[Redwood]

http://wundergroundmusic.com/guy-wearing...everybody/

Quote:

A young man who was spotted wearing sunglasses in a dark nightclub has been hailed as “cool” by witnesses.

Sam Coleman, a 20 year old college student, had been at the nightclub with friends when he remembered he had some sunglasses in his pocket from wearing them to the beach earlier that day. “I decided to put them on,” Sam explained. “The effect from those around me was instantaneous. One guy spotted me and dropped his drink while a girl who’d been half paying attention to the conversation I was having with her suddenly went red in the face and squeezed my crotch. I slept with her and her best friend later that night. All thanks to wearing sunglasses indoors.”

“When he walked in it was like he had a halo around him, an aura that seemed to scream, ‘Look at this beacon of easy coolness and bask in its warmth,'” asserted one eyewitness. “I’m not gay but I would totally have fucked him that night, easily.”

David Hailey, another eyewitness, who himself was trying to affect an air of unruffled coolness by leaning against a wall with one foot and wearing a leather jacket, also had a strong response to Sam’s wearing sunglasses indoors. “When he walked in he grabbed my attention immediately. I couldn’t take my eyes off the sunglasses. I was engrossed, it had that affect,” explained David. “Finally when I shook myself out of rapt attention I stubbed out my cigarette and slunk out the back entrance to go home and re-think my life. I knew no matter what I was wearing or whatever I said that I just couldn’t compare to that level of coolness. Since that night I haven’t been able to wash or feed myself. I have even contemplated suicide because my cool opinion of myself was so shaken by Sam wearing those sunglasses indoors like it was nothing.”

Sam Coleman explained his reasoning behind wearing the sunglasses. “I’d had an awkward couple of months and I wasn’t feeling exactly cool. I had recently admitted to a group of friends and acquaintances at a party that I didn’t trust black people and that I believed that the Holocaust was a Jewish conspiracy,” explained Sam. “I was immediately asked to leave the party and most of my friends have ostracised me publicly by daubing the word ‘Nazi’ in human shit on my car.”

Jennifer Smith, one friend of Sam’s who had been present when he made the racist remarks and again when he wore the sunglasses, explained her reaction. “Well when Sam first spouted his racist and xenophobic remarks I thought ‘Wow, this guy is a bigot and I don’t want to have anything to do with him’,” offered Jennifer. “But when he wore sunglasses indoors my opinion of him completely changed. I thought to myself “How could anyone who looks so effortlessly cool be a bad person? I totally forgave him and even thought that maybe I’ve been hard on him and I need to rethink my opinion of black and Jewish people.”

“It was a great success,” admitted Sam. “I couldn’t see two feet in front of me and walked into a couple of walls but it’s worth it. For my next attempt at coolness I’m thinking of combining the sunglasses with a scarf or maybe even a tie. We’ll see.”

The art of peacocking revealed here.

[funkyzeit]

Thanks man, that solidified my decision to melt my raybans to my eyes.

[void]

I chuckled.

[AntiTrace]

Sometimes I get confused if someone can tell if an article is satire and is posting it as an attempt at dead-pan humor or if they actually can't tell the article is satire and instead takes it for truth.

[Sourcecode]

There was a time when I had and accident and was really light sensitive I wasn't gonna wear those shitty film glasses so I wore a pair of dark waywarers to bars and clubs..
People thought I was famous... And would take pictures with me.
In reality.. All the flashing lights in clubs pretty much blinded me.


I think this article is a joke..
But if you wear sunglasses in the club and look like you're having a good time.. People will think you are famous or on drugs

[britchard]

Not sure if the poster realises the article is a satire piece or whether he thinks it's genuine. Has anyone tried this?

[mastauser]

In my country people would just think you are on MDMA.

[Sourcecode]

Yes.. The articles is satire

[jariel]

The Art of Satire.

[Beau]

Last spring break a group of us went to Hilton Head, SC and during the days we'd have little team challenges (beach football, cornhole, putt-putt, etc.) with the winning team stipulating something the losing team had to do all night. We lost putt-putt and had to wear sunglasses all night inside/outside didn't matter. So by the end of the night, those of us on the losing team were chatting up all the pretty little ladies who were interested in this small group of guys with sunglasses on. Needless to say we were all pleased with the challenge.

[Kieran]

I laughed at the leather jacket line.

But yeah, a lot of people wear them here at raves when taking E's / MDMA. Kind of enhances the experience. I've also hallucinated and started seeing sunglasses on everybody around me, which is apparently quite common, and caused by black-light.