[kingq]

I'm in the library at my university and this foreign exchange student from Italy starts talking to me... we're having good conversation and then she resumes studying. This entire time my body is shaking. I guess maybe my fight vs flight response acting up. Long story short I get the number.

Another time I'm in class talking to a cutie maybe from Colombia this time, the conversation ends but once again i'm shaking again! Anybody else have this experience???

WTF is wrong with me!?

[Beyond Borders]

It's just anxiety, Man. Don't overthink it. You'll get used to it as you gain more experience with women.

It's no different than getting up to speak on a stage in a speech class. First few times you'll be super nervous and shaking - over time, you'll get used to it and it becomes much easier.

With women, there's the additional factor that your hormones are going crazy.

[Wahawahwah]

I checked your other thread as well, two things that stand out -

1- You're over analyzing and living in your head too much. I mean, there's really no need to develop extensive theories and analogies on whether approaching a certain girl is probably a good idea. It just alludes to the fact that you're living in your head too much to actually ACT on it. Delaying the act of going out to the girl and chatting her up gives one the comfort of delaying the actual approach, and you get comfortable in the safety of the shell of mental masturbation and not really dealing with the approach anxiety, so when a girl actually comes up to you and forces you to deal with the social anxiety your fear and oversensitivity kicks back in again.

P in V. All that counts. That should be all that matters to you at this stage, you'll get better judgement with experience.

2- As a consequence of the above and your own sensitivity to rejection, your body shakes.
The easiest way to desensitize yourself to this oversensitivity is to get rejected a bunch of times.
Go out. Force yourself to approach enough girls, and eventually you will not be as sensitive.

A similar analogy is people with stage fright --- quivering voice, sweaty forehead, shaking limbs.... Its a natural physical reaction to the oversensitivity. But when such people force themselves to go on stage a bunch of times, they get over it (sometimes not completely but enough to function normally).

To borrow a quote off a guy I look up to, "What you're looking for is knowledge to understand, what you really need are the balls to execute."


EDIT -- yeah what BB said.

[vinman]

The other posters covered it pretty well. You care way too much. Game is just that, a game. So what if a chick is feeling you? She should be if you're not physically deformed and confident. You have to learn to relax and just say fuck it. Have fun with it. Practice on every woman you deal with. Grannies in the grocery store, waitresses, receptionists, the check out girl in the grocery store. Keep it casual and don't put too much pressure on yourself.

[kingq]

(03-10-2015 12:03 AM)Sharkie Wrote:  

I checked your other thread as well, two things that stand out -

1- You're over analyzing and living in your head too much. I mean, there's really no need to develop extensive theories and analogies on whether approaching a certain girl is probably a good idea. It just alludes to the fact that you're living in your head too much to actually ACT on it. Delaying the act of going out to the girl and chatting her up gives one the comfort of delaying the actual approach, and you get comfortable in the safety of the shell of mental masturbation and not really dealing with the approach anxiety, so when a girl actually comes up to you and forces you to deal with the social anxiety your fear and oversensitivity kicks back in again.

P in V. All that counts. That should be all that matters to you at this stage, you'll get better judgement with experience.

2- As a consequence of the above and your own sensitivity to rejection, your body shakes.
The easiest way to desensitize yourself to this oversensitivity is to get rejected a bunch of times.
Go out. Force yourself to approach enough girls, and eventually you will not be as sensitive.

A similar analogy is people with stage fright --- quivering voice, sweaty forehead, shaking limbs.... Its a natural physical reaction to the oversensitivity. But when such people force themselves to go on stage a bunch of times, they get over it (sometimes not completely but enough to function normally).

To borrow a quote off a guy I look up to, "What you're looking for is knowledge to understand, what you really need are the balls to execute."


EDIT -- yeah what BB said.

I definitely felt more friendly, approaching, and comfortable after I number closed this girl. I should've done more approaches instead of just this one.

[RoastBeefCurtains4Me]

Learn to view this fight or flight feeling as a rush, because it is. You wouldn't want to get this rush by finding yourself stuck in a combat zone, but when you get it from approaching a woman, revel in it. Feel the rush, and tell yourself you like it, then turn it up to the next notch by going after the hottest chick, and saying something you wouldn't normally say. Do this a few times, and pretty soon you will honestly enjoy the feeling, without having to psych yourself into it.

[Isaac Jordan]

From Roissy's inaugural post, Endless Dating:

Quote:

The primary reason for the psychological unease and emotional instability of so many modern women and to a different extent modern men resides in the irresolvable tension between our ancient biological inheritance and the relatively recent emergence of the high-tech rootless world of unparalleled mate choice we now inhabit.

It would shock most people if they were to be transported back in time to when humans lived in small tribes to see young girls having babies at 14 and again at 14 years and 9.5 months. There are subsistence cultures that behave this way today. The bulk of our pre-history was spent in conditions like this so it is no wonder that our brains are having trouble coping with a radically different environment where childbirth is routinely put off until the mid-30s, if at all, and rejection by a woman no longer means banishment to the icy wastelands of celibate metadeath when a man need merely walk to the other side of a bar to try again.

...

Anthropologically-speaking, it wasn’t so long ago that a man (or his immediate kin) blew his entire wad of hard-earned social and material capital wooing one or two women over the course of his natural lifespan. In a pre-birth control age when the first deflowering blast inside a woman often meant conception followed by years of fatherhood there were limits on just how many female sex partners the average man could accumulate in a lifetime. The rigorous experience of winning over and keeping the best quality woman he could afford and then providing for their kids soon thereafter meant that serial dating was not a typical feature of life. Dating 40 or 50 different women in a year and jumping haphazardly in and out of 3-month mini-relationships is a peculiarity of modern life for which men are not optimized.

...

In the gigantic atomized urban tribe of any big city playing the numbers is not the high risk strategy it once was for our distant male ancestors who were often locked out of any future matings when a pickup attempt went awry and the target or cockblock would run and tell the whole tribe what a loser he is. Today, the proximity of exes has very little impact on potential future conquests.

Your fight or flight instincts kick into gear when you approach an attractive women because your brain views it as a huge risk. It does so because civilization and technology have developed in an evolutionary eye-blink, and the human brain is no where near catching up to modern circumstances.

It's similar to sky diving. While part of you knows, logically, that you're wearing a parachute, with a backup, and that the risk is minimal, your hindbrain doesn't process that knowledge. It's operating just like it would have 50,000 years ago, by sending out the biochemical equivalent of SHIT SHIT SHIT HEIGHTS ARE BAD HOLY FUCK WE'RE GOING TO DIE.

As Roissy so eloquently states above, your brain views romantically approaching a woman as a similar risk. Our ancestors may have spent their entire lives building up the chance to approach a mere handful of women, and as we know, no woman wants another woman's rejects. To risk rejection, back then, was to risk genetic obliteration. Just like your genes have hardwired your brain to fear things like heights, snakes, and spiders, so too did it imbue you with an internal social calculator in order to help you gauge the risks associated with approaching a woman.

The key to solving this is to ignore (or better yet, embrace) the rush, understanding that it is a vestigial reaction to circumstances that no longer exist. It might feel like rejection is the worst thing in the world, but after enough approaches you'll start to realize that's not the case, and over time your approach anxiety will diminish.