[Suits]

I ran into this "guest post" at a seemingly popular blog entitled China Elevator Stories while searching for an explanation for why Chinese people push the down button and up button every time while calling an elevator.

http://chinaelevatorstories.com/is-that-...-in-china/

Here's the successful cultural voyager below.

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Guest post: “Is that your foreign friend?” Why my Chinese husband hides the fact that I’m his white American wife here in China

It was a dark, misty evening the other night when my husband John and I ventured out to our favorite vegan restaurant for dinner – the kind of evening where it feels like you’re walking through the clouds themselves. It was definitely not a night for people watching and surely not one where anyone would notice us. Especially as we strolled through the wetlands park on our way to the restaurant, a park that felt like an overgrown wet jungle with lots of shadows and hardly a streetlamp in sight. The two of us chattered away freely in English and Chinese,

Of course she just has to point out that they were speaking BOTH English and Chinese.

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laughing with such abandon that I could have sworn we had the entire park to ourselves.

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At least, until we heard that voice echo out towards us, just as we crossed the entrance to the wetlands park: “Is that your foreign friend?”

I turned around to see a squat middle-aged man standing under one of the few streetlights nearby. He was dressed in the navy blue uniform that all of the park guards happened to wear – the men who occupied that tiny booth that always glowed like a lighthouse at the entrance to the park.

John flashed the guard a polite smile. “Yes.”

“What country?” the guard shouted out.

“America,” said John. If the one-syllable answers hadn’t sent the message that John didn’t want to talk about it, then surely the fact that he hadn’t even looked back at the guard this time around would definitely do the trick.

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“I’m your ‘foreign friend?’” I said to John with a cockeyed smile.

Shit test!

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What would that guard have thought if he knew we had a little red marriage license tucked in our desk drawer at home and an extra-large box of condoms on our bedside table?

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We both glanced at each other and the shared ridiculousness of me being “a friend” before the guard made us both break out in laughter.

Still, when the hilarity subsided, I understood the truth behind it – a truth I spoke to John. “It’s better if they don’t know, isn’t it?”

He smiled. “Of course. Did you hear what they said about us yesterday at the bus station?” When we disembarked from the bus, I had instinctively reached for John’s arm, never thinking anyone was actually watching us. As it turned out, we had an audience after all. “Someone said, ‘Wow, a foreign woman with a Chinese man!”

I tilted my head. “Really? Why didn’t I hear that?”

Maybe your Chinese language skills suck?

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It’s funny I asked this question to John because the answer was obvious. I didn’t hear it because I was in my happy little bubble of marital bliss. I was so thrilled to be in the moment with John, completely ignoring the fact that Western women and Chinese men are such a rare sight in China.

SMPV wins.

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Even in a major city like Hangzhou.

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Years before, I even wrote about how just holding John’s hand here in China could turn lots of heads for this very reason. How had I neglected all of this? Simple – I had become so comfortable with my own marriage that I forgot what it looked like to the rest of the world around me.

It’s only these moments out in public when someone spots us together that I’m suddenly reminded of how I’m not “normal” in China. That being the foreign wife of a Chinese man makes me something special – something worth talking about. Then the questions come, the seemingly endless cascade of curiosity from people who could hardly imagine that a white American woman from Ohio would ever say “I do” to a young Chinese man from the Hangzhou region.

Her face sure is special.

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John wanted to avoid all of that, questions that would have cut into our walk to the restaurant. That’s why he didn’t mind when the guard called me “foreign friend.” It’s easier for people to understand. Lots of Chinese know and spend time with foreigners as friends. It’s not the kind of thing you’d question in China.

It might seem crazy to hope that we could steer clear of people like that guard, with all of his curiosity, in a place like China. Here, I’m guaranteed to stand out for the rest of my life just because I’m a white American woman – and especially if I step out holding my husband’s hands. I know the people who ask about me usually mean no harm at all. But sometimes, there are moments when we want a reprieve from the attention or interruptions. Sometimes, we just want to be ourselves.

In the end, we didn’t run into anyone else during the rest of our walk to our favorite vegan restaurant. There, we spent a lovely evening clinking our teacups and savoring every last bite of the fantastic vegan dishes on our table (from a spicy “vegetarian fish” stew to a plate of sweet-and-sour “vegetarian ribs” made with Chinese yam). The attentive servers in the restaurant only took our orders politely, and stashed their questions away in the corners of their minds or the kitchens, instead of our table. Nobody stopped over to our table to ask about who I was and why I casually touched John’s hand more than once during the dinner.

While I knew it wouldn’t last, it was nice for once just to be John and Jocelyn. Just another happily married couple enjoying a nice dinner out.

Jokes aside, I can relate to her situation. That's why I live in Beijing. In Beijing, if you are in a more modernized area, foreigners are an extremely common sight and don't draw any attention.

Even in the suburbs, only children and poor migrant workers seem to even notice non-Chinese.

My advice for anyone considering a move to China, is to take this into consideration. It's really not that much fun to eternally be the obvious outsider.

It's interesting at first, but it gets annoying fast.

If you are like me -- looking to build a lifestyle in Asia -- you want to be treated like anyone else. You want to be able to go into a restaurant or laundromat and be treated like anyone else.

At least Hollywood TV stars make bank. They can afford bodyguards. When you're a pretty normal person with a pretty normal income, it's not enjoyable to be constantly accosted with the same questions over and over again.

I've lived in two Chinese cities and in 4 districts in Beijing. At the end of all that moving around, I've ended up settling in the area of China probably populated by the highest population of foreigners.

My primary reason is logistics. It is walking distance from the top clubs and Beijing's most respectable (if there is such a thing) party district and my neighborhood is central to where a lot of the hottest women work and live.

But as an added bonus, it's also nice to live somewhere I don't get treated like an outsider. There's no fanfare or questions when I enter a business or restaurant.

No one is shocked when I speak Chinese or unable to comprehend the fact that I speak a perfectly understandable version of the local language.

One of my many work gigs is teaching at a primary school during the day. A lot the kids (particularly those in grade 1 and grade 2) don't know that I'm a foreigner, despite my blue eyes, brown hair and white skin.

This is very satisfying. No one likes being an outsider for long.

If you're considering a long term relocation to a different country somewhere, language skills and local knowledge is essential to allowing you to slip comfortably into that society.

But location is also key. In many places, just looking different will single you out for constant and very annoying attention.

My personal experience has been that being somewhere somewhat internationalized is very important if you want to settle down permanently.

[Rocky.]

Married and condoms?

[Esus]

"In the end, we didn’t run into anyone else during the rest of our walk to our favorite vegan restaurant. There, we spent a lovely evening clinking our teacups and savoring every last bite of the fantastic vegan dishes on our table (from a spicy “vegetarian fish” stew to a plate of sweet-and-sour “vegetarian ribs” made with Chinese yam). The attentive servers in the restaurant only took our orders politely, and stashed their questions away in the corners of their minds or the kitchens, instead of our table. Nobody stopped over to our table to ask about who I was and why I casually touched John’s hand more than once during the dinner."

That bitch can't stop mentioning she eats vegan food and she already says it in the beginning.

This is always the same kind of people (feminist/atheist/vegan) who has to mention what they are even though you did not ask them or the conversation is not about it.

[clever alias]

Hangzhou IS a major city.

[Independent1]

@Suits

You are spot on with learning the language, increasing local knowledge and choosing the right location regarding relocating to China.

About receiving the annoying attention, what else you do get other than looks and stares? That seems to be the only hassle I get being a foreigner in Shanghai.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

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while searching for an explanation for why Chinese people push the down button and up button every time while calling an elevator.

I and most people in Croatia do that too. Apparently people think that this will increase their chance of the elevator reaching them, and by the time they realize it doesn't do anything, it's too late and a solid habit has been formed.

[Independent1]

(04-22-2015 10:44 AM)clever alias Wrote:  

Hangzhou IS a major city.

Well considering the population is under 3 million people, it's extremely small compared to the bigger cities in China. There are plenty much larger than Hangzhou.

I guess it depends what you class as a "major" city. As Hangzhou is a prime and popular location for honeymoons of Chinese citizens, it is also popular for tourists because of its lake/nature.

[Suits]

(04-22-2015 10:44 AM)clever alias Wrote:  

Hangzhou IS a major city.

It is by Chinese standards.

It has plenty of business transactions, lots of people and probably some areas of significance.

But actually living their isn't much different than living in any fifth tier Chinese camel's ass locale. A city with 700K in the US of A would be a more exciting and preferable experience.

Being in a "major Chinese city" really doesn't mean much.

[Global Entry]

Just FYI - Hangzhou is perhaps the top "romantic" tourist destination in China. Every sweet young girl wants her boyfriend to take her to West Lake for a holiday, as its something wealthy and successful Chinese do. I definitely think it is quite different than a fifth tier Chinese city, or somewhere like Albany NY (700,000 inhabitants). Chinese one percenters buy homes there. The reason people like it is that it is more bucolic and perhaps less crowded than most other major urban areas of China.

Tourism in HZ.

"For the Chinese people West Lake has special romantic associations. During the classic Song Dynasty era pavilions on the lake were used by lovers to write poetry especially on full moon nights. The lake is also the setting for the legendary Chinese love story of Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai.
Hangzhou, the capital of China’s Zhejiang Province, and its beautiful West Lake has become increasingly popular with upscale Western travelers. Hangzhou is one of the six oldest capitals in China. More than 800 years ago, Marco Polo called it “the most splendid city in the world,” and his statement is backed up by modern travelers."

There are also a lot of Taiwanese businesses (electronics) in the area.

It's also the capital of Zhejiang province, and not far via train to Shanghai. I believe it was also the capital during the Song Dynasty.

[Esus]

Suits, which Chinese cities can be considered major for you ?

I guess Shenzhen, Guangdong, Shanghai and Beijing are but what about Chongqing, Tianjin and Chengdu ? Would you consider those major cities ?

[Simeon_Strangelight]

While the foreigner factor is valid too isn't there a factor with her that she is just a very ugly woman? The couple looks strangely off because of that - but hey if he can stomach it, then who am I to say what a man finds attractive? But the pic is also terrible with her being the Alpha to his embarrassed Beta.

I am sure he would have little problem introducing her proudly as his wife if she looked like this:

[Fortis]

I have noticed that many non-white guys love shacking up with mediocre white girls. It is depressing as fuck. I occasionally see tall, athletic black men who appear to have their shit together toting around frumpy white girls who wouldn't be recognized by any halfway decent white man. This goes double for Asian dudes for some reason.

Stop playing in the trash if you want to find treasures.

[Rutting Elephant]

(04-22-2015 11:53 AM)Fortis Wrote:  

I have noticed that many non-white guys love shacking up with mediocre white girls. It is depressing as fuck. I occasionally see tall, athletic black men who appear to have their shit together toting around frumpy white girls who wouldn't be recognized by any halfway decent white man. This goes double for Asian dudes for some reason.

RoK:

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Some white men on the internet like to mock black men for this. They say they are chubby chasing, dumpster diving, and so on. More severely, the say that black men are elevating the overall attitude of women because of their aggressive game and high approach frequency. But they fail to realize that black men are only raising the attitudes of the big women they approach. Remember: they don’t approach thin women any more than white men do. Unless your target is a bigger girl, black men have no effect on how you will be received by a normal-weighted white girl with an average ass.

[Fortis]

Sort of true, but I do think it depends on the man. I prefer waify girls to thick ones, much to confusion of my relatives. But I won't front like the average black man doesn't chubby chase. Shameful shit.

[Sonoma]

Married with condoms? Wtf

[Patrickstar]

Wtf.

Now to each their own, but she is ugly. Why didn't he go for chinese girls. Is it because a lack of chinese girls in China.

[clever alias]

"It is by Chinese standards.

It has plenty of business transactions, lots of people and probably some areas of significance.

But actually living their isn't much different than living in any fifth tier Chinese camel's ass locale. A city with 700K in the US of A would be a more exciting and preferable experience.

Being in a "major Chinese city" really doesn't mean much."

You clearly never lived there.

[Kabal]

(04-22-2015 11:48 AM)Zelcorpion Wrote:  

Is this a photo from the thread about the man-who-identifies-as-a-woman and woman-who-identifies-as-a-man couple trying to conceive?

[jariel]

The Chinese guy has what he can get, at the end of the day, I don't care, people lie to themselves everyday.

Fortis, regarding your comment, fat white girls are come-ups for a lot of Black men, especially in comparison to Black women.

One, fat white girls have jobs, which means they always have money -- they have to work because no one will financially support them -- meanwhile, most Black women are broke, in addition to being fat.

Two, they'll take a lot of shit from Black men without complaining.

Three, they're easy to get dick drunk -- another reason they'll put up with a lot of shit.

Four, whites for non-whites are status symbols. If you're not white, and you can manage to get a white person to be in your life, especially in a romantic sense, apparently that signifies something "good" about you.

I'm not interested in dumpster-diving regardless, but I understand why those nuccas go in head-first.

[Fortis]

Jariel,

I feel you on that, but putting a ring on that? Nope, fuck that. I'd rather be alone than wife up that neanderthal. I couldn't look my dad in the eye if I brought that thing home as his future daughter in law. Harakiri would be in order to preserve my family's tainted honor.

Yes,

On the subject of dumpster diving, it definitely does inflate the egos of white fatties to such a great degree that I occasionally have one try and talk to me. And they're so bold, they don't look away coyly. They look at me with the eyes of a wolf; they see prey! This is problematic! I often find myself feeling insulted when this happens because she's not even on my radar--and she should know this. This gets especially bad if I talk to a group of girls and there is a fatty in the group. She automatically assumes I'm there for her. Ha. I'm just fucking around now, but I hate fat women.

For the sake of all men, fatties should not be poked so that they become so frustrated that they're forced to face the truth of their situation: they are fat and, therefore, undesirable and need to shape up. Then they can try and be aggressive with men.

Whenever I see a good-looking black dude pulling a white tub of lard with him I feel righteous fury because that girl is now going to bother otherwise good men once she's done getting dicked down.

Fellow minorities, stop doing LTR's with busted white chicks--or busted chicks for that matter.

[Simeon_Strangelight]

(04-22-2015 04:13 PM)Fortis Wrote:  

Jariel,

I feel you on that, but putting a ring on that? Nope, fuck that. I'd rather be alone than wife up that neanderthal. I couldn't look my dad in the eye if I brought that thing home as his future daughter in law. Harakiri would be in order to preserve my family's tainted honor.
...
Fellow minorities, stop doing LTR's with busted white chicks--or busted chicks for that matter.

I feel the same, but fatties are that aggressive in the West, because it has worked for them in the past and much hotter men have fucked them.

In the rest of the world fat women feel more shame and embarrassment - rightful one - about their bodies and are at least mostly demure. Though I have met fat businesswomen who behaved like men thinking that her career and some cash will make her more attractive - of course it won't.

I would rather stay alone than have to plow that. The same goes for that woman in the example here.

[Saladin]

(04-22-2015 11:53 AM)Fortis Wrote:  

I have noticed that many non-white guys love shacking up with mediocre white girls. It is depressing as fuck. I occasionally see tall, athletic black men who appear to have their shit together toting around frumpy white girls who wouldn't be recognized by any halfway decent white man. This goes double for Asian dudes for some reason.

Stop playing in the trash if you want to find treasures.

Yeah, I've noticed that. It's a sign of racial insecurity and overvaluing of white girls.

@Fortis

Not just white girls too. I was talking to this cute black chick, and her fat black friend came over and hit on me. She eyed me like a piece of meat.

I didn't really care, I thought it was kindoff hilarious. Maybe I"m not good looking enough to have fat girls approach me, so I don't really care. It pisses me off when they try to cockblock though, especially if they do some shit like rip their friends from me.

[Fortis]

Zel,

Sounds like you're in a good part of the world. Where are you from?

--

Saladin,

yeah, unfortunately a lot of black people are programmed to hate their blackness. It's like mutated white-guilt.

[Vacancier Permanent]

One question that comes to mind, is why oh why, would a Chinese man, marry such a beast? He could easily pick a hot sweet smart feminine Chinese girl who will make him and his parents proud?

[Simeon_Strangelight]

(04-22-2015 05:51 PM)Fortis Wrote:  

Zel,

Sounds like you're in a good part of the world. Where are you from?

--

Saladin,

yeah, unfortunately a lot of black people are programmed to hate their blackness. It's like mutated white-guilt.

I grew up in a few Western countries and spent most of my life there. Been living in EE the last 4 years - mostly Poland, but I travel a bit as well.