[XPQ21]

There's a woman who I've known online for many years who I'm afraid I have a mild case of oneitis for, probably because she and I bonded emotionally a lot when we were both going through a hard time. She lives 3000 miles from me on the other coast.

Recently, she got back into the dating game through the usual online suspects and started becoming more distant and slow to respond to texts, etc. as there were probably other newer shiny models in the picture. Eventually I got annoyed and blew her off and blocked her on everything for about two months.

I've been interacting with women who are more conventionally attractive, she's a bit more "geeky", but I do find her appealing. I attempted to resume contact the other day to test the waters and see how the "next" had worked. She was very eager and has sent me probably ~100 texts in the past couple days. For some reason, however, she is pathologically averse to ever saying overtly that she finds me attractive or appealing or anything. Just won't ever ever do it - I have certain physical characteristics that she likes that she'll talk about in an abstract way like "I like tall guys with blue eyes", and I'm a tall guy with blue eyes. She just won't come out and say she likes those characteristics in _me_. It's a little weird. But she very much wants to resume contact when I offer it.

I sometimes actually wonder if in this particular case she's afraid of getting too close to me in fear that I'll break her heart. But maybe that's flattering myself. I do know from some of the pictures she's shown me that I'm significantly more physically attractive than most of her previous LTRs. They were mostly kind of gamer slobs. But she's thin and now that she's doing the online thing her perception of herself is probably blowing up to the heavens.

I figure that this push-pull dynamic will probably continue on and on forever until she either enters a LTR, I travel to meet her, or we block each other permanently.

But I might very well travel this year.

What to do?

[Julio]

You are loosing your time here...
You should better focus on the broads in your town

[Parlay44]

Off to the newbie section with you.

[Class-8]

If she ever says something along the lines of "I like tall guys with blue eyes", never say "I'm a tall guy with blue eyes".In my experience, women do that as some kind of lure. I hope I am not stating obvious knowledge here.

All most the girls I know usually respond warmly to a re initiation of contact.

I wonder what a more experienced forum member will say.

[XPQ21]

(06-22-2015 08:26 AM)Parlay44 Wrote:  

Off to the newbie section with you.

I am self-examining and admitting a failure. We can't all be perfect.

[XPQ21]

(06-22-2015 08:27 AM)Class-8 Wrote:  

If she ever says something along the lines of "I like tall guys with blue eyes", never say "I'm a tall guy with blue eyes".In my experience, women do that as some kind of lure. I hope I am not stating obvious knowledge here.

All the girls I know usually respond warmly to a re initiation of contact.

I wonder what a more experienced forum member will say.

Well no, I never respond to stuff like that directly. I'm not that dumb. But she'll say like "Lots of women find the _____ that you have really hot" but never say that she herself does.

It's kind of weird and certainly not "logical". But I know by now I should not expect logic. I'm not really wasting a lot of time I don't think, however, I'm bored and in front of a computer most of the day for work anyway, and she's by no means the only project I "work" on.

And sometimes she can be hilariously funny which is a rare quality in a chick that I acutally appreciate, and is realistic about her prospects and not really entitled. She's viciously intelligent, has a lot of insight into "game" herself, and I'm fairly certain she knows how to play the "game" better than I do.

I think sometimes women who are very smart but perhaps not so "conventionally" attractive may sort of have to learn their own form of "game" to get what they want as it doesn't just always come to them.

I guess I like challenges?

[Class-8]

Long distance relationships never work, except when family is involved. With very good friends you can lose contact only to talk to them as if you only left for a day when you see them again. There is so much stimulus in this world now that we cannot expect any girl, even a nerdy one to keep someone on her mind when that someone is 1000 miles away.

[XPQ21]

(06-22-2015 08:38 AM)Class-8 Wrote:  

Long distance relationships never work, except when family is involved. With very good friends you can lose contact only to talk to them as if you only left for a day when you see them again. There is so much stimulus in this world now that we cannot expect any girl, even a nerdy one to keep someone on her mind when that someone is 1000 miles away.

You're probably right about the stimulus thing. I'm sure I'm just one of dozens of messages on her iPhone each day. The only reason that she probably keeps engaging with me at all at this distance is that I'm likely 1 to 2 "attractiveness points" above her.

And if she keeps encountering the thirst on online dating sites, that advantage may not last either. Once someone like me who lives close to her hits her up on one of the sites, she's gone - maybe to come back complaining about a pump and dump which I'm not going to hear. It's unlikely that I'll meet her before that happens, so it may be best to just bury my feelings and disengage again.

If she is as often chilly as she is with me and won't "settle" for a guy that's lesser, I unfortunately see a lot of those in her future.

[Chauncey]

Rollo put it best when he said a long distance girlfriend is an imaginary girlfriend.

[kaotic]

It's not a mild case of oneitis if you're posting about on here.

Quote:

I bonded emotionally a lot when we were both going through a hard time

Proof is in the pudding my friend.

Quote:

She lives 3000 miles from me on the other coast.

You're wasting your time, you could be using that time texting her, texting other girls.

Quote:

I sometimes actually wonder if in this particular case she's afraid of getting too close to me in fear that I'll break her heart. But maybe that's flattering myself.

Yeah you're flattering yourself, highly doubt she's afraid you doing that 3000 miles away.

Quote:

But she's thinand now that she's doing the online thing her perception of herself is probably blowing up to the heavens.

So what if she's thin? Should be a non issue to begin with.

The online thing aka attention whoring online from thirsty orbiters gaining validation and ego stroking.

Quote:

But I might very well travel this year.

Sure you might, the only reason you should EVER think of traveling to her part of the country is because you already have plans going there, and she HAPPENS to live there.

Don't ever buy a plane ticket for some pussy, instead have her buy a plane ticket for some dick.

Put this chick on ice, she's messing with your head, don't reach out to her unless you happen to be in her town.

[XPQ21]

(06-23-2015 03:34 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

It's not a mild case of oneitis if you're posting about on here.

Quote:

I bonded emotionally a lot when we were both going through a hard time

Proof is in the pudding my friend.

Quote:

She lives 3000 miles from me on the other coast.

You're wasting your time, you could be using that time texting her, texting other girls.

Quote:

I sometimes actually wonder if in this particular case she's afraid of getting too close to me in fear that I'll break her heart. But maybe that's flattering myself.

Yeah you're flattering yourself, highly doubt she's afraid you doing that 3000 miles away.

Quote:

But she's thinand now that she's doing the online thing her perception of herself is probably blowing up to the heavens.

So what if she's thin? Should be a non issue to begin with.

The online thing aka attention whoring online from thirsty orbiters gaining validation and ego stroking.

Quote:

But I might very well travel this year.

Sure you might, the only reason you should EVER think of traveling to her part of the country is because you already have plans going there, and she HAPPENS to live there.

Don't ever buy a plane ticket for some pussy, instead have her buy a plane ticket for some dick.

Put this chick on ice, she's messing with your head, don't reach out to her unless you happen to be in her town.

I have a date with a girl that seems great scheduled for next week. You're right. As much as I may feel for this one, I think in the end she's just messing with me for amusement. Time to ice her, if I can.

[kaotic]

(06-23-2015 03:47 PM)XPQ21 Wrote:  

I have a date with a girl that seems great scheduled for next week. You're right. As much as I may feel for this one, I think in the end she's just messing with me for amusement. Time to ice her, if I can.

To be frank, you're just another orbiter to her, another man that validates her existence and attention whoring.

You can ice her, and you SHOULD. For the sake of well being.

Good, focus on gaming and the date you have planned.

[XPQ21]

(06-23-2015 03:53 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

(06-23-2015 03:47 PM)XPQ21 Wrote:  

I have a date with a girl that seems great scheduled for next week. You're right. As much as I may feel for this one, I think in the end she's just messing with me for amusement. Time to ice her, if I can.

To be frank, you're just another orbiter to her, another man that validates her existence and attention whoring.

You can ice her, and you SHOULD. For the sake of well being.

Good, focus on gaming and the date you have planned.

In a way it's too bad. I kind of felt I had an emotional connection to her, but you're right, I'm pretty sure she just sees me as another orbiter, even after at one point we talked daily for years. She told me the other day about how she was buying new camera gear to take selfies for dating sites. I actually felt kind of sad for her, though I know she'll never ever give me the kind of emotional connection I want. She's in her mid, going on late 30s - how long does she think she can keep that validation train up? Feels kind of bleak.

I guess it's just a lost cause. 20 years ago she and I could have probably had something incredible together. Now it's just texting orbiter bullshit. Sucks. Don't they understand what they're doing?

These kind of iPhone "relationships" in the year 2015 feel really shitty to a somewhat old fashioned guy like me, but it appears it's the way the country is headed. I think a potential online date actually blocked me because I just wanted to talk with her on an ordinary landline telephone with no Skype, Snapchat, texting, or all that other future bullshit.

How can I survive or escape? I don't like it.

[kaotic]

(06-23-2015 03:59 PM)XPQ21 Wrote:  

(06-23-2015 03:53 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

(06-23-2015 03:47 PM)XPQ21 Wrote:  

I have a date with a girl that seems great scheduled for next week. You're right. As much as I may feel for this one, I think in the end she's just messing with me for amusement. Time to ice her, if I can.

To be frank, you're just another orbiter to her, another man that validates her existence and attention whoring.

You can ice her, and you SHOULD. For the sake of well being.

Good, focus on gaming and the date you have planned.

In a way it's too bad. I kind of felt I had an emotional connection to her, but you're right, I'm pretty sure she just sees me as another orbiter, even after at one point we talked daily for years. She told me the other day about how she was buying new camera gear to take selfies for dating sites. I actually felt kind of sad for her, though I know she'll never ever give me the kind of emotional connection I want with. She's in her mid, going on late 30s - how long does she thing she can keep that validation train up? Feels kind of bleak.

Dude she's in her LATE 30's ? Come on man, she's cannon fodder. How old are you ?

If she's talking to you about other dudes and dating sites, you've been friendzoned along time ago.

Wait, did you ever MEET this woman ?

[XPQ21]

(06-23-2015 04:03 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

(06-23-2015 03:59 PM)XPQ21 Wrote:  

(06-23-2015 03:53 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

(06-23-2015 03:47 PM)XPQ21 Wrote:  

I have a date with a girl that seems great scheduled for next week. You're right. As much as I may feel for this one, I think in the end she's just messing with me for amusement. Time to ice her, if I can.

To be frank, you're just another orbiter to her, another man that validates her existence and attention whoring.

You can ice her, and you SHOULD. For the sake of well being.

Good, focus on gaming and the date you have planned.

In a way it's too bad. I kind of felt I had an emotional connection to her, but you're right, I'm pretty sure she just sees me as another orbiter, even after at one point we talked daily for years. She told me the other day about how she was buying new camera gear to take selfies for dating sites. I actually felt kind of sad for her, though I know she'll never ever give me the kind of emotional connection I want with. She's in her mid, going on late 30s - how long does she thing she can keep that validation train up? Feels kind of bleak.

Dude she's in her LATE 30's ? Come on man, she's cannon fodder. How old are you ?

If she's talking to you about other dudes and dating sites, you've been friendzoned along time ago.

Wait, did you ever MEET this woman ?

Not late 30s yet. She looks young though.

The weird thing is, that even the couple women that I've slept with lately and haven't friendzoned me talk to me about their dating site adventures anyway. It's like it's such a powerful validation drug they can't fucking help tell anyone who will listen.

I should probably stop listening.

The cynical part of me sometimes thinks that the "emotional connections" women made with men historically was all a clever fabrication designed to ensure survival. Now that constant attention and orbiting have made it in some sense superfluous, many just don't bother to keep the ruse up anymore.

But that's the cynic in me.

[kaotic]

(06-23-2015 04:11 PM)XPQ21 Wrote:  

(06-23-2015 04:03 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

(06-23-2015 03:59 PM)XPQ21 Wrote:  

(06-23-2015 03:53 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

(06-23-2015 03:47 PM)XPQ21 Wrote:  

I have a date with a girl that seems great scheduled for next week. You're right. As much as I may feel for this one, I think in the end she's just messing with me for amusement. Time to ice her, if I can.

To be frank, you're just another orbiter to her, another man that validates her existence and attention whoring.

You can ice her, and you SHOULD. For the sake of well being.

Good, focus on gaming and the date you have planned.

In a way it's too bad. I kind of felt I had an emotional connection to her, but you're right, I'm pretty sure she just sees me as another orbiter, even after at one point we talked daily for years. She told me the other day about how she was buying new camera gear to take selfies for dating sites. I actually felt kind of sad for her, though I know she'll never ever give me the kind of emotional connection I want with. She's in her mid, going on late 30s - how long does she thing she can keep that validation train up? Feels kind of bleak.

Dude she's in her LATE 30's ? Come on man, she's cannon fodder. How old are you ?

If she's talking to you about other dudes and dating sites, you've been friendzoned along time ago.

Wait, did you ever MEET this woman ?

Not late 30s yet. She looks young though.

The weird thing is, that even the couple women that I've slept with lately and haven't friendzoned me talk to me about their dating site adventures anyway. It's like it's such a powerful validation drug they can't fucking help tell anyone who will listen.

I should probably stop listening.

Well you didn't answer me about meeting her, I reread your OG post, so you've never met this woman you have feelings for.

A major takeway is look how powerful pussy emotion can be and why need to be aware of it at all times.

You can exchange dating war stories during a date to have a good laugh, but if she's telling you after you've banged her, she's trying to get a rise out of you to make you think "OMG I better lock her down because she's still dating around"

In reality, yes, stop listening to that, downgrade them to fuck buddy status and carry on.