yet I´ve only fucked 4 precisely because of this issue (over escalation).

What I´ve found is that girls respond really well to me (direct cold approach in daygame) and keep messaging me until I set up the date.
So I´m not having any trouble creating attraction and going for what I want.
I guess this is because guys in small towns prefer to do social circle game, so when girls meet a guy who´s not afraid to approach they really value the experience.

Do you suggest I hold off kissing on the first date and instead just use the time for vibing, holding hands, light kino and nothing really sexual?
Or perhaps just vibing and a first kiss, then end the date to leave her wanting more?

One of the girls I fucked I met in a bar, kissed her and then took her for coffee on the first date.
I was in a pretty bad mood, so I didn´t even kiss her.
She kept messaging me, so I set up a second date at home and fucked her (including anal).

So I´m guessing there might be a point in not kissing on the first date.
What´s your take on this?

[OregonToSoCal]

(07-21-2015 12:33 PM)Brazilianguy Wrote:  

OregonToSoCal,


Hey, man, thanks for the reply.
Nice to know you´re from a small town, because your input is exactly what I need.

I´m a city guy, so over escalation has never really been a problem for me, until now (I´ve been in this town for 5 months or so).

It´s getting really frustrating and disheartening because I´ve had many girls on dates who were really into me, yet I´ve only fucked 4 precisely because of this issue (over escalation).

What I´ve found is that girls respond really well to me (direct cold approach in daygame) and keep messaging me until I set up the date.
So I´m not having any trouble creating attraction and going for what I want.
I guess this is because guys in small towns prefer to do social circle game, so when girls meet a guy who´s not afraid to approach they really value the experience.

Do you suggest I hold off kissing on the first date and instead just use the time for vibing, holding hands, light kino and nothing really sexual?
Or perhaps just vibing and a first kiss, then end the date to leave her wanting more?

One of the girls I fucked I met in a bar, kissed her and then took her for coffee on the first date.
I was in a pretty bad mood, so I didn´t even kiss her.
She kept messaging me, so I set up a second date at home and fucked her (including anal).

So I´m guessing there might be a point in not kissing on the first date.
What´s your take on this?

I grew up in a small town in rural Oregon and now live in Southern California (OregonToSoCal) and even though I'm in an area that has several million people I run into the exact same over escalation issues that you are now. A really good place to start is to read the "first date bang recipe" here on the forum. In my opinion it's the bible and gold standard of how first dates should be run. A close second would be doing quick coffee or ice cream dates with no kissing and then go for the bang on the second date. Your experience with accidentally doing this proves it can work.

A hard lesson I learned as far as first date game is concerned is that you should give the impression that you're in no hurry to bang the girl but at the same time aggressively be pushing the conclusion to sex. That required me to radically change my vibe and body language. I used to be very overly aggressive, constantly leaning in, hands all over right away and you guessed it, these women would blow me out and I went home empty handed.

Fast forward to now. I consciously speak slower, am always leaning back in my chair (think almost like a rebellious rock star or juvenile delinquent in the principle's office and you get the idea) and I let the woman do almost all of the talking. I'll tease and joke around with her but it's only about things she says or does, never about how she looks. I also now do a venue change rather than trying to get them home after our first stop. Going back to the blogger Blackdragon he did a podcast where he said (I'm paraphrasing here) "You don't have to be cool to get laid but you must be RELAXED" Once you're back at your place, keep the relaxed vibe going and when you go to make your move pull her towards you rather than you going in. It's subtle but it makes a difference...

[Brazilianguy]

(07-21-2015 01:33 PM)OregonToSoCal Wrote:  

(07-21-2015 12:33 PM)Brazilianguy Wrote:  

OregonToSoCal,


Hey, man, thanks for the reply.
Nice to know you´re from a small town, because your input is exactly what I need.

I´m a city guy, so over escalation has never really been a problem for me, until now (I´ve been in this town for 5 months or so).

It´s getting really frustrating and disheartening because I´ve had many girls on dates who were really into me, yet I´ve only fucked 4 precisely because of this issue (over escalation).

What I´ve found is that girls respond really well to me (direct cold approach in daygame) and keep messaging me until I set up the date.
So I´m not having any trouble creating attraction and going for what I want.
I guess this is because guys in small towns prefer to do social circle game, so when girls meet a guy who´s not afraid to approach they really value the experience.

Do you suggest I hold off kissing on the first date and instead just use the time for vibing, holding hands, light kino and nothing really sexual?
Or perhaps just vibing and a first kiss, then end the date to leave her wanting more?

One of the girls I fucked I met in a bar, kissed her and then took her for coffee on the first date.
I was in a pretty bad mood, so I didn´t even kiss her.
She kept messaging me, so I set up a second date at home and fucked her (including anal).

So I´m guessing there might be a point in not kissing on the first date.
What´s your take on this?

I grew up in a small town in rural Oregon and now live in Southern California (OregonToSoCal) and even though I'm in an area that has several million people I run into the exact same over escalation issues that you are now. A really good place to start is to read the "first date bang recipe" here on the forum. In my opinion it's the bible and gold standard of how first dates should be run. A close second would be doing quick coffee or ice cream dates with no kissing and then go for the bang on the second date. Your experience with accidentally doing this proves it can work.

A hard lesson I learned as far as first date game is concerned is that you should give the impression that you're in no hurry to bang the girl but at the same time aggressively be pushing the conclusion to sex. That required me to radically change my vibe and body language. I used to be very overly aggressive, constantly leaning in, hands all over right away and you guessed it, these women would blow me out and I went home empty handed.

Fast forward to now. I consciously speak slower, am always leaning back in my chair (think almost like a rebellious rock star or juvenile delinquent in the principle's office and you get the idea) and I let the woman do almost all of the talking. I'll tease and joke around with her but it's only about things she says or does, never about how she looks. I also now do a venue change rather than trying to get them home after our first stop. Going back to the blogger Blackdragon he did a podcast where he said (I'm paraphrasing here) "You don't have to be cool to get laid but you must be RELAXED" Once you're back at your place, keep the relaxed vibe going and when you go to make your move pull her towards you rather than you going in. It's subtle but it makes a difference...

Cool, man.
I´ll delay the bang for the 2nd date, as this seems more in line with small city girl mentality.

I read the "first date bang recipe" thread and I think it´s more suited for big cities.
It seems to me that girls here have a mental rule to never fuck on first dates, so I prefer to play it safe.