Having a natural conversation versus a scripted conversation on a first date
02-25-2015, 09:02 PM
It seems that in some of the pickup material I’ve read, they have a scripted style of having a conversation on a first date. They mention certain topics that you should cover on a first date. My friend, however, told me about a completely different approach (the way he handles conversation).
My friend said that a conversation should flow naturally. When you first meet the woman, you start from small talk, like “how was your day?”, and you progress forward based on what you initially talk about. You pick up on cues and everything you say should be connected. You don’t just go off of a list and ask one question and when you get an answer, move on to something else. For example, he said you can start off with how was your day? Then she says it was boring. Then you ask her what she did. Then she says she just worked all day and didn’t do anything fun. Then you ask her where she works. She tells you where she works. You ask her what she does and if she likes her job. She tells you what she does and she says her job is boring. Then you tell her about your job and you say your job is also boring but the people who you work with are really laid back and fun to be around, yet they still work hard and get stuff done etc. Then when there is a lull in the conversation, you avoid an awkward silence by bringing up another topic that’s not necessarily connected to what you were just talking about. For instance, you’d ask her what she does for fun and she’d tell you and then you’d ask her about the hobbies she mentioned.
He said that there is no standard definition of what you talk about on a date. He said that sometimes first dates with different women can be completely different in terms of what you talk about. Sometimes, by the end of the date, you might not even know what she does for work or anything about her family because the conversation didn’t flow into those topics. For some women, those topics might come up, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing if you don’t find out what she does for work on a first date, for example. He said a first date shouldn’t be like an interview and you should just see where the initial small talk takes you.
Is this the proper way to approach conversations on a first date? Should I not worry about covering specific things and just move the conversation forward based on what we talk about initially? Or are there specific things that I should definitely cover by the end of the first date?
My friend said that a conversation should flow naturally. When you first meet the woman, you start from small talk, like “how was your day?”, and you progress forward based on what you initially talk about. You pick up on cues and everything you say should be connected. You don’t just go off of a list and ask one question and when you get an answer, move on to something else. For example, he said you can start off with how was your day? Then she says it was boring. Then you ask her what she did. Then she says she just worked all day and didn’t do anything fun. Then you ask her where she works. She tells you where she works. You ask her what she does and if she likes her job. She tells you what she does and she says her job is boring. Then you tell her about your job and you say your job is also boring but the people who you work with are really laid back and fun to be around, yet they still work hard and get stuff done etc. Then when there is a lull in the conversation, you avoid an awkward silence by bringing up another topic that’s not necessarily connected to what you were just talking about. For instance, you’d ask her what she does for fun and she’d tell you and then you’d ask her about the hobbies she mentioned.
He said that there is no standard definition of what you talk about on a date. He said that sometimes first dates with different women can be completely different in terms of what you talk about. Sometimes, by the end of the date, you might not even know what she does for work or anything about her family because the conversation didn’t flow into those topics. For some women, those topics might come up, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing if you don’t find out what she does for work on a first date, for example. He said a first date shouldn’t be like an interview and you should just see where the initial small talk takes you.
Is this the proper way to approach conversations on a first date? Should I not worry about covering specific things and just move the conversation forward based on what we talk about initially? Or are there specific things that I should definitely cover by the end of the first date?
