This latest girl, I need to demonstrate bad boy, nice guy, family guy and caring guy to her...
Any advice on pulling such off such a multi purpose role?
Any advice on pulling such off such a multi purpose role?
how to be a 'bad boy' but still care ??
Just don't make her the focus of your life, have your own life. You don't need to be a bad boy.
"For the true meaning of victory ask the defeated warrior"
Point is well taken, Roosh.
I'm the one that said that's what I want to demonstrate to her.. The problem is, I actually do want to show her all these qualities, but primarily being the bad boy to drive her wild.
I'm the one that said that's what I want to demonstrate to her.. The problem is, I actually do want to show her all these qualities, but primarily being the bad boy to drive her wild.
She'll come to her own conclusions once you've demonstrated higher value and such. The last thing you want to do is wuss out and convey to her that you're a Beta in disguise.
How I do this with my current gf is that I'm always Alpha when it comes to the relationship in general. That aspect of me so well ingrained into her head that if I falter and have a Beta moment it doesn't alter her overall perception of me. In fact, it's expected that some signs of weakness is to occur in a long term relationship as it shows you are a multi-faceted personality and keeps them intrigued.
But I will also do things that lets her know that she's been on my mind without having to come out and overtly show it or saying it. If I buy something to eat for dinner I might get her something as well. Something that I know she likes and it comes across more as a 'I knew you'd die for piece of this'. It's like ordering for a chick at the restaraunt and making the decision for her but she won't see it that way; inside she's melting. But that doesn't mean to rush out and buy her a ring that says something completely different.
If the topic of children come up I show her my Alpha approach at handling kids such as if a news story came on about some kid that was molested my responce is usually something like 'if that was my kid I'd kill the mutha fucker that thinks they can do that shit', and so on. Maybe not so extreme but you certainly have to demonstrate you have strong feelings about the subject. Defintely don't shed a tear and be like that poor kid!
Sometimes she might come home, from a rough day at work, upset about what happened. I'll look at her and say 'who's ass do I gotta kick' and so on. Definitely let's her know you care about her but in a very Alpha way.
How I do this with my current gf is that I'm always Alpha when it comes to the relationship in general. That aspect of me so well ingrained into her head that if I falter and have a Beta moment it doesn't alter her overall perception of me. In fact, it's expected that some signs of weakness is to occur in a long term relationship as it shows you are a multi-faceted personality and keeps them intrigued.
But I will also do things that lets her know that she's been on my mind without having to come out and overtly show it or saying it. If I buy something to eat for dinner I might get her something as well. Something that I know she likes and it comes across more as a 'I knew you'd die for piece of this'. It's like ordering for a chick at the restaraunt and making the decision for her but she won't see it that way; inside she's melting. But that doesn't mean to rush out and buy her a ring that says something completely different.
If the topic of children come up I show her my Alpha approach at handling kids such as if a news story came on about some kid that was molested my responce is usually something like 'if that was my kid I'd kill the mutha fucker that thinks they can do that shit', and so on. Maybe not so extreme but you certainly have to demonstrate you have strong feelings about the subject. Defintely don't shed a tear and be like that poor kid!
Sometimes she might come home, from a rough day at work, upset about what happened. I'll look at her and say 'who's ass do I gotta kick' and so on. Definitely let's her know you care about her but in a very Alpha way.
Some guys are nice guys deep down inside. Some grew up with certain morals, and they have a hard time getting rid of them. Unfortunately, these morals can be somewhat incompatible when it comes to certain girls.
What I get a sense here though, is not that your morals collide with getting the girl, it is that your idea of what you need to do somehow clashes with your morals.
Being the bad boy does not mean being a bad man. It means, at least from my experience doing this stuff, that you are a strong individual (by character and action) and have a good amount of will power. It means that you will be a captain of a relationship, or at least a strong team player.
There are some guys that get into very good relationships with women and they are "inferior" in the alpha/beta-male sense. They are beta, but they can get a girl and marry her. This goes against what a lot of the beta community preaches, but it is possible. Yet, this individual, though beta in the relationship, still needs to hold some alpha attributes. You need to have your own opinion, you need to be able to have a sense of what is right or wrong. If your girlfriend or wife happens to be better at certain things than you, don't feel inferior, just feel as though you are a part of a team.
In essence, particularly regarding your situation, rethink your idea of "bad boy." realize the fundamental idea behind it (ie. is it really being lawless, or does it just mean that you are not dull?) might not be exactly what you have in mind.
What I get a sense here though, is not that your morals collide with getting the girl, it is that your idea of what you need to do somehow clashes with your morals.
Being the bad boy does not mean being a bad man. It means, at least from my experience doing this stuff, that you are a strong individual (by character and action) and have a good amount of will power. It means that you will be a captain of a relationship, or at least a strong team player.
There are some guys that get into very good relationships with women and they are "inferior" in the alpha/beta-male sense. They are beta, but they can get a girl and marry her. This goes against what a lot of the beta community preaches, but it is possible. Yet, this individual, though beta in the relationship, still needs to hold some alpha attributes. You need to have your own opinion, you need to be able to have a sense of what is right or wrong. If your girlfriend or wife happens to be better at certain things than you, don't feel inferior, just feel as though you are a part of a team.
In essence, particularly regarding your situation, rethink your idea of "bad boy." realize the fundamental idea behind it (ie. is it really being lawless, or does it just mean that you are not dull?) might not be exactly what you have in mind.
Quote: (01-12-2009 04:20 PM)Trotter Wrote:
How I do this with my current gf is that I'm always Alpha when it comes to the relationship in general.
No to pick on you Trotter, your post was really insightful, I gotta use that line about 'kicking their asses'.
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I more like the way Kerouac has approached here with the 'strong team player' 'captain' mentality.
I don't like the whole Alpha / Beta split that comes out so often now.
I think there are some good things to come out of the concept, but the Big Danger here is that all these men think they have to become Neanderthals to be "alpha", and its fricking painful for women and other men.
I think of the good traits as
a) having your own opinion on things.
b) being prepared to do shit your girlfriend doesn't approve of
c) having your own passions and not giving them up
d) calling her out on her own shit. telling her what you feel when you feel it. Expressing your anger (not in a violent or intimidating way) when you have it. Eg. telling her "No way" in a strong male voice.
and also stuff which might be classed as beta
e) listening to your girfriend when she has a complaint and entertaining her concerns seriously
f) showing compassion and empathy for other people
g) apologising when you honestly think you've done something wrong and correcting it.
"For the true meaning of victory ask the defeated warrior"
I mentioned in my original post, about talking to her every day... text or voice.. sometimes both... honestly, should I tone back my availability? She comes to me with problems and I'll listen because I'm a caring person and want her to also know I'm a guy that will also listen to her.
It's catch 22 -- I want to project all aspects of me, but at the same time don't want her noticing only the ones that would put me into a friend zone... I think it comes down to the issue is I look at this girl as "LTR" material right now because we dated in the past and know about each other.
It's catch 22 -- I want to project all aspects of me, but at the same time don't want her noticing only the ones that would put me into a friend zone... I think it comes down to the issue is I look at this girl as "LTR" material right now because we dated in the past and know about each other.
I vote no regarding daily contact for reasons already known. You need to try something else to get what you want done.
Sounds like you're in the 'counsellor role'. aka friend.
"For the true meaning of victory ask the defeated warrior"
It definitely sounds like "friend" mode to me too - but she is very clear on the fact I want her in bed - I'm getting the "I don't want it from you or anybody right now" - the thing is, we had such a deep connection when we dated, that she's pretty much admitted that the moment we do have sex, she's going to feel that connection again ("love") and doesn't want to end up hurt.
I understand where she's coming from, but damn... she is extremely fun in bed, and a really great woman all around too.
If I see her this weekend, I'm not even going to go after kissing her (I'll lead up to it though), and cut the day/night short and see what her reaction is. I've teased, and told her I know how much she wants me and get positive reactions from that.. but I don't think she realizes I'm gonna get tired of being at this so close, yet so far distance for so long.
She knows I always go for several kisses and want to spend time with her, so this might be a wake up call - we'll see who its a wake up call for, I guess ;-)
I understand where she's coming from, but damn... she is extremely fun in bed, and a really great woman all around too.
If I see her this weekend, I'm not even going to go after kissing her (I'll lead up to it though), and cut the day/night short and see what her reaction is. I've teased, and told her I know how much she wants me and get positive reactions from that.. but I don't think she realizes I'm gonna get tired of being at this so close, yet so far distance for so long.
She knows I always go for several kisses and want to spend time with her, so this might be a wake up call - we'll see who its a wake up call for, I guess ;-)
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