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100% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
#1
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
THE DELAWARE JOURNAL

100% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020

March 22, 2015 - Throw the old statistics away. A chilling new Telegraph survey of women indicates that--at least in the industrialized world, and despite 'official' statistics from the Department of Justice and the CDC--sexual assault on campus is growing at an explosive rate, such that by 2020 the rate of reported sexual assaults per woman on campus will exceed the actual number of female students.

A recent survey taken by the UK organization YouthSight found that a full 34 percent of female college students have experienced sexual assault or rape on campus. Despite efforts to the contrary, including sexual assault and rape awareness training for students and faculty, this represents a sharp increase from the previously cited 1-in-5 and, more recently, 1-in-4 statistics.

These upward trends lead to an unsettling conclusion - that by no later than 2020, every woman entering college will be sexually assaulted at least once.

"Coupled with the increasing percentage of women attending college, we can safely assume that in a few years, the remaining men attending college will be multiple rapists," said Anne Kurwa, student body representative for the Gender Coalition Initiative at Wesleyan. "We need to find a final and decisive solution to the masculinity problem at our institutions of learning, in order to provide an safe and encouraging learning space for America's young women."

Fiona Geddes-Saxon, Diversity Coordinator at Duke, agrees in principle. "What we should be studying, at least for the remainder of this decade as we pass that awful milestone, is why colleges are encouraging young men to rape," she indicated in a February telephone interview. "What institutional barriers are preventing young men from turning into something other than rapists? Are minority students particularly vulnerable to college rape encouragement? Should we discontinue engineering, science and mathematics courses for male students so as to dissipate rape culture clustering?"

Anne Kurwa, at least, is searching for solutions. "Mandatory criminal sentencing for heterosexual male college students would do wonders to remove and rehabilitate potential rapists before female students were victimized," xhe indicated in a prepared statement on the Gender Coalition's Tumblr page. "Rape is a reality of college life. Let's have a frank discussion here." (Comments are presently disabled.)

Xir strongly progressive stance raised some eyebrows, particularly for those who raised due process concerns. Some went so far as to disagree with her. "While I agree with Kurwa's assessment that many male students on campus will rape, repeatedly and maliciously in college-sanctioned fraternity rape dens, there will inevitaly remain a small minority of campus men who do not actually rape or even sexually assault during the entire course of their university studies," said Phoebe Starfire, formerly representing Women Under Pressure, a Harvard-based victims' advocacy group. "The increasing number of male-identifying feminist allies, some of whom buck modern masculine trends such as participating in gang rapes and sexual assault with foreign objects, indicates that we need to take a more circumspect approach with regards to the eighty or ninety percent of men who inevitably will brutally rape a female college student during college."

Another disagreement cites the disproportionate effect on minority students as well as female-to-male transgender students. "The disproportionate weight of the legal system on minorities in America, and the systematic abuse and assault of transgender Americans, put these disadvantaged groups at greater risk than comparative male white or Asian students,'" said Andrea Taylor-Moore, member of SMARM, Student Minorities Against Rape and Murder at Princeton. "So we would have to limit enforcement to structurally advantaged cisgender whites and Asians in order to ensure systemic equality."

The debate has come to verbal blows. Starfire's views famously clashed with Kurwa, who was kind enough to direct the reporter to an online conversation from 2014 where Starfire expressed concern that some students would inevitably be raped more frequently than others. Starfire's solution was to "teach potential rapists concepts of body equality and acceptance, so that any future rape acts would not be unevenly distributed among lower-BMI women." This, she said, would help mitigate feelings of self-doubt among women who were not raped or sexually assaulted. Kurwa's stated preference to simply prevent cis-identifying males from registering for college before completing obligatory prison sentences clashed with Starfire's proposition that males achieve a minimum of a mandatory associates degree in gender studies at off-campus locations before being permitted onto main campus. Subsequent to this heated discussion, Kurwa declined further discussion on the topic, citing 'being triggered'. (Editor's note: Kurwa also indicated being triggered by providing the link to the conversation to this publication.)

The debate continues to rage on. Mandatory imprisonment for college-aged cisgendered men is the correct solution, according to radical front-line advocates for social change such as Kurwa. Others seek to make allies out of adversaries, and Starfire's profoundly egalitarian views claim to be a voice of reason in the emotionally charged debate about the campus rape epidemic. One thing remains certain - college women will continue to be victimized at exponentially greater rates than decades past. For now, all we can seek are solutions.

* - Editor's note - the publication regrets the previous use of the word 'hysterics' in the previous paragraph.


SEE ALSO - FEMINIST ARTIST DROPS COOKIE DOUGH FROM HER VAGINA IN ART PROJECT

Check out my occasionally updated travel thread - The Wroclaw Gambit II: Dzięki Bogu - as I prepare to emigrate to Poland.
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#2
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
Quote:Quote:

Anne Kurwa

[Image: laugh6.gif]

"Imagine" by HCE | Hitler reacts to Battle of Montreal | An alternative use for squid that has never crossed your mind before
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#3
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
Where did this come from? You should drop the link for attribution.
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#4
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
"half of female undergraduates know someone who has suffered sexual assault or unwanted advances ranging from groping to rape "

1) knowing someone expands the pool
2) Unwanted Advances = Rape
3) undergraduates!

Masterful trolling on the part of The Guardian.

WIA
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#5
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
Whilst the RVF crowd may see this as laughable (which it is) and not worthy of discussion, there are many people who do take this seriously and see to it that efforts are imposed to curb such trends.

The only rape I ever heard about relating to a student at my University was carried out by a Taxi driver on a friday night. A completely different environment from the University.

Instead of "woman being raped" it was "student raped causes scare on campus". The Guardian loves to stir the pot.
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#6
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
Quote: (03-22-2015 09:21 AM)Sp5 Wrote:  

Where did this come from? You should drop the link for attribution.

I actually write this stuff on my own. Here's another one I did awhile ago.

Cincinnati Bengals Unanimously Voted Winners Of 2023 Super Bowl (satire)

edit to original post - touched it up a bit for readability and professionalism

Check out my occasionally updated travel thread - The Wroclaw Gambit II: Dzięki Bogu - as I prepare to emigrate to Poland.
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#7
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
Meanwhile in Rotheram, Rochdale, Oxford, Malmo, all over the world in fact, socially disadvantaged young girls are being exploited, raped, etc.


I am fucking sick of this bullshit rape epidemic crap. These blowhards do nothing about the real rape cultures.


edit: has OP duped me? [Image: lol.gif]
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#8
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
Is this an Onion article?
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#9
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
Updated the title. It's satire. I wrote it myself.

Check out my occasionally updated travel thread - The Wroclaw Gambit II: Dzięki Bogu - as I prepare to emigrate to Poland.
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#10
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
Stop oppressing me.
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#11
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
Reminds me of some of the IowaHawk satires.
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#12
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
This is excellent.

I'm the King of Beijing!
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#13
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
Quote: (03-22-2015 10:32 AM)Suits Wrote:  

This is excellent.

I do my best [Image: wink.gif]

Check out my occasionally updated travel thread - The Wroclaw Gambit II: Dzięki Bogu - as I prepare to emigrate to Poland.
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#14
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
Quote: (03-22-2015 10:32 AM)Suits Wrote:  

This is excellent.

Agreed. It's gold Jerry, gold!
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#15
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
This article is awesome, I'm surprised something like this hasn't been done in The Onion already. Maybe submit it to ROK.

For whatever reason, this section continues to crack me up. Something to do with the idea of every female being assaulted yet continuing to show up to class. [Image: lol.gif]

Quote: (03-22-2015 09:03 AM)aphelion Wrote:  

These upward trends lead to an unsettling conclusion - that by no later than 2020, every woman entering college will be sexually assaulted at least once.
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#16
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
Idly considering writing about sixty of these for an ebook.

Check out my occasionally updated travel thread - The Wroclaw Gambit II: Dzięki Bogu - as I prepare to emigrate to Poland.
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#17
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
New York leading the way.

http://www.registerstar.com/opinion/edit...89636.html

OUR VIEW The battle against sex assaults at
college
Posted: Wednesday, March 25, 2015 12:00 am
Local officials recently announced their support for Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s statewide Enough is
Enough call to combat sexual assault on all New York college campuses.
The state’s public university system in December adopted a new sexual consent policy that requires a
clear, affirmative agreement between partners.
The new initiativewould expand the policy to private colleges.
County Board of Supervisors Minority Leader Billy Hughes and Chairman Patrick Grattan joined
more than 100 elected state officials in support of the campaign.
“There are rising statistics about women being taken advantage of in certain situations,” Hughes
said.“This is an important women’s issue and should have been addressed a long time ago.”
He quoted the often­cited statistic that one in five women are the victim of sexual assault, according
to the Campus Sexual Assault Study, conducted in 2007 for the Justice Department’s National
Institute of Justice.
“Any campus that thinks assault doesn’t happen is just not seeing it being reported,” said Carol
Stenger, director at the Advocacy Center for Sexual Violence at SUNY Albany.
What does it say when 20 percent of women in college can expect to be a victim of a sexual assault
on campus? While it’s sad that Cuomo had to come out with the initiative to protect young women
on campuses, it is an unfortunate necessity.
Alongside Cuomo’s new consent policy is a survivor’s bill of rights and better training for law
enforcement, campus faculty and students.
The bill of rights clearly states that students are given the right to know they can report sexual
assaults to outside law enforcement, including the state police.
A statewide amnesty policy would also be enacted to ensure students reporting incidents of sexual
assault or other sexual violence are granted immunity for minor drug and alcohol infractions.
Sexual assaults on campuses are nothing new — they’ve been going on for decades. What is new is
the long overdue acknowledgment by officials that campus sexual assault is a serious problem. It is
finally getting the attention it deserves, as well as the enactment of regulations to combat it.
No one, male or female, should feel threatened by sexual assault or be afraid to report an assault while at college.
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#18
00% Of Women Will Be Sexually Assaulted On Campus By 2020 (satire)
...A statewide amnesty policy would also be enacted to ensure students reporting incidents of sexual
assault or other sexual violence are granted immunity for minor drug and alcohol infractions...

does anyone see a potential problem here?
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