[jariel]

Before I start this second edition of The Grown Man Hour, I want to thank some of you guys for the encouragement to continue to write about something that is very important in all of our lives.

The truth is, we love women. A lot of what most of us do in our lives is to not only benefit ourselves, but for the people we love in our lives. We love our parents, but we don't become educated and financially independent so that we can take care of them, we become those things so that we can have a family of our own with the woman we love, the woman we give our names to, the woman we create new human beings with, the woman who will likely bury us when we die.

I speak as a product of a two-parent home, and I come from what can be categorized as a "good family". My parents made sacrifices so that they could give each other and their children a better life, I'm eternally thankful for that and for them -- it has taken growing up to fully appreciate them.

I also speak as a man who has engaged in a number of relationships. While I've had plenty of casual relationships, I've had women whom I've actually shared my life and who I am as a man with. I have shared my body, my knowledge, and my resources with them, to show them that if you're down with me, this is how life is going to be, but I expect a certain return -- I give good, I expect good.

I have never considered marrying any of those women because I needed time to grow up and become the man I wanted to be -- I've been on the path for a while, and I'll work forever to continue to grow. Furthermore, it was easy to leave them behind because none of them proved to me what needed to be proved to show me that they could be my family -- I don't mind a family, but I will never be "legally married".

I state those things because I don't have much in common with people who come from broken homes nor guys who solely want to fuck bitches and move on.

There's nothing wrong with either path, they're just not mine, so keep that in mind as you read some of the issues that I choose to write about.

Through Thick and Thick
Recently I was talking to my father, and he shared some old stories involving him and my mother that really made me think. My parents came from nothing. Although they are from different countries, they somehow managed to run in each other on two different continents.

My father told my mother that she was even more beautiful the second time they ran into each other, and that he didn't want to have to keep running into her to witness her beauty when he could just have her for himself and see it all the time.

My mother, being a traditional Latin woman, thought it was "fate" -- for you guys who like latinas, keep that in mind, they think about shit like fate, destiny, signs, all that.

At the beginning of their relationship, they were working poor people. They used to have shitty dinners except on payday when they would splurge for something nice. In other words, they had great dinners twice a month.

Ultimately things got much better for them, and as a result, they were absolutely great for me, which is very uncommon considering my "roots".

That type of evolution within our relationships with women today is dead.

Women aren't interested in through thick and thin, they only want through thick and thick.

At this point, here's the game.

Your value as a man is at it's lowest when you are young because you have nothing to offer other than dick.

Women work during their younger years to become educated as that is the best way for them to obtain gainful employment which allows them become financially independent.

During that time, they spend their money on themselves, and since they aren't relying on any man to take care of them financially, they are not concerned with who can provide for them in that manner, it is more important that a man can make their 'ginas tingle. They take advantage of this time to only be responsible to themselves and fuck whoever they want, however they want, with no rules or structure to the game.

By the time they realize that their value is that of a falling star, and that they're tired of the work grind, they start looking for those young guys who are now old guys who have increased their values. Now those guys have something to offer: an easier life which means less work, but more money, more things, etc.

So by the time a woman locks you down, you, the man, have already gone through the "thin".

Now you live in a high-rise in a swanky part of the city with a name like "Brickell".

Now you drive a luxury whip, and they clock you hard when they see you pull up to VIP in a late-model Bimmer with a Black sapphire metallic paint job that was washed and waxed earlier in the day .

Now you dress like you're right out of GQ magazine, your suited down, with your tie bar angled unconventionally at 45 degrees, houndstooth pocket square, and a lapel pin of your zodiac sign.

She didn't want you when the best you two could do was two nice meals a month, but now there's quail eggs, wild boar, and a bottle of Veuve Clicquot in your refrigerator. You go to Whole Foods whenever the fuck you want, you order exotic meats from the Broken Arrow Ranch, yeah, this is the good life, fuck our foes, of course she's down.

But if things ever go left, then she's out.

The game has evolved, and we must evolve with it, we have to recognize when we're being used and taken advantage of. I don't have the solution to this particular problem, I just recognize a hustle when I see one.


You Don't Get Props For The Basics
Last year, I ended a relationship with a tica I had been seeing for about a year and a half. She wanted an explanation, and in the course of doing so, she thought she should recall the laundry list of "things" she did for me,

After she was done with her list, I calmly reminded her the following:

1. Anything you've done, another bitch has done for me, so from where I'm standing, nothing that you've done could be classified as "special".

2. Since we were in a relationship, those are things that were expected of you to do. Again, since they were expected, they could not be classified as "special".

3. If you didn't do "all of those things", you wouldn't have been doing anything, which means that I would have been the only one investing in the relationship, and that's not how the game goes with me.

In short, you don't get props for doing the basics.

A woman can cook for you, clean for you, etc. but if she's your woman, she's just doing what she's expected to do for you. In life, doing what you're expected to do doesn't curry you any extra favor or considerations.

Your boss isn't going to promote you at work just because you show up on time, you're fucking supposed to show up on time. If you want that promotion, you have to do more, you have to be more.

For a woman to solidify a place in your life, she has to do more and be more than the other bitches that you've had, otherwise she's just like the rest, and guess what?

You dumped them too.


Stop Over-Analyzing The Game
Recently we had another discussion about flaking. It is an excellent ongoing conversation, but there's a level of over-analyzation to it.

First, let's dispel the concept of the "truth".

The truth is funny in the sense that it is at best, relative, and at worst, non-existent.

There are a lot of people walking around in our society with hate for their fathers because when they're parents got divorced their mothers took primary custody of them and used the situation to indoctrinate them with falsehoods about their father.

Their mother never told them that she just wasn't a good wife.

Their mother never told them that she cheated on him.

Their mother never told them anything that would make them look at her sideways, as far as they were concerned, it was all of their father's fault because that is what their mother manipulated them into believing.

Now if you're not directly involved in something, you can never actually know the truth.

Let's relate this reality to the situation of flaking.

You meet a girl, you communicate to her that you want to see her again, you make plans to do that, she says she's with it. When it's time for those plans to come to fruition, she backs out. Maybe her reason is legitimate, maybe her reason isn't.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter.

You had plans, now you don't have plans.

She's not going to tell you that she's dating a number of guys right now, and a guy she's more interested in than you hit her up and she decided to roll with him.

She's not going to tell you that you seemed nice and all, but she's just really not interested, and she doesn't want to waste her time.

She's not going to tell you that she's actually in a relationship right now, one that she'd like to get out of, but she's just not ready to do anything with you, or perhaps anyone else.

She's not going to tell you that you're actually her dream man, but she knows she's not good enough to keep you around, so she'll reject you to protect herself from later torment down the road.

At the end of the day, you'll never really know the truth, because you're not close enough to the situation to know it. The best way to deal with the situation is to accept it, and allow the other person to atone for their mistake. When people really want to do things, they make those things happen.

We'll save money to buy our first car, to buy our first home, to take our first trip to Colombia. Those things actually require serious time and effort, so if she really wants to go out with you, then she'll make the minor arrangements that she needs to so that it can happen.

If you're trying to reschedule, but she's still wavering, then you should take that as she's not really down.

Contrary to popular belief, women are not as busy as they make themselves out to be. We have women running around acting like they barely have time to breathe, but they're frontin' harder than Jay-Z and Pharrell.

That girl you asked out has time to watch all of her favorite shows on t.v., clip coupons, and play games on her IPhone, on a regular basis, if she doesn't have time for you, it's because she doesn't want to make time for you.

The game becomes a lot harder when we over-analyze it, you start questioning yourself and all this other shit, when that's completely unnecessary, let the game be what it is, and never stop playing.

[Fortis]

(04-11-2015 07:19 PM)jariel Wrote:  

if she doesn't have time for you, it's because she doesn't want to make time for you.

Good shit, Jariel. Whenever a girl gives me some old, "I'm busy for the next two weeks" the only thing i"m seeing is the shit in bold.

Because the truth is she doesn't want to see me again. Do you really think a girl who is trying to fuck you is going to wait two weeks to make that happen? Girls are impulsive.

The above quote reminds me of something Rollo Tomasi said, "if a girl is trying to fuck you she will go through a tornado to make it happen."

[Geomann180]

Quote:

Through Thick and Thin

My parents were the same way. They used to go out to a restaurant when they could afford it and share a single, nice meal together. My Dad made a beachfront purchase and when the housing bubble burst, sold it at a tremendous loss. For a large period of time, my parents were in a large amount of debt. They sacrificed so that my siblings and I would not want for food or shelter or better education. I never knew about it until my father told me about two or three years ago.

I want a family one day, with four kids, and I want to have one with a woman like that. They're just hard to find and identify, at least for me.

(04-11-2015 07:19 PM)jariel Wrote:  

You Don't Get Props For The Basics

Your boss isn't going to promote you at work just because you show up on time, you're fucking supposed to show up on time. If you want that promotion, you have to do more, you have to be more.

You're on point here. In today's world, most men have such low expectations of women for a variety of reasons.

I'm grateful for each new women I date, as they treat me better each time. I don't expect all the basics because I've never had all the basics. I do however, expect to be treated better by each new girl I date. I think that's part of the reason why men fawn over foreign women because they do all the basics without prompt or complaint.

G

[rudebwoy]

I too grew up in a two parent family, my parents worked their asses off to have a great life today. Thick and thin girls don't exist in the world I live in, after all this is the me generation.

I would love to be married to a good women with a child or two, this seems probably the hardest thing in life to obtain. Dating girls from non western countries has kept my faith in finding this special woman. Of course, I would not bring that person to Canada.

I love these series, this is some real talk.

[MongolianAbroad]

(04-11-2015 07:19 PM)jariel Wrote:  

The game has evolved, and we must evolve with it, we have to recognize when we're being used and taken advantage of. I don't have the solution to this particular problem, I just recognize a hustle when I see one.

I come from a similar situation, Jariel, family-wise, and I also came to the same conclusion. In other words, the current situation in America is a hustle, and I'm not one to get hustled.

The reason our mothers, AND fathers, are different than the current batch is because they had to go through hardship from a young age, real hardship, and for the people that are able to rise above that hardship and excel, it builds character.

I've got two solutions to avoid being hustled, both of which I've implemented, because I've got standards and I'm not willing to be taken advantage of the way you eloquently described in your post.

Solution A is to date the daughters of first generation immigrants who are poor but have educated parents and an intact family structure. Example, the daughter of a Mexican engineer/lawyer who works in the U.S. in something unrelated to his career, because the degree doesn't transfer. The mom may or may not have a higher level education, either way is fine, as long as she values education and is feminine.

The family won't be rich, but the daughter will inherit their values. She'll go to college on a scholarship or work her way through, and she'll be looking for a man like her father, that is, hard working and driven to succeed, even going so far as emigrating to a foreign country to make a better future for his children. This girl will separate herself from American girls in many ways, even though she herself is American.

That very small pool has been where I found the best girlfriend I had in America.

Solution B is to actually move abroad once you're in your 30's and date middle class college students in poorer countries with low divorce rates. I would not recommend poor countries with high divorce rates.

The FSU divorce rates are very high, and trying to explain that away is male-hamstering of the highest order. Other countries are just as poor and have families that stay intact, but if you have a thing for colored eyes and light skin, well, all I can say is good luck. Poor countries with high divorce rates are basket cases in every sense of the word. Tread especially carefully.

Solution B is much more difficult and requires a certain financial setup and familiarity with the culture involved as well as maturity and experience with women on the man's part, to handle the risks involved.

I would not recommend Solution B to any guy that doesn't have lots of solid experience with women in America. Attempting Solution B while still a green sapling is a recipe for disaster.

The foreign option is like an unstable mine in an earthquake zone with a rich vein of gold ore, the rewards are rich, but the risks involved are high and only the most experienced miners should even attempt to extract the ore.

Solution B, which I implemented during the half a year I lived in the Philippines, is where I found the best girlfriend I ever had while living abroad.

I'm back in America now, working every day on my next moves, and it all comes down to every man's individual standards, what they're willing to do to create the life they want to live.

We can bitch about the world, or we can make the world our bitch.

This choice is every able-bodied man's birthright.

[coverdoc]

(04-11-2015 07:19 PM)jariel Wrote:  

So by the time a woman locks you down, you, the man, have already gone through the "thin".

Man dude you need to become a professional writer. Your real talk sessions are a lot more applicable to this day and age vs some self help book written 10 years ago.

-CD

[H1N1]

Definitely a good post, and I've learned a lot from all these Real Talk Sessions, thank you for doing them.

For me personally, my last illusions were shattered over the weekend. It turns out a girl I know, who's family and mine go way back, who's well raised and has traditional parents, who comes from a very good social background, and who has always been charmingly naive, after a long period of being well behaved has apparently been shagging about like there's no tomorrow over the last few months.

I've got no designs on this girl personally, but have always felt that she was supporting evidence that the hope to one day meet a good girl without a history that makes her undesirable for a serious relationship, was at least a rational hope. Of all the girls I've ever known, it is no exaggeration to say that this girl was the least likely to be promiscuous. Coming from a healthy, very 'red pill' family myself, I've always seen it as a desirable thing and held out hope that it would be a possibility, as indeed my parents 'expect' me to ultimately get married and have children (reasonable given their frame of reference) although they recognise (my mum in particular) that it is a very different world, and that marriage is a bad deal for a man in 99% of cases.

When I was told this news, and heard the girls who told me (also from very good, privileged backgrounds) saying it's totally normal everyone does it (shags around a lot), I quite literally felt that last flicker of hope go out. It sounds more dramatic than it was perhaps, as I've always realised that finding a girl without a history was pretty unlikely at this point.

Suffice to say it's made me think a lot about how to proceed from hereon in.

[Foolsgo1d]

The one pattern I've noticed is this; guys care too much about this stuff because it can hurt ego's.

Its not a nice feeling to be replaced or put in second position, especially for a man who is well into double or triple notch counts. The same goes for finding some sort of wonder woman to raise your kids. I am a true believer in people changing every 5-10 years and not necessarily for the best so when you have guys stating they have a girl on lock, does that mean forever and in some vain hope she will not change?

How can a woman be expected to bring more to the table when the effort required makes them run away bitching about said effort? If I were to say to a woman that her cooking, cleaning and her sexual availability to me was a baseline requirement and she needs to do better I guarantee she will most likely dump me for being an unfair asshole.

And this is a girl who actually does stuff for you. I've met so many women who have yet to grasp the roles in a give and take relationship. "Do you cook for him?" - Is met with laughter and weird looks.

Men have for so long allowed women to get away with this by not putting the foot down on simple things that these young women see it as a burden to even cook for their man. And by cooking I don't mean microwave meals.

It comes down to something else I have learned from this forum; The consequences for these women are almost non-existent. They can find another guy who would think the world of her for making meals and washing his stuff and not demand anything more.

[General Stalin]

(04-13-2015 05:37 AM)Foolsgo1d Wrote:  

It comes down to something else I have learned from this forum; The consequences for these women are almost non-existent. They can find another guy who would think the world of her for making meals and washing his stuff and not demand anything more.

There's the truth - let's expand on that.

The bar has been irrevocably lowered. Finding a young woman in the West who sees cooking for her man as commonplace is difficult. Mot girls who cook a nice meal for you will do it as novelty or some kind of special occasion. This goes for any number of other basic domestic duties. Lots of girls are slobs, lots of girls let their own laundry pile up and don't fold it when clean, lots of girls don't make their beds, etc. This is a culture where domestic duties are taken for granted and girls need to do little more than "show up" to get what they want.

Your own perceived value aside, you are competing with the path of least resistance. Girls want to do as little as possible and receive as much as possible.

[kaotic]

Jariel this is by FAR one of my favorite Real Talk posts I've read from you.

It's spot on, and some men DON'T want to admit what's really going on.

(04-11-2015 07:19 PM)jariel Wrote:  



Women work during their younger years to become educated as that is the best way for them to obtain gainful employment which allows them become financially independent.

During that time, they spend their money on themselves, and since they aren't relying on any man to take care of them financially, they are not concerned with who can provide for them in that manner, it is more important that a man can make their 'ginas tingle. They take advantage of this time to only be responsible to themselves and fuck whoever they want, however they want, with no rules or structure to the game.

By the time they realize that their value is that of a falling star, and that they're tired of the work grind, they start looking for those young guys who are now old guys who have increased their values. Now those guys have something to offer: an easier life which means less work, but more money, more things, etc.

By far the coldest truth and acceptance men need to have about women nowadays. They crave alpha dick all the time, however when the wall comes calling they look for a "nice" man (read: well off man).

Since women have no more resources and are depreciating in value they realize they NEED a man who has value.

Quote:

She didn't want you when the best you two could do was two nice meals a month, but now there's quail eggs, wild boar, and a bottle of Veuve Clicquot in your refrigerator. You go to Whole Foods whenever the fuck you want, you order exotic meats from the Broken Arrow Ranch, yeah, this is the good life, fuck our foes, of course she's down.

But if things ever go left, then she's out.

Of course she's out, it's rare nowadays for a woman to be with you during the thin times, especially when she has so many beta provider options out there.

Quote:

The game has evolved, and we must evolve with it, we have to recognize when we're being used and taken advantage of. I don't have the solution to this particular problem, I just recognize a hustle when I see one.

I think the solution to this problem is either flat out next them OR squeeze their pussy for all its worth and next them. Lead them on like the carrot and the donkey.

Quote:

You Don't Get Props For The Basics
Last year, I ended a relationship with a tica I had been seeing for about a year and a half. She wanted an explanation, and in the course of doing so, she thought she should recall the laundry list of "things" she did for me,

After she was done with her list, I calmly reminded her the following:

1. Anything you've done, another bitch has done for me, so from where I'm standing, nothing that you've done could be classified as "special".

2. Since we were in a relationship, those are things that were expected of you to do. Again, since they were expected, they could not be classified as "special".

3. If you didn't do "all of those things", you wouldn't have been doing anything, which means that I would have been the only one investing in the relationship, and that's not how the game goes with me.

In short, you don't get props for doing the basics.

A woman can cook for you, clean for you, etc. but if she's your woman, she's just doing what she's expected to do for you. In life, doing what you're expected to do doesn't curry you any extra favor or considerations.

Your boss isn't going to promote you at work just because you show up on time, you're fucking supposed to show up on time. If you want that promotion, you have to do more, you have to be more.

For a woman to solidify a place in your life, she has to do more and be more than the other bitches that you've had, otherwise she's just like the rest, and guess what?

You dumped them too.

ABSO FUCKING LUTELY - women swear their bending over backwards to take care of us....when most men would see it as basic maintenance in a relationship.

It reminds me of the the thread "Are we just asking too much from women?"

Looking back at that conversation I realize now, we aren't asking ENOUGH of women, we honestly let some get by with just the basics.

Quote:

Stop Over-Analyzing The Game

You meet a girl, you communicate to her that you want to see her again, you make plans to do that, she says she's with it. When it's time for those plans to come to fruition, she backs out. Maybe her reason is legitimate, maybe her reason isn't.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter.

You had plans, now you don't have plans.

She's not going to tell you that she's dating a number of guys right now, and a guy she's more interested in than you hit her up and she decided to roll with him.

She's not going to tell you that you seemed nice and all, but she's just really not interested, and she doesn't want to waste her time.

She's not going to tell you that she's actually in a relationship right now, one that she'd like to get out of, but she's just not ready to do anything with you, or perhaps anyone else.

She's not going to tell you that you're actually her dream man, but she knows she's not good enough to keep you around, so she'll reject you to protect herself from later torment down the road.

You got let things flow, you can't break down EVERYTHING. 99% of girls AREN'T going to tell you how things are between you, you've got to accept this.

I've realized that for some time now, I had a date go perfect to a T, doing a postmortem - all the signs were there. She said she was intimidated by me, she was super nervous, and didn't know what I thought about her.

She flaked on our second meet up - I have a strong feeling she realized I was too good for her and would leave her.

Quote:

At the end of the day, you'll never really know the truth, because you're not close enough to the situation to know it. The best way to deal with the situation is to accept it, and allow the other person to atone for their mistake. When people really want to do things, they make those things happen.

Shit happens, gotta move on, can't linger on it forever. It's been my experiences and it makes game alot easier. 2 Years ago when I first got into game - I would always get hung on the "one who got away" then I realized, there's a shitload of girls like that out there !

Quote:

We'll save money to buy our first car, to buy our first home, to take our first trip to Colombia. Those things actually require serious time and effort, so if she really wants to go out with you, then she'll make the minor arrangements that she needs to so that it can happen.

If you're trying to reschedule, but she's still wavering, then you should take that as she's not really down.

Contrary to popular belief, women are not as busy as they make themselves out to be. We have women running around acting like they barely have time to breathe, but they're frontin' harder than Jay-Z and Pharrell.

That girl you asked out has time to watch all of her favorite shows on t.v., clip coupons, and play games on her IPhone, on a regular basis, if she doesn't have time for you, it's because she doesn't want to make time for you.

Girls ALWAYS front about their lives - take a look at a girl you knows Instagram - then look at what she does and how she acts in real life.

You'll see it's all a facade for her to make other women jealous and draw in thirsty orbiters.

I can't tell you how many girls are like this here in So-Cal.

You're right Jariel, if a girl doesn't offer you another day and is hesistant about rescheduling NEXT her ass.

Once again, as it's been constantly preached on this forum - a girl who is TRULY interested in you will move heaven and earth to see you.

You've gotta have that game and SMV first of course.

Only match a girls interest at most, never more.


Good stuff Jariel.

[Menace]

Great post, one of the best in this series. Nicely encapsulates the reality of modern m/f relations.

[jariel]

Guys, let me tell you.

My shit tolerance factor is incredibly low.

As I age, the more it decreases.

Like most people, I was not born with a silver spoon. I will have to work for everything that I have until the day I die. I don't have anyone who can just give it to me, and it's difficult to get it even when you honestly feel that you deserve it.

When that is your understanding of your circumstances, you understand that every day is a battle. You're literally fighting everyday because the world is trying to kick your ass. It doesn't care how hard it knocks you down. It doesn't care if you never get back up.

So given that, when I'm dealing with women, I don't want a woman who wants to contribute to the fight the world has against me.

I want a woman who wants to be a teammate, one who fights with me.

We have men out here who go into battle everyday just like I do, then they go home to a bitch who prolongs their battle. Your home is supposed to be your sanctuary, where you shake off the battles of life, rest and recuperate, so that you can wake up the next day and do it again.

Then you come home and realize that it's all worth it.

That's how it should be, but it isn't.

Women make a conscious effort to be adversaries, to fight against us, and in the end we all lose.

I don't put up with shit with women, because let's face it, who are these women who I should force myself to put up with shit from?

Given my background and my environment, at this point, I date exclusively latinas, which means I'm often dating women who are from broken homes, undereducated, resourceless, and have a number of other traits and circumstances that place them squarely behind the 8-ball.

Why should I, a man who has his fuckin' shit together, put up with shit from them?

Because they're attractive?

Because some of them have good pussy?

Attractive women and good pussy are ubiquitous -- I have both from a variety of types of women.

Neither one means a damn thing in the big picture, and getting both from one particular woman is at best temporary.

You, the man, actually bring long-lasting shit to the table.

Why should you put up with shit, when you're the one doing the life changing?

I've said it before, a woman can just wander around aimlessly in the world, and then one day, out of nowhere, have a man come up to her who is going to fucking change her entire existence.

He's going to bring a structure and direction to her life that she could not forge on her own.

That shit doesn't happen for a man.

A woman primarily lives for herself.

A man always lives for others.

[Fortis]

^ good stuff man.



I'm not exactly a guy with his shit together I won't lie. But I'm making pretty big moves as of late and I find myself vexed by the shitty behavior I get from women. I always view people's behavior around me as an indication of what they think of me, but sometimes their shitty behavior is just manifestation of their shitty interior life.

[Roardog]

The biggest thing that shits me with m/f relationships is how many women view having sex with you as all they need to provide in a relationship for it to be "equal" and if you fail (in their eyes) to hold up your end they will gladly even deny even that. And that's just basic sex, anything else counts as an extra.
If they cook, if they clean, if they pay half, if they blow you, if they do anal, etc that's all extra on the plus side of the ledger as far as they're concerned.

They use their vagina like it's some special thing that 51% of the planet don't have. But what I hate more is how guys let them get away with it. They allow themselves to be whipped by the pussy instead of standing up for themselves for all the things they bring to the table. Not to mention the fact that she likes sex too.

I cringe every time I hear one of my friends girlfriends/wives/etc use sex as a weapon and the guy bowing to it. Every time I hear "you should do this because I blow you", "I can't believe you did that, you're not getting sex for a week!", etc.

[Akula]

Great post. So much truth in there.

(04-11-2015 07:19 PM)jariel Wrote:  

Contrary to popular belief, women are not as busy as they make themselves out to be. We have women running around acting like they barely have time to breathe, but they're frontin' harder than Jay-Z and Pharrell.

That girl you asked out has time to watch all of her favorite shows on t.v., clip coupons, and play games on her IPhone, on a regular basis, if she doesn't have time for you, it's because she doesn't want to make time for you.

The game becomes a lot harder when we over-analyze it, you start questioning yourself and all this other shit, when that's completely unnecessary, let the game be what it is, and never stop playing.

I found this part to be particularly true, and once I realized it and that women are not some kind of 'project' that I can work on and get them to like me, it really changed my outlook on the whole game.

[Aer]

(04-11-2015 11:34 PM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  

We can bitch about the world, or we can make the world our bitch.

This choice is every able-bodied man's birthright.

+1 for that quote, going to use it in the future.

[Akula]

(04-13-2015 05:37 AM)Foolsgo1d Wrote:  

And this is a girl who actually does stuff for you. I've met so many women who have yet to grasp the roles in a give and take relationship. "Do you cook for him?" - Is met with laughter and weird looks.

Men have for so long allowed women to get away with this by not putting the foot down on simple things that these young women see it as a burden to even cook for their man. And by cooking I don't mean microwave meals.

It comes down to something else I have learned from this forum; The consequences for these women are almost non-existent. They can find another guy who would think the world of her for making meals and washing his stuff and not demand anything more.

So true. It's up to us to educate the new guys out there bc society as a whole and the media sure as hell are not doing it - they are in fact doing the opposite 24-7 and we need to keep on informing young men what the situation really is. Men need to let women know there are consequences.

(04-13-2015 11:34 AM)kaotic Wrote:  

Jariel this is by FAR one of my favorite Real Talk posts I've read from you.

It's spot on, and some men DON'T want to admit what's really going on.

I think the above is a big part of the problem - the cognitive dissonance and inability to see it for what it is. I will say that I think it's hard to sift through all the bs when it's being blasted over the airways 24-7 and men are being told they are shit, to man up, to cater to women, etc. No wonder so many guys are lost and getting mixed messages and making bad decisions.

Once I personally sort of figured it out (mostly by going abroad and living in Eastern Europe and being with lots of different women (most of whom actually wanted to be with a man, or at least thought they did)) it gave me a 10,000 foot view of how western societies are failing all of us and men in particular.

The flip side is that you can get too negative on women in general or even life (what's it all worth, all women are bad, etc.) which is self-defeating behavior and impedes personal and professional growth. I don't ever get too down on women when I'm abroad, but when I'm back home I'll admit I'm seeing all these red-flags 24-7, sensing the entitlement and lack of femininity etc. and it makes it tough to really take most of these women seriously let alone "date" them.

I just try to take it one day at a time now but also accept women for what they are and try to use the thought processes and effective "checklist" that Jariel has outlined when I approach and interact with women. This helps me to see what value they really add to my life (if any).

I personally don't expect the world of women, they are what they are in many ways, and sh*t happens that's out of your control sometimes, but having basic guidelines of what is acceptable and what is not + an understanding of how the interaction should generally play out is a great start. However, I have let a ton of women go, and sometimes I wonder if I'm being too stringent/picky with the rules I set up but then again they are there for a reason (I'm old enough now that I want to find a good mother of my child).